I’m doing the Raw and Smackdown reviews now… wanna fight about it?
-Live from Tulsa, Oklahoma
-Your hosts are Mr. Vintage and Mr. Puppies
-Money in the Bank witnessed a number of huge happenings on the Raw brand as Sheamus retained the WWE championship after some interference by Nexus, and Miz apparently took the next step towards main event status by winning Money in the Bank. Both the Hart Dynasty and Alicia Fox retained their respective championships. Now we’re on the road to Summerslam. Before I get into Raw, three things. I’m not going to time the television matches because of commercial breaks and brevity. Also, I’m not going to bother with play-by-play since everyone else does that. Instead, you get snarkiness and analysis (sometimes at the same time). Finally, I apologize for no Raw or Smackdown reports last week. It’s my responsibility to insure that all the shows get reviewed eventually despite other people perhaps feeling differently. For the time being, I’ll be handling both Raw and Smackdown. Now on to the show.
-Number One Contender’s Match (Winner gets a title shot at Summerslam)-Edge vs. Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho
Well, I guess we’re about to figure out one Summerslam main event right away. I’d also like to track Raw over the last 12 years. I bet if we were to look back, the Raws that start out with matches have been better by percentage than the ones that start out with promos. Jericho and Edge try to work together but Orton does a fairly good job isolating each man. Every attempt at the RKO is thwarted until the end. Things break down between Edge and Jericho of course because they’ve got rather large egos. Would be nice if they had kept those two feuding for a long period of time instead of going back and forth. Crowd is responding to Orton as a babyface. Good sign for WWE. Jericho and Edge rotate going to work on Orton. Pay-Per-View quality triple threat to open the show. Great way to start my era of reviewing Raw. Some great counters all over the place. Finally, Orton RKOs both men and pins Edge to become the number one contender for the WWE title.
-Winner (s)/Rating: Randy Orton/***1/2
-Hot way to start the show. Orton and Sheamus had a really disappointing match at the Royal Rumble, but with Orton as the clear babyface, I’m hoping the more defined roles can lead to something better. Orton is seemingly becoming the type of babyface WWE wants and needs.
-Edge calls for Jericho to come back into the ring. Both men say they can have Nexus come out and beat the other. Nexus responds by first beating up Edge. Then as Jericho applies the Walls of Jericho, the Nexus beats Jericho up. Nice way to put the feud between Jericho and Edge on the backburner and set up what eventually happened at the end of the show. Good promos from everyone involved (especially Barrett) and another thumbs up segment. It’s like they knew I was reviewing the show or something.
-Matthews asks a dumb question about Barrett can take out Mark Henry one-on-one. He should have gotten beaten up just for being a moron. Barrett sure can talk. Nowe we just need to see if he can work a miracle out of Mark Henry. Sheamus walks in with the Dublya Dublya E championship belt and wants a meeting with Barrett. He’s smartened up at least. No going into the Nexus office. He’s content to wait.
-John Cena Sad Promo TM. He’s not sure what to about Nexus now that even Edge and Jericho have been taken out and sees the writing on the wall. Cena wants to meet Barrett and the rest of Nexus in the ring. He teases joining the group. I doubt a single person over the age of 12 buys this. Since I’m at least that (although some would argue my maturity level), this is stupid.
-Eve Torres vs. Maryse (w/Ted Dibiase)
It’s amazing. Maryse should be used to help get Dibiase over, yet she has one thousand times the charisma and personality he does. It’s not even close. Dibiase is as boring and bland as a wrestler can possibly get. Maryse is hot but can’t wrestle a lick. Eve wants to get better and is at least trying. Typical sloppy Diva’s match that the crowd doesn’t care a bit about. Maryse gets her foot on the ropes on a pinfall, but the referee counts three anyway. Dibiase rightfully complains. Well, that was a dumb ending.
-Winner (s)/Rating: Eve Torres/1/4*
-John Morrison takes Dibiase out and hits Starship Pain. Maryse got screwed and not in the good way.
-Sheamus promo. He talks about beating Cena three times. It’s amazing how all three of those had the flukiest endings ever. Sheamus claims to have made a truce with Nexus and is ready to move on to challengers. Miz comes out with his red briefcase and talks about being able to cash his title shot in at any time. Whether it be tonight, Wrestlemania, or next July. YOU’VE GOT MAIL! General manager says Sheamus is going to wrestle Evan Bourne and Miz should stay at ringside. More good promo work from Sheamus and Miz. The effect of the briefcase was made clear, and Sheamus transitioned away from his feud with John Cena. I seriously doubt Miz actually cashes this sucker in against Sheamus or any WWE champion any time soon. I’d love to see Miz wait until Wrestlemania and cash it in there. That would be a great way to elevate Miz once and for all.
-Sheamus (WWE Champion) vs. Evan Bourne
Takes Bourne a couple minutes to come out since the match was booked on the spot. Hey, they almost treated this like it was real. Sheamus and Bourne have good chemistry together since they’ve wrestled before, and Bourne is a bumping machine. Michael Cole needs to stop using the word quote. It’s getting as annoying as his use of the word vintage, a word Cole has ruined to the point I cringe when I hear it from anyone, even out of the context of wrestling. Sheamus of course gets the win after some chicanery by the ropes and a big boot. Way to keep the Bourne push going.
-Winner (s)/Rating: Sheamus/**
-Miz nails Sheamus with the briefcase and Skullcrushing Finale onto the briefcase. He is about to cash in his title shot, but the referee refuses to ring the brawl until Sheamus is actually conscious. Fine decision there since they got to tease the briefcase being cashed in a little bit longer. R-Truth comes out. Miz goes over and grabs the briefcase. R-Truth and Miz brawl briefly. Then Miz runs like a bat out of hell since the bell never officially rang. The drive toward Miz’s WWE title win continues.
-Miz cuts an angry promo and vows to be the champion within a year. I’m very excited to see how this chase turns out. He really needs to be WWE champion at some point and hold the title a long time.
-Summerslam flashback is Steve Austin vs. The Undertaker. What an epic match. Makes me realize there isn’t a single match on this year’s upcoming card that will be as epic.
-Sheamus has ice on his head. Randy Orton comes in and taunts him. A helpful reminder that they’re the Summerslam main event in just four weeks.
-Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs. William Regal and Zack Ryder
Wonder if Regal is wondering what the hell he did to deserve this. Santino and Ryder start. Oh. My. God. I’m done with this match already. It’s basically the comedy segment of the evening, so I guess it’s a lot more tolerable than what they do with the guest hosts or Santino. Regal walks out on Ryder. Santino hits a headbutt and gets three on Ryder. Just move on quickly.
-Winner (s)/Rating: Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov/1/4*
-Wade Barrett talks with the troops before heading to the ring.
-Wade Barrett vs. Mark Henry
Not exactly the level or type of opponent I’d be putting Barrett in with. He needs to get better in the ring fast in order for Nexus to maintain credibility. Barrett is unbelievably great on the microphone, but there hasn’t been a single match where he’s shown himself to be this great worker. Barrett should be wrestling singles matches with Jericho on every house show for the next two months and then should work with guys like Edge or even Regal. Barrett nearly kills Henry with his finisher and gets the three count. I guess they wanted to establish Barrett’s power, but that looked dangerous.
-Winner (s)/Rating: Wade Barrett/*
-Barrett and Nexus call out Cena. If we all hadn’t been trained to see these swerves coming, I think this would have been one of the more effective segments of the year. Thanks Vince Russo. As it is, Cena’s interaction with Barrett merely kills time until the last minute of the show. See, Cena just wanted to test the group. Now it’s time to fight. Cena has slowly been recruiting a team of men to fight Nexus. Slowly they come out. Edge is first, and the image of standing with Cena is pretty powerful. Morrison is out in jeans. Guess he’s trying to toughen his image up. R-Truth is up next. Wonder who Miz is wrestling at Summerslam. Khali is out next. I know people are going to bitch about Evan Bourne not being involved, but if this were real I’d rather have a giant on my team than the borderline midget. I’d like to see Bourne get some sort of push, but him not being involved in this match doesn’t appall me. And if I were to vote anyone to replace him, it would actually be the last man introduced, Bret Hart. Wonder if that was supposed to be Ricky Steamboat’s spot. Chris Jericho also comes out. Guess even he’s willing to team up with the hypocrites and sycophants just one time because Nexus sucks that much. Nexus runs away. Far away. Pretty hot ending to a very good show.
Final Thoughts: Definitely one of the better Raws this year. We’ve already got two Summerslam main events, and they were both set up well. I’m very interested to see how this multi-man tag match is built up because I have a feeling there could be a turn taking place at the Pay-Per-View. Are they going to tease a turn? How are Edge and Cena going to get along. How is Jericho going to get along with anyone? How will Nexus fare in individual matches? At this point, we’ve got to hope guys like Barrett and Tarver and Slater can carry their own weight in the ring. If not, this angle will falter very quickly. Still a big thumbs up for Raw this week.
