This week: With Wrestlemania 28 drawing closer by the second (literally, that's how time works), it's another week of build, hype, heat drawing, interest peaking and other acceptable business buzzphrases. Sending of messages? Check. Playing of the mind games? Absolutely. Announcing of team members? You betcha! And if that doesn't excite you and seems a little too “placeholder before go home week” for you, how about some mental NXT escapades? Yes? Yes! Plus, the dysfunctional lives of the Punk family, Daniel Bryan and his soft lips, King Kong Bundy, Maria Menounos (because I need to practice spelling her name right), Lord Tensai and The Bellas find a way to get on Wrestlemania- act like the Miller Cat Fight Girls and argue about stuff.
RAW SUPERSHOW
– CM Punk opened the show, in a serious mood. Punk said Jericho wasn't there, which showed what kind of person Jericho is. Punk said his father being an alcoholic wasn't Jericho's story to tell. He said there wasn't a person watching that hadn't been affected in some way by alcoholism and he wouldn't let what Jericho said convince people that he couldn't shake it off and be destined for greatness. Punk said Jericho was trying to get under his skin for an advantage at Wrestlemania, but it had backfired and if there was a monster inside of him, he'd let it out at Wrestlemania. Punk said his father had worked hard to overcome his problems and Punk was proud of him. And he was proud of being straight edge, because that's what he believes in. He called Jericho an obstacle and promised to go straight through him to prove he was the best in the world.
– Jericho showed up on the screen before Punk could leave, via satellite. Jericho claimed he was out of line and apologised. Fans didn't buy it. Jericho promised not to say anything about Punk's father again. However, his sister was a different story. He talked about Punk's sister's drug problem and said there was a pattern. Jericho said the good news was substance abuse could be overcome, but the bad news was him winning at Wrestlemania was something he'd never overcome. Punk yelled something at Jericho which was censored out, but I'm pretty sure he promised to beat the bullshit out of him.
– Kane d. Big Show in 0:53. Cody came out before the match even started, with a video package of Big Show's Wrestlemania embarrassments. Cody produced a pair of boxing gloves and shadow boxed to taunt Big Show. He got on the apron to distract Big Show as he climbed the ropes and got knocked down. But that allowed Kane to Chokeslam Big Show off the middle rope for the win. Cody then gave Show the Beautiful Disaster and handcuffed Big Show to the ropes, allowing him to give Big Show some punches with the boxing gloves. Big Show looked mad as he was cut free and Cody escaped.
– David Otunga d. Santino Marella in 1:47. The Wrestlemania team captains had their respective general managers with them. Santino showed off his own physique and engaged in a super posedown with Otunga. But Santino pulled a muscle posing and Otunga attacked. Santino went for the Cobra, but Laurinaitis and Teddy started arguing. Santino stomped on Johnny's phone, but Otunga hit a spinebuster slam. Laurinaitis celebrated with the trombone, but Teddy slapped him and Johnny went nuts.
– A promo video aired for Lord Tensai, who was bald and covered in Japanese symbols. He looks familiar.
– The Rock cut a promo from the Rocky Balboa statue. He said Philadelphia was the city of ass kickers and the statue represented that. He had a picture of himself in front of the statue at 12 years old. Rock said he was dreaming about being the greatest of all time at 12 years old and he talked about being inspired by Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania. He talked about main eventing his first Wrestlemania, in Philadelphia, against Steve Austin. Rock said he made a vow that night after losing that he'd never fight a man in jean shorts and would continue his dream. He said there was one guy left to beat and that was John Cena. Rock said tonight, he was going to drive back to the arena, come out and send Cena a message. And if he didn't get the message, he'd get the biggest cheesesteak ever seen, turn it sideways and well you can guess the rest. He said all the greats would thank him for beating him and he did Foley, Flair and Savage's catchphrases.
– Daniel Bryan d. Zack Ryder by submission in 1:43. They showed Zack hosting a rally earlier in the today, wanting to get on Team Teddy. Bryan got a good luck kiss from AJ before the match. Zack hit an ugly sounding boot in the corner. But Bryan countered the Ruff Ryder into the Labell Lock to force Zack to tap out.
– John Cena d. Mark Henry in 4:44. Henry overpowered Cena early on and actually dominated for a long period. But Cena eventually mounted a comeback, able to give Henry a back suplex. Cena failed to get Henry up for the AA, but escaped the World's Strongest Slam and hit the AA second time around. The Rock's music hit afterwards and Rock hit the ring, with Cena hurting. Rock gave Henry the Rock Bottom and left, sending his message to Cena.
– They showed footage from Maria Menounos's show Extra, with Kelly Kelly. Beth and Eve crashed the show and demanded they should be interviewed instead. Maria pointed out she beat them last time. Security threw them out and they agreed to a tag match at Wrestlemania.
– Miz cut a promo, talking about King Kong Bundy being in the main event of Wrestlemania 2 and fighting midgets at Wrestlemania 3, saying it was the biggest main event drop off in WWE history. Until now. Miz said he wouldn't go from the main event to doing nothing. He issued an open challenge, to prove he deserved on Team Johnny.
– Sheamus d. The Miz in 3:01. Sure enough Miz didn't impress Laurinaitis, who was watching backstage. Miz was able to get the advantage for a while. But Sheamus got the victory with the Brogue Kick at the second time of asking.
– Josh interviewed Orton, on a stage in the arena for some reason. Old school. He asked how Orton planned on beating the monster Kane. Orton asked how Kane planned on beating him. Orton said he beat Kane last Summer, so badly that Kane became human. He said now Kane had no signs of humanity, but he didn't care.
– Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger d. Kofi Kingston and R-Truth (Ziggler pinned Truth) in 4:35. Vickie announced Ziggler and Swagger were the two newest members of Team Johnny. Vickie and Aksana had to be separated before the match. Kofi ran wild early but got cut off. Truth made a comeback for the Teddy representatives. And after Kofi took out Swagger, Truth went for a scissors kick. Ziggler avoided and hit a fameasser to score the pin, thanks in part to Vickie knocking Truth's foot off the bottom rope. Aksana shoved Vickie down and they had a catfight.
– Footage from Madison Square Garden the night before was shown, with HHH pinning Ziggler with a Tombstone during a six man tag match.
– Shawn came out for the end of show face off. Shawn said everybody was talking about him being the special guest referee and he wasn't surprised, since he made a career of stealing the show at Wrestlemania. He said he held the end of an era in the palm of his hand. Shawn gave his opinion on what would happen. He said end of an era was code for end of the streak and the end was inevitable, but Undertaker interrupted. Undertaker told him to shut up and listen. Taker warned him and HHH not to make any plans, but Triple H interrupted him just as quickly. HHH told Undertaker to stop worrying about Shawn and said as much as Shawn's ego wanted it to be about him, it wasn't, it was about them. HHH said there had been 24 Hell In A Cell matches and they'd been in 19 of them. He said it started as Undertaker's match, but became his proving ground. HHH said everything he'd done had all been for one moment, at Wrestlemania. Undertaker asked if HHH was willing to put his life on the line. HHH said he was. They got into a staredown and Undertaker teased leaving, but came back and said Shawn was better than HHH again first. Shawn smirked at this and HHH stared Shawn down for it. And then the moment he looked away, Shawn smirked again.
NXT
– Justin Gabriel d. Curt Hawkins in 2:21. Gabriel missed a crossbody early. Hawkins had a few words for Regal, in the midst of working over Gabriel. But a springboard kick caught Hawkins and left him prone for the 450.
– Derrick Bateman and Kaitlyn ran into Tamina backstage. Tamina was happy for them. Titus O'Neil, in quite the get-up, and Darren Young walked up and Titus hit on her, but pointed out he was taken. He said Darren wanted to take her out, but asked why every time somebody tried to get with her The Usos took exception. Sure enough, The Usos showed up and said last week the two of them insulted their heritage. The four of them exchanged words, ahead of the next match.
– Darren Young d. Jimmy Uso in 5:19. Jey did commentary. Jimmy took the fight to Young, until being thrown out of the ring hard, allowing Young to take over. The fans got behind Uso, lead by Jey's cheerleading efforts. And Jimmy responded. But Young posted the shoulder and got the win with the double knee gutbuster. Tamina and Titus were watching backstage.
– Moments later, Josh disappeared, because he got a message that his car had been stolen. Backstage, Maxine was talking with Johnny Curtis and revealed she was behind this, because she needed to talk to Regal in order to get off the show. In the background, Josh told Striker what was going on. Curtis saw this and chloroformed Striker. Seriously. Needless to say, this wasn't part of the plan. Maxine asked why Curtis had chloroform. Curtis didn't seem to understand why this would even be an issue. Curtis dumped the unconscious Striker into a box. Maxine told Curtis not to leave Striker, however the moment Maxine left, Curtis tried to hit on a passing Alicia Fox and abandoned Striker.
– Percy Watson d. Tyler Reks in 5:20. Maxine came out with 'gifts' for Regal. Massage oils and such. Maxine spent the match trying to hit on Regal. To the point that she gave Regal a foot massage, during the match. Regal told a story about his brother, who had both of his hands cut off and is now a professional donut stealer. The flirting continued throughout the match. It was amazing. Maxine switched to a scalp massage, which Regal seemed to enjoy. Somewhere in here, Percy got the victory.
– Backstage, Curtis returned to find that Striker was gone. He tried to hide it from Maxine, but did a terrible job of it. Maxine accused him of acting weird and came to the conclusion that Curtis killed Striker. Curtis revealed that, in fact, Striker had gone. There was a note inside the box saying “We know what you did, we have Striker, we will come to you with demands”. Bateman and Kaitlyn walked by and Maxine assumed that they were responsible. But they pleaded ignorance and Maxine decided to say no more. Maxine then shoved Curtis in the box and yelled at him to find Striker.
– Tyson Kidd d. Michael McGillicutty in 7:30. Kidd started strong and hit a hurricanrana on the floor after swinging around the ring post. McGillicutty gained control when Tyson missed a crossbody and went into the ring ropes. Eventually, Tyson fought back. McGillicutty got his knees up to block a springboard elbow. After a series of roll ups, McGillicutty went for the swinging neckbreaker, which Tyson tried to counter into the Sharpshooter, but McGillicutty escaped. However, Tyson came back in from the apron with a prawn hold for the victory. McGillicutty said Tyson was going to regret crossing him and he was going to hurt him where it hurt the most, in his “heart”.
SUPERSTARS
– Epico and Primo d. Alex Riley and Mason Ryan (Epico pinned Mason) in 6:50. The Tag Team Champions had their problems with Riley, until a distraction allowed Primo to clip the knee from behind. They worked Riley over for a while, before A-Ry brought M-Ry, as he's absolutely not known, into the match. Mason ran through Epico, before things broke down and Rosa provided a distraction, allowing the champions to deliver a double Backstabber.
– Beth Phoenix and Eve Torres d. Tamina Snuka and Natalya (Eve pinned Tamina) in 4:23. Eve theme music update: still intact. Beth and Eve are of course teaming at Wrestlemania as well. Natalya was apparently doing this for 'friendly competition' and offered Beth a handshake, but Beth told her to leave. Instead, Natalya rolled Beth up from behind. Beth eventually got the better of her and tagged Eve, who got plenty of Hoeski chants. Tamina made a big comeback for her team and set Eve up for the superfly splash. But Beth's intervention allowed Eve to slam her off the top and get the win with the moonsault.
– Titus O'Neil d. Yoshi Tatsu in 4:17. After weathering Yoshi's early attack Titus used his power to take control. Yoshi came back with some hard striking, before Titus ducked the roundhouse kick and won with the sky high.
– Drew McIntyre d. Ezekial Jackson in 5:02. After their string of recent losses, a chance for one of these two to actually get a win. Zeke got the best of the early stages, until getting kicked right in the face at least. Zeke came back and went for the torture rack, but Drew escaped and was able to hit the Future Shock DDT. Drew wins? Believe it.
SMACKDOWN
– Bryan cut a promo at the top of the show, with AJ in tow. His promo started by shouting YES YES YES, because he's great. He said he could talk about himself all night, but instead he wanted AJ to tell everyone what it was like to be in love with the World Heavyweight Champion. AJ started to talk about her match, so Bryan cut her off and told her to just answer the question. AJ did, saying it was “heaven” and talked about them spooning. He called her “Danny” and Bryan, off microphone, reminded her not to call him Danny in public. She called him brave, courageous and generous. Fans didn't want to hear this. She said Bryan made her feel safe. Bryan whispered in her ear and she, reluctantly, talked about Bryan being a great lover. AJ said Bryan would win at Wrestlemania and Bryan tried to get everybody to cheer for him. This was the greatest segment ever.
– So Sheamus came out. Sheamus wasn't impressed and said Bryan wasn't brave or courageous, he was a snivelling little coward. Sheamus called him Danny and Bryan took exception. So everyone chanted “Danny” at him and Bryan got annoyed. Sheamus started calling him “Danny Boy” and Bryan got even more annoyed. Sheamus threatened to kick his teeth down his throat at Wrestlemania.
– Mark Henry d. R-Truth in 3:02. All Henry for the majority. Truth got some scattered shots in, before Henry missed an elbow, allowing Truth to fight back. Henry caught Truth coming off the top with the World Strongest Slam though.
– They announced Yokozuna going in the Hall Of Fame.
– Zack was backstage with Teddy, Kofi, Santino and Aksana. Teddy was concerned about Eve being a distraction to him. Hornswoggle came in waving a Team Teddy flag, as the team mascot. Teddy still wasn't sure. So Zack brought in Great Khali, dressed in Zack merchandise. Khali did Zack's catchphrase. This was enough to convince Teddy to recruit all three of them. I don't want to call Teddy's judgement into question here, but, seriously.
– AJ d. Brie Bella in 2:46. The Bellas did an inset promo, with Brie refusing advice from Nikki because she lost to AJ last week. AJ and Bryan shared their good luck kiss beforehand. After Brie took most of the match, AJ used a La Mistica. Bryan seemed surprised by this. Nikki got on the apron and the Bellas collided, allowing AJ to roll Brie up for the pin. Bryan celebrated. Afterwards, Nikki told Brie she should have taken her advice. Nikki announced that Brie was rooting for Team Johnny, but she was rooting for Team Teddy. Nikki lead everyone in a Team Teddy cheer. That was bizarre.
– Zack Ryder d. Jack Swagger in 4:31. Zack had Hornswoggle with him. Swagger worked on Ryder's arm. Zack got a near fall with the boot in the corner. He then went for the Ruff Ryder and Swagger countered into a turnbuckle bomb, but Zack kicked out of the Swagger Bomb. Hornswoggle chased Vickie onto the apron and the distraction lead to Zack hitting the Ruff Ryder.
– Striker interviewed Cody earlier in the today. Cody said he'd enjoyed showing Big Show's embarrassments and he enjoyed embarrassing him on Raw. But the biggest embarrassment would be at Wrestlemania when he beat Big Show. Cody claimed he had a plane to catch and left.
– Big Show d. Kane by DQ in 3:44. These two had a longer match than they did on Raw. A brawl to start, before Show ran into the ring post. Kane almost win with a big DDT, before Big Show hit the Chokeslam. But Cody ran in for the disqualification. Show chased Cody through the crowd and he got away. Orton then snuck in and gave Kane an RKO.
– Brodus Clay d. Heath Slater in 1:25. Brodus actually got taken off his feet by Heath. Briefly. Brodus won with his big splash.
– Eve spoke to Ryder backstage, saying they were both going to Wrestlemania. Zack complimented her and Eve got annoyed a him. Eve said the dinner was off and she walked away, smirking.
– Great Khali d. Dolph Ziggler by count out. Christian did commentary. Dolph took some punishment, before taking Khali out at the leg. Khali fought back but Ziggler got the sleeper on. Laurinaitis immediately rang the bell, to everyone's confusion and announced Dolph the winner. Teddy called it off and told Ziggler to get back in the ring. Ziggler refused, so the referee counted him out. Santino and Kofi then threw Ziggler back inside for the Khali chop. Everybody did the Teddy dance in celebration.
– CM Punk and Sheamus d. Daniel Bryan and The Miz (Sheamus pinned Miz) in 6:43. Bryan tagged out of the ring immediately rather than face Sheamus. So Miz took the beating instead. Sheamus tried to go after Bryan, leading to the heels taking control. Sheamus got the tag to Punk, who was also cut off thanks to a Bryan distraction. Punk was able to catch Miz with a roundhouse kick and bring Sheamus back in to clean house, with Bryan unable to tag back out. As Sheamus set up for the Brogue Kick, Bryan tagged Miz. So Sheamus just gave Miz the Brogue Kick instead and beat him, simple as that.