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It’s back! CHIKARMY Insider survived the transition, nearly getting cancelled. Thankfully, Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared, Action, That 80’s Show, Wonder Falls, Fast Lane, Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Skin, Girl’s Club, Cracking Up, The Pitts, Get Real, Freaky Links, Kevin Ford’s Sex Life, Wanda At Large, Costello, The Lone Gunman, A Minute with Stan Hooper, Normal Ohio, Pasadena, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddy, Hogan Knows Cusson, The Street, American Embassy, Cedric The Entertainer, The Tick, Louie, and Greg The Bunny were all cancelled…so there was room on the schedule! YAY! This week, I run down results from Young Lions Cup VIII Weekend. You can find a little more detailed results RIGHT HERE. After you’re done with that, I run down the September shows announced matches so far, featuring the American debut of Japanese legend Manami Toyota. So what’d you do while I was away? What!? YOU READ KEVIN FORD’S COLUMN!?!? YOU TRAITOROUS, BACK-STABBING VONDRUKE!!!!!
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The New Young Lions Cup Champion is…
Frightmare! After beating his flabby foe Brendan Michael *fart sound* and surviving the Night 1 Eliminator, the tenacious young man met the Bruderschaft’s Lince Dorado in the Finals on Night 3. Dorado’s road was somewhat treacherous, as he had to face a replacement opponent in Greg Iron and face Ophidian as the final two men in the Night 2 Eliminator. He survived and found himself against Frightmare with a huge advantage: BDK referee Derek Sabato was the official referee. However, during the course of the contest, Sabato was accidentally taken out, and Senior Official Bryce Remsburg ran at the speed of referee to replace him! One well-timed hurricanrana later and Frightmare was the 14th Young Lions Cup holder! While he did not go home with the Cup, the mysterious Obariyon dominated the field in a manner not seen since…Vökoder, who also made a surprise appearance. Obariyon defeated his opening round opponent, two Eliminator opponents and a Night 3 foe all using the same move, simply described as a Flying DDT. Keita Yano looked impressive as well, but he ended up breaking the arm of Green Ant in a fairly meaningless Night 3 contest. Green Ant is out for the rest of the season and Yano is clearly not a man to play around with. The House of Truth issued open challenges on Nights 2 & 3, and would lose both, putting their victorious opponents in very different situations. After losing on Night 1 to Death Haze thanks to a certain BDK ref, Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw’s victory over Christian Abel & Josh Raymond put them back to one point. However, 3.0 came in with wins over F.I.S.T. & the Super Smash Brothers, so their victory gave them three points and a future title shot (see below). Finally, and perhaps most bizarrely, a man named Wink Vavasseur was passing out business cards that claimed he was the Executive Auditor of the Board of Directors. Yeah. Once again, if you want the full results, READ HERE. They were painstakingly arranged for you to study and stuff.
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Johnny Gargano Owns “The Golden Opportunity”!
Johnny Gargano was also a big winner on YLC weekend, winning The Countdown Showdown, Chikara’s biggest over the top rope battle royal yet. 30 competitors, including Mike Quackenbush, Claudio Castagnoli & UltraMantis Black, entered at 30 second intervals and it lasted until one man remained: Mr. Gargoochi. It was a match filled with hilarious highlights. The UnStable eliminated Cheech & The Osirian Portal simultaneously, showing great unity. Colin Delaney would later eliminate STIGMA as he was about to eliminated Colin’s brother…showing poor unity. Grizzly Redwood made good on his promise to get some revenge on former partner Brodie Lee, eliminating him from the competition very early on. Pinkie Sanchez came out and thirty seconds later was met by the aforementioned Vökoder. Pinkie was horrified and the two men eliminated themselves as Vökoder chased Sanchez out of the building. Eddie Kingston ran in and was immediately ganged up on by the Bruderschaft. He managed to get rid of Delirious, Sara Del Rey, Daizee Haze & Jervis Cottonbelly all on his own before getting eliminated from behind by Claudio. Gargano came in at number 30 eliminating Equinox & Dasher Hatfield. 3.0 managed to get rid of Claudio, but he snuck back in and dumped Matthews illegally and Gargano followed by eliminating Jagged, winning the whole she-bang and claiming the as-of-yet unexplained “Golden Opportunity”. I’m betting it involves……GOLD!
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The Dark Ciberknetico Takes Shape!
As it becomes more and more clear that the Bruderschaft des Kreuzes will be on one side of Chikara’s annual Cibernetico match, the members volunteering to oppose them continues to grow. “The time has come to stand shoulder to shoulder,” UltraMantis Black stated on the Chikara Blog. He would continue, “A Cibernetico has emerged on our horizon. A Dark Ciberknetico. At the Cibernetico, I will lead the charge. But I will need 7 warriors to stand beside me. An army without borders. An army fighting not for glory, fame, or gold. An army that will only declare victory when we have finally liberated CHIKARA itself. And so I aim this call to arms at a select few. To those who – I know – this BDK infiltration strikes at the very hearts of. To those who built CHIKARA. To those who have fought, fallen, and risen up to fight again – month after month and year after year. To those warriors of CHIKARA’s original generation. No more egos, no more factions, and no more division. We must unite.” Utilizing the Chikara Blog, volunteers have tossed their names into the hat. Mike Quackenbush was the first man to stand up, stating, “I don’t trust you, Mantis, but maybe that doesn’t really matter anymore. We’re past the point of assigning blame and petty differences. Count me in for Easton. I’ve got your back.” Eddie Kingston was next: “I don’t care about you or your crusade, Mantis. But CHIKARA…it’s a different story. A company built on my sweat? That’s something real. Me? I don’t need an excuse. I want Claudio in the ring, no distractions, no excuses. And if I have to cut down every single one of his goons to get to him, I will. Just watch. And everyone else coming for the fight in Easton – we might be teammates at the Cibernetico, but stay out of my way.” The most recent soldier to enlist was Jigsaw, citing his partner Quackenbush as reason. He ended his blog with a call to the Chikara Originals, both rudo & tecnico. “It’s time for us to stand up and shut ’em down,” he wrote, “To the guys that have been here since day one – the guys that helped build this company into what it is today – I say we follow Quack’s lead and put our grudges aside to end the war the BDK has brought.”
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For the longest time, it seemed as if Jagged & Shane Matthews would always be the guys that made the fans smile, even if it was in taking a loss. With Jagged making the sarcastic quips and Matthews acting as the vociferous, excitable big man, they were a live action episode of “Ren & Stimpy” whenever they set foot in the ring…with nifty tag moves. However, they got tired of losing, so they did what every self-respecting tag team would: they started wearing denim, pretended to be twin brother bikers and called themselves the Badd Boyz. We’ve all heard this yarn before. They had some success (certainly more than they had as 2.0) but they ultimately decided to make another change after a match was made that pit 2.0 against The Badds. Watch What Happened! After getting a huge tag win over F.I.S.T., Jagged took to the Chikara Blog to drum up support: “So CHIKARA fans pack your bags, grab your tickets, all aboard The Canadian Freight Train, hold on tight cause it’s gonna be one heck of a ride. Next stop, THE PROMISED LAND! CHOO-CHOO!” Unlike many of their previously unfulfilled boasts, they made good! On Young Lions Cup weekend, they defeated both The Super Smash Brothers & The House of Truth, two semi-regular tag teams in indy haven Ring of Honor, and in doing so secured themselves three points for the first time in their careers. They had blown the Conch Shell of Validation and are now slated to face Claudio Castagnoli & Ares for the Campeonatos de Parejas. The odds will be more against 3.0 than ever, but it seems that the boys perform best as the doubts get louder. Booya.
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Before his brief appearance in The Countdown Showdown at YLCVIII: Night 3, Brodie Lee’s last visit to Chikara was in April at King of Trios: Night 2 where he defeated former partner Grizzly Redwood. Having made only five total appearances in Chikara this year, “Big Rig” has resorted to making an impact in other high profile promotions, DGUSA & EVOLVE. Much like Brodie, Helios has been spending a lot of his time in those promotions, and like Brodie, he’s had mixed results. Brodie is coming off being eliminated from The Countdown while Helios was last seen in June eating a Pop-Up Uppercut from Claudio Castagnoli and losing to the Bruderschaft in a match for the Campeonatos de Parejas. Both men could use a victory both for emotional purposes and also to regain the hype that surrounded them in years past. Helios and his arsenal of high-flying attacks will meet Brodie, Brodie’s boot, and a smorgasbord of deadlift suplexes. One man will rise back to the top, one man will stay down in the cellar.
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Much like his regular tag partner, Jimmy “Equinox” Olsen has had a rough year. Lince Dorado turned on him to start off the season, he lost two consecutive singles matches against the BDK, was eliminated early from King of Trios, destroyed by Claudio & Ares in the tag title match, and pummeled by SHINGO in a high-profile match, pushing his singles record to 0-3 on the year. Two years ago, he was the La Lotería Letal and Cibernetico champion. Last year, he spent a large part of it as Young Lions Cup champion. This year…bupkis. As the year comes to a close, Jimmy Olsen will find himself with less and less opportunities to turns things around. Since emerging as an entity of the BDK, Delirious has been a useful ally, but not a strong singles competitor. Losing matches to Eddie Kingston & UltraMantis Black might have irked his handler Ares if he was not so adept at picking apart opponents pre-match in the BDK’s tag title matches. Much like Brodie vs. Helios, this is a sink or swim affair.
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Normally, I would be super excited about the prospect of “The Last of a Dying Breed” Eddie Kingston facing the Bruderschaft’s most paranoid member, Pinkie Sanchez. The idea of “Pink Ant” trying to use his derriere as a weapon while Kingston’s only goal is to rip his head from his torso is quite an intoxicating concept. However, where there’s Eddie Kingston and a member of the BDK…there’s several more members of the BDK. Kingston has lost every match he’s had against the BDK with the exception of Delirious. He lost to Tursas thanks to Claudio, Dorado thanks to blatant cheating, and only beat Dreamer by disqualification because the BDK targeted Dreamer, too. They teamed up, and Eddie lost once again. During The Countdown Showdown at YLCVIII: Night 3, Eddie came out and eliminated a third of the BDK all by himself, but Claudio was there once again to spoil his opportunity. If Sanchez is alone, bet on King. But if he shows up with Tursas or Delirious in tow, it’s advantage Sanchez. However, in the event that a certain cyborg shows up to further torment Mr. Pink Ant…well…who the hell knows?
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Widely regarded as one of, if not the, greatest female wrestlers of all time, Manami Toyota will be making her debut in the United States on September 18th in Baltimore. She started her career at age 16, quickly working her way up the ranks of Japanese women’s wrestling. After only two years, she became the champion of All Japan Women’s Pro-Wrestling. She would spend her career as the face of a generation of joshi stars who changed the landscape women’s wrestling, battling rivals Kyoko Inoue & Aja Kong to rave reviews. She is lauded by Dave Meltzer as one of the best ever, having had ten matches receiving a perfect rating, two of which were named the Wrestling Observer Newsletter Matches of the Year in 1993 & 1995. She is still the only female wrestler to be named the WON Most Outstanding Wrestler in any year and is one of only a handful of female wrestlers to get voted in their Hall of Fame. She supposedly hand-picked her opponents for the weekend’s shows, so Daizee Haze should feel a profusion of emotions, mostly involving reverence and fear. However, Haze has grown quite confident in herself ever since she joined the Bruderschaft, so if there’s anyone doubting that Daizee can get the job down, it’s not her.
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In her second match on American soil, Manami Toyota will team with Mike Quackenbush in a Main Event Tag Match that will see Toyota oppose one of the best female wrestlers in the US, Sara Del Rey, and Quackenbush oppose perhaps his greatest rival, Claudio Castagnoli. Toyota & Del Rey have cross paths before, but that was five years ago. Del Rey has grown from a strong technician to a deadly striker, incorporating multiple styles into her arsenal. Toyota, legendary for not only the suplexes she’s thrown but the ones she’s taken as well, at as she approaches 40, she will be pushed to her limit by the young, hungry Del Rey. When it comes to Quack & Claudio, hype is frosting on a well-established cake. Their matches together are widely praised, but rarely did they come from a place of hatred. Castagnoli’s BDK threatens everything Quackenbush has helped build in Chikara. With every win, every cheap finish, the Bruderschaft lowers Chikara pro as a whole. For the first time since March, Quack will get his hands on Claudio in a match. For the first time ever, Toyota tags in the States. It’s gonna be explosive.
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Like a lot of the Chikara Roster, The Osirian Portal has suffered this year at the hands of the BDK. Unlike everyone else, they are involved in two full-fledged fights. Amasis & Ophidian will take a break from fighting The UnStable to take on two members of the BDK that know each other very well: Daizee Haze & Delirious. For a long time, the relationship between Haze and “The Bizarre One” has been, well…bizarre. All across the American independents, Delirious & Daizee have acted as cheerleaders for each other, working as occasional managers and tag partners. Nowadays, there are very few people that can be called a real friend to Delirious. One could assume that Daizee is the only true friend Delirious has as, thanks to the Eye of Tyr, Ares acts more as an owner than a genuine companion. So how will Delirious react if he sees Daizee take a kick from Ophidian or an elbow from Amasis? Having been forced to sever his friendships with Hallowicked & UltraMantis Black, will we see an even more deranged side of Delirious if his one last remaining friend is in trouble?
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Thanks in no small part to Eddie Kingston, Da Soul Touchaz became the first trio to defeat the team of Claudio Castagnoli, Ares & Tursas, the 2010 King of Trios winners. Back in June, Kingston provided a distraction that allowed Acid Jaz to pin Claudio for the shocking three count. Now Jaz is back with partners Marshe Rockett & Willie “Da Bomb” Richardson to take on another BDK trio: Tim Donst, Lince Dorado & Tursas. For the Soul Touchaz, this is a chance to not only prove that they don’t need a helping hand from “The Last of a Dying Breed” to get the job done against the BDK and a chance to prove that they belong in the upper echelon of independent wrestling units. This year, Jaz, Rockett & Willie had to go through the Jack of All Trios to get there. There were ultimately upset in the tourney and the world was denied the Soul Touchaz in King of Trios. With a win here, they would be undefeated in Chikara this year and it may earn them a true bid into next year’s tourney. For the Bruderschaft, it’s a chance to simultaneously avenge one of their most embarrassing losses and deny a victory to one of the fan favorite teams of the Chikaraverse.
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The Future is Now and The UnStable have a long history with one another that had been on hold for quite some time. The last time the two sides met in a full unit conflict was “Face with a View” at the end of 2008. TFIN was victorious in the main event, but the two sides have gone under some changes since that time. The UnStable, while still Vin Gerard, Colin Delaney & STIGMA, have been battling The Osirian Portal as well as a potential fiction-to-reality situation. Gerard & STIGMA had shown dissatisfaction with Delaney, only to reveal that they were playing games. But with Colin recently showing compassion towards his brother, TFIN member Equinox, and eliminated STIGMA from The Countdown Showdown. Could their fictional frustration be birthing real animosity? As for TFIN, Dorado has been replaced by Chikara veteran Jigsaw alongside Helios and the aforementioned Jimmy “Equinox” Olsen. While not yet as successful as the previous incarnation they are, on paper, a stronger squad, especially when matched up with The UnStable. Jigsaw holds singles victories over both STIGMA & Vin Gerard, nobody knows Gerard & Delaney better than Jimmy Olsen, and in their last match back in 2008, it was Helios who got the pinfall for his team. Advantage: The Future is Now.
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Trim the beard a little bit. Get him to the gym three times a day for a year. Tan him. Add about six inches to his frame. Apply these traits to Ares and you’d have a pretty convincing-looking Claudio Castagnoli. That’s the mindset of Eddie Kingston when it comes to his opponent in Chikara’s New York debut. Kingston dislikes the BDK for stomping in his yard, but make no mistake: his seething rage is aimed squarely on Claudio. He’s tossed around Dorado, chopped Tursas & beaten Delirious. The night before this match, he gets to manhandle Pinkie Sanchez. But it’s Claudio that Kingston wants, and this is the closest he’s been able to come since the BDK dominated at the season premiere. Claudio ran from him at Chikarasaurus Rex and blindsided him at YLCVIII: Night 3. Beating up Pinkie Sanchez doesn’t send much of a message. Pinkie is, at best, a pawn. But Ares…he’s the King. He barks his orders and takes little punishment thanks to Claudio, Delirious & Tursas. But there’s no running when it’s one-on-one. So when Kingston is standing in front of Ares, he’s gotta pretend it’s Claudio and show him what he’d do if he got his hands on him. Kingston will make Castagnoli pay through his partner and longtime friend…and with Claudio in the main event of the same show…he won’t be able to stop Kingston from unleashing hell.
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– Please leave any comments or questions you might have and I’ll do my best to respond with as much colloquial Irish gossip as I can conjure. I’d like to do a contest or something cool like that, but I’m not sure how much interest there’d be. Let you voice be heard! Also, let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see in the column, like fantasy booking, treasure hunts, wish-lists, secret handshakes, etc.
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