This week: 
Plus, once those problems have cleared up, Kharma speaks, R-Truth tries to but his complaints about Cena’s shirts fall on deaf ears, Matt Striker- Super Agent, Alex Riley- Super Star and Johnny Curtis- Still Should Have Been Derrick Bateman. Sorry.
RAW
– It’s safe to say, the opening segment could have gone better. Basically, R-Truth was backstage tearing up the merchandise stands, presumably angry because it was all Cena merch. The problem is, there was no sound, so we didn’t get to hear R-Truth. Which is sad times. The sound was in and out and out of synch, as Truth confronted a father and son wearing Cena t-shirts. Truth and Cena got in the ring and the technical difficulties were cleared up in time for the GM to make Cena versus Truth in the main event.
– Dolph Ziggler d. Kofi Kingston in 7:08. Good match. They were evenly matched, until Ziggler shoved Kingston off the top to the arena floor. Lots of Vickie jokes from Lawler. Aside from one awkward moment, these two looked the strongest they’ve looked in a while. Crowd were hot, which helped. Ziggler sidestepped the crossbody and got a two with a Fameasser. Dolph then grabbed the rope to block the SOS and hit the Zig Zag for the non-title victory.
– Ricardo brought Alberto Del Rio out. No-one is more excited by saying his own name than Alberto. Del Rio brought up what happened to Big Show last week, getting run down by Ricardo. Alberto didn’t seem concerned and claimed it was an accident. He told Ricardo to explain. Which he did. In Spanish. Del Rio told Big Show he made a mistake and he brought what happened on himself. Del Rio said bad things happen to bad people. He claimed he was a nice guy, but Big Show owed him money for damaging his car and Ricardo was going to send him the bill. Alberto then told Big Show to “get well soon” and winked. What a man.
– Kelly Kelly and Eve d. The Bella Twins (Kelly pinned Brie) in 2:54. Match was better than most. Kelly pinned Brie (I think) with a Rocker Dropper.
– In the ring, Michael Cole was out to get an apology from Alex Riley. Cole explained the personal services contract and that the Raw GM had re-signed Alex Riley to Raw. So, yay draft. Although at this point, does it even matter? Cole compared Riley to Judas and Benedict Arnold. They showed a replay of last week, before Riley came out. Notable that he had new music, which is pretty good and he got a pretty big reaction coming out. Cole asked Riley “how could you?” and claimed Miz was like a father to Riley. He explained how Miz had helped Riley and Riley repaid him by attacking him. Cole then asked how he thought the “impressonable young men and women” watching were “emotionally affected” by Riley attacking Miz. Melodramatic Cole is great. Cole claimed Miz was “emotionally scarred” by what happened. He said he had one question, how could Riley justify his actions?
– Riley responded by saying he’d never felt better. Cole demanded that Riley get on his knees and beg for forgiveness. Eventually, Riley got tired of Cole and shut him up, saying he was annoying him, just like Miz. So Cole called Riley a bastard. Riley grabbed him and shoved him down, but The Miz ran in for the save. A brawl broke out and Miz had the better of it. But Riley cut him off and much like last week, he proceeded to beat the piss out of him. Which included a great looking dive over the barrier which was shot pretty much perfectly. Miz bailed through the crowd to escape and the fans again went nuts for Riley. So far, so good for Riley, they’ve done everything right so far.
– CM Punk d. Rey Mysterio in 6:05. Punk had Mason Ryan at ringside with him. This stemmed from last week, with Rey pinning Punk with Bret Hart’s considerable help. Mason got involved early, throwing him into the post to give Punk the advantage. Punk seemed like he was having fun. As you’d expect, these two had a really good match. Punk was sent over the announce table with a topé. Finish saw Rey counter a GTS with a hurricanrana. As he went for the 619, Mason tried to interfere, but got dropkicked to the floor. Punk caught Rey skinning the cat, countered Rey’s counter to the GTS this time and connected with a roundhouse kick to get the win. Good stuff.
– Kharma’s explanation was up next. Strangely, perhaps, she cut a normal, almost shoot promo. She said she had two dreams growing up. The first was to be a WWE superstar. She mentioned being on season two of Tough Enough and JR saying she was, quote, “too fat” to be a WWE Diva. So she went to Japan and scrubbed the floor of wrestling dojos in exchange for training. Not often you hear the word dojo on WWE TV. She mentioned travelling around the world, until her dream finally came true. Her second dream, she said, was becoming a mother. She admitted she was “with child” and therefore, she couldn’t risk doing anything physical. She promised the fans and promised to be back.
– The Bella Twins interrupted and, because they are mean, taunted Kharma for being fat. Basically playing the role of certain message board posters when the news broke. Kharma threatened to go after them, but couldn’t. She told the Bellas she hoped they’d still be around in one year, because now, she had a new dream. An interesting segment, for sure. It changes Kharma’s mystique, but turns out she’s a good talker. And she probably wasn’t going to stay heel for long. Although, if she’s gone for a year, what they do now may be irrelevant to what they do then.
– They had a new Capitol Punishment, Obama mock-up, haven’t I seen this gag in Conan monologues video. They still amuse me. And really, isn’t that what matters? It’s stupid in a good way. Although, this segment did mark the return of the Cole THIS IS FUNNY Snort, which is not good.
– Evan Bourne d. Jack Swagger in 3:14. Both guys took a big spill outside when Bourne countered a back suplex. Swagger dominated the match, even doing push-ups on Evan’s back. But Evan surprised him with a rolling cradle for the upset.
– R-Truth was talking to himself backstage. Meanwhile, Cena managed to walk past Zack Ryder filming the end of his Z! True Long Island Story. So look for that. As he came out for his match, they replayed some of the opening segment with the sound fixed.
– R-Truth d. John Cena via count out in 4:02. Crowd were hot again, which added to this quite a bit. Truth repeatedly bailed to the floor to break up the match. And also to rant at the crowd. Eventually, Cena went out after Truth, into the crowd. But Truth escaped and gave Cena a right hand, knocking him down long enough to sneak back in and steal the count out.
– Truth celebrated his win, then went back into the crowd. He went up to the father and son he picked out earlier in the show. And he took the kid’s drink, before throwing it at the dad. Truth ran off, as Cena checked on the fans.
NXT
– The rookies started the show in the ring. Maryse brought out Michael Cole and my heart sank a little. Yes, Cole and Grisham called the show. Yikes.
– The challenges returned this week too. The challenge was Tag Team Turmoil. Not so much a challenge as a huge match. Therefore, an improvement. The rookies got a chance to say why they shouldn’t be eliminated. Conor said he wasn’t done sacrificing himself for this business yet. Lucky said if you’re not a fan of him, you’re deaf, dumb and blind. Maryse laughed at his speech. I don’t know if that’s a good sign or not. He said he had a ‘queen’ up his sleeve.
– Darren Young was next and he went on a rant. And what a rant. He pointed out, quite rightly, that he was already a WWE superstar, that he was a Raw superstar and that he main-evented Summerslam last year. He said he should be challenging John Cena for the WWE Title. He said he shouldn’t be on NXT and that the entire show is a joke. He had a point. Sort of. Anyway, Byron said he did something that the WWE Universe wouldn’t have the guts to do last week by declaring his independence from Yoshi. Titus said he was bigger, badder and better than anyone else. Under the guidance of Hornswoggle, “the greatest pro in NXT history”. He promised to make it a win.
– Tag Team Turmoil: Lucky Cannon and Tyson Kidd d. Titus O’Neill and Hornswoggle (Tyson pinned Titus) in 2:37. Awkwardness reared it’s head a couple of times. Hornswoggle gave Tyson a multi rotation headscissors and blew a kiss to Maryse. Hornswoggle produced some flowers and Lucky shoves him down. The distraction allowed Tyson to give Titus a legdrop on the apron and a springboard elbow.
– Tag Team Turmoil: Lucky Cannon and Tyson Kidd d. Byron Saxton and Yoshi Tatsu (Lucky pinned Saxton) in 5:58. Byron and Yoshi couldn’t get along. To be fair, Cole wasn’t nearly as bad as I was expecting. Byron refused to tag when he had the chance. Which cost him, as Cannon caught him coming off the ropes with a big boot to eliminate him and Yoshi.
– Tag Team Turmoil: Conor O’Brien and Vladimir Kozlov d. Lucky Cannon and Tyson Kidd (Kozlov pinned Lucky) in 5:08. JTG came out with the match in progress, joining in on commentary. He called alot of people “haters”. Kozlov made the big comeback and pinned Lucky with the uranage. Most of the attention was on JTG though.
– Tag Team Turmoil: Conor O’Brien and Vladimir Kozlov d. Darren Young and Chavo Guerrero (Conor pinned Young) in 7:54. Kozlov made his big comeback again, but Young saved Chavo from a slam and Chavo managed to take Kozlov out with a spinkick. They worked over Kozlov. Kozlov got the tag and Conor made a big comeback of his own. As things broke down, Conor caught Young with a twisting saito suplex and got the pin, winning Tag Turmoil for his team and three redemption points.
– The show ended with the eliminations. Byron Saxton was eliminated. Byron claimed it was a mistake. He said the day he was sent home, they sent home a living breathing role model. So, that leaves four.
SUPERSTARS
– Booker T was on commentary for the Smackdown side, because Striker had upgraded himself to manager for the night.
– Tyson Kidd d. Trent Baretta in 4:22. Trent came out of the blocks fast and wiped Tyson out with his flip dive. But Tyson blocked a Dudebuster DDT on the floor and hiptossed Baretta into the barricade. Striker had two cellphones on the go and was handing out business cards. Like a Trent got knees up to block Tyson’s springboard elbow and fought back. A countered victory roll got the pin out of nowhere for Tyson though. Good as usual from these two.
– Striker put Tyson over after the match, telling him he was better than Bret Hart ever was. Striker said what Tyson needed wasn’t an advisor, it was an agent. He said people could call him the smartest man in WWE. That’s kind of him. I’ll take it under advisement. Striker used a bunch of agent speak on Tyson and promised to have his face all over WWE.com. They shook hands, so perhaps Tyson’s found his man. As they left, Striker genuinely offered to find girls for Tyson. I’m fine with Striker in this role.
– Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater d. The Usos (Gabriel pinned Jimmy) in 7:24. Usos were playing babyface. Booker claimed that The Usos would gain another 40 to 50 pounds in the next few years, which might help them. Because, you know, they’re Samoan. Jimmy Uso busted out some dance moves at one point. Usos looked real strong early and The Corre were forced to regroup. Tide swung when Slater turned Jey inside out with a clothesline on the floor. Finish saw Slater send Jey into the post, Jimmy get crotched and Gabriel finish him off with the 450. This was good. These four are all pretty underrated.
– Gail Kim d. Melina in 5:02. Decent Diva match. Plenty of fire from these two. Gail won with Eat Defeat. The Diva matches go much better when given time.
– Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga d. Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov (Otunga pinned Kozlov) in 4:33. Otunga escaped the Cobra early and allowed McGillicutty to cut him off. People still love Santino. Kozlov ran through Otunga with the big crazy comeback. Referee got caught up with Santino though and Otunga finished Kozlov off with a sloopy spinebuster slam. That aside, it was acceptable.
SMACKDOWN
– Christian d. Mark Henry in 4:28. The very first sentence Cole said had me wanting to hit mute. I hate this man on Smackdown. Hate. It was speed against power in this match. Christian makes a good opponent for Henry. Henry clotheslined Christian outside, but took a drop toe hold into the announce table. As they got back in, Christian escaped the World’s Strongest Slam and hit the Killswitch for a clean win.
– Christian got on the mic afterwards and said although he just beat the world’s strongest man, he felt he should have been in the title match instead of Sheamus. He showed footage of last week, where he had Sheamus pinned but the referee was caught up with Orton. He asked for one more chance. Teddy Long came out and said he’d already seen the footage and he agreed with Christian. So Christian asked him to make him the number one contender. Christian polled the crowd on it. Teddy said he wasn’t going to change the match, since Sheamus won last week, but he decided to make Christian the referee instead.
– Alicia Fox and Tamina (with Rosa Mendes) d. AJ and Kaitlyn (with Natalya) (Tamina pinned AJ) in 2:07. They had another cut-in with Natalya, AJ and Kaitlyn. Natalya’s advice was “please don’t lose”. Why did Tyson ditch her as a manager again? Better than last week. Tamina knocked Kaitlyn off the apron and pinned AJ with a samoan drop. No idea why Rosa was there.
– Cody Rhodes came out with the paper bag patrol. Cody claimed only losers say winning isn’t everything. He tried to claim Daniel Bryan didn’t beat him last week. Cody had his crew hand out the bags. They actually had a bag’s eye view, to help illustrate this. Yes, a bag cam. This bag thing cannot get too ludicrous. Such a state does not exist. Cody claimed Bryan would end up watching him, from the audience, win the World Title, with a bag on his head.
– Backstage, Striker tried to interview Khali. Jinder Mahal walked up and did the speaking for Khali though. Well, he spoke to Khali.
– Jinder Mahal d. Yoshi Tatsu in 1:11. Mahal had Khali with him. Squash. I think Yoshi got literally no offense. Jinder won with a full nelson slam. Afterwards, Jinder had Khali put Yoshi in the vice grip for good measure.
– WWE Intercontinental Championship: Ezekial Jackson d. Wade Barrett (c) by count out in 4:09. Match was fine between these two, again. Barrett hit an impressive looking Black Hole Slam. As Zeke closed in on becoming the new champion, Gabriel and Slater came out and threatened to get in, keeping him occupied as Wade took the countout. The Corre went to hit the ring afterwards, but Barrett bottled out, leaving Gabriel and Slater to get taken out by Zeke.
– Striker asked Sheamus if he was going to change his approach with Christian as champion. Sheamus saw Christian walk past and went after him. He tried to ‘sympathise’ with Christian, but Christian wasn’t buying it for a second. Christian reminded him he was in charge and told him to worry about Orton instead.
– Daniel Bryan d. Ted Dibiase by submission in 6:43. Fairly back and forth match. Cody Rhodes came out with the bag men during the match to watch. Dibiase turned a top rope hurricanrana into a sunset flip for a nearfall. Bryan hit the big dive, then got into a staredown with Cody. Which allowed Dibiase to catch him coming off the top with a dropkick, for two. Bryan then countered Dreamstreet into the Labell Lock. Really strong showing from both.
– Cody immediately jumped Bryan and it was two on one, until Sin Cara made the save (which was slightly telegraphed by the fact his trampoline just happened to be sitting at ringside).
– They showed a Raw recap of R-Truth and Cena. Johnny Curtis happened to be watching this, who you might remember won NXT last season and was supposed to get a Tag Title shot with Truth. Well, plans change. Curtis addressed the camera and explained this. He said he was going to do what any WWE superstar would do. He then poured milk over his head and pretended to cry. Get it! Someone’s been watching Zack Ryder’s show (and even then, that kind of joke’s never that funny, unless you like Carrot Top).
– World Heavyweight Title: Randy Orton (c) d. Sheamus in 11:00, with Christian as referee. About as you’d expect. Slow and methodical, plenty of brawling, nothing really wrong with it. Christian wasn’t a factor for the mostpart. Orton delivered a superplex for a nearfall. Eventually, Orton had Sheamus set up for the RKO. Sheamus countered and went for the High Cross, Orton escaped and Sheamus ended up running into Christian. Sheamus hit the Brogue Kick and Christian made the count, but stopped at two, claiming his arm was hurt. As Sheamus argued, Christian hit a right hand and Orton capitalised with the RKO.
– As Orton celebrated, Christian grabbed the World Title and laid Orton out with a belt shot. Christian yelled that he knew he could beat Orton and left with the title belt.