This week: The Road To Wrestlemania heats up, as The Rock returns to Raw, with a promo that encourages everybody else in wrestling to take note. A valuable lesson in building interest, creating tension and getting a group of people to chant literally the first thing that pops into your head whilst wandering around catering for five minutes. By the way, how long until “Trending Worldwide” starts trending worldwide? Plus, the NXT 1th Anniversary Show, Punk and Jericho get down to business, Eve tells it like it is, battle of the GMs, Kane on the warpath and stop me if you’ve heard this one but Drew gets fired, for reals this time, honest.
RAW SUPERSHOW
– CM Punk came out to a big reaction, scheduled to face Daniel Bryan in a rematch from Smackdown. Instead, Chris Jericho came out. Jericho said what he had to say was more important than the match. He complimented Punk, but said he wasn’t as good as him and he wasn’t the best in the world. Jericho claimed he never had to say he was the best in the world, people said it for him. He said he was a dying breed of performer who toured the world and became stars before even getting to WWE. And he developed a bad attitude because of it, but he didn’t give a damn. Jericho said Punk was just like him. But that was because he was a Chris Jericho wannabe. Punk cut Jericho off. He said everyone knew Jericho was good. Punk said he’d fought for everything he’d earned. He asked if Jericho invented Bret Hart calling himself the best and if he invented Canada. Jericho called him smarmy and said he’d better take him seriously, because he was a different level. Jericho bragged about his accomplishments. People chanted for Punk. Punk asked who Jericho was trying to prove he was the best to. He called him jealous, because Punk surpassed him and became “the man”. Punk said Jericho chose to be a rockstar and a dancer, while Punk was born to be a wrestler. Jericho said all he thought about during that time was Punk for ripping him off. He said everything he’d done since coming back was window dressing and he came back purely to embarrass Punk at Wrestlemania, win the WWE Title and prove he was the best. Punk said they didn’t need pyro or fancy entrances and screw the jacket, all they needed was them, in a ring, to prove who was the best. Punk said it wouldn’t be the end of the world, it would be the end of Jericho’s.
– Daniel Bryan d. CM Punk by DQ in 6:40. Bryan showed up with Laurinaitis, Otunga and AJ. Best entourage ever. Laurinaitis distracted Punk, allowing Bryan to get the jump on Punk before the match, but Punk was able to fight him off. Laurinaitis did commentary, as did Teddy Long, who had Santino with him. Punk backdropped Bryan outside and went for a dive, but Bryan feigned a knee injury and AJ protected him. Which allowed Bryan to attack Punk and send him to the steps. They did the double superplex from last week, but both kicked out this time. Punk hit the big elbow and went for the GTS, but Otunga caused a distraction. Bryan tried to capitalise with the Labell Lock but Punk escaped and a double clothesline knocked both down. Santino took out Otunga with the Cobra, Laurinaitis pulled Santino off the apron and everyone argued. Bryan tried to escape with the belt, but Sheamus threw him back in, allowing Punk to hit the GTS. But Laurinaitis refused to let the referee count due to the interference and called for a DQ. Teddy shoved Johnny down and the GMs were ready to fight. Meanwhile, Jericho (sans jacket) attacked Punk on the stage and put him in the Walls. Jericho posed with the belt with Punk hurt. Just like Smackdown, this was all done well and Punk and Bryan will have their day somewhere down the line. They gave an update on Punk, with Josh saying he was more angry than hurt when taken to the trainer’s room.
– They showed a highlight video of HHH and Undertaker’s match last year, with various talking heads. This was great.
– Kelly Kelly d. Nikki Bella in 1:30. Brie got on the apron to check on Nikki, but Kelly took her out. Nikki then tried to capitalise with a rollup, but Kelly reversed and bridged for the win.
– John Cena d. The Miz by submission in 4:04. Mixed reaction for Cena. Miz cut a promo about how hard he’d worked over the past year, but he didn’t have a Wrestlemania match yet. He promised to prove he was Wrestlemania worthy, by beating Cena like he did last year. Cena dominated and went for the AA early, but Miz cut Cena off. Miz got a nearfall with his kneeling DDT. But Cena ultimately fought back and won decisively with the STF. They cut to Rock watching backstage and he did the You Can’t See Me gesture.
– WWE Tag Team Championship Triple Threat Match: Primo and Epico (c) d. Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger and Kofi Kingston and R-Truth (Epico pinned Swagger) in 5:07 to retain the titles. I actually thought this would be the Wrestlemania match. Evidently not. One man from each team was legal in the match. Kofi ran wild early. The heel teams eventually conspired to work together against R-Truth, while preventing each other from getting the pin of course. Truth hit a DDT and flatliner on Primo and Ziggler. Epico and Swagger then got into a shoving match, allowing Kofi to get the tag. In the end, as everything broke down, Swagger got the ankle lock on Epico, Kofi hit Trouble In Paradise, Primo followed up with a Backstabber and took Kofi out to allow Epico to score the pin. Kane then came out and killed everybody to completely ruin this.
– Laurinaitis and Otunga were speaking about the Oscars backstage. Teddy showed up and Johnny got mad. Teddy said there was a rumour Johnny wouldn’t be running things next week. Johnny said there was a rumour Teddy would be fired. Teddy called him a horse’s ass.
– Eve came out. She still has her theme music, which sadly probably won’t last much longer now she’s a heel. The crowd chanted Hoeski at her. Eve explained she was a woman in a man’s world and there’s not a man in this world who wouldn’t love to be used by her. Guilty. Eve said it wasn’t her fault men couldn’t resist her beauty. She tried to make out like this was a hardship, that men fall for her. She told men, presumably all men, to blame themselves for their weaknesses. Then she blew a kiss and walked out. And her music played. Great stuff.
– Eve ran into Kelly backstage. Kelly asked what had gotten into her. Eve laughed at her and walked off. Alicia showed up, purely to look disapprovingly with Kelly.
– Big Show and Sheamus d. Mark Henry and Cody Rhodes (Sheamus pinned Henry) in 1:01. Cody introduced another “Another Embarrassing Big Show Wrestlemania Moment” before the match, this time Floyd Mayweather beating Big Show. Cody then neglected to start the match with Big Show, tagging Henry in immediately. Big Show quickly destroyed Henry and chased Cody, who decided to leave. So Sheamus tagged in and hit the Brogue Kick.
– The Rock came out for his big promo. Big reaction, obviously. Rock waited for some quiet and showed that he had goosebumps. Eventually, he talked about being born and created in WWE. He said when he said he was never going away, he meant it, but someone had to take it literally. Rock said he loved WWE. He said it would always be a part of him. Rock said he used to think Cena was a phony. But now, he didn’t think he was a phony, or a bad guy, he was a “kung pao bitch”. He made a kung pao chicken reference before this, or something. I missed that first time, which made this insult very strange. Anywhere, there’s Rock’s next t-shirt slogan. The fans dutifully chanted kung pao bitch. This made Rock emotional. Rock said he grew up in the business and was taught the only person who fights for you is you. He said he was fine for Cena fighting for the people in the back, because he’d be fighting for the people. Everyone chanted kung pao bitch again. Rock said it was trending on Twitter. Everyone cheered. Rock talked about loving to entertain. Then he got everyone to chant Fruity Pebbles. Then he got them to chant Lady Parts. There was a point in here somewhere, I’m sure of it. Rock said the most innovative Cena had done all year was change his jean shorts to camouflage. Then everyone chanted missing balls.
– Eventually, Cena interrupted. Not a moment too soon. Cena said this was perfect Rock, doing his shtick. Cena said he was right, he was the guy who ran Rock down when he wasn’t here. But, he’d always run him down when he was here. Cena said he used to love Rock too, until he met Dwayne Johnson. He called him an egotistical, see through son of a bitch. Cena said he didn’t notes for his promo on his wrist. Which Rock did indeed have written on his wrist. Cena said at Wrestlemania, he’d be eyeing up Dwayne Johnson and he didn’t like Dwayne Johnson. He promised to beat the hell out of him at Wrestlemania and left, telling Rock to “carry on trending”. Rock criticised Cena for running his mouth and leaving before he could slap him. He said The Rock and Dwayne Johnson were the exact same man. He promised to kick Cena’s candy ass at Wrestlemania and that was that. This took forever to get where it got. But a pretty great Raw overall, everything moving in the right direction.
NXT
– Titus O’Neil and Darren Young d. Alex Riley and Percy Watson (Young pinned Percy) in 5:27. Riley started strong, but was dropkicked off the top rope by Darren. Darren and Titus dominated for a while, before Percy got a blind tag and went on the attack on Young. But a distraction from Titus allowed Young to hit the Double Knee Gutbuster. Titus cut a promo afterwards on Percy, saying he’d get another match with him next week and he’d better be better than he ever has, or he’d be a loser again.
– Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn and Justin Gabriel were all in the ring in chairs. Derrick Bateman came out for his match, confused by this. They told Bateman there was no match, this was an intervention. They tried to convince Derrick that Maxine was evil. Crowd got restless. Kaitlyn showed a goofy video of Maxine being a bitch to Bateman. Bateman said he didn’t want to die alone and “I guess we’re in love I mean whatever”. He told Kaitlyn to show him what love was and Kaitlyn kissed Bateman. Hooray! Maxine ran out and got into a scrap with Kaitlyn. They were separated and Maxine broke free to slap Bateman around, before storming off.
– Tyson ran into Natalya backstage. She said Tyson was a Hart no matter what anyone said. McGillicutty showed up and said the only reason a Hart would talk to Tyson is because they felt sorry for him.
– Michael McGillicutty d. Tyson Kidd in 6:25. The crowd got into Tyson, due to his wrestling ability. Go figure. McGillicutty crotched Kidd on the top rope to gain the advantage. Kidd regrouped and after blocking a suplex, hit a Merosault for a close fall. McGillicutty then fought off the Sharpshooter and won with the dreaded swinging neckbreaker. Wrong man won, but a decent match. Kidd has been great the past few weeks.
– Backstage, Maxine was on the warpath. Aksana tried to calm her down. Maxine accused her of being in on this situation too and warned anyone who crossed her would regret it. Maxine stormed off.
– Striker came out. He said it was the one year anniversary of NXT. They’d gone through 6 ring announcers, a dozen announce pairings and about 30 new superstars. He said through the ridiculous challenges and never ending seasons, there’d only been one host. What about Maryse? Striker said he had a passion for WWE. He said NXT was supposed to be show about the crop of unseen talent, but lately it hadn’t been about that. Striker admitted fault. Hawkins and Reks interrupted him. They brought out chairs and popcorn wanting to hear Striker’s announcement. They argued. Which seemed to amuse Josh. Striker admitted he didn’t have the experience of Teddy Long or John Laurinaitis, and although Striker would still be the host, William Regal would be making the matches from now on. Regal said he looked forward to creating some exciting matches. He said he had a special match for Hawkins and Reks next week and the new NXT had just begun. Hawkins and Reks weren’t happy.
– Kaitlyn d. Maxine in 3:22. Bateman and Dirty Curty did commentary. Curtis promised things would get weird. Curtis rubbed lotion on his chest for no particular reason, except, you know, it would be weird. Maxine came out mad and it turned into a fight early. Regal made it clear he was open to bribes. Curtis continued rubbing himself. Some inspired creepiness from Curtis here. This was all something else. In the ring, Maxine hit a Bubba Bomb and turned it into a pin. Maxine took her frustrations out on Bateman and Curtis, then got in Regal’s face and congratulated Regal on his new job, saying she looked forward to working “closely” with him.
SUPERSTARS
– Santino Marella d. Curt Hawkins in 6:31. Santino went for the Cobra immediately and Hawkins bailed. Hawkins evaded Santino’s Marella Martial Arts. Crowd chanted for the Cobra, so Santino went for it again and chased Hawkins off again. Santino actually out wrestled Hawkins for a while. Hawkins eventually put a stop to Santino’s fun and tried to take control. But Santino kept fighting and despite a distraction from Reks cutting his attempted fight back off, Santino scored a rollup out of nowhere to get the win. Fans loved them some Santino here.
– Beth Phoenix d. Alicia Fox in 2:38. Alicia fought off the Glam Slam early. And she had Beth in trouble briefly. But Beth avoided the scissors kick to hit the Glam Slam.
– Great Khali d. Jinder Mahal in 2:37. This was short. Which is the key here. Jinder was actually able to hit a DDT on Khali and had the giant at his mercy. It didn’t last. Khali won with the chop. And, I can’t stress this enough, this was short.
SMACKDOWN
– Sheamus came out. He said all he could think about was Wrestlemania. He said Daniel Bryan had changed since winning the World Title and he was starting to remind him of himself, when he won the WWE Title. Sheamus said he became wrapped up in his own ego and he became a bully. But he was taught a lesson and Daniel Bryan needed the same thing. Vickie interrupted, with Dolph. Vickie got fake choked up at Sheamus’s story. Ziggler said nobody cared and he should be in the main event at Wrestlemania, not him. Sheamus called Vickie his grandmother and she insisted she wasn’t old, she was experienced. She endorsed Laurinaitis for GM, which brought Teddy out to book Sheamus and Ziggler in a match.
– Sheamus d. Dolph Ziggler in 8:23. They announced Teddy and Laurinaitis would be switching roles next week. Sheamus put a beating on Ziggler. Ziggler caught Sheamus trying to reenter the ring and hit a neckbreaker on the ropes to take control. Sheamus fought back but got caught in the sleeper. He escaped and caught Ziggler coming off the top with the Irish Curse, but Vickie put Dolph’s foot on the ropes. Dolph almost stole the win, but Sheamus escaped. As Sheamus set up for the Brogue Kick, Vickie waved out Swagger. Sheamus took him out with the kick and Ziggler capitalised with a fameasser for two. He then went for the Zig Zag, but Sheamus turned it into the air raid crash, now called White Noise, for the victory.
– Teddy found Laurinaitis and Otunga in his office. Laurinaitis said he wanted an apology. He claimed he hurt his back during Teddy’s “vicious attack” on Raw and Otunga said he was contemplating filing civil action. Teddy said he enjoyed it and so did everybody else. Laurinaitis said he wouldn’t enjoy him showing the Board Of Directors how things should be done next week. Teddy put Otunga in a match with Khali and told them to leave.
– Santino Marella d. Heath Slater in 1:56. Heath tried to jump Santino on the bell but Santino avoided the attack with the splits. Slater cut Santino off briefly, but Santino crotched him on the top rope and brought out the Cobra for another victory.
– Backstage, Natalya told Eve that what she was doing was inexcusable. Then some stuff happened that I won’t describe.
– Eve Torres d. Natalya in 1:36. Crowd chanted Hoeski at Eve. Booker said he’d let Eve use him any day, in the process of saying what she was doing was wrong. There was some truly insane commentary here which I couldn’t begin to describe even if I wanted to. Booker T, one of a kind. Fans wanted Ryder. Eve won with a reversed cradle.
– Cody cut a promo, bringing up Big Show’s embarrassing defeats to Akebono and Floyd Mayweather again. He said Big Show should thank him for costing him the chance to challenge for the WWE Title at Wrestlemania, because he saved him from more embarrassment. He said Big Show might be a former World Champion, but at “the big show”, he was a choke artist. Big Show interrupted, in a surprisingly good mood. Cody escaped into the crowd when Show got in the ring. Show said he didn’t have to leave, they could watch the next video as friends, he could laugh at himself. Cody refused so Show threatened to go get him. Teddy came out and announced Big Show versus Cody at Wrestlemania for the Intercontinental Title.
– Big Show d. Mark Henry in 5:21. Henry took the fight to Show early, clotheslining him out of the ring and whipping him over the barricade. Big Show beat the ten count back inside, but Henry ran him into the post. Cody joined commentary during the commercial. Henry tried to use the steel steps. By use them, I mean throw them straight at Big Show’s head against the post. Luckily, Show moved. Back inside, Henry hit a vader bomb for two. Big Show came back with a spear. Henry hit the World’s Strongest Slam, but Show kicked out. And he ran into the knockout punch moments later.
– Teddy spoke to Drew backstage. He said it was do or die tonight and if he lost, he was fired. Drew apparently still buys this after all these months, because he wasn’t happy.
– Striker interviewed Orton. Orton said he was back to normal. And by normal, he meant angry. He said this wasn’t about the concussion, it was about Bryan costing him the opportunity to walk into Wrestlemania as champion. Orton said Bryan would pay a steep price tonight.
– Justin Gabriel d. Drew McIntyre in 1:45. Drew attacked immediately, desperate for the win. Drew pleaded with the referee not to DQ him as he attacked in the corner, knowing a disqualification would finish him. Gabriel hit a big DDT and the 450 to finish Drew off anyway. This time, Teddy appeared on the screen and said he’d given Drew plenty of chances, but now he had to let him go. Drew was sad. I’ve no idea where this is going, because Cole agreed with this and Booker was sympathetic. But then again, Booker is Booker.
– Striker interviewed Bryan, who was with AJ. Bryan said Sheamus was wrong, he hadn’t changed, he was still the same down to earth person. He got a cheap pop for being from Washington, then pointed out he moved to Vegas as soon as possible of course. He put himself over for being a vegan, a role model and being AJ’s boyfriend. He brought up beating two giants and beating 5 people in the Chamber, then said he’d beat Orton tonight and leave Wrestlemania as champion.
– Daniel Bryan d. Randy Orton by count out in 6:26. Bryan got a mixed reaction. Orton was aggressive early and beat Bryan around the ring. He stomped his head on the steps. Bryan fought off a superplex though and used a headbutt, shaking up Orton, as the crowd chanted YES YES YES! Bryan targetted the arm. Orton dropkicked Bryan out of mid air and made a comeback. He then set up for the RKO, but Bryan countered, looking for the Labell Lock. Bryan bailed out when that didn’t work and tried to escape, but couldn’t. Orton went for the draping DDT off the apron, but Kane came out. In the process, Orton got counted out, Bryan sneaking back in just in time. Kane and Orton brawled into the ring and Bryan ran, leaving AJ in Kane’s path. Orton fought back allowing AJ to escape. They fought around the ring and back in, where Kane posted Orton’s shoulder and hit the Chokeslam. Kane then got a microphone and said “welcome back” to Orton.
– Laurinaitis and Otunga watched this backstage. Laurinaitis promised destruction next week on Smackdown. He suggested making Kane versus Aksana next week. And the show ended.