This week: Almost Over The Limit… so, cruise control? Perhaps so. But, beware, the last bumps in the road, for Cena, Orton and Christian. That’s it for car puns, you’ll be glad to hear. Plus, the world’s greatest RKO, the world’s most devastating swinging neckbreaker, the world’s most inexplicable segment (at least this week) and what the world has been waiting for, the first NXT elimination of Season 5.
RAW
– Cena opened up the show. Actually, no he didn’t. He tried to, but Alex Riley interrupted before he could say a word. Variation on a theme, at least. Riley cut Cena’s predictable promo for him, then played a video of Miz beating up Cena. He then brought Miz out. Riley also cut Miz’s promo for him. He got some cheap heat on the San Antonio Spurs and promised Miz would win the I Quit Match and prove everyone wrong. Cena told some jokes in response. He got serious and told Miz he chose an I Quit Match because he saw fear in Miz’s eyes. Cena said at Over The Limit, he’d be saying “I’m The Miz… and I Quit”. The GM dinged and allowed Miz to pick Cena’s opponent, and the stipulation, for tonight, provided he and Riley didn’t get involved. Miz told Cena he didn’t know what his decision was yet, but he knew it’d be “awesome”. Okay segment, jokes aside.
– CM Punk d. Kofi Kingston in 3:53. Punk told the Nexus to stay on the stage and watch. Kofi got the early advantage and the Nexus started to head down, but Punk sent them back. Cole spent the match talking about “faith”. Both guys avoided each other’s finishers. Kofi then missed his corner move and landed awkwardly, leaving him prone for the Go To Sleep. Okay match.
– Punk sat on the stage afterwards, in front of the Nexus. He said it was leadership by example. Punk promised it was “no more mister nice Punk” and he promised to make the Nexus the most dominant force ever seen.
– Backstage, Miz was found talking with Dolph and Vickie.
– Kelly Kelly d. Brie Bella in 1:52. Nikki got involved on the outside, hanging Kelly’s neck on the rope. Not too bad, Kelly won with a prawn hold. Nikki attacked afterwards, but Kharma’s music hit. Crowd popped, too. This week, the Bellas didn’t sneak away. Instead, as Kharma approached Kelly, they tried to attack. Not smart. Kharma destroyed Nikki with the Implant Buster as Brie bailed. Kharma then helped Kelly up and flicked her, much like she flicks the head off of dolls. Then she left.
– Miz had upgraded to talking to Big Show.
– Rey Mysterio came to the ring and cut a promo on R-Truth. He said he knew how it felt to be passed over, but he never blamed anybody else for his problems or flipped out when he didn’t get his way. Rey called Truth out. They went to commercial and came back, with no Truth in sight. Instead, Alberto Del Rio came out. Del Rio claimed it was Rey’s fault he wasn’t facing Cena. Del Rio claimed Rey didn’t deserve to be on the same show as him. He claimed America begged him to come over, unlike people like Rey and the San Antonio fans. Which set up a match.
– Rey Mysterio d. Alberto Del Rio by DQ in 6:35. Alberto gained the advantage with a middle rope codebreaker to the arm. Del Rio focused on the arm from there. Del Rio tried to remove the mask at one point. Crowd were into Rey. Del Rio took a spill outside and Ricardo came to his aide. Suddenly, R-Truth appeared in the crowd. “Call the po-lice!” he yelled. Truth said Rey was a thief. As he ranted and raved, Del Rio tried to attack, but Rey was alert and hit a crossbody for two. The match continued on and Rey went for the 619, but Ricardo intercepted, causing the disqualification.
– The fight continued on the apron between Rey and Del Rio. Del Rio took out the arm and gave him a senton. Once Del Rio left, R-Truth ran in and attacked from behind. Truth yelled that it was his spot and gave him the jumping flatliner. Truth then grabbed a microphone and said no-one challenges the Truth. Truth told Rey he was going to, quote, “get got”, at Over The Limit. He left, muttering to himself.
– Backstage Miz was with Punk and Mason Ryan, still looking for an opponent for Cena.
– Contract signing for Cole and Lawler. Swagger was there with Cole. Cole mediated his own contract signing, which I guess is allowed for some reason. He said the match wouldn’t be official until he signed the contract and wanted the stips re-iterated. Lawler did re-iterate, if Cole won, he’d get Lawler’s Hall Of Fame ring and Lawler would induct him into the Hall. Cole immediately signed. Lawler signed too. With the signatures done, Cole pointed out the fine print. Cole said the match would be a “Kiss My Foot Match”. Hey, at this point, why the hell not?
– They showed a replay of Cole making JR kiss his feet from last month. With a wacky kissing sound-effect dubbed on. Cole actually showed a replay of the Kiss My Foot Match from 1995 between Lawler and Bret as well, with Bret making Lawler kiss his foot and then his own foot. Cole got his foot out. It looked gross. Lawler told Cole he was no Bret Hart. And he wasn’t even a Jack Swagger. Lawler said he’d taken a former world champion and turned him into a sidekick. Cole responded by saying nobody even remembered Swagger being champion and Swagger got mad. He claimed Swagger being his sidekick was the best thing to happen to him. Apparently Swagger didn’t agree and got in Cole’s face. Swagger told Lawler “he’s all yours” and left. Cole tried to apologise, but Jack wasn’t hearing it. So Cole tried to claim he’d been joking all along. But Lawler said it was too late. He grabbed Cole by the tie and dragged him into the table, and told him he’d been putting his foot in his mouth for months, but on Sunday he’d put his foot in Cole’s mouth, then tipped the table back on Cole. This was the best Lawler and Cole segment in a while, but it may have been too little too late and made me fear Cole was going to win again.
– Backstage Miz was talking with Kane. Big Show walked up and he and Kane left Miz hanging.
– Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga d. Kane and Big Show in 4:50. The Tag Champs beat on McGillicutty, until the Nexus team took out Show’s knee. They had the same match Show and Kane have been having with the Corre. Except McGillicutty and Otunga are no Gabriel or Slater. Mason tried to distract, but got taken out. Punk kicked Kane from behind and McGillicutty pinned Kane with a swinging neckbreaker. A swinging neckbreaker.
– Miz was with R-Truth, still looking.
– Scott Stanford interviewed Kane and Big Show backstage. Show said the loss didn’t affect them and they were still the champions. They said they weren’t giving the titles up any time soon. Kane promised Sunday would be Punk and the Nexus’s annihilation.
– As Cena headed to the ring, Zack Ryder gave him his t-shirt. Cheap plug. Awesome. Miz came out after the break and made his decision, No Holds Barred. He brought out Cena, who was wary of an attack. And the attack came, but from Jack Swagger.
– No Holds Barred: John Cena d. Jack Swagger by submission in 7:48. Swagger worked Cena over for a while. Miz and Riley looked on from the stage. Crowd, having been pro-Cena all night, suddenly decided to do duelling chants. During the commercial they brawled outside briefly, using the ringpost and table. Swagger also used the laptop. So the most no holds barred stuff happened during the break. All of this they had to show on replay. Finally Swagger got a chair and hit Cena over the back. Swagger hit a chair assisted vader bomb for a two count. Swagger cut off Cena’s comeback and put on the anklelock, but Cena rolled through. Swagger went headfirst into the chair between the turnbuckles and Cena finally made his comeback. Attitude Adjustment and STF won it.
– Afterwards, Miz told Cena to cherish his win because he would be disappointed on Sunday. Miz described some ways he could make Cena quit. He got Riley to grab him a pipe from under the ring. Miz said all that was obvious and he wasn’t going to do that. He said there were a millions ways he could beat Cena, that Cena hadn’t even thought about. And that he was more intelligent, conniving and ruthless than anyone he’d ever faced. Miz said he’d found a way that Cena had never even seen before. Interesting. Miz guaranteed victory. Miz said he wouldn’t use the pipe Sunday, but he was fine using it tonight. Cena managed to fight Miz and Riley off though. He said Miz would need a million more ways to win and promised to make Miz say I Quit. Perfectly fine go home segment. Nobody was buying Miz making Cena quit straight up. This at least added a different element of Miz having a plan.
NXT
– Darren Young stormed out to start. He had a key around his neck. Young said last week he beat Titus O’Neill last week, something no-one else could do. He mocked the dog bark. Sacrilege! Young said he had the ‘key’ to Titus’s weakness. And that he would never see Hornswoggle again. Titus came out and this lead to… yet another Titus versus Young match.
– Darren Young d. Titus O’Neill by count out in 3:10. Like last week, Titus kept demanding to know where Hornswoggle was as he competed. Young actually got the upper hand this week. Titus fought back. On the big screen they showed Chavo backstage with a chained up box, presumably with Hornswoggle inside. Chavo was trying to get Hornswoggle out of the box. Titus grabbed the key and ran to the back, causing him to get counted out.
– Titus unlocked the box and freed Hornswoggle… but Chavo attacked Titus from behind. Chavo dragged Hornswoggle to the ring by the beard, saying he hadn’t forgotten all Hornswoggle had done. The villian in Regal was happy with this development. They brought Hornswoggle in the ring and Young roughed him up. Chavo then gave him the Frog Splash. Which was too far for Regal, I guess. Titus ran Chavo and Young off. A serious heat angle on NXT. Jarring to the senses.
– Yoshi Tatsu d. Byron Saxton in 3:28. Yoshi was serious coming out. Also jarring. Mostly a brawl here, lots of strikes at least. Yoshi finished Saxton off with the top rope wheel kick. Not much to this.
– Striker brought out Maryse. Maryse said there was unfinished business to be taken care of and introduced Kozlov and Conor. Conor is a beast now. He’s bigger than Kozlov. Striker brought up the bet between Kozlov and JTG. He introduced Novak and JTG. Regal buried them deep. So this was a talent contest, I guess. Novak did a rap, with JTG doing back-up taunts. If they give JTG someone else to be heel back-up for, it would probably work. So, Kozlov and Conor did a dance routine. Which progressed into sambo throws. I have no earthly idea what I watched here. They broke boards, as the music and lights played. The crowd gave Kozlov and Conor the win. There are no words. JTG wasn’t happy and Kozlov kicked him out of the ring.
– Vladimir Kozlov d. JTG in 5:19. They came back with the match in progress. Novak provided a distraction and JTG dropkicked him off the apron. As a singles, JTG is better off as a heel. Regal continued to bury him and Novak, to my amusement. Kozlov headbutted JTG out of midair and hit the uranage for the pin.
– Maryse was getting ready backstage and Yoshi walked in. Maryse didn’t care about Yoshi’s win, preferring to gush about the bag Lucky got her. Yoshi said Maryse liked things more than people. They broke up. Awww. Lucky walked in and promised to take Maryse on a shopping spree, which cheered her up.
– After all these many weeks, they finally had their first elimination. Not much surprise, Jacob Novak was eliminated. Novak complained, but said he would be in the WWE and redemption would be his. Hmm. I don’t hold my breath. JTG ranted at the crowd. And that was that.
SUPERSTARS
– Michael Hayes was dressed a little more conservatively this week. Hayes cut a promo before Tyson’s match. He put over Corpus Christi… well, he put over the good times the Freebirds had there, but said the people had escaped their “pathetic lives” by coming to the show. He said the people had nothing special about them, just like Yoshi. But Tyson does, because he has ambition. Where-as the crowd didn’t know how to spell ambition. The referee had heard enough and cut Hayes off. Hayes took his time leaving which distracted the ref, allowing Tyson to attack before the bell.
– Yoshi Tatsu d. Tyson Kidd with (Michael PS Hayes) in 10:02. Tyson tried to get the quick win but Yoshi hung in. No surprise, but Hayes did some great work at ringside. When Yoshi fought back, Hayes got on the apron, giving Tyson an edge again. Yoshi fought back again and took out Tyson with a pescado. Tyson cut Yoshi off though and Hayes celebrated with a moonwalk down the apron. In the end, Yoshi got crotched up top. Tyson hit a big superplex, but Yoshi kicked out, much to PS’s annoyance. So Tyson put on the Sharpshooter, but Yoshi made the ropes. Tyson missed a legdrop on the apron and after attempts at rollups, Yoshi hit a roundhouse kick out of nowhere to win. Great finish to this one.
– After the match, Hayes got in the ring and applauded Tyson, helping him up. Only to hit the big left hook and scream “you don’t fail me!” Hayes walked out on Kidd and said he had better things to do. Hmmm…
– Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov d. Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins (Santino pinned Hawkins) in 5.34. Hawkins and Ryder are the “Major Broskis”, at least according to Scott Stanford. If he says it, that’s good enough for me. Santino and Kozlov dominated the Broskis with Sambo early. And Cobra threats. They managed to cut off Kozlov for a while. Santino made a Santino style comeback and after Kozlov hit the uranage, the Cobra finished off Hawkins.
– Drew McIntyre d. Evan Bourne in 6:31. First time match between these two. Bourne used his quickness to out-fox McIntyre, which frustrated Drew. Drew cut Bourne off with a clothesline on the apron, causing Bourne to do a shooting star flip bump on the apron. That looked impressive. From that point, Drew dominated. Drew gave Bourne a stalling superplex, which was pretty awesome. But Bourne kicked out and Drew looked disbelieving. Drew decided to try and give Bourne a move off the apron, but Bourne turned it into Drew going face first into the steps. Bourne hit a flying knee against the bottom turnbuckle, allowing the camera under the middle turnbuckle to be used again and actually look good. Bourne followed up with a dive to the floor, but took a buckle bomb back inside and the Future Shock DDT. Lots of fun to be had here. Not your ‘typical’ WWE match.
SMACKDOWN
– Christian d. Sheamus in 8:40. Sheamus did an inset promo before the match, saying Christian was on the way down and he was on the way up. Really good match to start the show. Sheamus shoved Christian off the turnbuckles and Christian took a hard fall to the outside. Lots of good back and forth. Finish saw Christian escape Pale Justice and catch Sheamus with an inside cradle. Really strong opener. Commentary was wretched, again though. Cole undercutting everything Booker says is even worse than Cole and Lawler. Not to mention the poor job they did of putting Christian over.
– Mark Henry ran in after the match and attacked Christian. Sheamus joined in for the two on one. As they beat on Christian, Randy Orton walked out. Literally, walked. He looked on from the stage for a few seconds, seemingly thinking about whether to make the save. Before, eventually, hitting the ring and running Henry and Sheamus off.
– Todd Grisham interviewed the Bellas. They replayed the segment from Raw with Kharma. Grisham asked Brie why she left her sister to be attacked. They argued for a bit, before Nikki admitted she would have ran away as well. Brie mentioned having to defend against Kelly at Over The Limit and the Bellas made up.
– Brie Bella d. Natalya in 3:03. More time than usual. With referee Guido holding her back, Natalya got kicked in the knee, posted and hit with a facebuster. This was fine.
– Good news. Ezekial’s got his Brawl 4 All theme back! Zeke said when he came to Smackdown, it was supposed to be total domination, which is why he joined The Corre. He said he slammed the Big Show and it made him realise The Corre needed him more than he needed them. But The Corre wouldn’t let him walk away. He said The Corre had unleashed a force that could not be stopped. He called himself the “Personification of Domination”.
– The Corre came out and surrounded Zeke. But Teddy Long interrupted before anything could happen. Teddy made a six man tag and brought out Zeke’s partners, Kane and Big Show.
– Ezekial Jackson, Kane and Big Show d. The Corre (Zeke submitted Gabriel) in 8:06. Important news out of the way- Heath Slater has new gear. Zeke and Barrett squared off at one point. Very briefly. Match put Zeke over as a powerhouse. The Corre tried their best to cut one guy off, but each time the advantage didn’t last long. Wade and Kane did the ever popular double big boot spot. Zeke came in off the hot tag and gave Gabriel a succession of bodyslams. Show and Kane took Slater and Barrett out, then Jackson put Gabriel in the torture rack.
– Backstage, Christian told Striker he was glad Orton saved him, but pointed out he took a while to do so. Christian said winning the World Title was the best moment of his life and although Orton took it from him, he wasn’t mad at him. He said he hoped Orton wouldn’t be mad when he won at Over The Limit.
– Chavo came out and said Sin Cara embarrassed him last week. He said he taught Sin Cara everything he knows. Chavo said Cara couldn’t beat Daniel Bryan without his help, but Chavo could do it in under five minutes.
– Daniel Bryan survived 5 minutes versus Chavo Guerrero. So, a five minute time-limit, apparently. Bryan out-wrestled Chavo early, to his frustration. Michael Cole did his best to continue to try and kill this show. Bryan hit the big dive. Safely. Chavo countered a missile dropkick for a nearfall. He hit the three amigos and went up top with time running out, but Bryan kicked out of the Frog Splash and hung on for the five minutes.
– Chavo posted Bryan and I guess the match ended there, because Sin Cara came out. Cara did his trampoline dive in and then sent Chavo out of the ring with a hurricanrana.
– After last week, Ted Dibiase was, strangely, accompanied out by Cody Rhodes. Cody demanded the fans put the paper bags on their heads, at more great expense. He kept one bag over, for Ted. Ted, for some reason, put the bag on. Cody asked Ted what his name was and Ted replied, in a fake Mexican accent, “Corpus Christi”. “Corpus Christi” claimed he was hideous. (They were in Corpus Christi). So, yeah, this was pretty bizarre. Eventually Ted took off the bag and told Cody to bring his opponent out. I have no explanation for any of this. Except that it was bad.
– Ted Dibiase d. Trent Baretta in 1:27. Ted won with Dreamstreet. A travesty of justice.
– The Great Khali d. Jey Uso in 2:06. Khali came out without Runjin. Jey attacked Khali, with limited success. But enough that Jinder Mahal came out, saying something to Khali. Khali left the ring to confront him and got slapped again. Khali turned away, went back into the ring and promptly destroyed Uso with the chop and the tree slam. Khali then laid out Jimmy as well and Mahal looked pleased.
– Striker interviewed Orton, passing on what Christian said. Orton put over having to face Henry. Striker still wanted to know about Christian claiming to be 100% though. Orton said it was a lie, but 99% is good enough, just not good enough to beat him.
– Randy Orton d. Mark Henry by DQ in 5.45. Maybe it’s just me, but I think they’ve started micing the referees more. They certainly seemed more audible during this show. For what it’s worth, I remember ROH on HDNet doing that in the early episodes and hating it. And sooner or later, something we shouldn’t hear is going to slip through, like it did during one of the ROH matches. Match itself was about what you’d expect, carefully worked but slow paced. Orton went for the RKO but Henry bailed and Sheamus ran in for the DQ.
– So Sheamus and Henry attacked Orton, as they did to Christian earlier. Christian came out and, like Orton, stood on the stage wondering whether to make the save or not. Eventually, Christian came down for the save, although he took longer than Orton for what it’s worth. Christian took out Sheamus and Orton took out Henry. Mad at the slow save, Orton shoved Christian, who just seemed amused. Before they could go at it Sheamus and Henry jumped back in. Christian took Sheamus out again. Christian then saved Orton from a press slam by Henry, which lead to the GREATEST RKO in the history of man.
I literally have watched this dozens of times since Friday and it’s still incredible. Show was entirely worth it for that moment alone. Well, the opener as well. But, man. Orton and Christian shook hands afterwards, by the way.
TOP 5: THINGS ABOUT THAT RKO
5. The dance beforehand
4. Henry’s bump
3. The astonishing gymnastic ability of methodical ol’ Randy Orton
2. The 1980s babyface FISTPUMP
1. The fact it actually happened and I didn’t imagine it