This week: WWE is losing it’s Edge, an old family/friend (delete as applicable) attempts to replace him, the Truth’s resurgence seems stranger than fiction and Yoshi finds love, whilst everyone else just falls out.
RAW
– Michael Cole got an introduction to kick things off, announced as an “award winning broadcast journalist” and the only undefeated superstar in the WWE. Lawler threatened to go after him, but Cole scooted into the Cole Mine to escape.
– John Cena got his usual mixed reaction as he came out. Cena, as usual, was cool with this. After reminding us about Cena versus Rock at Mania 28, Cena vowed that it would be for the WWE Title, which meant he, as the guy who fights ever week, would have to capture the title. But Cena’s challenge was interrupted by Randy Orton. Who, incidentally, got a bigger reaction than Cena. Orton told Cena his business with Miz was settled since he lost at Wrestlemania, where-as Orton won. This brought out John Morrison to join the interruption-fest. He implied that he’d seen this show before. I know the feeling. Morrison threw his name into the hat, only for Vickie Guerrero to interject, with Dolph Ziggler. Vickie reminded Morrison that she pinned him a couple of weeks ago, so the person who should be in line for a title shot… WAS HER! Or, failing that, Dolph. Dolph claimed he was the most talented star in the ring and since he’d never challenged Miz before, the line started with him. Wouldn’t you know it, he was then interrupted. By R-Truth of all people. Truth said he’d never had a one on one World Title match against anyone and that’s what’s up. Apparently, this was his sole rationale for deserving a shot. It was a pretty poor one. Made better by Dolph’s “there’s a reason for that” reaction. So, of course, the anonymous GM interrupted, because, hey, everyone else was doing it. And he booked a 5 man gauntlet match to determine the #1 contender. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like I’ve seen this parade of interruptions segment a hundred times in recent years.
– We got a vignette for Awesome Kong, where she, obscured by the light, flicked the head off of a barbie doll and cackled.
– WWE Divas Championship: Brie Bella w/Nikki d. Eve Torres (c) in 2:14 to win the title. Before the match Eve convinced the referee to draw an ‘X’ on Brie’s hand with a marker, so they could be told apart. Match was about what you’d expect, although the Bellas are much improved as MEAN twins. The Bellas tried to pull Twin Magic, but Eve hit a dropkick and showed the referee the hand. Nikki was so distraught at being caught and thrown out she shouted, and I quote, “WHATEVER!” Eve then immediately missed a clothesline and took an X-Factor for the pin anyway. Curious ending.
– Curiouser still, after the break, Gail tried to console with Eve and Eve blew both her and Natalya off, claiming none of the Divas cared about each other and saying “all you Divas are the same”. Gail and Natalya agreed that they weren’t like that, but then got the evil eye from Tamina for some reason. So, all the women secretly hate each other now. I guess that’s what you get for being mad at Trish.
– Sin Cara d. Primo in 4:31. The crowd are already chanting for Sin Cara. A good sign. Cara busted out a backflip off of Primo’s chest and a hurricanrana from the ring to the floor early. Primo got the heat for a while. They exchanged some surprisingly stiff chops and we got our first sighting of Sin Cara’s hurricanrana where he lands on his feet. Poor Primo was getting tangled up in the ropes a lot here. Then came the finish. Cara hit a kick on Primo up top and went for a one man spanish fly. Primo slipped, instinctively grabbed Cara, who ended up falling to the floor. Oh dear. Luckily, it didn’t look too bad. Cara got right back in, hit the kick again, connected with the one man spanish fly and scored the pin. So, once again, Sin Cara averts crisis. Slip-up aside (and really, it wasn’t either guy’s fault), this was a pretty good showcase for Sin Cara.
– The Corre, who by the way are a group of equals, had a falling out in the ring. Barrett claimed he used to see them as a group of equals (used to? Oh no!) but blamed them for screwing up the attack on Rock and Cena. Gabriel, Slater and Zeke all snatched the microphone to say their piece. If you’re not good with accents, this was hard to follow. As they bickered, Santino came out with Evan Bourne, Daniel Bryan and Mark Henry. He said if they were The Corre, then say hello to The APPLE: Allied People Powered by Loathing Everything. Yes, Everything. Santino got the four to unite apple powers (no, really) and they headed for the ring. They instantly became my favourite team in wrestling. I don’t know what that says about me.
– The Corre d. APPLE (Slater pinned Santino) in 3:33. Match was JIP. The Corre worked over Bryan, who eventually made the tag to Santino. Santino made his comeback and had Slater pinned with the headbutt, but The Corre broke it up, leading to an Apple-Corre jam! Bourne hit his flying knees and Bryan hit a tope, leaving Santino and Slater. Santino prepared the Cobra, but Gabriel hit a kick from the outside, allowing Slater to pin Santino with a reverse DDT. Which hopefully isn’t the end of APPLE.
– JR came out to corner Lawler for his match. Cole mocked him, so JR responded by grabbing the Cole Mine and SHAKING IT like a man possessed. Which was awesome. Swagger came out and tried to get the jump on Lawler, leading to the referees pulling everyone apart.
– Jerry Lawler w/Jim Ross d. Jack Swagger w/Michael Cole in 5:14. Instead of commentary, they mic’d up JR and Cole at ringside. A trick I haven’t seen in a while. They were pretty entertaining. More on that later*. If Swagger won, Cole would never have to face Lawler again. If Lawler won, he chose the stips at Extreme Rules. Swagger got the anklelock midway through, but Lawler got the ropes. Lawler hulked up being rammed into the buckles and pulled down the strap. As Lawler got the advantage, Cole got on the apron and provided the distraction. JR dragged him off the apron though and as Swagger grabbed JR, King rolled him up. Crowd went nuts for the finish.
– Pissed, Cole got in the ring and they did the Andre/Heenan break-up, except Cole ran away from Swagger after the slap. Lawler chose this point to make the match for Extreme Rules. Which was a tag match, with Lawler and JR against Cole and Swagger. Crowd seemed underwhelmed to say the least.
– There was a montage of stills from Undertaker versus HHH, narrated by various talking heads hyping up how awesome it was. They again teased a rematch with HHH’s line from last week at the end. Pretty effective video.
– All through the first half they hyped Edge’s announcement and teased it would be his retirement. Well, Edge came out and announced he was retiring. He gave a farewell speech and managed to hold it together for the most part after nearly breaking down near the start. And he got a standing ovation once he announced he was retiring. After saying his piece, he posed one last time on the ramp. Then after commercial they showed some of the roster backstage greeting him as he came back and saying their goodbyes and thank yous. Not much to say, except this was a really classy send-off, plus a very genuine speech and show of respect from all involved, that pretty much came out of nowhere. It’s also a big blow for WWE to lose Edge, even if he was ‘limited’ physically recently. I imagine WWE will be eager to have him back in non-wrestling capacity as soon and often as possible. Also, the Khali/Edge fistbump was something else.
– #1 Contendership 5 Man Gauntlet Match:
Dolph Ziggler pinned Randy Orton in 2:38
R-Truth pinned Dolph Ziggler in 4:01
R-Truth pinned John Morrison in 4:51
R-Truth and John Cena went to a Double DQ in 5:35
Miz came out to do commentary for the main event with Lawler, JR and Josh. He had a few really good lines here and did a good job of making the WWE Title sound important. He also talks really fast and stumbled a couple of times. Orton and Ziggler was fine while it lasted. Orton hit the draping DDT but before he could hit the RKO, Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga returned for the distraction, allowing Ziggler to roll Orton up with the tights. Orton brawled with the New Nexus after the match and Mason Ryan ran in to lay him out, then hit a Don’t Call Me Batista Bomb. Truth came out next. Ziggler took most of the match. Truth hit a flatliner out of nowhere for the win, which took me by surprise. Talk about wasting a pinfall over Orton. The legendary Truth and Morrison team collided, in what seemed like a lot longer than 5 minutes. They did the indy cradle sequence at the start. Morrison tried to sneak a pin during a handshake. This lacked energy in many senses. They teased a double count-out but both got back in at 9. Morrison (barely) hit his springboard kick, but missed Starship Pain and Truth won, again, with a running flatliner. Which has been passed from Shelton to MVP to Truth now. So Truth won two matches in a row. Which was two more than I was expecting. Final match in the gauntlet saw Cena unable to keep the weakened Truth down for a pin. They played it up as Cena becoming more and more surprised at how resilient Truth was. Truth hung in and got a brief flurry in. Cena blocked the flatliner and made a comeback of his own. But as Cena went for the Attitude Adjustment, Miz and Riley ran in and attacked both guys for the double DQ. The final match at least told a logical story. The first three were really nothing matches.
– With Cena and Truth down, Miz bragged that now there was no number one contender. The GM e-mailed to say there wasn’t a number one contender, there were two number one contenders. And at Extreme Rules it would be The Miz versus R-Truth versus John Cena for the WWE Title. Cena and Truth regrouped and ran Miz and Riley off. They then stared each other down. Some playful back slapping turned into a shove from Cena and Truth left with a smile. Who can blame him? From being put in an anklelock by Michael Cole on Smackdown a couple of weeks ago to a PPV WWE Title main-event? Funny how life works.
A bit of a strange show in some ways, with quite a few moments of note.
NXT
– Show started with a recap of the Maryse/Yoshi/Lucky Cannon/Ted love… quadrangle? Rectangle? Anyway, decision time! Striker brought out Maryse, who said no-one tells her what to do. She said she had a lot of millionaires before Ted and she’ll have a lot after him. So Maryse chose NXT… and, then the show just carried on. Sucks so, so bad to be Ted.
– I don’t think I mentioned last week, the winner of this season gets to be on the next season of NXT, with a pro of their choosing. That’s the prize. To go through all this a third time.
– They brought the rookies out. Saxton’s had a Tapout style t-shirt that said ‘SAXOUT’. This week’s challenge was the Power Of The Punch machine. Saxton got 649. Maryse begged Novak to do better and be a man. Novak whiffed, got 456 and huge boos from the New York crowd. Regal claimed he couldn’t break the skin of a rice pudding. Young got 469. More derision from the fans. Conor scored 770. Titus got 801. Crowd were way too into this. Genuine excitement, for this punching competition. Lucky did the heel I don’t wanna routine and got DQed. So Titus won and got 4 more points. Lucky, aka Mr. Steal Your Girl, stole the microphone from him and hit on Maryse. Yoshi came out to defend Maryse and they set up Yoshi versus Lucky for the main event.
– Titus O’Neill d. Darren Young in 2:27. Young cut a promo beforehand, running down Hornswoggle and saying the ring was for “full-sized athletes”. Basic match. Despite Chavo’s advice, Young got distracted by Hornswoggle and was rolled up for the pin. Young attacked Titus after the match and grabbed Hornswoggle, but Chavo talked him out of doing anything.
– JTG brought out “Head Crack Novak”, who was Jacob Novak dressed… well, like Shad Gaspard, really. Regal buried JTG again. Novak wasn’t down with this idea and got some cheap heat by insulting the Yankees. Novak addressed Regal, who’s been saying he could make Novak a star. Novak called Regal out, whenever he was ready. Regal promised that was the last thing he wanted. This segment was just weird. And not particularly good.
– Jacob Novak d. Byron Saxton in 3:42. Regal was quietly seething through this about what happened. Novak in his jeans was basically Billy Gunn circa 1996. Only not as good. Saxton looked energetic here. Novak won with a boot to the jaw. Regal said he was impressed. Still weird.
– Yoshi Tatsu d. Lucky Cannon in 3:18. Maryse joined in on commentary for the match. She said French women were sexier than British women and Regal agreed, saying most of the ones he dated were “right slappers”. Amen, brother. The match was fine, but the commentary was something to behold, between Maryse being Maryse and Regal being entertaining as well. Lucky is worlds better as a heel. Yoshi won with a spinning heel kick off the top.
– After the match, Maryse mocked Lucky for being not so lucky and then kissed Yoshi! Yoshi sold it fantastically and then celebrated like he’d won the world title. So a good ending. And after his big ultimatum, Ted didn’t even appear on this show. He was barely even mentioned after the first five minutes. Poor, poor Ted.
SUPERSTARS
– Chris Masters d. Curt Hawkins by submission in 6:13. Both these guys looked pretty good here. Hawkins countered Masters’ flying shoulder block to take control, but Masters hit it the second time during his comeback. Hawkins countered the Masterlock the first time too and almost won with a big clothesline. But Masters caught Hawkins in the Masterlock on the apron, dragged him back in and got the submission. Crowd were quiet for the first part but got behind Masters’ comeback. It’s amazing how much going out of WWE’s system and working some indies has helped Masters improve as a WWE style guy.
– Natalya and Gail Kim d. Melina and Maryse (Natalya submitted Maryse) in 5:32. Watching the Diva matches on Superstars make me wonder how rushed the Raw matches get sometimes. Everyone seems less hectic here. Maryse was back working heel as normal. Natalya countered her DDT into the Sharpshooter.
– Long Island Iced-Z cut a promo about how the one guy who deserved to be on Wrestlemania, him, was stuck backstage eating catering. Zack said he was an internet sensation and promised to fistpump Khali’s face and make him his Punjabi punching bag.
– The Great Khali w/Ranjin Singh d. Zack Ryder in 3:26. Turns out, Zack Ryder didn’t turn Great Khali into a punching bag. Go figure. There were actually duelling “Let’s Go Ryder/Ryder Sucks” chants during this match. Hope. Ryder tried to stall and got the briefest of offence, but mostly got destroyed. Punjabi Plunge put him away.
SMACKDOWN
– Good news, Alberto has his cars back. I guess with Edge gone, he feels safe again. Alberto said tonight wasn’t about him, it was about Edge. He said he couldn’t imagine what Edge was going through, but it was only right that he hand the World Title over to him. After a long pause, Teddy Long came out. Teddy told him that wasn’t happening. Instead, Teddy made a battle royal to determine who’d face him at Extreme Rules for the title. Alberto cried conspiracy. He then about-faced, claiming he was glad he hurt Edge and glad he was the one that forced him to retire. Teddy shut him up and stormed off.
– Ezekial Jackson d. Kofi Kingston in 2:23. Zeke’s traps are just scary. The rest of The Corre did commentary. Barrett said Zeke needed to prove himself. Barrett then implied that the Corre were going to help him win the battle royal, but Slater and Gabriel took exception. For some reason, Zeke decided to press Kofi and throw him onto the rest of The Corre. Wade tried to get into the ring and this distracted Kofi, who’d fought back, allowing Zeke to hit a uranage for the win. Zeke then promised to show everyone why he was the “personification of domination” in the battle royal. Unfortunately, he stumbled saying this, which took some of the intimidation away.
– Michelle and Layla were at couples counselling. They bickered. Michelle left before any counselling could occur. Layla said “same time next week?” This right here was no good, is what this was.
– Disfigured Cody cut a promo. Instead of feeling vindicated after beating Rey Mysterio, he said he felt nothing. He wondered if even winning the World Title would erase the memory of his disfigurement. Cody vowed to make Rey’s children horrified by his face the same way he’s horrified by his, to get his vindication. Out ran Rey and he went for the 619, but Cody avoided it, able to escape with just a 619 to the stomach. This feud has been really well done.
– Rey Mysterio d. Drew McIntyre in 9:22. Really good TV match. Drew seems much more natural in the ring now, it’s hard to explain, but he seems ‘on’ all the time. Your typical bigman versus Mysterio style match. Drew gained the advantage after blocking a headscissors and swinging Mysterio into the barricade. He also hit a nasty looking clothesline from his knees near the end. Finish was unique. Mysterio hit the 619, Drew collapsed in a kind of delayed reaction and Mysterio gave him a splash on the way down. Looked cool and I assume it was planned. Worth a watch if you missed this.
– They showed Edge walking to the ring and being applauded through the hall, ending with a handshake between Edge and Kane. This lead to the title vacating segment. Edge came out and talked about being in some of the WWE’s most insane matches. He said he got goosebumps every time he made his entrance, so he was going to go back and do his entrance one last time. Edge admitted he was happy the doctors found the injury before he had the Ladder Match and talked about being happy he was able to come back to Albany. He then pointed out his Mom… and, at no kidding, the third time of asking, the camera managed to focus on the right woman. Whoops. So, Edge relinquished the title and left it in the middle of the ring before giving his Mom a hug. This was emotional, but funny as well and Edge came off like the nicest guy in the world.
– Edge wasn’t done though. Rosa tried saying goodbye but Alberto walked up. He offered Edge a handshake, but when he winked and smiled, Edge walked away.
– Kelly Kelly d. Layla in 2:05. Michelle is far less wooden doing commentary than doing skits. Kelly dominated and would have won via countout, after an X-Factor on the floor. But Michelle ‘helped’ Layla back inside. By throwing her in. Very carelessly. This wasn’t much help as Kelly instantly rolled Layla up. Michelle shoved Layla down after the match.
– Booker and Josh laughed it up at Cole’s expense for what he did on Raw. Cole apologised to Swagger and at one point said him he loved him.
– Christian won a 20 Man Battle Royal, last eliminating Jack Swagger, to advance to Extreme Rules.
Participants: Big Show, Kane, Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, Jack Swagger, Wade Barrett, Brodus Clay, Christian, Ezekial Jackson, Cody Rhodes, Drew McIntyre, Yoshi Tatsu, Kofi Kingston, Rey Mysterio, Tyler Reks, Chris Masters, Chavo Guerrero, Curt Hawkins, Trent Baretta and JTG
JTG lasted about 15 seconds. Show dumped three people early, JTG, Trent and then Slater with the knockout punch, which is now being called the WMD. Show then eliminated Zeke and himself with a clothesline. Which Alberto was exuberant about. Eliminations slowed down for a while with Show gone. Cole spent the match sucking up to Swagger. Rey eliminated Cody and Hawkins in quick succession. Big Brodus then took out Drew and Chavo. They did a big face-off between Brodus and Kane. Say what you want about WWE’s preference for big guys, but these ‘two big dudes in a battle royal’ spots always work. It even worked with Mabel and Bundy for crying out loud. Brodus was too big for the chokeslam and laid Kane out with a Zidane headbutt. But Kane avoided elimination and flipped Brodus out to Alberto’s chagrin. After commercials, Barrett eliminated Kofi. Christian managed to eliminate Reks and then Yoshi. Gabriel and Barrett finally worked together and clotheslined Kane out. Final 6 were Wade, Gabriel, Masters, Rey, Swagger and Christian. Masters didn’t last much longer, booted out by Barrett. But Gabriel snuck up from behind and dumped Wade and things picked up at this point.
That left Gabriel, Christian, Mysterio and Swagger. They paired off and the faces got the advantage. Gabriel and Mysterio worked a sequence, ending with Gabriel being thrown out with a headscissors. Rey hung on from Swagger and set him up for the 619, at which point Cole bailed out of the Cole Mine and took the bullet for Jack! Which allowed Swagger to counter an elimination attempt from Rey and send him to the floor. That was a good spot. Down to Swagger and Christian. They went a couple of minutes and teased elimination a number of times. Finish came when Alberto grabbed Christian and tried to pull him off the apron. Christian kicked him off and low bridged Swagger, which the crowd loved. I’m a sucker for battle royals. This, like most battle royals, got really good at the end. Edge came down and congratulated Christian as Alberto looked on. Good show overall.
What may or may not have aired on TV, but is available on WWE.com and YouTube at least, was one more Edge speech. Once Alberto disappeared, Edge and Christian did one last 5 second pose. The locker room came out, heels and faces, to applaud Edge. Big Show, Chavo and Rey all came to the ring, before Triple H came out. After they left Edge got one last goodbye speech and thanked a bunch of people, from Undertaker and Kane to the backstage crew to the writers and Vince. He declined doing an Edge-a-roonie after thanking Booker. Crowd chanted “Hall Of Fame”, which I guess is a formality. He thanked Vickie, who got booed, which Edge laughed at, as well as Lita. And finished by thanking Christian, encouraging his fans to get behind him. By the way, if he didn’t come off like a nice guy before, he offered to have coffee with anyone who ever saw him around. Come on, that’s a nice guy.
WWE know how to do send-offs, that’s for sure. I got a little of the misty-eye going at one point, I’ll admit it. I’m man enough.
* TOP 5: JR AND COLE HIGHLIGHTS
5. “Why don’t you say Uncle, Lawler? Or maybe you should say Mommy! Mommy, Mommy, oh Mommy!” (Cole mocking Lawler in the anklelock)
4. “Good lord…” (JR’s reaction to Swagger picking up Lawler for a slam)
3. “Not like this, Jerry!” (Some VINTAGE Michael Cole)
2. “Aw, shut up!” (JR, to the referee, after being told to go back to his corner)
1. “That’s good, he had the anklelock, now he’s got a wristlock, that’s how stupid your guy is!” (JR’s rather accurate critique of Swagger’s ring psychology)