This week: Weeks of somewhat adequate preparation lead to Raw getting Rocked, as The Rock takes time out of his busy schedule to tell us all about his busy schedule and like the Red Sox, ensure Miz and Truth prematurely hit Rock Bottom in Boston. Plus, the long awaited return of Mick Foley, the long awaited return of B-2, JR busts some moves and all the Twitter you can (Twitter) handle.
RAW SUPERSHOW
– Raw started with the Michael Cole Challenge. The positive way of looking at this is, at least they got it out of the way early. Cole actually got decent heat coming out. Cole did the Brother Love “ask a question and pull the microphone away” trick. He had a very Brother Love like white suit too. First challenge was arm wrestling. Crowd chanted for JR. Cole did the worst one armed push-ups ever. After much stalling, JR won in a second. Cole claimed he gave up. Second challenge was a dance off. Yes, a dance off. JR actually danced in one of 2011's most surreal moments and the crowd chanted his name. JR of course won the fan approval vote. Cole said JR would get his job back if he won the final competition. So, I guess this wasn't best of 3. Final competition was “who weighs less” and the crowd immediately died. Cole of course won. Alright, I know I'm in the minority, but the sheer absurdity of this was pretty amusing at points. And Cole is entertaining when he's actually playing the fool. The insults and the final 'challenge' killed it though.
– CM Punk showed up and said Cole's time was up. Punk said the whole thing was a collossal waste of time, except for JR dancing which was awesome. He said JR was a better announcer than Cole which is what mattered. Punk crapped on Cole and the segment in a little too honest and correct of a way. He said he wanted to make the show more interesting as WWE Champion and he was going to start with Cole. John Laurinaitis interrupted. He talked about his Twitter followers, which I'm sure sent some people into a conniption fit, but to be honest, I'm over the whole Twitter outrage and it's all now amusing to me. Sorry. Laurinaitis set up Punk and Show versus Del Rio and Henry later. Cole laughed about that and demanded an apology, so Punk gave him a headbutt and put him in the Anaconda Vice while 'apologising'.
– Outside, a limo showed up. Striker thought it was Rock, but instead Mick Foley got out.
– Cody Rhodes and Hunico d. Kofi Kingston and Sin Cara (Rhodes pinned Kofi) in 4:34. Cody has a new remix of his theme. He did a promo saying Orton emanscipated him. So basically, the mask is gone and I guess the paper bags are gone too. Hunico worked some nice stuff with both opponents early. Kofi and Cara hit stereo dives to the floor. Cody got the win with Cross Rhodes as things broke down. Fun little match.
– Backstage, The Rock showed up.
– Santino was playing WWE 12 when Zack Ryder showed up. Zack asked him to sign his US Title online petition. They argued over who was better between Rock and Cena, but agreed they'd win at Survivor Series and Santino signed his petition.
– Vickie showed up and revealed that Christian had suffered an ankle injury during the European tour, meaning he'd be out of Survivor Series. So, Dolph Ziggler was going to be replacing him on Wade Barrett's Group Of Equals. Dolph made some fun of Mason Ryan and said he'd get a taste of what was in store for Orton's team.
– Mason Ryan d. Dolph Ziggler by DQ in 1:05. Before the match, Laurinaitis had Cole, in a sling, replace JR on commentary. Mason dominated, until Vickie slapped him for the disqualification. Morrison showed up and threw Ziggler back into the ring, so Mason could deliver a full nelson slam.
– In the back Foley ran into Zack and after being taught the fistpump, he signed the petition.
– Foley then came to the ring. He talked about the Survivor Series main event and suggested that we could see The Rock and Cena Connection form as a result. He pointed out the flaw in the plan. I.e., people always booed Cena. Foley said he'd make things right and brought Cena out. Cena told Foley he didn't need to be friends with Rock to team with him. Foley said he and Cena had mutual respect. He put Cena over and revealed a shirt, which was half Rock shirt, half Cena. He wanted to be the thread that brought Rock and Cena together and to do this, he decided to do John Cena: This Is Your Life
– Cena wasn't sure about this, but Foley didn't listen and they showed a wacky Cena tribute video with Cena baby pictures and such. So cheesy, even Cena thought it was cheesy. Foley then brought out Cena's old little league coach. The coach told a story about Cena failing at baseball and crying, then left. Next up, Foley brought out B-2. Yes, Bull Buchanan. Cena was not exactly elated to see him. Bull acted like they were old pals and talked about how Cena was his greatest tag team partner. Bull talked about how Cena had gone onto great things and tried to talk about what he'd been doing, which turned into a hard luck story about being fired, getting divorced and getting rabies from his dog. Bull said Cena ruined his life and stormed off. Foley wasn't done and brought out John Cena Sr. Cena Senior cut a theatrical heel promo on the people who boo Cena. Much to Cena's embarrassment. Cena eventually cut his dad off and sent him backstage. Cena said people could feel however they wanted about him, including Rock. He said his life was this ring and put an end to the “catastrophe”. Foley tried to salvage it, but The Rock interrupted. Rock walked to the ring, promptly gave Foley a Rock Bottom and equally as promptly left. Wackiness, this. The idea was probably better than the time this took, but it was okay.
– Sheamus d. Jack Swagger in 5:48. Sheamus looked good early, but Swagger clipped his knee to turn the tide. Sheamus fought back and after escaping the ankle lock, got the win with the Brogue Kick.
– Zack tried to get the Bellas to sign his petition, but they blew him off when Alberto walked by. They suggested that they hang out after Survivor Series. Alberto promised a big party after he won, but Zack said they should party with him instead, causing Alberto to leave disgusted.
– Kelly Kelly d. Natalya in 0:53. Kelly won quick after countering the Sharpshooter into a cradle. An utterly token Diva segment.
– Laurinaitis was on the phone, apparently telling Brodus the timing wasn't right to debut this week. Sigh. Del Rio showed up and Laurinaitis said Punk had been showing him up lately. Del Rio promised to beat Punk, if he made it to Survivor Series. Laurinaitis seemed pleased.
– Striker interviewed Miz and Truth. He asked if they felt overshadowed. They refused to answer any of his questions and walked off.
– As Punk was walking to the ring for the tag team match, Del Rio attacked him.
– Alberto Del Rio and Mark Henry d. CM Punk and Big Show (Alberto pinned Punk) in 9:06. Show and then Punk took the fight to Del Rio. The beating forced Del Rio to tag out to Henry, pairing Show and Henry off. They tested strength and Show finally got Henry down on the third attempt. But a body slam failed and Henry fell on top, allowing Henry and Del Rio to take over. When he got an opening, Show set up the knock out punch and Henry tagged out. Henry and Del Rio cut Punk off after the break. Punk made a comeback and Show came in to knock Henry down, but that distracted the ref and allowed Henry to save Del Rio from a springboard clothesline, catching Punk for a World's Strongest Slam instead. Del Rio put the cross armbreaker on after the match for good measure until Show ran him off.
– Santino came out and talked about how he almost won the Royal Rumble in the same building. Santino vowed to be champion next time he came back to Boston. Kevin Nash interrupted. Nash said he was one of Santino's biggest fans. He got Santino to do the trombone, then laid him out with a boot and talked about getting the biggest cheer in the Royal Rumble. Nash said he was there and HHH wasn't, then gave Santino the Jackknife.
– Randy Orton d. Wade Barrett by DQ in 3:37. Barrett came out with his group of equals and cut a promo saying Orton was the past and he was the present and future. He promised to beat Orton again and lead by example for his team. Orton came out with his Survivor Series team as well. Inevitably, as Orton made his comeback and set up for the RKO Cody jumped in, leading to a big five on five melee to preview Survivor Series. Team Orton cleared the ring, with Hunico getting an RKO and getting pressed onto his partners by Mason.
– The main event was The Rock's return (sort of?) promo. He's gigantic. After much chanting, Rock talked about waking up early, training in the gym, shooting his movie and how he couldn't wait to show up at Raw. He referenced a bunch of Boston stuff for some cheap pops and said finally he'd come back to Boston. Rock moved on to Survivor Series. He apologised to Foley, but he had to put an end to his “steaming hot garbage” early. Rock talked about Twitter and said when he said something, it trended. He said “Boots To Asses”, which I guess is his new catchphrase slash t-shirt slogan and said it'd be trending now. Everyone dutifully chanted it, because he's The Rock, as if to prove his point. Rock said he wasn't waiting six days and called out Miz and Truth.
– Miz did his Really? schtick and they said Raw wasn't getting Rocked, every time they were on the show it got Awesome. They threatened to beat Rock down right now. Miz stopped Truth though. Miz said they were going to wait until Survivor Series. Cena came down and both he and R
ock started making snide remarks about each other, while staring Miz and Truth down. Rock said Cena had “lady parts”, which I guess is Rock's new taunt slash thing only he's cool enough to get away with saying. Rock said that'd be trending now. The crowd dutifiully chanted lady parts, because he's The Rock, as if to prove his point. Cena suggested that “Cena bitchslapped Rocky” might be trending worldwide if Rock's ego got in the way at Survivor Series. Miz ran them both down and said last time he was made an afterthought by them, he won at Wrestlemania. They said they'd see Rock and Cena on Sunday. Rock and Cena attacked. Rock gave Truth the Rock Bottom. Cena then went to hit the AA on Miz, but Rock pulled Miz down and hit a Rock Bottom, then left. Which didn't do much for Miz and Truth.
NXT
– Titus O'Neil and Percy Watson started out in the ring, with couches set up. Titus said this season had been extremely long. Factually correct. He said what kept him motivated was the light at the end of the tunnel, the chance to be the next WWE superstar. Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins interrupted. Tyler ragged on Titus and he and Curt put themselves over a little. They said they fell from grace, not Titus and they were embarrassed an ex football player wanted on their roster. Titus got hot, but Derrick Bateman interrupted him and wanted to celebrate his engagement to Maxine. They teased him about Johnny Curtis. Bateman insisted that like Curtis's Smackdown career, it went nowhere. Bateman got mad about the “fishlips” comments and it broke into a shoving match. Striker put a stop to it and booked Reks versus Titus later, plus Bateman and Percy.
– Percy Watson d. Derrick Bateman in 4:15. Titus sat in on commentary. Percy looked pretty good here. Percy got the win with the Percycution. Pretty decisive win actually.
– Curtis met with Maxine backstage. Curtis said he didn't want things to be awkward, whilst making things very awkward. Maxine told him not to be conniving, since she invented that game. Curtis pointed out that Bateman just lost. Maxine started teasing him, but then slapped him, which Curtis didn't seem too concerned about.
– JTG d. Yoshi Tatsu in 4:06. JTG was accompanied by Tamina again this week. Tamina played into the finish, as her distraction allowed JTG to post Yoshi and roll him up.
– As JTG and Tamina walked backstage they ran into The Usos, but Tamina didn't want to hear it and they walked off. Bateman ran up, looking for Maxine. Curtis showed up and goaded Bateman about him and Maxine. Maxine then walked up and they argued. Bateman braced himself for a slap, but Maxine stormed off instead. Curtis made things worse, saying if he needed any advice, Maxine had his number. Bateman got on the phone, wanting to talk to Teddy Long.
– Titus O'Neil d. Tyler Reks in 6:31. Hawkins and Percy were both at ringside with their partners. Hawkins got involved, shoving Titus into the apron, so Percy laid him out. The referee sent both men to the back as a result. The fact this was a decent match shows these two have improved this year. Titus got the victory with the sky high. After the match though, Darren Young returned and laid Titus out with the double knee gutbuster. Darren said he wasn't back for redemption, he was back for retribution. Bit of a down week this week for the show.
SUPERSTARS
– Alex Riley d. Drew McIntyre in 7:31. Riley out wrestled Drew early on, frustrating him. Drew managed to clip Riley's injured leg on the apron to take control. Drew worked the leg and even put the figure four on around the ring post. After posting McIntyre, Riley fought back. Riley's bad leg prevented him from lifting Drew for the TKO first time around, but Drew ended up laid across the top turnbuckle later, aiding Riley in getting him up and hitting the TKO for the win.
– Epico and Primo d. The Usos (Epico pinned Jey) in 5:58. The Colons V.2 worked well as a team first time out. And they took advantage of a distracted referee, Primo delivering a front lungblower and Epico following up with a regular one to get the pin. Yay tag division!
– Tyson Kidd d. Trent Baretta in 4:09. Tyson gained control after avoiding a baseball slide and hitting a soccer kick from the apron. Striker spent the start of the match having Twitter explained to him by Josh. So, if you're after a FAQ for Twitter, watch this match. Trent got a few nearfalls, one with an impressive whisper in the wind. But Tyson managed to win with a brainbuster.
SMACKDOWN
– Smackdown opened with Mark Henry assaulting Daniel Bryan backstage. Henry brought Bryan out to the ring . Once in the ring, Bryan tried to fight back, but Henry overwhelmed him. Henry hit a splash and two World's Strongest Slams before referees came out to help. Henry promised there was more where that came from. He said what he did to Big Show obviously wasn't enough, so he'd get more pain at Survivor Series. He promised someone would get carried out of Survivor Series and it wouldn't be him.
– Dolph Ziggler d. Sin Cara in 4:27. Vickie did an introduction for Ziggler before the match. Sin Cara was over here. Ziggler grounded him for a while, then when Cara picked up the pace Dolph merely came to a stop and stalled the momentum. Which was great. Cara finally got going and took Ziggler out with a dive, but Ziggler cut him off. Cara made a strong comeback and almost pinned Ziggler with a roll up, but Ziggler reversed and pulled the tights for the win. Both guys looked great here. Fun match. Ziggler goaded Sin Cara afterwards and Sin Cara attacked, until Swagger ran out. Swagger and Ziggler hit a double team fameasser. Mason Ryan ran out and cleared them off, leading to…
– Mason Ryan d. Jack Swagger in 4:19. Swagger tried to ground Ryan and prevent his power game. This was surprisingly even. Ryan eventually came up with the full nelson slam though.
– Zack asked Alicia and Gabriel to sign his petition. Big Show walked up and signed it. They told him what happened to Bryan and Show got serious, storming off.
– In Teddy's office, Ted was playing WWE 12 with Hornswoggle. Yup. Teddy complimented him on his Dibiase Posse deal. Aksana and her sexy music showed up. She flirted with Teddy as usual and much innuendo was had.
– Christian came out, wearing a neck brace and using a crutch because of his ankle. Christian lamented over being chokeslammed by Big Show. He blamed Teddy Long for booking him against Sheamus all over Europe and claimed he injured his ankle by over-compensating for his neck. Christian said he wouldn't be at Survivor Series, but as a team player he would still inspire Team Barrett to victory. He said usually he'd ask for one more match at the World Title, but now, he dreamed of having just one more match period. Christian criticised the crowd for their lack of sympathy and said he had feelings. He said there'd be consequences for Teddy and said good riddance to the crowd.
– In the trainer's room, Bryan was being checked on and AJ was there too. Big Show walked in and blamed himself. Show vowed to go find Henry.
– Ted Dibiase d. Derrick Bateman in 2:38. Bateman made it to TV! Bateman and Maxine even got an inset promo, saying they were bringing their love to Smackdown. I guess this is what Bateman wanted to talk to Teddy about on NXT. Booker claimed he won “about 95%” of his matches with Sharmell in his corner. Bateman wasn't so successful with Maxine, beaten with Dreamstreet.
– Big Show walked up to Tyson and Jinder. Jinder said something to him and smirked, so Show told him to say it in English. He declined and Show punched him. Tyson calmly stepped over Jinder's body and walked away.
– Show came to the ring and said it was too bad Mark Henry left. He said he was trying to focus on Survivor Series and if he took his anger into that match, he'd get disqualified instead of taking the World Title. Show played the footage of Henry breaking his ankle at Money In The Bank. Show brought up what Henry said earlier and promised Henry would be carried out of Survivor Series and that he'd lose the World Title. Big Show loaded up his fist and said it was coming for Henry on Sunday.
– Kofi Kingston d. Hunico in 5:01. Hunico cut a promo in Spanish. Hunico was impressive and this was a solid match. Finish saw Hunico duck Trouble In Paradise and almost win by reversing a crossbody, but then get distracted and fall to the SOS.
– Beth Phoenix and Natalya d. AJ and Kaitlyn (Natalya submitted AJ) in 2:53. After starting strong, Kaitlyn was worked over by Beth and Natalya. AJ got the tag, but Natalya put on the Sharpshooter and bridged back for the submission. That looked kinda painful. They kinda teased Kaitlyn wasn't happy afterwards.
– Randy Orton and Sheamus d. Wade Barrett and Cody Rhodes by DQ in 7:50. Cody did a weird inset promo, so he's still somewhat retaining the character he had. He's dropped the voice though. Shame. Wade and Cody briefly isolated Sheamus, but Orton ran wild off the tag. Orton had Barrett set up for the RKO when Cody ran in to help, leading to Wade cutting Orton off with a big boot. Christian came to ringside to watch, as Orton was worked over. Crowd were into this. Sheamus came in hot off the tag and ran through Cody. As he set up for the Brogue Kick, Christian distracted and jabbed him with the crutch, causing the DQ. Cody hit the Beautiful Disaster and it turned into a two on one with Wade and Cody. But Sheamus hit Cody with a Brogue Kick and Wade with the crutch, leading to an RKO by Orton. Sheamus gave Cody the Celtic Cross and Orton and Sheamus ended the show standing tall.