“Rob Van Damned!!!”
I think TNA may have stooped to an all-time low with that episode title. Mr. Anderson makes his way to the ring. He has his left arm in a sling. He wastes no time in calling out Jeff Hardy. Instead, Rob Van Dam meets Anderson in the ring. RVD tells Anderson to wait in line for a title shot. Another creepy video of Jeff Hardy begins to play, with him sarcastically asking for forgiveness. Eric Bischoff interrupts and also asks for forgiveness. Bischoff books Anderson/Kazarian in an Ultimate X match later tonight. If Anderson survives, he’ll receive a title shot against Hardy at Turning Point. He also books RVD and Sabu against Beer Money.
Rob Van Dam storms into the locker room of EV 2.0, demanding to know if there’s a turncoat amongst the group. He starts choking Raven until everyone else pulls him away. RVD leaves and Sabu follows him.
Opening Match: Amazing Red vs. Robbie E.
I thought the Impact Zone crowd couldn’t get more annoying…and then they started fist pumping. Robbie connects with a lariat and stops Red’s momentum with a forearm. Red snaps off a hurricanrana and connects with an enzuigiri. Robbie blocks a flying crossbody and hits an ace crusher for the win at 1:49. It’s tough to gage Robbie in the ring after a two-minute match. However, the crowd (surprisingly) seemed rather indifferent towards him and even chanted “boring” during the post-match promo. Robbie needs time to get over his in-ring work and I do not think he will get that chance anytime soon. ½*
Robbie addresses Jay Lethal after the match. He is gunning for the X Division Title.
Video footage is shown of Mick Foley’s book signing session. During the question and answer portion, Brian Kendrick appears in the audience and asks an intelligent question. Mick doesn’t know how to respond. Afterwards, Mick signs Kendrick’s book.
Fortune is talking backstage. Beer Money talk about how Rob Van Dam and Sabu have no chance against them. Kazarian degrades Mr. Anderson. AJ Styles accepts D’Angelo Dinero’s challenge for later and agrees to put the TNA Television Title on the line. Eric Bischoff interrupts and says that the new regime is going to be fair. If Fortune gets involved in Styles’ match tonight, he will forfeit his title.
The Beautiful People are in their locker room. Miss Tessmacher walks in and wants to learn how to wrestle. That request didn’t go over well. Velvet Sky and Lacey Von Erich leave. Katie Lea suddenly appears behind Angelina Love. She is now known as Winter and appears to be a huge fan of Love. Winter disappears before Sky returns.
Match #2: TNA World Television Title: Street Fight: AJ Styles © vs. D’Angelo Dinero
They start brawling on the entrance set. The action moves down the entrance ramp. Dinero throws Styles into the ring steps and catapults him into the ringpost. Styles comes back with a low blow in the ring. He maintains control until Dinero connects with a right hand. Styles sends Dinero to the floor but misses a plancha. Back in, Dinero looks confident until Abyss attacks him from behind. Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam and Styles covers to retain his title at 5:56. Oh, I get it. Abyss isn’t in Fortune so Styles doesn’t have to forfeit the title. That’s extremely clever. One of the tamest street fights I’ve seen in quite some time. ¼*
Dinero runs into Samoa Joe backstage after the match. Dinero wants Joe to join the team in battling the new regime. Joe says that he has no one’s back.
Jeff Jarrett makes his way to the ring. He wants to publicly apologize for humiliating Kurt Angle last week in front of the whole world. The crowd chants “Karen sucks”. Okay, I like the Impact Zone crowd at points. Jarrett reveals that he’s actually sorry for not beating down Angle more severely. He’s stripped Angle of everything. Samoa Joe interrupts but Murphy and Gunner start attacking him. They handcuff Joe and Jarrett gets some shots in. Jarrett throws Joe off the side of the ramp. Mike Tenay stands up from the commentary table and starts yelling at Jarrett. Tremendous segment.
Match #3: James Storm and Robert Roode vs. Rob Van Dam and Sabu
RVD monkey flips Storm and Sabu adds a leg lariat in the corner. Roode gets the better of Sabu and Beer Money isolate him. Sabu blocks a charge and plants Storm with a tornado DDT. RVD tags in and cleans house. He lands a standing moonsault onto Roode and follows with Rolling Thunder. Roode answers with a spinebuster. RVD causes some miscommunication between Beer Money and rolls up Roode for a nearfall. Sabu accidentally throws a chair at RVD. Roode covers RVD for the victory at 5:25. Not bad for the time given and the finish was executed well. If TNA decides to keep Sabu around, I would find him much more tolerable in a tag team with RVD. *¾
RVD and Sabu argue after the match. The rest of EV 2.0 come out to separate them. I would love to compare this situation to The Hills but I’ll refrain.
Match #4: Mickie James vs. Sarita
Mickie frustrates Sarita early on and connects with a dropkick. Sarita misses a flying crossbody and Mickie sends her to the floor with another dropkick. Mickie snaps off a headscissors on the outside but Sarita sends her into the steel steps. In the ring, Sarita controls until Mickie comes back with another headscissors. Mickie comes off the top with a thesz press and connects with her knockout kick for the win at 4:19. I would love to see what these two could do with more time and that is not sarcasm. *½
Tara attacks Mickie after the match and lays her out with the Widow’s Peak.
Mr. Anderson is walking backstage. Fortune attack him and physically carry him to the top of the entrance ramp. Kazarian makes his entrance and tells the referee to ring the bell…
Match #5: Ultimate X: Kazarian vs. Mr. Anderson
Kazarian nonchalantly climbs the cables but Anderson is able to stop him. Anderson looks for plunder under the ring but Kazarian catches him with a baseball slide. After a commercial, Anderson yanks Kazarian off the cables. Anderson tries to climb but fails with only one arm. Kazarian hits a slingshot leg drop and springboards onto the cables. Anderson yanks him down and hits the Mic Check. He brings a ladder into the ring and starts climbing it. Fortune run out to stop him. Matt Morgan lays out Anderson with a powerbomb. Kazarian gets onto Morgan’s shoulders and grabs the X for the victory at 7:36. Let me sort out all of the facts. Anderson’s arm is in a sling, he was attacked before the match, and he has no previous Ultimate X experience. Yet Kazarian still needs help to win? Also, making a ladder legal in Ultimate X is degrading the stipulation even further. This company is frustrating. *
Anderson finds a steel pipe and hits Morgan with it. Fortune abandons the ring. Jeff Hardy appears behind Anderson and hits him with a chair. Anderson is busted open. Hardy puts Anderson’s arm in between a ladder and slams a chair onto it. Hardy stands tall.
Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair are shown leaving the building together. They enter a limousine. Kurt Angle throws the driver out and starts breaking windows. Security stops Angle from causing any further damage. Bischoff and Flair are not happy.
Overall: Same story as last week. The wrestling quality is abysmal because not only are the matches still too short, but now there are more screwy finishes. Barring the successful segment between Jarrett and Joe, there is nothing to see here. I would also like to note that this episode garnered a 1.16 rating, down from last week’s 1.4. So ratings are back down but episode quality is even worse. I cross the line so you don’t have to.
