This week: Pardon the interruption, but everybody wants a title shot and they’re not very shy, or courteous, about it. Plus, assuming no-one’s theme music cuts me off mid recap of course, ineffective ways to troll Tennessee, Michael Hayes breaks out
his blue suede shoes, Orton and Christian bury the hatchet (or so it would seem) and R-Truth kicks your cat, but only if you kick his dog. Sounds fair to me.
RAW
– Ricardo Rodriguez brought out Alberto Del Rio. Alberto didn’t understand why so much time was wasted last week on The Rock. Sacrilege! Alberto said there should have been a celebration for him coming to Raw instead and he should be next to face John Cena. Rey Mysterio interrupted. He challenged Alberto to a number one contender’s match. But before he could accept, wouldn’t you know it, The Miz interrupted. I feel like they do this contenders interruption segment every week. Hell, they did it on Smackdown the show prior to this. So, Miz said “Really” a lot. Miz said it was still his show and the WWE Championship was his title. He claimed what happened last week was Riley’s fault and he shouldn’t be penalised for it.
– R-Truth joined in the interruptions. With no music. Truth talked about how he hated hospital food. Which John Morrison was eating a lot of, since Truth attacked him last week. He mentioned Morrison needing surgery and sent a message to John: “P.S, hospital food gives you constipation”. Truth threatened to put the other three in the hospital with Morrison. He called Miz “Kermit”, Rey “bottle nose” and Alberto a “fence jumper” and “liver lips”. Before telling the crowd “When an angry black man is talking, ya’ll need to shut it up” and saying “you kick my dog, I’ll kick your cat”. R-Truth is something else. I was going to say he’s ‘out there’, but that reads like a bad play on words. Anyway, the GM set up a triple threat between Miz, Alberto and Rey, leaving Truth out in the cold. Rey did Truth’s old catchphrase at him and Truth stormed off.
– Miz tried to tell Alberto and Rey that he was the star on Raw and next WWE Champion. But Ricardo jumped in announcing Alberto, who loved it, which was adorable. Riley gave Alberto a cheapshot so Ricardo gave Riley a dropkick. No, really. Miz laid him out, Alberto clotheslined Miz and himself outside and Rey laid Alberto out with a plancha. Some entertaining stuff in all this, despite it’s familiarity.
– Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres d. The Bella Twins (Kelly pinned Nikki) in 1:24. They plugged Kelly being in the Maxim Top 100. Little Guido was the referee for this. Kelly runs the ropes slower than anyone in history. She reversed an inside cradle on Nikki for the pin. Not good. Afterwards, Kharma came out. The Bellas literally sneaked away. Kharma ran Kelly off and gave Eve the Implant Buster.
– Kane d. Mason Ryan by DQ in 2:14. Punk and Big Show were at ringside. Basic big man match. Punk kicked Kane from the outside, so Show gave him the WMD punch. McGillicutty and Otunga hit the ring and were disposed of. Kane and Big Show then gave Mason a double chokeslam.
– Dolph Ziggler d. Santino Marella in 1:42. The ‘new and improved’ moniker is really annoying. Reminds me of the time Chris Daniels was ‘The new Christopher Daniels’ in TNA, because he painted a funny symbol around his eye. Ziggler squashed Santino, finished him off with the Zig Zag.
– Scott Stanford caught up with R-Truth. Truth said parents had been sending letters asking him to start dancing and singing again because ‘Little Ronnie’ loves it. He said people were going to start taking him seriously.
– Backstage, John Cena was talking with Zack Ryder before heading for the ring. Cena did the fistpump. Zack was down with this and fistpumped as Cena walked off. Fantastic.
– They showed a replay of the Cena-Miz finish last week. Riley tried to explain himself to Miz. But Miz was having none of it. Miz ran Riley down for being stupid, so Riley promised to make it up to him. Riley immediately walked all the way to the ring and challenged John Cena to a match.
– John Cena d. Alex Riley by submission in 3:13. Cena out-wrestled Riley early. Riley managed to gain some control for a while though, getting some offence in. Cena made his big comeback and Miz came out to watch, just as Cena was finishing Riley off. Two Attitude Adjustments and an STF put Riley away, with Miz just looking on and offering no help.
– Cole was in the ring for his ‘big announcement’. He said, having beaten Lawler twice, he was going to retire from in-ring competition, undefeated. He said he wanted to go into the Hall Of Fame as an announcer and competitor. Lawler had heard another and went into the ring, but Cole reminded Lawler than he couldn’t touch him. Lawler didn’t mind and showed Cole being Rock Bottomed last week. Lawler then had an offer for Cole. He challenged him to one more match. And if Cole won, Lawler inducts Cole into the Hall Of Fame and gives him his own Hall Of Fame ring. Cole declined and critisised Lawler for trying to steal the spotlight again. What followed was some very week Tennessee bashing, mentioning Al Gore and Elvis. Cole then talked about his great Mother’s Day, in which he made his mother watch the Lawler-Cole Wrestlemania repeatedly. That sounds like mistreatment to me. Cole asked Lawler how his Mother’s Day was, ‘forgetting’ about Lawler’s mother passing. Lawler got mad and tried to storm the Cole Mine, but Swagger ran out and attacked him. Speaking of angles I feel like I see every damn week. Can we get to the conclusion now, please?
– United States Championship: Kofi Kingston (c) d. Jack Swagger in 5:11. Both men went for their finisher in the opening 30 seconds and both were avoided. Cole gave us a special breaking news update, “Jerry Lawler… is in pain.” Swagger took advantage before the break, but Kofi got his feet up on a Vader Bomb attempt. Kofi got a close nearfall with the crossbody. Swagger managed to take out the ankle, but Lawler came back out and distracted Swagger, allowing Kofi to hit Trouble In Paradise.
– Lawler took Swagger out and headed right for Cole. Cole blocked the door, so Lawler threw a chair into the Cole Mine. He then grabbed Cole by the tie through one of the unneccessary holes in the box and rammed his head into the side repeatedly, which gave us another awesome ‘squashed Cole face’ moment. Swagger told Lawler he was done, but Lawler pointed out he didn’t touch Cole, he only touched his tie. So Swagger accepted the match on behalf of Cole, which Cole freaked out about.
– #1 Contendership, Triple Threat: The Miz d. Rey Mysterio and Alberto Del Rio in 10:48. Miz and Alberto both went after Mysterio, but that new friendship didn’t last long. They did the threeway ‘one guy stays out of the way’ kind of match. Del Rio laid Miz out with a clothesline on the floor, then got hit with a great flip dive from Mysterio. Rey then got a close two with a springboard crossbody. Del Rio almost won with the armbreaker, then Miz almost beat him with a DDT. Finish saw Rey take out Miz and Riley limp out to check on Miz. Rey gave Del Rio the 619 and the splash, but Riley pulled Del Rio to safety and Miz rolled Rey up to steal the win.
– As Miz and Riley celebrated, Cena came out to name the stipulation for their match, an I Quit Match. Miz looked worried. Back in the ring, R-Truth ran in and gave Mysterio the jumping flatliner to end the show.
NXT
– Grisham mentioned it was Regal’s birthday. So, Rock gets a party, but Regal doesn’t? Boo. Maryse was back this week. She claimed she was doing fine after Kharma’s attack, but didn’t look happy. Hornswoggle wasn’t there, for some reason. First elimination will be next week.
– After no challenge last week, the dreaded NXT challenge returned. Challenge was Capture The Flag. First to make it from the announce table, up the ramp and into the ring with a flag won. Titus O’Neill blitzed everyone and got yet more redemption points. Titus was more concerned with Hornswoggle, claiming he’d called him and doesn’t know where he is. I don’t know if that’s called us in on a phone, or if he’s just been wandering the streets barking. I prefer to think it’s the latter. Titus blamed Darren Young for the disappearance and promised to beat answers out of him.
– Darren Young d. Titus O’Neill in 5:23. Chavo joined commentary. Titus beat on Young and kept yelling “where is he?” Young tried to walk out on the match, but Titus dragged him back to the ring. Of minor note, they had a camera mounted between the bottom and middle turnbuckle in one corner. That’s a new one for WWE, I think. They used it once, where Young got whipped into the corner. The crowd got behind Titus at the end. Young surprised him with a rollup though. His first loss all season.
– Earlier in the day, Kozlov taught Conor some Sambo. For taught, read ‘threw him around’.
– Byron Saxton d. Conor O’Brian in 4:52. Nothing much to this. Regal commented on the “lack of spark” in the match. A nice way of saying he wasn’t feeling this either. Saxton won with a flying clothesline off the middle rope. Yoshi tried to celebrate with him afterwards, but Byron reiterated he was doing it on his own from now on. Byron said he didn’t want him or need him as a pro.
– Lucky Cannon stopped Maryse backstage. Lucky asked how Maryse was doing, but Maryse wasn’t hearing it and accused him of destroying her purse again. But Lucky gave her a “peace offering”, a new, apparently expensive bag. Maryse suddenly went from ranting to being willing to call a truce. How about that. Women, eh?
– They actually had a video package for the main event. JTG insulted Nashville and made fun of country music to let everyone know he’s a heel.
– William Regal d. Jacob Novak by submission in 5:46. Crowd were more behind Regal this week. Regal threw Novak outside and stomped JTG’s hand on the apron, just because he could. So JTG gave him a dropkick behind the referee’s back. Novak seemed to hurt his leg or his hip at some point and had problem moving around. Which hurt the match quite a bit. Regal blocked the big boot and made Novak tap to the Regal Stretch. Not really the blowoff this feud should have had.
SUPERSTARS
– Tyson Kidd came out for his match, accompanied by Michael PS Hayes. Okay, first off, Hayes was wearing a blue shirt, blue tie, yellow slacks and blue shoes. Not many people could pull this look off. Hayes cut a promo, saying the greatest plane in the world couldn’t fly without a pilot and the greatest coach can’t win without players. And he has a player in Tyson. Hayes claimed the kids of today lack the killer instinct, unlike Tyson. He said in life you either step on someone or get stepped on and Tyson was about to get stepping. You don’t need me to tell you, Michael Hayes can cut a promo.
– Tyson Kidd (with Michael Hayes) d. Trent Baretta by submission in 9:42. Baretta got the better of some mat wrestling, so Tyson went outside to strategise with Hayes. Striker put Hayes over as ‘underhanded’ too, so he’s clearly a heel manager. They used the corner cam again and I can officially say, it’s too low, doesn’t work. Needs to be over the turnbuckles (like Dragon Gate sometimes use in Japan). Slow to start, tons of nearfalls at the end. Trent used Whisper In The Wind for a two count. Kidd german suplexed Trent onto his stomach for an even closer two. In the end, Tyson countered the Dudebuster DDT into a Sharpshooter. Another real good match between these two. Trent and Tyson are on a roll.
– Zack Ryder d. Vladimir Kozlov in 5:01. Kozlov had some new blue gear here. There were plenty of Ryder signs in the crowd so, if you’re still mad over that thing, it’s all okay. Kozlov pretty much dominated. But Zack managed to post him outside. Kozlov rallied back and backdropped Zack outside. As he threw Zack back in though, Curt Hawkins ran out and distracted him, allowing Zack to hit the Ruff Ryder and pick up the win. Hawkins and Ryder celebrated afterwards. The Major Brothers live!
– Chris Masters d. Drew McIntyre by submission in 10:03. Drew wrapped Masters’ knee around the post, through the turnbuckles instead of under them, to gain control. Masters proceeded to sell and put a lot of noteable people to shame in the process (naming no names). Drew broke out the ringpost figure four. Scott Stanford buried the Pacquiao fight. Didn’t watch, but I trust Scott Stanford. Masters went for a slam but his knee gave way, so Drew hit a dropkick and then did a nip up. That’s a new one. Masters made a one-legged comeback. Genuinely good selling on display. Drew posted himself and Masters got the Masterlock for the submission. Good stuff These two may be, aside from Trent, the two most improved and underrated guys on the roster now.
SMACKDOWN
– Former World Champion Christian came out. He referenced the fact people weren’t happy with “Teddy Long’s decision” last week. Christian said he respected Teddy’s decision though. He congratulated Orton on becoming the new champion and announced he was getting his rematch at Over The Limit. And after last week, he felt that a 100% Christian could without a doubt beat Orton. So Christian was talking and guess what happened next.
– If you said “he was interrupted by somebody”, congratulations, you’ve been watching WWE TV lately. Sheamus came out and mocked Christian for losing his 17 year dream in the blink of an eye. Sheamus challenged Christian to a match, for some reason. Then, Mark Henry interrupted, because, well, that’s what people do. If I were cutting the opening promo on WWE TV, first thing I’d do is pay off the guy who plays the music, make sure nobody can cut me off. That’s just me. Mark wanted the match with Christian as well. He and Sheamus argued, so Henry suggested they have a match instead. Sheamus decided a handicap match against Christian would be a better idea. They turned to Christian, who tried to fight them both off. But they soon overwhelmed him, so Randy Orton ran out for the save. Orton and Christian worked together to clear the ring.
– Backstage, Teddy Long set up Orton and Christian against Henry and Sheamus. Christian thanked Orton for saving him. Orton said he only helped him because he wanted Christian at 100%, so when he beat him at Over The Limit, there’d be no question who the better man is.
– Sin Cara d. Daniel Bryan in 7:32. Chavo Guerrero did the ring introduction for Sin Cara, announcing him as “the man following in my footsteps”. Chavo also did commentary and spent the match pointing out moves that were ‘Guerrero-esque’ again. And claimed he was mentoring Sin Cara. Wacky lights are still there, by the way. Simply put, these two had a really good match. Finish saw Chavo grab Bryan’s leg as he tried to go to the top, the distraction allowing Sin Cara to hit the one man spanish fly.
– Chavo applauded Sin Cara’s win. But Cara saw a replay of Chavo’s interference on the titantron and wasn’t happy. Chavo tried to claim it didn’t matter because he won, so Cara shoved him down.
– Layla cut a promo, saying she hurt her knee during her match with Michelle at Extreme Rules. But it was worth it to get rid of Michelle, apparently. Michael Cole didn’t want to hear it and interrupted. He said nobody cared about her, or any of the Divas. Instead, everyone wanted to hear him talk about Lawler. Cole claimed he was going to win Lawler’s Hall Of Fame ring, but Layla shut him up. Cole told her the Divas shouldn’t be in the WWE. Which is when Kharma’s music hit. Cole looked shocked for a moment, but then started laughing at Layla, realising she was going to get it. And get it she did, Kharma giving Layla the Implant Buster, after Cole stopped Layla from escaping by tripping her up. Cole mocked Layla, but Kharma turned his attentions towards him. Cole bailed and hid in his Cole Mine. Crowd wanted to see it and this was fun for what it was. But the payoff to all this Diva bashing cannot be Kharma versus Cole. It can’t. Please?
– Before his match, Barrett mentioned that Big Show was in Mexico on the Raw tour, so Kane was on his own tonight, where-as he had Gabriel and Slater. He claimed The Corre were more dangerous and efficient than ever now. Booker didn’t seem to agree.
– Kane d. Wade Barrett by DQ in 6:05. Kane’s style of doing ‘pure wrestling’ against big opponents is kinda amusing. Hiptosses and headlocks. It’s not what you’d expect. Cole mentioned he was a cheerleader in high school during this match, which is all the excuse I need to demand the Spirit Squad return. Not that I need much excuse. Barrett worked on Kane’s arm. Kane fought back, but Slater distracted him. Kane escape Wasteland and went outside after Gabriel and Slater, so they jumped in for the DQ. Match wasn’t bad, just ‘unorthodox’.
– The Corre beat down Kane after the match, with Wade giving Kane the Wasteland. They set Kane up for the 450 but Big Zeke hit the ring for the save. The crowd were far more into this than you’d expect. Zeke laid waste to Gabriel and Slater, then battled with Wade, but Gabriel and Slater jumped back in for the three on one. Gabriel and Slater hit their finishers to leave him laying.
– Sheamus and Mark Henry were talking strategy backstage.
– Khali and Runjin came out, in cowboy hats, for the long-awaited return of the Khali Kiss Cam! Runjin claimed Khali was a huge fan of country music, because they were in Nashville. They searched for a woman, as Cole insulted everyone. They found a ‘large’ woman, who just happened to be near the timekeeper’s table. Calling schenanigans on that. Khali kissed the woman as Cole was generally unfunny. Jinder Mahal walked out, unimpressed. Jinder walked up to Khali and slapped the hat off his head. Khali got mad, but Jinder slapped him again and Khali took it. Interesting.
– Christian and Orton met up backstage as well.
– Cody Rhodes d. Ted Dibiase in 3:18. Cody said he’s not a freak, the fans are, so Cody had his assistants hand out the paper bags. He said nobody was exempt from the bags. Not even old friend. He handed Ted a paper bag, but Ted tossed it aside. The fans in the bags thing? Still funny. Decent match. Cody hit the Beautiful Disaster and followed up with Crossrhodes. Cole was still insufferable here.
– Backstage, Matt Striker interviewed The Corre. They said they’d destroyed Big Show, Kane and now Ezekial. Wade challenge Zeke to a match, one on one, at Over The Limit. Slater suggested he should make it for the IC Title.
– Randy Orton and Christian d. Mark Henry and Sheamus (Christian pinned Sheamus) in 11:08. The anouncers made sure to point out Christian not whining about losing and being man enough to team with the man who took his World Title. Christian and Orton were able to work as a team. Even going so far as to cut Sheamus off from cheapshot Orton on the outside, protecting him. Christian got the hot tag and took the fight to Henry. Henry managed to cut him off though. Henry and Sheamus worked over Christian, until he got a hot tag and Orton made his comeback. Sheamus missed a Brogue Kick and fell outside, then took the draping DDT. Sheamus countered the RKO and went for the High Cross. But off a blind tag, Christian came in and gave him the Killswitch, while Orton gave Henry the RKO. Good finish, good match. Orton and Christian shook hands afterwards.
TOP 5: SEGMENTS TO LAST A LIFETIME
5. Swagger attacks Lawler and throws him into the Cole Mine (2 months)
4. Cena beats up Alex Riley (3 months)
3. Cole recieves an e-mail from the anonymous Raw General Manager (11 months)
2. The Corre do a beatdown (11 and a half months)
1. Bunch of guys interrupt opening promo (infinite)