Chikara DVD Review: Reality is Relative

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~ Amasis & Ophidian are talking backstage about their upcoming tag match when Wink Vavasseur appears. He says it’s going to be a six-man tag tonight instead, and they’ll be tagging with Jonathan Gresham. Ophidian points out that he’s not even Egyptian. Let’s hope this turns out better than Wink’s previous pairings…
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1. Chikara vs. BDK #1: The Osirian Portal & Jonathan Gresham vs. BDK (Sanchez/Dorado/Delirious) – ***1/4
Match starts immediately as Tim Donst is on commentary with Gavin Loudspeaker. The three men brawl around the ring and Gresham shows some impressive early offense on Lince Dorado. He’s clearly been to a Quackenbush seminar or two. Ophidian levels Delirious with a dropkick. Pinkie Sanchez sneezes his way out of an Amasis armlock and tags in Dorado. Those two only needed one more point to earn a title shot, so the match becoming a trios tag screws them out of that opportunity. The Bruderschaft beat down Amasis for quite a while until he drops Lince with a back elbow and tags in Gresham, who hits a nice double leg screw on Dorado & Sanchez. Delirious eats a stunner, an enzuigiri and a standing shooting star press! 1…2…Dorado breaks it up. Ophidian & Gresham double team Delirious for another two. Lince hits a standing Spanish Fly for two of his own. Ophidian ducks several strikes and catches Lice with a Déjà Vu Death Grip! The BDK are quick to break it up and they pummel Ophidian. Pinkie hits a springboard seated senton and covers. 1…2…Ophidian kicks out. Pinkie with a sliding knee to Gresham, Ophidian with a double Knee drop to Sanchez, Delirious with a stiff lariat to Ophidian, Amasis with a big spinebuster to Delirious, Lince catches Amasis with a flipping DDT and Gresham plants Dorado with a satellite DDT. The fans chant “Chikara!” as Pinkie and Jonathan trade big elbows. Gresham hits a hip toss knee strike ala Daisuke Harada but Dorado catches him with a Lionsault. Dorado goes for a handspring move but Amasis plants him with a facebuster and drops Delirious with a hard elbow. Gresham and Ophidian hit twin kicks on Pinkie and they set Amasis up for the 450 Splash! He connects! 1…2…3! The Osirian Portal and Jonathan Gresham are unlikely winners against a string Bruderschaft triumvirate. This was an extremely solid match and my first real exposure to Gresham in the ring with guys who know what they’re doing. He looked really strong, if a little uninspired. Still, he got the fans behind him big-time and that’s all that really matters.
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~ Afterwards, Pinkie Sanchez mentions he’s sick. He thinks he’s in Easton. Eddie Kingston runs down and Backfists the hell outta him. Dorado & Delirious return to hold King down as the mighty Tursas crashes on top of him with a second-rope splash. Director of Fun Dieter VonSteigerwalt says that their match will start NOW!
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2. Chikara vs. BDK #2: Eddie Kingston vs. Tursas – *3/4
Tursas is still undefeated in singles matches and has only been downed by Kingston at this year’s Cibernetico match, where he took a Sliding D and was pinned for the first time. Tursas beats on a wounded Eddie, who eats a big corner splash. Tursas covers with one foot for two as the giant man continues to drop elbows. Kingston fires back with machine gun chops in the corner followed by a Yakuza Kick. He calls for the lariat but Tursas blocks and hits a release German Suplex…but Kingston is back to his feet! He tries for the lariat again but Tursas catches him, plants him on the canvas and heads north. Tursas argues with Papa G, allowing Eddie to head north. Frankensteiner on Tursas! SLIDING D! 1…2…NO! Tursas gets the shoulder up! Eddie goes for a corner Yakuza again but Tursas catches the boot and drops him with perhaps the weakest Tornado Bomb I’ve ever seen. Eddie kicks out of a pinfall at two, thankfully. Tursas goes for a standard powerbomb, but fails. Backfist to the Future! And another! BACKDROP DRIVER ON TURSAS! MOTHER OF GOD! 1…2…3! Kingston is victorious over Tursas for a second time. He’s still the only guy who has pinned him. This was Tursas’s longest match to date, and it’s pretty evident why. The character is great but in-ring he still has a long way to go. Eddie dragged him to a watchable contest and the hot crowd didn’t hurt either. But the clear icing on this cake- er, at five minutes long, perhaps it’s a cupcake- was Bryce on commentary. He went nuts for just about every crazy thing Eddie did. More fun than I would’ve expected.
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~ Tim Donst starts a solid promo on his opponent for the night when he’s interrupted by Derek Sabato. He’s worried that Donst won’t be able to get the job done. Big Tim isn’t worried. Now, if he was battling diabetes…different story…
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3. Chikara vs. BDK #3: Tim Donst vs. Jimmy Olsen – **1/4
Donst has been touting himself as the greatest YLC holder ever, pinning seven former YLC champions just this year. He is looking for number eight against the former Equinox. Sabato is, unfortunately, the referee of this contest. Too bad for Jimmy Jam. The two trade mat reversals and Sabato helps Tim take control. Jimmy backdrops him and looks for the KO Punch but Sabato blocks, allowing Donst to drill him with a spear and cover for a very fast two count. Donst covers again and demands faster counting. Tim goes for the nips and rams him to the apron with a knee. STO backbreaker on the outside to Olsen! Back in, Donst and Sabato continue their adorable cheating routine. Jimmy fights back with a rope guillotine and a beautiful missile dropkick. 1………2………Donst kicks out of a very slow count. Tim dodges a corner attack, nailing the Donst Cap and a bridging German Suplex. 1-2-Olsen manages to kick out. Donst hits a run behind bulldog and poses. Olsen ducks an attack and goes for the knockout again, but once again Sabato blocks. Jimmy finally flings him away and drills Donst with the Knockout Punch! 1………2…Donst kicks out as Sabato had to speed up the count to normal. Wink Vavasseur is once again at ringside, so no more shenanigans from Sabato now. Olsen hits the spike baby huracanrana and locks on the Chikara Special! Donst is desperate and he grabs Sabato, pulling him into Jimmy to break the hold! Donst locks on the Inverted Chikara Special! Olsen cannot move and he is finally forced to tap out. Donst submits Olsen for yet another pinfall over a former Young Lions Cup holder. This was okay, if a tad boring. It wasn’t much longer than the previous contest, but it was enjoyable for its length. The Sabato shtick is still really funny to me. I may be in the minority. Everything else was just sorta there.
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4. Grudge Rematch: Hallowicked vs. UltraMantis Black – **
At the previous show, Black revealed his druids to be Obariyon & Kodama. However, they were beckoned away by a mysterious cloaked man and UltraMantis lost to archenemy Ares. In a Chikara Blog post, Mantis suspected that it might be his Season Finale opponent and former bestest buddy. Before the match begins, UltraMantis audibly demands answers from Hallowicked and attacks him. Mantis gets a nice couple of lucha armdrags in and follows Wicked outside where he crashes onto him with an apron flip senton! Mantis beats on Wicked around the ring and makes his way back in. Mantis eats a boot and a top rope sunset flip for two. A weak Yakuza Kick to Mantis and Hallowicked jaws with his former friend. Wicked continues the beating, drawing some heat from fans who are way behind Black. The two trade shots on the canvas as Wicked becomes increasingly frustrated. Hallowicked is still jawing with fans, too. He hits a Rydeen Bomb out of nowhere and doesn’t cover, choosing instead to pose, scream and head to the top. Mantis meets him there and drops Wicked with a second-rope butterfly suplex. UltraMantis does the house of fire thing, getting a few nice cradles for two. He catches Hallowicked’s kick, butterfly’s the arms and drops him with…the sitout facebuster version of the Praying Mantis Bomb. 1…2…Wicked kicks out. Fans thought it would finally be the butterfly piledriver again, as did I. Weird. Mantis looks for a cutthroat pumphandle suplex but Hallowicked blocks. He hits the step up rana, the corner face kick and goes for the Graveyard Smash, but UltraMantis gets a small package! 1…2…Hallowicked reverses! 1…2…3! Wicked wins a pretty bizarre match. Hallowicked was kind of working heel, which he did aptly, but as usual he showed lots of air in his offense. There was little to no structure here aka the Rydeen Bomb out of frickin’ nowhere, lots of strange, moderately-intense brawling and the finish fell flat. You could hear people in the audience asking who won. Bleh.
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~ UltraMantis Black gets on the microphone afterwards and asks for a truce between he and Hallowicked. Before he gets an answer, he is interrupted by the cloaked man from The Germans, who is flanked by Obariyon, Kodama and a third creature. The man says he trained this Dark Army for UltraMantis, but until he’s paid, the Army belongs to him. Mantis asks what he wants. He wants the Eye of Tyr! Mantis laughs and says that he no longer has it, as Chikara fans found out at the beginning of this season when the BDK stole it back. He speaks with carnie slang, ordering his men to attack! It’s Sinn Bodhi aka Kizarny from his brief period in the WWE! Mantis eats a spear from the third, unnamed masked man as Wicked walks away. Frightmare comes out and begs Hallowicked to save Black…and they do! Yakuza to Kodama! Lariat to Obariyon! The Dark Army and Bodhi exit as Incoherence helps Mantis to his feet. Well that certainly made up for a lame match!
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5. Chikara vs. BDK #4: Fire Ant & Soldier Ant vs. Sara Del Rey & Daizee Haze – *1/2
This is the two-on-two tag match for The Colony in almost half a year. Fire Ant starts against Del Rey and Haze sneaks up on Soldier Ant, leveling him on the apron. The distraction allows Del Rey to piledrive Fire Ant but he rolls outside before she can cover! Soldier back inside and Death Haze goes for their piledriver / German Suplex combo but Soldier fights it off. The BDK ladies beat him down in the corner while Fire Ant tries to recover. After a long beating, Soldier Ant elbows Del Rey off the apron, ducks a Haze clothesline and hits a suicide dive on Sara. Fire Ant comes flying in with a crossbody hits Del Rey with a huge flip dive to down Del Rey once again. He goes to the top and hits Haze with Heat of the Moment. It looks like Haze’s nose is gushing blood, probably from the crossbody earlier. Soldier Ant drops her with the TKO. Soldier Ant covers for the three but Papagiorgio calls it two. Crowd is confused and terrible silent right now. Soldier awkwardly locks on the Chikara Special and Daizee taps out. Yikes. The Colony has two points and Daizee probably has broken nose. That’s really unfortunate for pretty much everyone involved. Match had a very entertaining start and it’s a shame that they didn’t get to go into their finishing stretch much, as the crowd was really into this. I’m not gonna say this is anyone’s fault, but Fire Ant has looked really off since returning from injury. That broken nose just sucks and I feel bad for everyone. Match could’ve been immense. Tough call on the rating. It’s mine and I’ll make it.
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~ Sugar Dunkerton talks for a bit until partner Dasher Hatfield cuts him off, saying he doesn’t have the patience to wait backstage any longer. He wants a piece of the trucker and the lumberjack. Short and sweet.
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6. Old-School Brawl: Dasher Hatfield & Sugar Dunkerton vs. Brodie Lee & Grizzly Redwood – ***1/4
This feud started as The Roughnecks decided to reunite at the expense of Dasher Hatfield, who received a nasty boot at the hands of the secret weapon of the Blood WARRIORS, Brodie Lee. The Roughnecks have new music. It’s not good. The Throwbacks have new music, too. It’s okay, but still a step down from “Glory Days”. They brawl before the bell and Bryce gets control…cuz he’s the Man. The Throwbacks drop Grizz with a huge flapjack…hee hee…and Dasher goes to work on Redwood. Brodie tries to run in but Bryce once again asserts himself. Dasher goes for an inside the park dropkick but Brodie levels him with a clothesline and tags in. He eats a slap from Hatfield along with a softball uppercut and punches in the corner but Grizzly shoves him down and lee tosses him with a Cracker Jack suplex. The Roughnecks single out Dasher for a whuppin’. Dasher hits a Northern Lights but he can’t tag in Dunkerton. Dasher elbows Brodie on the apron, hits Grizz with a crossbody and tags in Sugar! He dropkicks Brodie outside and hits Grizzly with a uranage knee strike, screaming “Barack Obama!” for some reason. Maybe that was the Barack Bottom. 1…2…Grizzly kicks out. Dasher rolls in and they hit an assisted Complete Shot! 1…2…Grizzly kicks out again. Sugar sets Grizzly up for a Grand Slam from Dasher but Brodie plants him with the truck stop! Superkick to Dasher followed by a huracanrana from Redwood! Half nelson suplex on Hatfield! 1…Dasher’s in the ropes! Stunner from Grizzly and a hard lariat from Brodie! 1…2…Sugar breaks up the count and gets tossed. HUGE corner boot to Dasher and he’s placed up top. POWERBOMB ON DASHER! Grizzly tells Brodie to go take care of Sugar. He turns back around and Dasher catches him with a weak cradle. 1…2…3! The Throwbacks are victorious but the fight doesn’t end. Brodie continues to fight and Grizzly attacks them from behind. Brodie kills Sugar with a boot and Grizzly searches for something. You can hear Bryce find it and ask what Grizzly want with it, infuriating the crowd. It’s Dasher’s bat! Grizzly assaults both men with it and leaves with the lumber. Way to go, Remsburg. Anyway, the Roughnecks prove once again just how awesome they are in a match that put this show back on track. The Throwbacks just keep getting better and better as a team, and Sugar Dunkerton is a guy to watch this year. He’s great on the stick and becoming quite the innovator in the ring.
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~ Jimmy & Colin Olsen show up backstage and Colin banishes Jimmy. He then quotes Eddie Kingston accidentally due to the copious amount of Chikara DVDs he’s been watching lately. Awesome.
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7. An UnStable Collision: Colin Delaney Olsen vs. Vin Gerard – **3/4
This is a grudge match, so it starts with lucha-infused brawling. Vin ends up outside where Colin follows with a suicide dive. Back inside, Colin bites Vin’s forehead and Gerard bails. Once again, Colin suicide dives out on top of him. The brawl on the outside and Gerard backdrops him on the hard floor! He tries to drag himself back inside but Gerard attacks him outside once again. Inside, Gerard continues to work over Colin’s midsection. Gerard applies a surfboard and tosses Colin into the ropes. Colin tries to corner Vin but he is still too hurt. The crowd chants for Gerard to take a bath. He gets distracted, allowing Colin to hit a knee strike to the face after he rebounds off the second turnbuckle! Colin fires elbows in the corner but Vin sends him hard into the turnbuckles. 1…2…Colin kicks out. Gerard can’t apply the STF so he pulls Colin up and plants him with the 2K1 Bomb. 1…2…Delaney kicks out. Didn’t that use to finish people? Vin catches Colin boot, hits a leg mare and applies the STF! Colin gets to the ropes and Gerard drags him to the center to reapply it. Colin continues to fight out, finally hitting a strange spike rana from his back. 1…2…3! Colin defeats Vin in an okay match. I feel like this match deserved and needed another few minutes, as the back stuff never paid off and the finish was weak. If you’re counting at home, that’s five straight crappy finishes.
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~ Claudio Castagnoli is barking at his Bruderschaft soldiers, screaming that he is disappointed and that he doesn’t even want to look at them. Some fans would agree with him in reference to the whole BDK storyline. I ain’t one of’em.
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~ Dieter VonSteigerwalt comes out with Derek Sabato, but Wink Vavasseur then comes out with Bryce Remsburg! The crowd chants that they want Bryce to be the official. Wink determines that Sabato isn’t fit to referee this and that Bryce will be the referee! Yay! Tag champions Claudio Castagnoli & Ares emerge with Delirious, huddling with Dieter to formulate a new plan. They head to the ring as “Lightning” Mike Quackenbush and Jigsaw come out to a standing ovation…and Eddie Kingston is with them! Delirious tries to attack but Kingston grabs and carries him to the back! Delirious & Sabato look to be nonfactors here!
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8. Campeonatos de Parejas: Claudio Castagnoli & Ares© vs. Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw – ***3/4
Quack & Jigsaw send the BDK outside early and hit stereo suicide dives! Jigsaw hits Claudio with a missile dropkick but eats a hard lariat. Quack spins him around with a springboard huracanrana and lands on Ares with a flip dive into the audience! Back inside, Quack palm strikes Claudio out and Ares eats a Jigsaw brainbuster! 1…2…Castagnoli breaks it up. Jigsaw eats a boot on the apron from Claudio. Quack & Castagnoli trade reversals and Quack slaps on the Alligator Clutch! 1…2…3! QUACK & JIG GET THE FIRST FALL! The tecnico locker room comes out to support QuackenSaw as Quack eats a punch to the gut. Claudio & Ares continue the beating on Quack for quite some time, targeting his broken ribs and off-injured back. Mike tries to fight back but he takes an Alpamare Waterslide! 1…2…Quack kicks out. He and Ares bump heads, sending Quack outside and allowing Jigsaw to enter. He enzuigiris Claudio and hits Ares with a Michinoku Driver and a top rope double stomp. Castagnoli kills him from behind with a European uppercut. Claudio then boots Bryce in the back of the head, gives him a back suplex and calls for Sabato return. That…could’ve been done better. Claudio gingerly places a nearly unconscious Quack in the Inverted Chikara Special and Sabato forces his hand to tap out. Ugh. It’s all tied up at one fall a piece as the BDK changes focus to Jigsaw for some reason. They duo a sloppy sequence of counters that ends with Jigsaw hurling Claudio into Ares. He then hits a nice flip dive on them both and rolls Claudio back inside. Jig dodges a kick and gets an O’Connor Roll. 1……2……Claudio kicks out of a relatively slow count. Bridging German Suplex to Ares! 1……2……Ares gets the shoulder up and drops Jigsaw with his awesome Blue Thunder Bomb. 1-2-Jigsaw kicks out. They double team Jigsaw and cover for another fast two count. Jigsaw fights back but he eats Swiss Death! 1-2-NO! Jig kicks out again! Claudio looks for the Ricola Bomb but Jigsaw turns it into a Yoshi Tonic! 1………2………Claudio kicks out! Jigsaw drills the BDK Leaders with kicks and trades stiff elbows with Castagnoli. Chokeslam to Jigsaw followed by a senton bomb from Ares! 1-2-Jig barely kicks out. Claudio looks for UFO but Jigsaw DDTs him. Ares clotheslines him outside and drags a lifeless Quack to the center. Why the hell didn’t they just target him again? I can infer a reason, but I shouldn’t have to. Ares looks for the Toblerone Driver but Quack gets a small package for a slow two. QUACKENDRIVER 3! 1………2………Ares kicks out! Quack drags Ares to the top and plants him with an Avalanche Butterfly Suplex but Sabato & Claudio help remove Ares, leaving Castagnoli and Quack alone. Quack fires some stiff, sloppy elbows and catches a Claudio boot. SITOUT POWERBOMB! 1……2……Claudio kicks out and Quack turns it into the Chikara Special! He’s too hurt to keep it locked though and Claudio fights out. Castagnoli counters a Dragonrana into a powerbomb! And another! SKY HIGH RICOLA BOMB! Quack is dead. 1…2…Bryce pulls out Sabato! HE DECKS HIM! THE CROWD GOES BANANA~! He is screaming at Claudio who turns around into a superkick from Jigsaw! And a second! Superkick to Ares! JIG N’ TONIC! 1…2…3! NEW CHAMPIONS! Quack & Jigsaw are victorious over the BDK and we FINALLY have new Campeones de Parejas! QuackenSaw are presented with the belts as Jakob attempts to slide in. GAVIN GIVES HIM A STUNNER! Quack’s face is priceless. Awesome moment there. Jakob being laid out, QuackenSaw as champs and the tecnico locker room applauding serves for fitting final imagery to Season 9 of CHIKARA. That match itself…is a bit of a mixed bag. You get an incredibly emotional climax but one that felt like it should have lasted longer. You get a big, nasty beating on Quack but it doesn’t lead to much and was itself a gaping hole of logic. Claudio obliterates Bryce but it was done without subtlety. Claudio looked neither panicked nor desperate enough to do something like that. Everyone was a little sloppy and parts of it felt like a missed opportunity, but it was still a helluva ride.
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Overall – 6.25 / 10

This season, while lighter on top-shelf contests and Match of the Year candidates than in years past, has been big on drama. For anyone who says that Chikara has lost fans because of it, I would simply point to their huge successes in both Philadelphia, where they had their biggest crowd ever, and New York, where turnout was so nuts that they had to turn people away. This show was not exactly the way I’d have like to have seen them go out, as the company has been outstanding this year in paying attention to its undercard. Here, outside of the electric opener, it was severely lacking. However, the opener, Roughnecks/Throwbacks and the epic main event were all well-worth a watch. I can easily recommend this to Chikara fans but it I’m not sure the diehards would be into this as much. Still, even without the context of an entire season’s worth of build, the main event is very strong.
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The All-Important M’s

Match: The match for the Campeonatos de Parejas, of course. Huh? I’m talking about the championship match. QuackenSaw vs. AreStagnoli. THE MAIN EVENT. Geez, you forget stuff easily and/or you’re illiterate. In the latter case: thank you for trying! Er, hmm…you can’t read this sooooo…I got nothing.
Move: The Jig N’ Tonic to end all Jig N’ Tonics. He never really teased it during the match, so it came out of nowhere. I would have liked to have seen the ending stretched a bit, it was still a crazy coffin nail to put on the match. Crowd went nuts, too, as I said. Bryce slapping Sabato isn’t technically a move so I couldn’t put it here. If only there was somewhere I could…oh yeah.
Moment: What did Bryce’s five fingers says to Sabato’s face? SSSSLLLLAAAAPPPP.
MVP: This is sort of a year-long MVP for Chikara. Jerome called him the heart and soul of Chikara and, while I chose someone else for best non-wrestling personality in wrestling this year, I believe I’ll take this opportunity to retcon Bryce Remsburg in as my co-winner. On this show alone, he went nuts calling a Backdrop Suplex on Tursas, took a towering bump from Claudio, had one of the biggest most shocking moments of the year (See: All-Important Moment) and emphatically counted three to end the year. He’s Bryce and he’s the man.
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Please leave any comments or questions you might have and I’ll do my best to respond with as much ravenous Portuguese dirty talk as I can conjure. I’d like to do a contest or something cool like that, but I’m not sure how much interest there’d be. Let you voice be heard! Also, let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see in the column, like fantasy booking, treasure hunts, wish-lists, secret handshakes, etc.

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