This week: It's okay everybody, no need to worry about a thing. Finally, Mr. McMahon is back, to liven things up and to turn business around! And not a moment too soon. One of the great performers of our times, doing what he does best. Dance, be insane and take comical falls. It doesn't get any better. Plus, the demise of the People Power mobile, the demise of AJ's sanity, Vader Time, young boy abuse, Goatface and the long awaited last episode of NXT Redemption. Maybe, this time, possibly.
RAW SUPERSHOW
– John Laurinaitis wheeled his way out to start and tried to introduce himself, but was immediately cut off by Mr McMahon. Big reaction for Vince. Laurinaitis wanted a handshake, but Vince wasn't interested. He told Johnny to give him one reason not to fire him. Laurinaitis bragged about People Power. He then managed to mangle his words and say they were approaching the 100th Raw, as opposed to the 1000th. At least he doesn't work in the finance department. Laurinaitis tried to suck up to Vince and compared himself to Vince, as people chanted “Fire Johnny”. Vince criticised him for drawing two lawsuits out of Brock Lesnar, resigning Big Show and even for hiring the wrong one legged wrestler. Johnny stumbled over his words again and accidentally wished Vince “no due respect”. God I love him. He said it was a new Big Show now and Vince would see he made a good investment at No Way Out. Johnny talked about the locker room looking up to him as their friend.
– Sheamus interrupted. He mentioned the fine Laurinaitis gave him. Vince noticed on screen that #FireJohnny was trending, which caused everybody to chant YES. Sheamus called him the worst General Manager in WWE history and encouraged Vince to kick Laurinaitis out on his arse. Laurinaitis said he was going to find someone to face Sheamus. Vince said it'd better be impressive, because otherwise, he'd be fired. To make matter worse, Vince then commandeered the People Power scooter and drove it off the side of the stage. This was sufficiently wacky.
– Sheamus d. Tensai in 5:49. Tensai was Laurinaitis's chosen opponent. These two pretty much beat on each other the whole match. Tensai ended up with welts across his ribs and Sheamus bled from above the eye. Sheamus kicked out of the choke bomb and won with a Brogue Kick. Good match and a much better representation of what Tensai is capable of than we've seen since his return thus far.
– Vince said that was strike one for Johnny. He wanted to know who'd replace Del Rio at No Way Out. Vickie showed up and suggested Swagger and Ziggler compete in a triple threat. Johnny asked Teddy's advice. Teddy suggested a four way, with those two, Khali and Christian. Laurinaitis claimed he had the exact same idea and sent Teddy to get some coffee. He then offered Vince a fistbump, but Vince said he had small hands and left him hanging.
– Still mad about losing, Tensai abused Sakamoto and then left him laying at ringside, while yelling at him in Japanese.
– Striker interviewed R-Truth. Truth talked about Little Jimmy being traumatised. He predicted Cena would beat Big Show at No Way Out, but Big Show KOed from off screen with the knockout punch.
– Ricardo Rodriguez and Beth Phoenix d. Santino Marella and Layla (Beth pinned Layla) in 2:56. Ricardo wanted no part of the match at first and even after tagging in, chickened out when confronted by Santino. Ricardo ended up taking an awesome looking pratfall collision with the ring post trying to run from the Cobra, but Beth pinned Layla with the Glam Slam in the ring moments later. As they celebrated, Santino tore Ricardo's shirt off, to reveal he was wearing a Justin Bieber t-shirt.
– David Otunga met with Vince backstage. Two great men. Otunga made a play for Laurinaitis's job. But Vince said he hated lawyers. Kofi stormed in and demanded a match with Big Show. Laurinaitis said it would be a cage match.
– Daniel Bryan came out. Bryan said Punk and Kane both had a weakness, that being AJ. He claimed Punk was trying to get with AJ to make him jealous and that Punk and Kane were obsessed with a woman still in love with him. “Once you go Bryan, there's no point in tryin”, in his words. But he wasn't interested in AJ, he was interested in the WWE Title. Punk interrupted as Bryan got a YES chant going. Punk said Bryan wasn't in AJ's league, or his in the ring. He promised to win at No Way Out. Bryan gave him a NO NO NO and told Punk he was the biggest sellout in WWE. Punk insisted he hadn't changed. He called Bryan “goat faced”, which the crowd latched onto. Kane showed up and said his pipebombs were actual pipebombs and he'd leave as WWE Champion. AJ came out to put a stop to all this. She said Kane had a heart. Punk got a crazy chick chant going. In the end, AJ said she knew the best man would win on Sunday, before Laurinaitis appeared on the screen and booked Bryan and Kane versus Punk and AJ.
– #1 Contendership, Four Way Elimination: Dolph Ziggler d. Christian, Jack Swagger and Great Khali in 8:40. Khali was eliminated within 2 minutes after everybody ganged up on him and pinned him at once. That left Christian at a two on one disadvantage. Even Vickie got a slap in. Christian was able to survive and catch Swagger with the Killswitch, leading to Ziggler pinning Swagger. Which left Ziggler and Christian. They had a great final few minutes, with both scoring near falls, before Vickie distracted Christian. Christian tweaked his ankle jumping off the top and Ziggler hit the Zig Zag for the win. Notable section of pro Ziggler reaction to that. Ziggler and Sheamus then squared up on the stage.
– Natalya tried to speak to Vince about the Harts. Vince couldn't get away fast enough. He ran into Brodus's dancers, who wanted Brodus back on Raw. Of course this lead to Vince dancing, as only Vince can. Ryder showed up looking shocked at what he saw.
– Two On One Handicap Match: Ryback d. Willard Fillmore and Rutherford Hayes in 1:33. Two more amazing jobber names. The jobbers made their entrance after Ryback for a change. Ryback destroyed one and the other tried to run away, but got destroyed with a lariat on the floor. He then hit the double finish on both.
– Vince and Hornswoggle made fun of JR. Cena showed up and wanted Laurinaitis gone. Vince pointed out he lost at Wrestlemania. Cena pointed out all of Vince's Wrestlemania losses, so Vince changed the subject and Cena promised not to get involved in Kofi's match. Otunga again made a play for the GM job. Vince said nobody had any respect for someone who'd kiss another man's backside. The camera then panned to William Regal.
– Steel Cage Match: Big Show d. Kofi Kingston in 7:22. Kofi tried to attack before the bell, but Big Show soon overwhelmed him. Show completely dominated, before Kofi hit Trouble In Paradise out of nowhere, but Show kicked out. He prevented Kofi from escaping and hit the knockout punch before, after milking it for an age just because he could, walking out the cage.
– Sin Cara d. Curt Hawkins in 2:32. Hawkins had some bright new gear. At least, they were bright when the lights were on. Sin Cara took most of the match and won with La Mistica.
– Vader d. Heath Slater in 3:18. Slater was mad past Raw superstars were being celebrated in the lead up to the 1000th show, because he was a current star. He yelled about it being “Slater time”, until Vader showed up. Crowd were super into Vader. Vader, as you'd expect, dominated and won with the Vader Bomb.
– Punk tried to calm AJ down. He told her not to do anything crazy. She kissed him on the cheek and left.
– CM Punk and AJ d. Kane and Daniel Bryan (Punk pinned Bryan) in 4:58. Punk tried to fight the match single handed. With mixed results. AJ ended up being accidentally tagged in, when Punk was knocked into the corner by Kane. But AJ managed to weaken Kane with a smile and started skipping around him. AJ laid a big kiss on Kane and Kane immediately tagged out and left. AJ then tagged to escape Bryan and Punk won with the flying elbow. Everybody was left utterly confused, as AJ sat in the ring CM Punk style.
– Vince, with security, came back out for the performance evaluation of Big Johnny. He teased a firing and brought Laurinaitis out. Laurinaitis butchered his first sentence. Astonishing. Vince said the security weren't for him, they were for Johnny, to escort him out. Laurinaitis tried to reason with Vince that we all needed him. Amen. Vince was ready to fire him anyway, but Big Show came out. Big Show argued that Laurinaitis had made some mistake, but he got one thing right, which was his new contract. Show knew Vince wouldn't fire him, because it'd cost him a ton of money. He then got mad at Vince, for everything he'd been made to do. Big Show said now, he could be a giant instead of an entertainer. He told Vince he should be more concerned about what he did to Cena at No Way Out. Cena interrupted. He was in one of those moods. Cena said Big Show had everything he wanted, but that meant he had no excuses and he'd have nobody to blame if he didn't destroy him at No Way Out. Vince announced that if Big Show lost at No Way Out, Laurinaitis would be fired. Big Show and Cena fought off security and battled, which lead to Big Show accidentally hitting Vince with the knockout punch. Show and Laurinaitis bailed as Vince was left KOed.
As three hour Raws go, this was pretty entertaining. The only problem was, it was a three hour show. If they insist on doing them every week, hopefully they're more like this and less like the awful three hour shows of the past.
NXT
– Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks d. Derrick Bateman and Percy Watson (Reks pinned Bateman) in 10:35. Regal claimed Hawkins and Reks's new green attire was in tribute to the Dynamic Dudes. Hawkins and Reks had plenty of problems with their opponents and Bateman hit a dive on both. They eventually cut off Percy. Bateman made a comeback, but things broke down and Hawkins kicked him with the referee distracted, setting him up for Reks to win with an off the shoulder DDT.
– They aired a video for the new NXT, starting next week. Hooray!
– Kaitlyn d. Natalya in 5:21. Natalya used her smarts to control most of the match. Kaitlyn was able to steal the pin with a sunset flip however.
– There were short videos for Bo Dallas, formerly Bo Rotundo, and Richie Steamboat ahead of next week's new NXT.
– The Usos d. Johnny Curtis and Michael McGillicutty (Jimmy pinned McGillicutty) in 11:16. The Usos looked strong early. Curtis ended up clipping Jey's knee to turn things around. After having his knee worked on for a while, Jey managed to tag Jimmy, who ran wild. Finish saw Jey get tagged back in, but take a legdrop off the top from Curtis. Jey managed to counter McGillicutty's neckbreaker and hit a superkick, before Jimmy hit the superfly splash.
SUPERSTARS
– Zack Ryder d. Michael McGillicutty in 8:31. Fans were into Zack. Zack cleared the ring of McGillicutty early and dove outside. McGillicutty got the upper hand, but Ryder came back to win, hitting the Ruff Ryder on the second attempt.
– Titus O'Neil and Darren Young d. The Usos (Titus pinned Jimmy) in 5:18. Young had Titus pick his hair before the match started. With a comb, obviously. Young and O'Neil went after Jey's knee much like on NXT. Much like NXT, Jimmy then ran wild. But the result wasn't the same for The Usos, as Young clipped the knee and a Demolition Decapitation finished Jimmy off.
– Hunico d. Justin Gabriel in 11:55. Things started out evenly until Gabriel took Hunico out with a great suicide dive. Hunico dropkicked Gabriel in mid air out of a springboard to gain the advantage. Gabriel pulled off AJ Styles's backflip DDT as he started to fight back. After a back and forth finish, Gabriel went for the 450, but Hunico crotched him and a Camacho distraction helped Hunico to hit a cool looking rolling cradle off the ropes for the pin.
SMACKDOWN
– AJ came out. She was going to explain why she kissed Kane, until Vickie cut her off and said tonight was about Dolph. Ziggler said he proved he was better than teaming with Swagger and he wasn't going to let AJ steal his spotlight. AJ called Vickie Dolph's grandma and got a slap for her troubles. Which brought out Punk. Punk pointed out Ziggler said he'd beat him in January and he'd end up the same way against Sheamus. Bryan interrupted and claimed Punk was wrapped around AJ's little finger. He said Punk and Kane were making the same mistake he did with AJ. Sheamus rounded out the group to promise victory against Ziggler and get the tag match underway. AJ tried to fight Vickie and they were pulled apart.
– Dolph Ziggler and Daniel Bryan d. CM Punk and Sheamus (Ziggler pinned Sheamus) in 7:45. After a rough start Bryan and Ziggler were able to cut off Sheamus after a distraction. Sheamus quickly got to Punk, but Punk was then isolated after a Bryan flying knee off the apron, until Bryan missed a flying headbutt. Sheamus ran through Ziggler before things broke down. Sheamus hit the White Noise on Ziggler and went for the Brogue Kick. Vickie tried a distraction and AJ pushed her in the ring, but that allowed Ziggler to roll Sheamus up and steal the pin.
– Sheamus chased Ziggler through the crowd. AJ and Vickie then brawled. Vickie was able to get away after knocking AJ into the apron, which lead to Kane coming out and carrying AJ to the back. Punk attacked Kane, but Kane hit both Bryan and Punk with Chokeslams, as AJ looked on.
– Brodus Clay d. Heath Slater in 0:24. Brodus cut a promo before the match about being banned from Raw, but was confident Cena would win at No Way Out and get rid of Laurinaitis. Brodus won in a squash with the big splash. As Brodus danced though, Otunga ran out and took out Brodus's knee, to set up their match “at” the PPV.
– Beth Phoenix d. Alicia Fox in 0:52. Layla did commentary. Beth won quick with the Glam Slam.
– Laurinaitis came out and apologised to Vince for what happened on Raw. He said he willing put his job on the line at Wrestlemania and Over The Limit and won both times. And his job was not in jeopardy this time, because of Big Show. Big Show said he had no reason to lie about whether he punched Vince on purpose. He talked about never being allowed to overshadow the faces of the company, even if WCW and name dropped Hogan, Sting and Flair. So he went to WWE, where Vince told him to make people care about him and for fourteen years he did thing Vince's way, while Cena, Punk, Orton and Sheamus rose to the top while he was a special attraction. Show vowed to make up for lost time at No Way Out. And he guaranteed victory. Cole suddenly spoke up from the announce table, telling Laurinaitis that Cena would be there tonight. Show said he wasn't hard to find.
– Christian d. Jack Swagger in 2:48. Vickie again played diversion, to help Swagger gain control. Which didn't last long as Christian fought back. Christian escaped the ankle lock and ended up winning with the frog splash.
– Two On One Handicap Match: Ryback d. Ari Cohen and Mike Testa in 2:04. The jobbers told some bad jokes as their promo. Booker again attempted to talk up these two as dangerous independent guys. Of course Ryback destroyed them. He yelled about wanting three afterwards.
– Damien Sandow d. Tyson Kidd in 1:04. Sandow cut a promo on Tyson on the way to the ring. Sandow had given his elbow drop, which is just an elbow drop mind you, a Latin name. Great. Tyson managed to hit a twisting moonsault but that was about it, as Sandow countered the Sharpshooter and won with the cross arm neckbreaker.
– Cena, having shown up at the arena, came to the ring. Before he could call Big Show out, Laurinaitis interrupted. He blamed what happened to Vince on Cena. And Big Show had been sent home to protect Cena. Cena threatened Laurinaitis, so Laurinaitis threatened to fire him. Cena pointed he couldn't be fired before No Way Out since the match would happen no matter what. Laurinaitis threatened to embarrass Cena again like he did at Over The Limit. And if Cena hit him, if he lost on Sunday, first thing on Monday he'd fire him. Cena punched him anyway.