This Week In WWE TV – March 11-17, 2013

This week: Raw is dedicated to Paul Bearer as CM Punk plays with fire and steals the urn one last time. Considering how all the other times turned out, I don’t like his chances. Plus, Wrestlemania starts to take more shape, The Bellas make a long awaited (by me at least) return and still no debut for Fandango.

RAW

– The show started with a Paul Bearer tribute video. Undertaker came to the ring, where there was an urn set up and struck his trademark pose towards the screen. Punk interrupted this though and goaded Undertaker over beating him at Wrestlemania and ending the streak. Kane showed up during commercial and tried to chokeslam Punk off the stage, but Punk escaped.

– Kane looked for Punk backstage and attacked Alex Riley when he couldn’t find him.

– Big Show d. Seth Rollins by DQ in 0:39. Big Show tried to take Reigns and Ambrose out as well before The Shield all attacked for the DQ. A spear from Reigns took him down and they gave Show the triple powerbomb.

– Punk complained to Vickie and Brad about Kane. Vickie wasn’t impressed and put him in a no disqualification match with Kane.

– Dolph Ziggler d. Daniel Bryan in 8:22. After an even start Big E prevented Bryan from hitting a dive, helping Ziggler to take control briefly. Bryan fought back but Ziggler turned on top to counter a back superplex. As Bryan went for the NO Lock AJ got on the apron, allowing Big E to put Dolph’s foot on the rope. Bryan got Ziggler again, but Ziggler managed to escape and win with the Zig Zag. Big E gave Bryan the Big Ending after the match as well.

– Fandango was supposed to face Tensai, but wasn’t happy with Tensai mispronouncing his name. He called him a disgrace to the world of dance. Fandango asked Naomi to say his name, claiming she was the only one of them with any rhythm or talent. Tensai wouldn’t let her so Fandango said he wouldn’t be wrestling.

– The New Age Outlaws and Team Rhodes Scholars went to a no contest when Brock Lesnar interfered. Before the match Sandow and Cody did their own version of The New Age Outlaws’s intro. It was magnificent. The match itself didn’t last long before Lesnar showed up and gave the Outlaws F5s. Heyman said Lesnar doesn’t play games, he hurts people. He accepted HHH’s challenge on Lesnar’s behalf, but only if they could name the stipulations, after HHH had signed the contract.

– Mark Henry d. Kofi Kingston in 2:26. Henry ran himself into the ring post, giving Kofi a little hope. It didn’t last long, Henry turning a crossbody into the World’s Strongest Slam.

– Cody had another awkward conversation with Kaitlyn, which was interrupted by Sandow. He said he’d lined up a more suitable Diva for him and it turned out to be the return of The Bellas. Vickie showed up and told Rhodes Scholars they’d face Orton and Sheamus tonight since their last match got interrupted.

– Ryback d. Heath Slater in 1:07. Henry came out to watch, as Ryback won in a squash with Shell Shocked. Afterwards Drew tried to attack so Ryback Shell Shocked him as well. Henry then came down and they took turns giving Drew their finisher

– Alberto Del Rio d. Antonio Cesaro in 4:39. Del Rio did an inset promo, saying he was born in Mexico but made in America. Cesaro tripped Alberto on the turnbuckle to take control. Del Rio fought back and after Cesaro almost won with an uppercut counter in mid air, Alberto caught him in the cross armbreaker.

– Josh tried to interview Kane. He produced an urn but didn’t say anything.

– Sheamus and Randy Orton d. Team Rhodes Scholars (Sheamus pinned Sandow) in 8:05. Sandow pulled the rope down on Sheamus to cut him off. Orton made a big comeback but was sent into the post by Cody. Orton was then worked over before he hit a superplex and Sheamus ran wild. In the end Orton took out Cody with an RKO, allowing Sheamus to hit the Brogue Kick on Sandow. During commercial, they were attacked as they left by The Shield.

– Jericho hosted the Highlight Reel with Miz and Barrett. Jericho’s set didn’t make it for some reason. Wade and Miz bickered over their films and their acting ability. Jericho and Barrett got into a stare down and Jericho reminded him he was a nine time IC Champion. Brad Maddox came out and put Jericho against Miz for the number one contendership.

– The Miz and Chris Jericho went to a no contest when Wade Barrett interfered. Wade did commentary. Jericho got Miz in the Walls but Miz made it to the ropes. As they fought outside Miz was sent into Barrett, who attacked both guys. A Codebreaker and a Skull Crushing Finale left Barrett laying though.

– Another Del Rio and Ricardo parody of Swagger and Colter aired.

– Jack Swagger d. Sin Cara by submission in 1:49. Colter insulted Sin Cara before the match. For a long time. Sin Cara looked strong and took Swagger out with a big dive, but Swagger eventually recovered and won with the Patriot Lock. When he wouldn’t let go Del Rio made the save and got Swagger in the cross armbreaker, but Zeb pulled Swagger from the ring.

– There was a wacky pretaped segment with Halle Berry, Otunga and Kane. Turns out Kane’s a big Halle Berry fan.

– No Disqualification Match: Kane d. CM Punk in 8:58. Punk took Kane out with a dive before the match even started. Momentum swung throughout the match. Punk gave Kane a DDT on a chair for a two count. As he set up the GTS though, Undertaker’s gong went off. The distraction allowed Kane to hit a chokeslam for the win. Undertaker and Kane both acknowledged Paul Bearer after the match, but Punk attacked Kane with the urn. He escaped as Undertaker got in the ring, taking the urn with him.

MAIN EVENT

– Big Show d. Alberto Del Rio by count out in 4:48. Before the match Alberto showed one of his Swagger parody videos. Swagger came out early on in the match and eventually got involved, clipping Alberto’s knee and causing him to get counted out.

– The Usos d. Heath Slater and Drew McIntyre of 3MB (Jey pinned Drew) in 4:07. Drew had his ribs taped from Monday. He took the pin after a superfly splash from Jey.

– Wade Barrett d. Justin Gabriel in 3:15. Gabriel put up a fight but Wade prevented the 450 splash, before catching Gabriel coming off the ropes with the Bull Hammer. He had a face to face with Miz afterwards.

NXT

– Kassius Ohno d. Derrick Bateman in 4:23. Ohno won a competitive match with a big boot. After the match, he put Bateman in a Regal Stretch until Regal left commentary to break it up. He struck Ohno with a punch but upset about doing it.

– Renee interviewed Bo Dallas. Bo said Bray had his attention after last week and he’d never forget what he did tonight.

– Summer Rae d. Emma in 3:53. Summer worked over Emma’s leg and ended up winning with a spinning heel kick. Paige returned and chased Summer Rae off after the match.

– Renee interviewed Adrian Neville. He issued a challenge to any of the Wyatt Family next week.

– Striker interviewed Big E about Conor O’Brien being his next challenger. Big E said his first title defence would be dominant, destructive and delicious. Yes, delicious.

– Bo Dallas d. Bray Wyatt in 6:22. Bray dominated most of the match. Bo fought back briefly, but Bray regrouped to set him up for his spinning flatliner. Bo fought it off though and caught Bray with a belly to belly to snatch the win. Afterwards Harper and Rowan attacked and Bo managed to fight them off, but Bray gave him the flatliner.

– Renee interviewed Justin Gabriel. Gabriel claimed Kruger was in the South African military and that might have messed with his head. He challenged him to a match next week.

– Ricardo and Del Rio came out. Del Rio had a Real Madrid scarf for some reason. He talked up the NXT talent before Cesaro interrupted. He said he was the greatest champion in WWE at the moment and challenged him to a champion versus champion match tonight. Dusty came out and said Cesaro had a different opponent for a champion versus champion match, which was Big E.

– Big E Langston d. Antonio Cesaro by DQ in 5:23. Cesaro was able to deadlift Big E at one point. When Big E built momentum, Graves interfered for the DQ. Big E quickly took him out but Conor O’Brien joined in and together they left him laying.

SUPERSTARS

– R-Truth d. Michael McGillicutty in 7:50. McGillicutty attacked on the bell. Truth took control for a while before being sent to the floor. But Truth fought back and hit the Little Jimmy after escaping a perfect plex for the pin.

– Zack Ryder d. JTG in 4:20. Ryder struggled for a while, before winning with the Ruff Ryder.

SMACKDOWN

– Sheamus and Randy Orton d. Team Rhodes Scholars (Orton pinned Cody) in 5:57. Sandow complained about what happened to them on Raw and Cody said they’d ruin Sheamus and Orton’s night tonight in retaliation. They got control over Sheamus after Cody hit a disaster kick off the announce table. But Orton made a comeback and Sheamus hit a Brogue Kick to Sandow, leaving Cody to suffer an RKO. After the match The Shield’s music played but they didn’t come out, instead challenging Orton and Sheamus to find a third partner for Wrestlemania.

– Big Show found Orton and Sheamus backstage and offered to be their partner. They said they’d already picked someone and Ryback appeared.

– Kaitlyn and Layla d. Tamina Snuka and Aksana (Layla pinned Aksana) in 3:49. The Funkadactyls were shown watching backstage. Kaitlyn hit a spear and Layla tagged herself in to steal the pin with a corner crossbody.

– Backstage The Funkadactyls ran into The Bellas. The Funkadactyls tried to show them some respect, but The Bellas threw it back in their faces and insulted them. They then attacked the Dactyls until officials pulled them apart.

– Dolph Ziggler d. Kane in 7:16. Ziggler won a competitive match after AJ distracted the referee, Big E took out Bryan, Kane then attacked Big E, but Kane got caught reentering the ring and lost to the Zig Zag. Big E then gave Kane the Big Ending after the match.

– Swagger and Zeb caught Jericho and Truth laughing at one of Alberto’s spoof videos backstage. Swagger said Jericho was no different from Del Rio. Jericho challenged him to a match later.

– Fandango was supposed to face Great Khali. He was appalled by Khali and Natalya’s attempts to dance and invited Khali, or “stretch” as he called him, to try and say his name properly. I’m fairly certain Khali called him “Pandango”, which unsurprisingly wasn’t good enough. Fandango tried to talk Khali through it syllabically but that didn’t work either so Fandango decided he wouldn’t compete.

– Striker tried to interview Sheamus and Orton, but The Shield attacked them, with Reigns spearing Sheamus through the set. Ryback showed up after the break but Booker told him to concentrate on his match.

– Ryback versus Mark Henry went to a no contest when The Shield interfered. The match went less than a minute before The Shield came to the ring. Ryback actually fought The Shield off at first but Henry distracted him, allowing The Shield to attack again. Once they gave Ryback the triple powerbomb and left, Henry then returned and gave Ryback three World’s Strongest Slams.

– Jack Swagger d. Chris Jericho in 9:33. Swagger grounded Jericho for a large part of the match. He got the Patriot Lock early but Jericho escaped. Things turned more back and forth towards the end, with both reversing each other’s big submissions. Crowd were really into it by the end, as Swagger won with the gutwrench powerbomb.