CHIKARA- The 13th Hat DVD Review

-Taped from Easton, PA

 -Your hosts are of course various members of the CHIKARA roster and staff

-We cut to the cave Ring of Honor may or may not be living under. Ultramantis Black and Hallowicked have the Eye of Tyr. The BDK is no more. Therefore, Delirious is released. If any other company did s skit like this, I’d be like “This is the dumbest thing ever.” CHIKARA does it… I shrug, give them credit for finishing the story, and move on. Delirious apparently remembers everything.

-Gavin Loudspeaker doesn’t have a guitar but that doesn’t mean he can’t sing a song. He sings with bells on…literally. It’s more of a cheer than a song, but what can you do?

Match in Five Words or Less:  The Student Becomes The Masters

Match Highlights: Referees are in new aqua blue shirts. I mention this only because I’m a giant nerd who notices those kinds of things. Quack yells at some people who showed up late before the match. Hilarious. Code of Honor followed. Their two previous bouts have been heavily submission based but were prompt. This time, we know about the match weeks in advance, but it is also submission based. You get to see some great chain wrestling in this contest, Lots of holds exchanged, many of which I don’t know the name of. They exchange versions of the single leg crab within the contest.  While Quack has Green down, he double chops him. Green comes back with some of his own. Green Ant rolls and kicks Quack in the back of the leg. They take turns bouncing off the ropes. Armbar by Green Ant. Cross armbreaker. Quack escapes. Green Ant rolls into an anklelock. Quack goes for Quackendriver 3. Green Ant rolls into CHIKARA Special: Green. QUACK TAPS!

Match Analysis: Hell of a way to start the year with Green Ant picking up the biggest victory of his singles career. I enjoyed every minute of this. This is how someone can do a realistic submission based contest without going overboard. The fans, Bryce Remsburg on commentary, and Green Ant’s celebration made this feel so much more important than it had any right to be.

 Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: Green Ant/10:09/***/***1/2

-Dasher Hatfield is out to talk about a few things. He puts over the CHIKARMY and thanks them for their support.  He talks about the way the people of Easton welcomed Sugar Dunkerton  to the fold. Apparently, a distant cousin wants to now be a wrestler as well. Here comes. MR. TOUCHDOWN!

Dasher takes his hat off to one Mr. Touchdown. Touchdown calls the fans nerds  and gives himself a bunch of nicknames. He shoves a football hard into Dasher and heads to the back.

 Match in Five Words or Less: A Major test

Match Highlights: This is the second straight match where a younger member of the roster is taking on someone more established. Kobald charges right away. Back elbow and dropkick by Jigsaw. Kobald takes a walk. Both men take turns going in and out of the ring. Kobald walks in and gets booted. Chop in three corners. Kick combo and double stomp. Shot to the back of Jigsaw. Strike exchange. Kobald scratches Jigsaw’s back. Springboard elbow drop. Bow and arrow. Chops and biting from Kobald. Kobald uses his earring on Jigsaw. Double chops followed by another running elbow. Abdominal stretch.  Jigsaw counters. Kobald ranas and rolls Jigsaw up. Dropkick to the back of the head. Catapault splash. Jigsaw comes back with chops.  Brief camel clutch. Stomps. Stretch plum. Double underhook into a rocker dropper. 1-2-NO! Jigsaw hits a leapfrog double stomp. Amazing. Kicks in the corner. He drops Kobald face first. Running kick. German suplex only gets two! Kobald up and over. Spear. Kobald goes up top. Whoopee cushion again only gets two. Jigsaw counters a suplex attempt. Kick in the throat but a double stomp misses. Quick roll-up for two. Jigsaw counters and hits a slingshot powerbomb. Low superkick and this one is over.  Did they feed the gremlin after midnight or something cause this was the most aggressive he’s ever been in a CHIKARA ring?

Match Analysis: I was expecting almost nothing from this match since Kobald hasn’t shown a great deal. However, these two put together a good little contest. Kobald got to showcase some of his new offense and show how much he’s improved. Jigsaw could have easily phoned it in here, but he also showed off some new offense and a slightly more aggressive style. Anyone who thinks CHIKARA is about flippy dudes in masks should watch these first two matches. That really isn’t the case now.

Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: Jigsaw/8:30/**3/4/***

-Icarus doesn’t need to run and hide from Akuma. He has nothing to fear. Icarus brags about beating Sasuke. He kicked Akuma out of F.I.S.T and will show why he doesn’t even belong in CHIKARA.

 Match in Five Words or Less: That’s It?

 Match Highlights: Icarus not only wears a douchy jacket and a fanny pack, but he has added a goatee. He’s the best heel ever.  Icarus plays off like he’s a fan for a bit. Bell rings and Icarus wants Akuma to hit him. Feeling out process. Akuma flips and nails a dropkick. Icarus dodges out of the corner and guillotines Akuma. Springboard into a quick cover. Bodyslam and legdrop.Suplex and Russian legsweep. Fans want Icarus to retire. Slap to the back of the head. Series of kicks to the chest by Akuma. Charge. Akuma ranas Icarus over. Falcon arrow countered. Sliced bread blocked. Varation of the Blu Ray hit by Akuma. Icarus powders. He grabs a steel chair. They face off. Akuma stalks Icarus. Gregory Iron walks out and stares at Icarus. Referee keeps counting. Iron corners Icarus. Akuma nails Icarus. Iron gimp slaps Akuma and asks how he likes it. Well, that was strange.

Match Analysis: This angle has a long way to go before it plays out. I wish Icarus and Akuma had more time to really establish something for the future before ending the match so early. And I also question Gregory Iron’s involvement as well. I know what Akuma did to Iron at High Noon, but this feud really should be focused on Akuma getting his revenge on all F.I.S.T members. We’ll see how this plays out though before making a full judgment.

Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: No-contest/3:25/N/A/N/A

-Tim Donst talks about the BDK being back and calls himself the ace of the group. Hammermeier mentions Ares’s name and then gets slapped in the face. Donst says Hammermeier better not lose to 3.0 since that’s what Hydra did over two years ago. What other company brings up continuity from OVER TWO YEARS AGO?

Match in Five Words or Less: Hammermeier Chokes

Match Highlights: Donst comes out in a leather (possibly pleather) jacket. Douche chills. Matthews asserts his power immediately on Hammermeier. Duck and a chop in the corner. Boot up by Hammermeier. Matthews shoves Hammermeier down hard. Dropkick off the Irish whip. Hammermeier rolls outside. Donst tosses him back in. Parker takes a turn. He literally wrestles circles around the man. He calls for Donst. Donst says only he can order Hammermeier out. Matthews boots Hammermeier in the face. Double axehandle to the chest. Whip in the corner. Matthews tells Parker not to come off the top. Parker settles for an axehandle. Elbow to the head. Parker performs a cartwheel but he gets headlocked. Parker takes him down. Donst comes from behind and tosses Hammermeier out. Donst hits a leaping clothesline. Choking on the middle rope. Heat segment on Parker continues. Parker counters a gutwrench on Hammermeier and gets the tag. Matthews gets a headscissors on both former BDK members. Whip and Parker hits a forearm. Drop toehold and a follow-up elbow drop. Running knee. Double team lungblower gets 3.0 the win.

Match Analysis: This was way more of an angle to further the issue between Donst and Hammermeier as opposed to a really excellent tag team match. It’s obvious they’re booking toward a break-up of Hammermeier and Donst, but I have a lot of confidence CHIKARA will build to it slowly, and people will be begging Donst to get his by the end. I’m all in favor of 3.0 winning another match and getting another shot at the tag belts. They’re extremely over with the crowd and would be a great underdog story if they won.

Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: 3.0/9:08/**/**

-Donst asks Hammermeier is he’s a loser like Hydra. These Hydra mentions better lead to him coming back to wrestle at least one match.

Match in Five Words or Less: The Nightmare Continues

Match Highlights:  Veronica is clearly displeased with Peck because of his recent losing streak. Peck slowly heads back in the ring. Some mat work early as Peck is a bit hesitant to lock up with Hallowicked. Peck grabs Wicked by the stem and takes him in the corner. Wicked continues grabbing Peck’s bald spot. Peck takes a walk across the rope. Wicked tears him down. Announcers pretend Claudio Castagnoli doesn’t exist. Ouch. Back to the wristlock. Peck dizzies himself and runs outside. Tope suicida. Veronica grabs Wicked’s foot. Peck drives Wicked’s back into the ropes. He runs into a forearm. Again with the foot grabbing. Wicked kicks her away. Running boot misses. Peck sends Wicked’s neck into the top turnbuckle.  Sunset flip. Peck sits down and misses. Wicked with an atomic drop. Peck hits a rolling neckbreaker for two. Leg drop. Elbows by Wicked. Sleeper. Wicked hits a back suplex. Peck sends Wicked into the middle buckle and chokes him. He celebrates. Off the ropes and a rana by Wicked. Running shoulder block. Peck kicks him away. Forearm smash to the back. He’s shocked by what he did. Peck calls for the finish. Wicked stands up. Peck almost falls off the top rope. He catches himself. Wicked kicks the rope. Peck gets crotched. Iconoclasm.  Pair of clotheslines and a step-up kick in the corner. 1-2-NO! Go 2 Sleepy Hollow caught. Enziguri by Peck. Double axehandle met with a knee.  Wicked tangle his leg and hits another kick. They collide head-to-head. Wicked flares up. Yakuza kick by Peck. Off the ropes and hit with a Rydien Bomb. 1-2-NO! Graveyard smash countered. Peck drives Wicked down and gets two. Boot met. Peck goes for a victory roll. Wicked sits on top and gets three.

Match Analysis: Wicked picks up a big win to start the year off after having a mixed bag of a year in 2011. I talked about break-ups earlier. Looks like we’re being set up for another one with Veronica and Peck. Another match that was more about the story behind it as opposed to the action in front. This was perfectly average.

Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: Hallowicked/12:02/**1/2/***

-Veronica walks out on Marchie Archie.

-Ophidian shows off his new look and has both his old mask and Amasis’s mask in his hand. The promo is very creepy, and he’s setting himself up as a crazy man.  He  claims to be reborn and going down the path of redemption.  I believe this promo went longer than the Akuma/Icarus match. Ophidian quotes Mortal Kombat  and says Hieracon’s soul his his.

-Hieracon vs. Ophidian 

Match in Five Words or Less: Good Night Hieracon

Match Highlights: I know there has been much consternation about Ophidian’s look, but I think it really works for him. The red mask comes off, and he’s got a yellow one on underneath. Man, he looks small and even more snakelike than ever. Some fast-paced headlock exchanges. Forearm exchange. Boot by Hieracon. He comes off with a clothesline. He fakes a dive. The chase is on. Ophidian hits a wild clothesline. Armdrag by Hieracon. Leapfrog but a sunset flip. Roll-up by Hieracon gets two. Trip down and running boot. Forearm. Claw to the midsection by Ophidian. Shot from him. Hieracon misses a charge. Sweep by Ophidian. Neckbreaker across the middle rope. Ophidian talks to the masks. Double chops to the throat. Nervehold. Headbutt to the spine. Another forearm battle. Running kick. He rolls back and charges to the corner. Snapmare and a hard kick. Ophidian sends Hieracon back with a chop. Shoulder block in the corner. Spinebuster out of the corner. Ophidian goes for the mask. Referee threatens disqualification. Violence party in the corner. Headbutt and strikes by Hieracon. Leg lariat by Ophidian. Forearm and spin kick. Enziguri. Kick to the spine and then one to the chest. Another misses. School boy only gets two. Sunset flip by Hieracon. Enziguri by Ophidian. Hieracon grabs his head. Hieracon dodges and tosses Ophidian outside. Tope suicida. Back in the ring. Ophidian kicks the legs. Back suplex on the mats. Ophidian rolls back in the ring. Hieracon rolls in at 19. Ophidian asks why Hieracon won’t die. Headbutts to the midsection. Death Grip applied. Hieracon fights it off. Forearm exchange. Kick to the back of the head again. Hieracon manages a superkick and German suplex. Another and he bridges over for two. Ophidian with chops. Death Grip. Hieracon hits back-to-back stunner. Up top but a 450 splash is met with knees. Hieracon sends Ophidian over and moonsaults him. 450 hits. He also hit his knees. That looked brutal. High kick. Forearm exchange.  Kick blocked. Clothesline from Hieracon. Ophidian goes for a German suplex. Clothesline and elbow gets two. Cross armbreaker. Shoulder blocks in the corner by Ophidian. Kick to the back of the head. Springboard moonsault. Hieracon kicks out at one AND GETS BOOED! Canadian Destroyer hit. Hieracon kicks out again. Running kick to the back. Death Grip and he bridges over. Crowd wants Hieracon to tap. He refuses, but the referee mercifully drops his hands three times to end the match.

Match Analysis: When even the normally jacked up Easton crowd seems to lose interest in a match, you’ve got a major problem. The crowd didn’t care about Hieracon and obviously didn’t want to cheer Ophidian. Hieracon hasn’t been in a CHIKARA ring for over seven months, and really wasn’t having great performances anyway, so why… WHY… did he get the chance to go toe-to-toe with Ophidian FOR NEARLY 20 MINUTES?!?!?! I couldn’t believe my eyes. Ophidian was excellent in his match with Iron because he was aggressive and showed a mean streak. He needs to bring that back so he doesn’t end up boring the crap out of everyone with matches like this. If this is Hieracon’s last match in CHIKARA (and I hope it is), this is not the way to go out.

Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: Ophidian/19:57/**/*

-It’s main event time, but Vin Gerard runs in to break up the party. Eddie Kingston wants a piece of him. Gerard decks a couple of the students. The chase is on. Kingston shouts at Director of Fun Wink Vavasseur to reinstate Mr. Gerard. He calls Wink into the ring and physically threatens him. The crowd agrees with Kingston.  Jigsaw finally restrains Kingston from doing something really dumb.

Match in Five Words or Less: What Happened Batiri?

Match Highlights:  Well, after that last match, this will be most likely be a breeze to get through. Obaryion and Kodama stall. Kodama attacks Fire Ant right away. They both stomp away at Fire Ant.  Fire Ant comes back with a series of Lucha armdrags and other assorted moves. Pinning combo gets two. Chop. Fire Ant applies an octopus. Obaryion forearms Fire Ant to the outside. Solider Ant blocks strikes with saluting. More saluting related shenanigans and a samoan drop. Whip to the corner. Back elbow by Soldier Ant. Four feet of fury. Soldier Ant bodyslams Kodama. Fire Ant hits a series of sentons. Soldier Ant hits a headbutt. Scoop slam. He can’t find his partner. We get TWIN ACTION as the Batiri switch. I’m stunned it took that long for them to pull that trick. Batiri work Soldier Ant over.   Kodama and Obaryion are breaking out some English. Obaryion misses a senton. Kodama misses an elbow. Soldier blocks a clothesline and tags in Fire Ant who immediately hits a cross body on both men. Dropkick on Kodama. Wheelbarrow stunner on Obaryion. DDT and Fire Ant is… well, on fire. He goes for a splash but comes up empty. Kodama wears Fire Ant out with a chair. Soldier Ant tries to fight both men but to no avail. Double team on Soldier Ant. He fires back with chops before getting booted. Atomic drop leads tom a running knee. Fire Ant fights back. Drop toehold into a knee strike sends him back down. Obaryion hits a curb stomp in honor of Super Dragon’s return to wrestling. Soldier grabs a CHIKARA Special. Obaryion won’t tap. Kodama makes the save. Up and over with a sloppy neckbreaker. Obaryion falls off the top rope and hits an awful looking DDT. Fire Ant saves his partner from being pinned. Double team on Fire Ant. Kodama send up and over. Soldier hits a tope suicida. Fire hits a kick to the side of the head. After a second one, he hits a Beachbreak. That ends the match.

Match Analysis: I feel like the semi-main event really took everything out of me for this match. Nonetheless, the Batiri had a major opportunity to really step up. And they didn’t. They did not keep the crowd’s interest, and something is clearly missing from the match to really elevate it to even average. A case could be made that this match shouldn’t have been a main event on the season premiere. I’d agree with those people but also point out that these are the types of matches that allow for people to step up and show why they deserve to be in this position  more often. To me, the Batiri did not live up to their end of the deal. I don’t necessarily want to see the Colony get a third point and wrestle F.I.S.T for the millionth time, but I can see why CHIKARA put them over in this match.

Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: The Colony/16:31/**1/4/**

-I’m scrapping the fave five segment to save on both time and space. It was just an experiment to end 2011, and coming up with the list could be more time-consuming than it was actually worth.

The Verdict: Considering the fact that this was the first DVD review of 2012 and the first chance to purchase a new CHIKARA show through Smart Mark Video’s video downloading service, I am extremely sad I have to give this show a thumbs down. I really liked where the card was heading after the first couple matches, but the last two matches were really below par for a CHIKARA card. If this season was like a painting, the premeire was the background. It set the groundwork for the darker colors, and some of the mistakes can very easily be covered with brush strokes.

While the show was a thumbs down, Smart Mark Video’s video download is a giant thumbs up. I was able to save five dollars, not have to pay shipping, and download the file onto my computer. No fuss. No muss. It was an easy process, and I will most likely be purchasing most of my CHIKARA shows on MP4 from here on. To me, digital downloads should be the future of professional wrestling. I can point to numerous articles which point to DVDs as a dying format. By supporting SMV, perhaps other promotions will wake up and do the same.

For more information in CHIKARA Pro, including tickets and event information, please check their website. While you can purchase DVDs there as well, you can also purchase their DVDs on Smart Mark Video. Something relatively new to Smart Mark Video is video downloads. This is a great way to save on shipping and not have a DVD clogging your shelf (if that’s what you’re concerned about). It’s super easy to purchase and then download on your computer. I could not recommend this service strongly enough whether you’re buying CHIKARA or many other promotions.

To get a great sense of history and participate in discussion of the company, check out their official messageboard. One thing the promotion does really well? Videos. They have frequent (almost daily) updates on their YouTube channel.

As someone who is not nearly the CHIKARA fan as certain others, even I need to look up information and have a good CHIKARA resource. I can can think of no better place to do this and also read exclusive reviews of every CHIKARA show in history than at The CHIKARA Special. Kevin Ford maintains this little blog and also updates a CHIKARA Special Tumblr with news and videos nearly every day.

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