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This week: Before Night Of Champions comes a Week Of TV Shows. Featuring this week’s special guests, the Canadian special attraction squad! With Phil Brooks as CM Punk, Paul Levesque as Triple H and a couple of guys as Sin Cara. Plus, malfunctioning microphones, NXT roster depth and the paper bags finally strike back.
RAW SUPERSHOW
– Raw started with Alberto and Ricardo in the ring. Del Rio said he could take being booed, but he couldn’t take being disrespected like he was last week. He reminded everyone he took out Rey and forced Edge to retire. He wanted everyone to stop making fun of him. Bret Hart’s music hit to interrupt him. They were in Canada, so everyone was happy to see him, of course. Bret said he came out to give Alberto some advice. He said Alberto didn’t know what it meant to be a world champion. Alberto threatened to hurt Bret, but Bret didn’t want to hear it. He kept calling him “amigo”, too. He basically told Alberto to become a fighting champion. Del Rio said he looked like a “bump”. Uhm, I think he meant “bum”. Alberto ran Bret down and said he was the best there is. As it threatened to get physical, out came Cena. Cena was not quite as popular as Bret, fair to say. Cena insinuated Alberto didn’t know anything about cars as he told him to leave, enjoy the next six days as champion until Night Of Champions. Alberto teased a match, “right here right now”. And then volunteered Ricardo to face Cena. Instead, Cena suggested Alberto against Bret for the WWE Title. Thankfully John Laurinaitis changed it to a tag match instead, Alberto and Ricardo against Cena and Bret. Ricardo sold this segment.
– Alex Riley and John Morrison d. Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger (Riley pinned Swagger) in 2:47. Morrison and Ziggler worked together for a while, which is always fun. Riley and Swagger came in off the tag, which wasn’t quite so excited, but perfectly fine. Swagger and Ziggler ended up colliding, leading to Riley pinning him with a TKO, as Ziggler refused to make the save. Vickie yelled at Dolph after.
– Josh interviewed Truth and Miz, asking if they’re feelings on HHH had changed seeing as he agreed to their Night Of Champions match. Miz and Truth walked to the ring cutting their promo. Miz insulted CM Punk. Truth said “Ninja Please”, which needs to not catch on. Truth said that HHH, the COO, was coo-coo if he thought he was off the hook with them. They hit each other’s catchphrases, warning that Kofi and Bourne would GET GOT at Night Of Champions.
– The Miz d. Kofi Kingston in 4:59. After a back and forth start both men spilled outside, to be checked on by their partners. Miz gained the upper hand with a snapmare driver, which is a new one for Miz, I think. Kofi came back and this got pretty good. Kofi took a nasty looking hanging neckbreaker and Miz followed up with the Skull Crushing Finale for the victory.
– Vickie was backstage with Teddy, who informed her there’d be a fourway for the US Title at Night Of Champions, with Dolph, Swagger, Morrison and Riley. Vickie was mad and took it out on Kelly Kelly, who happened to be standing nearby. Vickie said she couldn’t wait for Beth to beat her and claimed even she could beat Kelly. Which was a poor choice of words, as Teddy booked them in a match.
– Otunga and McGillicutty were in the ring and mad with Lawler again. McGillicutty said he was born with a personality, because look who his father was and Otunga put himself over as a Harvard educated lawyer. Lawler told McGillicutty he wasn’t his father and Otunga obviously failed his charisma class. Lawler introduced his partner for the night, which was Sheamus.
– Jerry Lawler and Sheamus d. Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga (Sheamus pinned McGillicutty) in 2:31. As you’d expect, Sheamus ran through Otunga and McGillicutty pretty easily once he got in. Both got Brogue Kicked. Sheamus then finished off McGillicutty with the Celtic Cross.
– Backstage, Alberto found Ricardo trying to do some push ups. He despaired and walked off.
– Bret Hart and John Cena d. Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez (Bret submitted Ricardo) in 3:21. Poor Ricardo’s introduction for Alberto wasn’t quite it’s usual self, due to fear. Del Rio forced Ricardo to start the match off against Cena. Cena did some bullfighting moves with his red t-shirt to mock Ricardo. Ricardo took one back drop and tagged out. Del Rio played cat and mouse to lure Cena into an attack. Ricardo saved Del Rio from an AA, which counted as a tag and lead to poor Ricardo getting taken out by Cena. After running through his comeback, Cena hit the AA, as Del Rio bailed on his announcer. Cena then tagged in Bret to finish Ricardo off with the Sharpshooter. Cena then promised to beat Del Rio at Night Of Champions. This would have been better if the crowd were into Cena, which they absolutely weren’t.
– Kelly Kelly d. Vickie Guerrero in 1:10. ‘Highlight’ of the match was an incredibly bad looking bulldog by Kelly. Swagger came out and argued with Ziggler. Swagger laid out Dolph and the distraction lead to Kelly winning with a rollup. Quite pointless. Beth tried to attack Kelly afterwards, but Kelly surprised Beth with a kick and then ran away. Also quite pointless.
– Josh tried to interview Mark Henry. Henry didn’t want to hear any questions though. Henry said he attacked Show, Kane and Sheamus because for 15 years he’d got no respect. He promised to win the World Title and that Orton would enter the Hall Of Pain at Night Of Champions.
– Cody Rhodes d. Randy Orton in 7:13. Rematch from Smackdown. This wasn’t the same match as they had on Smackdown. Partly due to booking. Partly due to a shitty crowd. Mark Henry came out onto the stage to watch, but Orton grabbed a chair and Henry decided to leave. Orton dominated but kept looking back up at the stage incase Henry returned. Which he did, with his own chair. Orton went towards him but notited the referee’s count and ran back, into a kick from Rhodes. Henry moved his chair closer to the ring as Orton started his comeback. As Orton went for the RKO, Henry then threatened to get in the ring. With Orton and the referee distracted Cody hit Orton with his protective mask, then got the surprise win with Crossrhodes. The Night Of Champions build overshadowed the match. Which isn’t neccessarily a bad thing, obviously.
– Henry got in the ring afterwards with the chair and hit Orton across the back. He posed with the World Title, with Orton laid out.
– The Punk/HHH face-off was the main event. Or, if you prefer, the Paul/Phil face-off. Punk elected to start and told HHH he respected him. But, he didn’t like him. Punk said he knew HHH didn’t like him either and hadn’t since day one. They dredged up some history. Punk said he was just as bad as Vince. He brought up the “bodybuilder fetish” and said guys that fit their image were given more chance. HHH crapped on the bodybuiler thing and brought up some names who weren’t exactly bodybuilders. Triple H asked if Punk was using it as an excuse. He said it wasn’t about his opinion, it was about the fans and for years Punk wasn’t getting the reaction he is now. And once he got the fans behind him, he’d get whatever he wanted out of the business. Punk still wanted the ice cream bars. He told a story about teaming with Triple H at Survivor Series and people chanting his name instead of DX. HHH said Punk had opportunites and maybe Punk wasn’t the best in the world. He put Cena over and admitted he was wrong about him at one point. He said today the people were chanting for Punk, but last year, not so much. They talked about getting over a lot, until HHH finally remembered they had a match on Sunday and got around to cutting a promo on Punk about it. He said it was personal between them and Sunday, it wouldn’t be the business man he got, it would be the man he insulted. At which point this promo finally got good. Punk said he’d kick HHH’s ass as well and he’d win the match, to get rid of him as COO. Punk said it wasn’t Punk talking to HHH, it was “Phil Brooks talking to Paul Levesque”. Everybody went oooh like a bad sitcom. Then, Punk’s microphone cut out. HHH gave him his microphone instead, but that cut out too. HHH got another one from ringside and told him to lay the pipebomb on him. So Punk grabbed the microphone and laid Triple H out with it. And then gave him a crotch chop.
NXT
– Striker opened, but not with the usual spiel. He called JTG and Darren Young goons. JTG and Darren came out and told everyone to stop hating. Regal joined Striker in the ring and asked the other two to translate what JTG was saying. Young said he and JTG were the future of the WWE. Disagree. They said Regal and Striker didn’t respect them. Regal told them they were doing all this to teach them a lesson and admitted he wasn’t in great shape, but when they call him washed up that gets his attention. He threatened to beat them half to death. This all lead to a tag match being made between the four.
– Titus O’Neil and Percy Watson d. Derrick Bateman and Tyson Kidd (Titus pinned Bateman) in 7:06. If you need proof that NXT is just a third brand now, well, Percy Watson is back on NXT. The ex-NFL team looked good, until Bateman tripped Percy from the outside. Bateman then used a flying dropkick off the apron. After a huge midair dropkick by Percy to Tyson, Titus made an explosive hot tag. Things broke down and Titus won with the sky high out of nowhere.
– AJ was on the phone backstage, trying to contact Hornswoggle. Maxine walked up and AJ accusing her of doing something to Hornswoggle. Maxine claimed he’d gone to Palm Springs with The Bellas for the week. And apparently, she had photographic evidence, which she showed AJ. AJ stormed off and Maxine said that Photoshop was great. Like all good villians, she said this out loud.
– Maxine d. AJ in 7:00. Maxine dominated AJ and kept taunting her, asking where her boyfriend was. AJ eventually mounted some sort of comeback, but ended up losing to a version of Roxxi (of SHIMMER/TNA fame)’s finisher.
– Darren Young and JTG d. William Regal and Matt Striker (Young pinned Striker) in 9:36. With both the NXT commentator and NXT fill-in commentator teaming together, Michael Cole joined Jack Korpela on commentary. I’ll be honest, I hit mute. And from what I’ve read, you absolutely should too if you watch this, because apparently Cole was terrible. Shocking, I know. The match started with Regal and JTG doing a criss-cross and Regal standing back, letting JTG run back and forth for a while. Which was pretty fantastic. Regal and Striker then put Young in shattered dreams position in the corner and ran JTG into him like a battering ram. Which was an even more fantastic spot. (Both of which you can see in wonderful GIF form at http://www.tumblr.com/tumblelog/wwetumblrverse.) Young ended up getting the win after countering a lungblower and hitting the double knees gutbuster. This was a fun match. Just, avoid the sound. After the match, The Usos ran out for some reason and cleared the ring of JTG and Young. So, I guess they’re on the NXT brand now.
SUPERSTARS
– Ezekial Jackson d. Tyson Kidd by submission in 3:02. Tyson actually put in a good effort. But he was eventually caught trying to climb the ropes and pulled down in the Torture Rack, to finish a surprisingly even match while it lasted.
– Brodus Clay d. Mike Palmer in 1:39. Do I need to elaborate here? Brodus smash, Brodus pick opponent up at 2, Brodus crossbody, Brodus win.
– The Usos d. Trent Barreta and Johnny Curtis (Jey pinned Trent) in 5:13. A lot of new tag teams around this week. Titus and Percy. Bateman and Tyson. JTG and Young. Trent and Curtis. Coincidence? Well, maybe in this case. Curtis basically hogged the spotlight, tagging himself in and getting in Trent’s way while posing, that kinda stuff. Usos won a fun little match when Trent missed a whisper in the wind and The Usos hit the superfly splash.
– Zack Ryder d. Drew McIntyre in 11:27. Drew gained the advantage with a cheapshot over the referee’s shoulder as Zack was on the attack in the corner. And then, a sitout spinebuster out of the corner. Crowd were pretty into Ryder. Ryder fought back once and went for the Ruff Ryder, but Drew bailed outside. Drew got the heat all over again. But Zack rallied again and countered the Future Shock DDT, hitting the Ruff Ryder second time around for the win.
SMACKDOWN
– Edge came out, to a big hometown reaction. Edge said it felt good to stand in a WWE ring again. Long time since Summerslam, I guess. Edge said he’d had fun whilst being away, but he missed a lot about being a WWE star. Cody Rhodes was the inevitable interrupter. Cody accused Edge of sucking up to the people. Edge suggested he stop bitching and blaming other people for his problems. Cody called him bitter and didn’t understand why, since he won at Wrestlemania, unlike the tragedy he felt. But, Cody turned his career around and on Monday, he beat Randy Orton, so maybe now Edge was the tragedy. Cody got a paper bag and offered it to Edge. He told Edge to take it home with him, as a reminder of what Smackdown has become, the home of Cody Rhodes. Edge declined and left. As Cody ranted and raved that he wasn’t done, he started going around ringside insulting fans. Someone in a paper bag laid him out. And it was Ted Dibiase, who hoped the rail and attacked Cody. Ted laid him out with Dreamstreet and after KOing one of Cody’s baggers, went to paper bag Rhodes, but Cody bailed.
– Daniel Bryan d. Sin Cara by DQ in 5:01. Bryan came out hot, taking the fight to Sin Cara. Pretty physically, too. Cara cut off the suicide dive with a dropkick to the knee though. Sin Cara went after the leg from that point. Bryan got to show some intensity, like he hasn’t in a while. Unfortunately, what was a good match had a weak finish, as Sin Cara tied Bryan in the tree of woe and got disqualified for refusing to stop attacking.
– Sin Cara continued the attack after the match. Until, the lights dropped and Sin Cara made his entrance. Yes, dueling Sin Cara! Twin Cara! Everybody was confused, as the Sin Cara faced off. They both played to the crowd and the Mistico version got the cheers. The Hunico version backed down and left as the other wanted to fight.
– Zack was in Teddy’s office, worried about the Cutting Edge. Teddy said he’d envoked a no contact rule again between Orton and Henry this week. And he told Zack to go tell them both. Aksana’s sexy music entered the room. She offered Teddy a massage. Trish Stratus walked in mid massage, with Teddy in a compromising position. Awkward.
– Beth Phoenix d. AJ in 1:26. AJ had Kaitlyn with her, Beth with Natalya. Beth destroyed poor AJ. And won easily with the Glam Slam. Beth said the Cinderalles in the WWE were going to have an unhappy ending to their fairytale after.
– Trish tried to teach some yoga to Edge backstage. Christian walked up and tried to play friendly with Edge. Edge assumed he’d be mad, but Christian said Edge was just speaking his mind at Summerslam and they shared a good old friendly hug. Christian then tried to get Edge to talk to Teddy Long and convince him to give him another title shot. When Edge didn’t seem sure, Christian yelled at him. Edge started to tell him he was acting like a little bitch, so Christian cut him off and stormed away. Zack suddenly appeared and passed the buck to Edge in telling Henry and Orton about the non contact rule.
– Sheamus and Justin Gabriel d. Christian and Wade Barrett (Gabriel pinned Barrett) in 5:52. Before the match, Sheamus told Christian he had a face like a horse’s arse and told Wade he was a thick as a bag of cow manure and half as useful. He made a Demolition reference here, for some reason. Wade and Christian cut Gabriel off for the first part of the match. When Sheamus got the tag, he ran wild. Christian escaped the Celtic Cross but got sent outside. Sheamus then hit the Brogue Kick on Wade, leading to a 450 from Gabriel. Sheamus ran Christian off when he tried to attack after.
– Great Khali d. Heath Slater by DQ in 1:11. Khali had things well in hand, but Jinder came out and yelled at him on the microphone. He jumped in and attacked Khali. Jinder and Slater tried a two on one, but Khali fought back and laid out Slater as Jinder looked on.
– R-Truth d. Evan Bourne in 1:56. Miz and Kofi both did commentary. As if the Smackdown commentary isn’t enough off a mess at the best of times, this was a five man booth, with guys bickering back and forth. Somewhere in here there was a match. Which was pretty fun. Truth avoided Air Bourne and finished him off with the jumping flatliner
– Edge was back out for the Cutting Edge at the end of the show. He got the chance to talk about how important Toronto was to his career and also how important championships were. He brought out Mark Henry and Randy Orton. Edge reminded them about the no contact rule. And he insinuated that was good for Orton, because of what Henry had been doing recently. He asked Orton if he thought he could beat Henry on Sunday. Orton admitted Henry had demolished a lot of people, but the only time he’d attacked him was after he’d had a match. Orton said Henry had never won the big one and suggested that his best might not be good enough. He said he knew he could beat Henry.
– Edge said Orton had a point and Henry’s career had been disappointing. He asked how it was possible Henry had never been World or WWE Champion. He questioned Henry’s desire. Henry told Edge the only reason he’d let him walk out of the ring under his own power is because he was right. He said he’d seen people smaller and weaker than him become champion. But now, he was done smiling and showing personality, he was here to destroy. Henry said it took him 15 years to get here and he’d win the title on Sunday. Orton told him he’d be a 400 pound World’s Strongest Failure, like always. Henry got mad and it threatened to break down, but Edge reminded them about the contact rule. He very carefully moved his stools outside, got out of the ring and said the Cutting Edge was over. Which meant the contact rule was over and Henry and Orton could fight. Teddy brought the Smackdown undercard guys out to try and separate them, which didn’t seem to do much good. Henry hit the World’s Strongest Slam on Orton, then started laying everyone else out. He splashed Orton a couple of times, while throwing everyone else out of the ring. He then hit a second World’s Strongest Slam and posed with the belt to close the show.