This week: WWE finally stumbles on a surefire way to close any and all open books. They found their own wizard to blame it on! Storyline descended into farce? Want to consign it to the scrapheap and let everyone move on with their lives? Well, whenever you notice something like that, Hornswoggle did it. Perfect. Plus, Friday Night Zackdown, AJ saga descends into marriage proposals, Bob Backlund still in great shape and Bray Wyatt debuts on NXT.
RAW SUPERSHOW
– AJ skipped her way out. She said she knew her actions could affect the outcome of the WWE Title match and she brought out Punk. AJ told him she didn’t need professional help. And everybody changed “AJs Crazy”. AJ said Punk turned her on and when she kissed Punk, she knew what she had to do. She then got down on one knee. To ask him to marry her, that is. PG show. Bryan ran out shouting NO before Punk could answer. He told AJ she was going to make a big mistake and Punk didn’t care about her. Punk saw as a special referee, but Bryan saw her as a special person. Bryan claimed when he woke up that morning, he had the exact same idea. And so, he got down on one knee and proposed to AJ. Punk wasn’t buying it and pointed out he didn’t even have a ring. Punk and Bryan argued, before being interrupted by THE ANONYMOUS RAW GENERAL MANAGER. Yeah, the laptop was back this week, for one night only. Cole announced, and I quote, Punk and AJ versus Bryan and Eve later. Bryan went mad at this. AJ said she was happy, because everything happens for a reason and she felt like she’d walk out of the arena with her future husband tonight.
– Sheamus d. Jack Swagger in 0:59. Sheamus hit White Noise and the Brogue Kick for a decisive victory. Del Rio interrupted Sheamus’s celebration, promising victory at Money In The Bank, before driving off in his Ferrari. Sheamus gave Swagger another Brogue Kick out of anger.
– Santino was backstage with Zack. Santino said it was his mission to find out who the Anonymous GM was and started looking for clues in his Sherlock Holmes hat.
– Dolph Ziggler and Tensai d. Christian and Tyson Kidd (Tensai pinned Christian) in 1:33. Vickie joined in on commentary. Christian ran through Dolph, who made a quick tag to Tensai. Christian went for a Spear but Ziggler grabbed his ankle and it allowed Tensai to win with the running senton. Tensai then beat up Kidd outside, powerbombed him against the ring apron and hit a senton. Vickie seemed strangely impressed by Tensai.
– Lawler and Cole argued over the GM issue. Cole ended up throwing a drink over Lawler by mistake. The Anonymous GM then dinged and booked Cole against Lawler. They got the fans to vote if it’d take place.
– Brodus Clay d. Drew McIntyre in 0:36. Brodus caught Drew coming off the top with a headbutt to the chest and followed up with the splash.
– Santino accused Chris Jericho of being the GM. Jericho suggested it was a rouse and Santino might be the GM. This threw Santino and he left. Big Show showed up and Jericho tried to get him onside for their tag match tonight. Big Show said he had some of the most embarrassing moments of his career as part of JeriShow and said if Jericho stayed out of his way, he wouldn’t knock him out.
– John Cena and Kane d. Big Show and Chris Jericho by DQ in 10:24. Cena did a promo hyping Money In The Bank before the match, saying he’d both stop Big Show and win Money In The Bank. Jericho tagged Show in after Cena overwhelmed him. Show cut Kane off, before Jericho got into trouble, allowing Cena to come in. Cena was then cut off, before Kane ran wild. Show delivered a spear and Kane was worked over again. Cena finally made a comeback, escaped the Walls and hit the AA. Show pulled Cena off the pin. Which was apparently grounds for a disqualification. This was actually pretty good until the crappy ending.
– Big Show took Kane and Cena out before bringing out a pair of ladders. He hit Jericho and Kane with one and put Jericho in between the other. But Cena knocked Big Show out of the ring with a couple of shots with the ladder.
– Eve wished Punk good luck, not for the match, but with AJ. She teased that if Punk didn’t say I Do tonight, she’d make sure Punk didn’t win at Money In The Bank. Eve said Punk being overshadowed by Rock, Cena, HHH, Show and Lesnar must not be easy, but AJ must be emasculating.
– Santino was still on the case. He accused Khali. Khali didn’t understand.
– Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Sin Cara d. Heath Slater in 1:45. Sin Cara took most of the match and won with La Mistica to qualify. Afterwards, Heath got mad and called out any former champion. He got Bob Backlund. Backlund at 62 looked essentially the same as Backlund at 42 did. Impressive. Backlund wanted a handshake and Slater attacked him. But Backlund recovered and put him in the crossface chickenwing, causing Heath to tap out.
– Michael Cole d. Jerry Lawler by reverse decision in 0:57. 75% voted yes on seeing the match. Booker and Josh came out to do commentary. And, in Booker’s case, to throw Cole in the ring. Lawler gave Cole an airplane spin and beat him, but the GM e-mailed and reversed the decision due to Booker’s interference. Santino came out and revealed the GM was Hornswoggle. Wackiness ensued. At least we got a blowoff, right? Right?
– CM Punk and AJ d. Daniel Bryan and Eve (AJ pinned Eve) in 3:18. Punk and Bryan reenacted the Sonnen-Silva finish in the early stages, before AJ and Eve came in. Bryan ended up refusing a tag from Eve, which lead to AJ rolling her up for the pin. Bryan said that proved AJ meant more to him than any match and wanted her to leave with him and get married. Punk said he wasn’t going to marry AJ, but at least he cared enough to tell the truth. AJ responded by slapping him. But then, she slapped Bryan as well and did the YES chant, before she left on her own.
NXT
– Camacho d. Tyson Kidd in 12:09. Regal and Saxton were on commentary. Good crowd for these tapings. Tyson was too good for Camacho early. He found himself surrounded outside, causing the referee to throw Hunico out, not before Tyson hit a dive onto both men. Camacho got to the ropes to escape the Sharpshooter and tripped Tyson on the apron to take over. After taking a lot of punishment, Kidd avoided a flying legdrop and fought back. Camacho hit a butterfly superplex for two and Tyson scored a near fall with a blockbuster, before McGillicutty ran out to prevent a Sharpshooter. And Camacho hit the distracted Tyson with a DDT for the win. Really good match, although the DDT felt a bit of a weak finish.
– Striker interviewed Justin Gabriel. He asked what Gabriel’s plans were now he’s back from injury. Gabriel said he wanted the feeling of being champion back. He started talking about facing Heath Slater next week, but Slater interrupted, claiming he’d been embarrassing legends every week on Raw. Gabriel said next week, he didn’t need to worry about a former star embarrassing him.
– Bray Wyatt d. Aiden English in 1:47. Bray talked his way to the ring. He then destroyed English. Bray won the fans over and there’s definitely something there with this act. He reminds me of 2010 Kevin Steen. Bray won with a Shell Shock style flatliner and sort of ‘cuddled’ English as he pinned him. Hopefully the injury doesn’t keep Bray out too long because he looked great here.
– A package aired with Seth Rollins describing his finisher, in the most out there way possible.
– Briley Pierce interviewed Richie Steamboat. Leo Kruger interrupted him and it soon turned into a shoving match, before referees had to separate them.
– They hyped Raquel Diaz being on next week’s show.
– Primetime Players d. The Usos (Young pinned Jey) in 9:49. JR joined commentary for the main event. No AW with Titus and Young. Darren had Titus fix his hair before the match. So of course, first thing Jimmy did was mess up his hair and slap him. Titus and Young had trouble to start and had their comb stolen to add insult. And Jey hit an assisted dive onto both. The PTP eventually cut Jimmy off and worked his leg. Jey eventually got the tag and ran wild. But Titus and Darren were able to hit the Demolition Decapitation for the win. Another good match. Definitely the best NXT so far of the new run.
SUPERSTARS
– Hunico d. Justin Gabriel in 7:19. Back and forth for a while until Hunico posted his shoulder. Gabriel then took Hunico out with a hurricanrana, over Camacho from the apron. Camacho’s distraction allowed Hunico to gain control, but not for long as Gabriel got back into it. Gabriel got his knees up on the senton, but Camacho distracted again and Hunico rolled through a countered back superplex, holding the tights.
– Alicia Fox and Kaitlyn d. Beth Phoenix and Natalya (Kaitlyn pinned Beth) in 4:52. So, are Beth and Natalya alligned again? I have no idea. Alicia and Kaitlyn fared pretty well for a while. Kaitlyn’s knee was targetted, but she caught Beth with a surprise cradle, the Beth and Natalya kryptonite
– Jinder Mahal d. Alex Riley by submission in 9:16. Riley’s popularity still preseveres, despite it all. Including losing to Jinder Mahal via stereotypical 80s camel clutch after putting up a decent fight.
SMACKDOWN (or, ZACKDOWN)
– Ryder, having won the GM role last week, came out and did a little speech before Del Rio interrupted. He called Zack a clown and claimed he would rule Smackdown once he was champion. Zack informed him there was somebody who wanted a piece of him right now.
– Alberto Del Rio d. Sin Cara by submission in 6:46. Of course Del Rio attacked Sin Cara on Raw two weeks before this, setting this up. Sin Cara had a bit of a better time of it here. He hit a dive on Del Rio as the match started fairly even. Del Rio went after the arm, before Sin Cara made a comeback. But he missed a swanton and Del Rio locked him in the cross armbreaker.
– Teddy told Zack he was doing a great job. Bit soon to be judging, but okay. Big Show disagreed and said he should be the GM. He threatened to knock Zack out but Great Khali stopped him and Zack announced they’d be in a match later. Khali then fistpumped.
– Primo d. Darren Young in 4:08. All Primo, until he got caught up outside with Titus. Young took over, with AW playing cheerleader. In the end Primo went for the Backstabber and Young grabbed the ropes, but Primo surprised Young with a cradle to snatch the win.
– Zack talked to Sheamus about not fighting Del Rio tonight. Jericho showed up and Sheamus challenged him to a match. Jericho said he was just there as an observer, but Zack made the match.
– Cody Rhodes and Dolph Ziggler d. Christian and Santino Marella (Ziggler pinned Santino) in 5:36. Cody and Ziggler isolated Christian. Santino then made a brief Santino comeback before Cody took him out from behind. And while Christian and Cody fought to the floor, Ziggler finished Santino off with the Zig Zag.
– Big Show d. Great Khali in 0:45. Mercifully short. They exchanged some chops, before Big Show hit the KO punch.
– Ryback d. Tyler Reks in 1:51. Before the match, Reks claimed he’d do what Hawkins couldn’t do last week and beat Ryback. He was wrong. Reks held Ryback off longer than anyone else has, but Ryback won all the same.
– Damien Sandow d. Justin Gabriel in 1:31. Sandow won quickly with his cross arm neckbreaker. And celebrated with a cartwheel. Because he’s great.
– Sheamus d. Chris Jericho in 11:54. Jericho slapped Sheamus almost immediately and earned a beating as a result, sending him to the floor to try and escape. Jericho was sent flying into and over the announce table as Sheamus dominated early. But Jericho returned the favour as he took over. Sheamus rallied for a bit, countering the Codebreaker. Momentum swung both ways, as Sheamus missed the Brogue Kick and Jericho got a near fall with the Lionsault. Sheamus was able to escape the Walls Of Jericho, twice. And he hit White Noise for two. Jericho avoided the Brogue Kick and hit the Codebreaker, but Sheamus kicked out. He then went for a top rope move, but Jericho countered with a Codebreaker in mid air, for another close fall. Jericho then ran into a Brogue Kick to earn Sheamus the victory. Strong main event.
– Afterwards, as Sheamus was celebrating, Del Rio’s music hit. Ricardo drove out and Del Rio attacked from behind, putting the cross armbreaker on Sheamus against the edge of the stage.