This week: I know what you're thinking. Boy, I remember Raw last week, it was horrible! Well, if you'd prefer not to pour salt into an open wound, skip down a few paragraphs and it's like it never happened! Don't say I didn't warn you if you start having flashbacks. Plus, broomsticks, paper bags, Rob Naylor references, Coliseum Video flashbacks and oh yeah, Vince is back again.
RAW SUPERSHOW
– Raw started with no announcers, no opening video. Instead they showed Triple H walking to the ring. Crowd were into Triple H and all he did was walk. Impressive. HHH said he was bewildered last week at the walkout. HHH said they didn't walk out on him, they walked out on the people. He pointed out they were outside holding a solidarity rally. HHH said none of them were willing to perform unless he stepped down. He asked for the crowd's advice. Fans didn't want him to quit. So, he said he wouldn't. HHH told the ralliers to kiss his ass and threatened to wrestle a broomstick for two hours. He claimed the broomstick would give him a better match than most of the guys outside. Internet exploded. Fans in the arena exploded in a different way.
– John Cena came out. Cena said he'd been contacted to join the walkout. He said HHH was egomaniacal and power hungry. Cena said he'd worked for Vince McMahon and Eric Bischoff, both “humble guys”. Cena said he even made it through the Mike Adamle era. He loved Raw and didn't care who was in charge and for that reason, he was staying. Cena said he had loyalty with the fans. Crowd seemed happy about this, again. Sheamus appeared and brought up how when he attacked HHH from behind two years ago, HHH didn't complain, he came back and gave him the biggest arse kicking of his life. Sheamus joked that today the result would be different, but he respected HHH and he wasn't going anywhere either.
– Next out was Punk. Punk admitted this was all his fault. Punk said he made walking out look cool and everyone outside having a picnic misunderstood what he did. He said his contract expired and he was trying to prove a point to the company, not just one guy. Punk said he had plenty of reason to walk out since somebody was messing with him. He laughed off the “unsafe working environment” excuse and when he had a problem, he dealt with it personally. He said he was the last person the other three expected to see with him, but here he was. HHH said it was time to shut up and fight. HHH made Sheamus versus John Cena. HHH volunteered to be referee and offered Punk the chance to commentate. Punk agreed so long as he could wear HHH's blazer. Can't commentate without a blazer. HHH asked Punk to do double duty and ring the bell as well. Presumably Punk had a flashback to his IWA Mid South days, but agreed.
– Sheamus and John Cena went to a no contest with Triple H as referee. Punk did solo commentary. The match went about 30 seconds after commercial before Vince McMahon came out. Punk namedropped Rob Naylor in here somewhere. Vince asked everyone except HHH to leave. He thanked them for showing up, which was nice.
– Vince complimented everyone outside for standing up for what they believed in and so was HHH. Vince said he believed in HHH and said he liked the chaos that was going on. But, some people clearly didn't. Vince said he'd met with the Board Of Directors and they were worried about the finances of WWE as a result of the walkout potentially getting worse. So, HHH's services were no longer required. Vince said no McMahon was going to run Raw. Instead, the interim general manager would be John Laurinaitis. Laurinaitis came out, to big heat from the crowd.
– Laurinaitis welcomed everybody back into the building. John Morrison told Laurinaitis he sucked, which was a dumb thing to say. Laurinaitis sent him out for a match. Christian on the other hand was happy with Laurinaitis and Laurinaitis set him up against Morrison.
– Christian d. John Morrison in 1:12. JR, King and Cole came out for commentary. Gimmick here was both Morrison and Christian were wrestling in their street clothes, since they'd only just got back in the building. Cole compared himself to Ghandi. Christian was accompanied by Swagger, Ziggler and Cody. Morrison ended up being distracted by the guys on the outside and Christian capitalised with the spear. The four of them attacked Morrison after the match.
– Laurinaitis was on the phone with someone backstage. HHH walked in and Laurinaitis claimed he didn't want the job, he was just appointed. HHH threatened him and left.
– Randy Orton d. Mark Henry by DQ in 3:24. Henry cut a promo before the match saying he'd take on anyone, so long as they were number one contender and Big Show wasn't. Henry said he was still here despite what Big Show did to him and promised vengeance at Vengeance. Orton said he was wrong and vengeance would be his tonight. Orton was able to hit the draping DDT, but as he set up for the RKO Cody Rhodes ran in. Orton took out Cody and hit the RKO, but Cody broke up the pin. Cody attacked Orton. Orton fought back, but Cody countered the RKO by throwing him into Henry. Henry delivered two World's Strongest Slams to leave Orton laying. Cody then hit Cross Rhodes and bagged Orton! Cody asked if he wanted a reciept with his paper bag and laughed. Great man.
– Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres d. Rosa Mendes and Tamina (Eve pinned Tamina) in 2:23. Rosa managed to screw up Kelly's cartwheel spot by walking out of the corner into her path. Not sure how that's even possible. Kelly was still in angry mood. Eve got the win with a moonsault. Beth and Natalya were not happy backstage.
– John Laurinaitis came out afterwards. Laurinaitis made Del Rio versus Cena at Vengeance. Laurinaitis brought JR into the ring. He insulted JR and fired him. JR was like “okay”. People got mad. Cole started shouting. Next.
– Mason Ryan and Air Boom d. Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger and David Otunga (Mason pinned Ziggler) in 5:23. The babyfaces looked good against Dolph and then Swagger early on. Swagger was able to crotch Kofi to turn the match in his team's favour. Mason ran wild off the tag. As things broke down, Swagger blocked Evan's double knees with a nasty powerbomb. Mason took out Swagger and then gave Ziggler the swinging uranage to pin the US Champion.
– Alberto Del Rio and CM Punk went to a no contest. Evenly matched to start. Punk missed his knee in the corner and went over the top to the floor. Laurinaitis came out at this point and stopped the match. He changed the match to Punk and Del Rio against the newly reinstated Miz and Truth.
– CM Punk and Alberto Del Rio d. The Miz and R-Truth by DQ in 8:02. Truth and Miz were fired up and took the fight to Del Rio. Del Rio fought back and let Punk in. Punk and Del Rio were able to work together as a team for a while, until Del Rio hurt his knee. Del Rio decided this was a good time to leave and walked out on Punk. Punk went two on one against Miz and Truth and actually held his own for a while. But Miz and Truth dogpiled Punk and attacked forcing the referee to DQ them. Triple H ran in to make the save. Punk and HHH took the fight to Miz and Truth around ringside. Miz and Truth ran away and HHH shook hands with Punk. Backstage, Laurinaitis told Otunga he was booking HHH and Punk against Miz and R-Truth at Vengeance.
Clearly people were really mad about this show. Like, hysterically so in certain cases. It wasn't good, but I feel I've seen worse. After the whole “worst Raw ever!” and “I hope WWE dies!” stuff exploded, I was expecting far worse, so maybe I just had low expectations. Nothing will ever “top” late 2009 guest host era for terrible shows for me, either way.
NXT
– Derrick Bateman and Maxine opened the show. Bateman was happy that order had been restored on Raw, thanks to his “close personal friend” John Laurinaitis. Bateman said he and Maxine's opinions were the only ones that mattered on NXT. He made a joke at the expense of Tony Romo. Titus O'Neil and Percy Watson interrupted Maxine. Titus called Maxine fishlipped. They said there were two rookies left on the show, Bateman and Titus. Bateman said they were pandering and the fans were jealous of the raw, animalistic love he and Maxine shared. Titus wasn't impressed. Titus said this season had been extremely long. Amen. They called Bateman booty whipped. Striker finally interrupted and made Bateman versus Percy and Maxine versus AJ.
– How to win back your exick payday loans'>quick payday loansration: underline”>AJ d. Maxine in 5:07. Maxine spent a large part of the match stretching poor AJ out, as usual. AJ fought back and after rolling through a schoolboy attempt got the win with a shining wizard.
– Striker interviewed Hawkins and Reks backstage. Reks said they sent a message to The Usos. Hawkins said they were the first Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks and they didn't need to piggyback off of ancestors. He said his elbow drop was a better homage to Jimmy Snuka than anything the Usos could do.
– The Usos d. Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks (Jimmy pinned Reks) in 11:40. The Usos now have pyro in their haka entrance. Pretty cool. The Usos took some frustrations out on Hawkins and The Usos took out both opponents with dives to the outside. Hawkins and Reks finally got the advantage and isolated Jimmy for a while. Jimmy was able to knock both opponents outside and make the tag. Reks almost got the win catching Jey coming off the top with a powerslam. But a miscommunication by Reks and Hawkins lead to a double superkick and double superfly splash to get the win.
– Percy Watson d. Derrick Bateman in 6:59. Percy made a better opponent for Bateman than Titus does. Bateman dropkicked Percy off the ropes to cut his fast start off. Finish saw Percy use a modified flapjack for the pin.
SUPERSTARS
– Santino Marella d. JTG in 5:09. Santino's “Marella Martial Arts” had JTG confused, but he backed off from the Cobra and cut Santino off. People still love Santino. And he fought back to unleash the Cobra.
– Alex Riley d. Drew McIntyre in 7:01. Riley got a surprisingly big pop considering his push has cooled lately. Maybe it's the music. But they seemed pretty into him during the match too. Riley used a nice DDT variation out of the corner, but Drew countered a dive by guiding Riley face first into the ring steps. After trading big moves at the end, Drew set up for the Future Shock, but Riley escaped and picked up the victory with a TKO. Good little match.
– Ezekial Jackson d. Heath Slater by submission in 6:07. Remember Ezekial Jackson's “shh” thing from the Jinder Mahal match? Well, why would you? But, yeah, he did that here again, so apparently that's going to be a 'thing' now. Call me cynical, but that's never getting over. Zeke put Slater away with the torture rack.
SMACKDOWN
– Teddy Long and John Laurinaitis came out onto the stage. Teddy spoke about this being a milestone show and Smackdown being second only to Raw in long running shows, or something. Teddy made the largest battle royal in WWE history, with the winner getting a match against the champion of his choosing later on.
– Randy Orton won a 41 Man Battle Royal, last eliminating The Miz, to earn a title shot later in the night.
Participants: CM Punk, John Morrison, Curt Hawkins, Alex Riley, Dolph Ziggler, Zack Ryder, Mason Ryan, Kofi Kingston, Tyler Reks, Drew McIntyre, David Otunga, Primo, JTG, Michael McGillicutty, Percy Watson, Santino Marella, Jack Swagger, The Miz, R-Truth, Christian, Daniel Bryan, Cody Rhodes, Ezekial Jackson, Yoshi Tatsu, Wade Barrett, Jinder Mahal, Sin Cara Negro, Heath Slater, Ted Dibiase, Justin Gabriel, Derrick Bateman, Trent Baretta, Johnny Curtis, William Regal, Tyson Kidd, Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, Matt Striker, Sheamus, Titus O'Neil, Randy Orton
Yes, 41 guys. Lots of very crowded battle royal brawling. Honestly, I was a big mark as a kid for the 40 man battle royals that WWF did around '92, that Tatanka would usually win. As well as battle royals in general. So this was kinda cool. In selected highlights since there were 41 guys to keep track of: Orton eliminated Cody straight away as payback for Raw. Drew eliminated Johnny Curtis, which is the closest Drew's had to a win in a while. Regal and Bryan managed to find each other in the melee and exchange some european uppercuts. Bryan eventually eliminated Regal. Ryder eliminated Ziggler. Truth and Miz started working together once the field thinned down a little and eliminated a number of guys together. Mason Ryan eliminated four guys in quick succession, but was then flipped out by Barrett from behind. Christian knocked Santino out as he went for the Cobra. Sheamus went on a run of eliminations, sending about five out in a row, before eliminating Christian as well.
The final eight were Sheamus, Jinder Mahal (somehow), Wade, Swagger, Orton, Punk, Truth and Miz. Punk quickly got rid of Truth, but was caught from behind by Miz and thrown out straight after him. Sheamus gave Miz a Brogue Kick and Miz rolled outside. Christian came back and eliminated Sheamus, despite being out. Orton got rid of Wade, Swagger and Jinder (who inexplicably made it to the final three) in quick succession. He thought he'd won, but Miz snuck back in. Miz tried to throw Orton out, but Orton hung on. Crowd got behind Orton at this point and Orton made his big comeback, before both men ended up on the apron. Miz pushed Orton back into the post, but Orton came back and gave Miz an RKO on the apron. Both guys hit the floor, but Miz hit first, so Orton won.
– Josh got in the ring to interview Orton about who he was going to challenge. Orton said it was an easy decision and he chose Mark Henry. Orton promised vengeance would be his and he'd take back the World Title too.
– Teddy caught up with Del Rio and Ricardo backstage. Del Rio said he was leaving, since Orton chose to face Mark Henry. But Teddy told him he'd be facing Sheamus instead.
– Beth Phoenix d. Kelly Kelly in 1:52. Kelly was aggressive again. After an even match, Beth got the clean pin with the Glam Slam. After the match, the announcers talked about the WWE Network and Booker joked that he was working on a late night Leno style talk show called The Book Show. I don't care if he was joking. This has to be made.
– Backstage, Sin Cara Negro assaulted Sin Cara Azul backstage as Azul was scheduled for a match. Negro stole Azul's mask and replaced his black mask with the blue one.
– Sin Cara Negro d. Justin Gabriel in 1:35. Negro came out wearing Azul's mask. So, presumably Gabriel was booked to face Azul's mask and this counted as a fair replacement? Sin Cara crotched Gabriel as he went for the 450 and put him away with the senton off the top.
– Teddy was with Air Boom in his office. Teddy said Bourne couldn't compete tonight due to his injury. Vickie came in and demanded Air Boom defend the titles against Swagger and Ziggler, but Teddy declined. Zack Ryder came in and volunteered to team with Kofi instead.
– Alberto Del Rio d. Sheamus in 3:58. Back and forth match until Del Rio started focusing on Sheamus's arm to slow him down. Sheamus came back but as he went up for the flying shoulder block, Ricardo distracted him. Sheamus kicked Ricardo, but the referee didn't see Christian run down and crotch Sheamus on the top. Del Rio took advantage with his climbing enziguri and a buzzsaw kick to steal the win. Christian gave Sheamus a couple of spears after the match to add insult to injury.
– Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger d. Kofi Kingston and Zack Ryder (Ryder pinned Ziggler) in 6:58. Swagger and Ziggler cut Zack off and worked him over. Kofi got the hot tag and had Ziggler set up for Trouble In Paradise, but Swagger pulled him to safety. The heels got the advantage Kofi on during the commercial, thanks to Vickie's distraction. Zack ran wild on Ziggler. Ziggler countered the Ruff Ryder, but Zack countered the sleeper. The finish saw Swagger cut off the tag, but as the referee put him out, Kofi hit Trouble In Paradise behind the ref's back and allowed Zack to get another pin over the US Champion. This really picked up as it went along.
– Striker interviewed Sheamus. Sheamus was still mad at what Christian did. He said he realised Christian was a pain in his arse he couldn't get rid of. He told an olde Irish fable about a troll in his village in Ireland. They piped in fake laughs, which didn't help this. Essentially, he called Christian a troll and threatened to boot his head off.
– World Heavyweight Championship: Randy Orton d. Mark Henry (c) by disqualification in 7:06. Orton tried to play hit and move with Henry to start. Which worked, until Henry shoved him clean out of the ring to block a DDT. Henry sent Orton into the ring post outside. But he couldn't put Orton away. Orton started to mount a comeback, but Cody ran out for the disqualification again.
– Cody prepared to bag Orton again, but Big Show ran out. Cody bailed as Big Show knocked Henry down with a shoulder block. Cody tried to attack, but Big Show threw Cody into an RKO. Orton then threw Henry into a Big Show chokeslam, leaving Orton and Show standing tall at the end of the show.