-Taped from God Knows Where, New York
-Your hosts are of course various members of the Chi… I mean Wrestling is roster and staff
Mike Quackenbush vs. Jervis Cottenbelly
Match in Five Words or Less: A Gentlemenly Opener
Match Summary: Bit of a light crowd I’d say. Code of honor is followed. Quack takes Cottenbelly down on the lock-up. Bridge by Cottenbelly as Quack cannot keep him down. Cottonbelly escapes the hold eventually. Cottenbelly maintains a hold of the arms. Quack uses his own legs to take Cottenbelly down on his butt. Cottenbelly up but smashed face first into the mat. Cottenbelly stands up. Handshake and the hold is broken. Cottenbelly tries using Quack’s trick. Quack walks away. Series of counters as Cottenbelly ends up with the full nelson. Nice wrestling as they fight over the hold. Quack stretches Cottenbelly’s arms back. We get a head stand. Cottenbelly grabs an ankle lock. Quack with sit-ups. Kick of Cottenbelly. Open hand slap. Quack refuses to be whipped. Cottenbelly powers him over. Quack rolls Cottenbelly up and gets three to pick up the victory.
Match Analysis: Solid match given the time. Quack was nursing injured ribs on this night according to the Grizzly Bear Egg Café. Solid technical know how from both men regardless.
Winner (s)/Time/Rating: Mike Quackenbush/5:16/**
-Oleg the Usurper vs. Estonian Thunderfrog
Match in Five Words or Less: CALL THE ZOO!
Match Summary: When I decided to review DVDs for Pro Wrestling Ponderings, one of my goals was to review a match between a Barbarian/Berserker knock-off and a freaking frog. I consider this a dream fulfilled. No one can get the Thunderfrog’s hammer out of the ring. Daniel Yost especially. *shakes head* Thunderfrog has to get his own hammer out of the ring. Shoulder blocks go nowhere for Thunderfrog. Dropkick. Low bridge. Oleg lands feet first. Double axehandle by Thunderfrog. Oleg charges from the back of the gym but chops the post. Oleg claps his hands again. Thunderfrog hard into the corner midsection first. He winces on the floor. Oleg brings him in and shoves him in the corner. Running forearm and a series of strikes. Oleg with a running splash. Elbow to the top of the head. Front facelock. Shot to the back and then to the chest by Oleg. One foot over but he just walks all over Thunderfrog. Shots to the midsection. Forearm battle. Running splash by Oleg. Back elbow and standing splash. Thunderfrog with right hands. Knees by Oleg. Double axehandle. Thunderfrog with some of his own axehandles. Back and forth. Twisting Polish hammer connects. Thunderfrog can’t bring him out of the corner. He frogs up and hits a Thesz press. Frog splash. 1-2-Thunderfrog can’t quite stay on top to get the victory. At least he’s selling the ribs. Thunderfrog rolls right into a backbreaker. Oleg with a hard shot to the side of the head. This is good enough for the win.
Match Analysis: Oleg needs some work, but I could see a scenario where he gets himself over and become a key part of this franchise and before eventually moving into Chikara. Passable for the full seven minutes this was given. Biggest problem, and this speaks to WWE’s issues in the mid-90s, is why I should cheer or boo either one of these men. In Chikara, the characters are introduced slowly and can integrate themselves with certain groups or wrestlers. The tecnico and rudo line can be clearly established. Here though, it’s not. When “Wrestling is” introduces 100 different wacky characters at the same time, it becomes difficult to care about any of them.
Winner (s)/Time/Rating: Oleg the Usurper/6:45/**
-Green Ant vs. Juan Francisco de Coronado (w/Herbert)
Match in Five Words or Less: A Measure of Revenge
Match Summary: de Coronado has been fairly watchable in many of the matches I’ve seen him in. He gets on the microphone, but the small crowd won’t let him talk. He says the best part of this town is leaving it. All that for that. Cheap shot by de Coronado as the actual match starts. His man servant wipes his boot. Green Ant with a drop toe hold and STF attempt. De Cornado grabs the bottom rope and exits the ring. Man servant wipes de Coronado with a towel and goes on the apron. He even gets into it with Bryce Remsburg. Green Ant puts de Coronado’s robe on, takes it off, and swivels. He’s not too far from the New Jersey sweathogs. Green Ant works the arm. Whip in the corner. Green Ant avoids the charge. Tripping. He rolls through. Springboard armdrag off the middle rope. Dropkick. Herbert grabs Green Ant’s leg. Plancha takes the man servant out. He applauds before putting Herbert’s hat on. Kick by de Coronado. Twisting back suplex. Knees in the back. Off the ropes with a forearm. Knee to the midsection. Shoulder blocks in the corner as Fire Ant is prone in the corner. Side suplex. Elbows by Green Ant. Back drop countered into a sunset slip for two. Clothesline by de Coronado. He ties Green Ant in the ropes. Elbow drop. Snapmare into a stretch as he places the knee in Green Ant’s back. Sunset flip once again for two. O’Connor roll by Green Ant. Tilt a whirl backbreaker by de Coronado. He calls for a bottle of water. Roll-up by Green Ant. Double axehandle by de Coronado. Bodyslam. Big running splash. Another splash but Green Ant gets out of the way. Third time to the sunset flip. O’Connor roll for two. Shove off the ropes. Back drop. Both men are down. Chops from Green Ant. To the clotheslines. Bodyslam. He headbutts the turnbuckle. Up and over to the apron. Leaping kick to the face. Cross body off the middle rope. Chinbreaker by de Coronado. Green Ant hits a sitting gordbuster. That was nice. 1-2-NO! To the top rope. Here’s Herbert again. Press slam by de Coronado. Leaping backcracker. 1-2-NO! Rana out of the tiger driver attempt. Dropkick to the side of the head. Herbert grabs Green Ant’s legs, but he gets kicked away. Frog splash by Green Ant gets three.
Match Analysis: Of all the people involved with the Wrestling is, de Coronado is likely the one most ready for primetime. His gimmick isn’t perfect, but he’s shown flashes of brilliance in the ring and an aptitude for promos. Not an amazing match by any means but very watchable.
Winner (s)/Time/Rating: Green Ant/9:48/**1/2
-Dasher Hatfield vs. Frank O’Rourke
Match in Five Words or Less: Ole Timey Beatdown
Match Summary: Considering O’Rourke’s Irish heritage and the way America used to perceive them, I wonder if Hatfield takes it particularly hard on his opponent tonight. If you have never seen O’Rourke, picture 2005 Bryan Danielson as far as physicality. Hatfield offers his hand. O’Rourke yells about his name being Frank and berates people all around the ring. Poor Denver and Bryce on commentary. On a completely random note, Francis O’Rourke and Paul Konerko… separated at birth? Hatfield tries to calm him down. Hatfield offers his hand, and O’Rourke passes. Hatfield controls the arm. O’Rourke slaps the hand away and slaps the ropes. He charges and gets armdragged. O’Rourke catches him with a kick. Drop toe hold into the Oklahoma roll for two. Knee in the corner. O’Rourke corners Hatfield. Big punt but his foot hits the turnbuckle. Cross body by Hatfield. O’Rourke stomped into the middle turnbuckle. Hatfield chops him in the back. Forearm and O’Rourke rammed head first into the buckle. O’Rourke taken up and over. Guillotine for O’Rourke. Clubbering blow to the back. Whip across. Knee to the midsection. European uppercut. Hatfield catches himself in the corner. Forearm. Sunset flip. O’Rourke rolls over and boots Hatfield in the face. Chinlock. European uppercut by O’Rourke. Hatfield with strikes to the stomach. Elbow. O’Rourke with a flying elbow. Neckbreaker. He cranks the neck. Elbows by Hatfield. Kick blocked. Hatfield shoves him away. Elbows. Running elbow. Big punch to the midsection and a striking uppercut. Grand slam and Hatfield is safe. Boot to the face. O’Rourke rolls over. Half nelson suplex. 1-2-NO! O’Rourke heads to the top rope. Swanton misses badly. Hatfield weaves the legs and applies the Duke Snider special. Slaps back and forth. Hatfield wrenches down the hold. O’Rourke escapes. Half nelson blocked. Hatfield rolls through. Charge misses. Slingshot back suplex. 1-2-NO! Forearm battle. Hatfield with a tilt a whirl backbreaker. O’Rourke clothesline. Hatfield grabs O’Rourke and hits the Suicide Squeeze.
Match Analysis: Good little match from these two. Hatfield is as solid and consistent as it comes. O’Rourke showed some actual personality plus aptitude in the ring. His heel character needs to be more than just hating to be called Francis in order for me to get into his character, but this was a strong start.
Winner (s)/Time/Rating: Dasher Hatfield/12:23/***
-Portia Perez vs. Saturyne
Match in Five Words or Less: Women’s Wrestling Is… Decent
Match Summary: These two were supposed to meet twice on this weekend, but instead we only get one. Lock-up to the corner. Perez is in full heel mode and feels her hair was pulled. Remsburg has no tolerance for these shenanigans. Perez walks around angrily. Perez pulls on Saturyne’s hair to get the advantage. Back kick by Saturyne. Sloppy headscissors and a dropkick. Perez exits the ring and takes a seat. Saturyne sends Perez’s head into the apron. Perez begs off and says they should be tag team partners. Don’t tell Nicole Mathews that Perez wants to cheat with Saturyne. Perez with the handshake and boot. Saturyne comes back with a kick of her own. Perez takes control with stomps in the corner. Perez pulls her out by the hair and kicks her. Choking along the bottom rope. Forearms. Saturyne up and over. Roll-up for two. Perez with choking. Chinlock as Perez lays on the back. Saturyne grabs the rope. Perez continually grabs the hair. Snapmare and of course hair pulling. Chinlock. Elbows and kicks by Saturyne. Kick to the top of the head. Jawbreaker by Perez. Flatliner and a cover for two. Saturyne dropkick. Leg lariat to the corner. Bulldog. 1-2-NO! Springboard cross body. Perez rolls through, grabs the tights, and gets a win.
Match Analysis: Perez slowed Saturyne down a bit for the bit. Her style allowed Saturyne to play an extremely sympathetic babyface who got screwed in the end. Far from a great match but this served its purpose, and I’d like to see these two engage in Chikara where there is an actual decent crowd in attendance.
Winner (s)/Time/Rating: Portia Perez/7:24/**1/4
-Robert Coleman vs. Latvian Proud Oak
Match in Five Words or Less: Wow
Match Summary: Coleman resembles a fat Jaka. Latvian Proud Oak is an entity unto himself. LPO doesn’t know how to use the microphone at first but eventually mentions being happy to be in Madison Square Garden. He thanks everyone. LPO bows at the Coleman’s back tattoo, which is a tree. We get some more tree related humor. LPO can’t get Coleman down with shoulder blocks. Armdrag. Monkey flip attempt blocked. Coleman can’t hit a right hand. LPO misses a somersault splash. Go behind. Coleman uses his ass to get out of the waistlock. Running butt splash. LPO rolls out of the ring instead of taking a stink face. All around the ring he goes. Shoulder block. Slingshot sunset flip. Coleman tries a butt splash but LPO ducks. Shoulder block exchange. LPO with a handspring splash. To the arm and he manages a headscissors. Whip but Coleman won’t go. Whip across and a clothesline. Coleman with back-to-back big splashes in the corner. Stinkface. Elbows by LPO. Drunk slam doesn’t work. Coleman with a twisting powerslam and a win.
Match Analysis: Not much here. Coleman didn’t do anything impressive but didn’t have any major screw-ups either. LPO is an intriguing undercard character based on his body movements and actual look, but it’s tough to really see a lot in either guy.
Winner (s)/Time/Rating: Robert Coleman/4:30/*
-Dalton Castle vs. Jaka
Match in Five Words or Less: Jaka Rules
Match Summary: Among many of the participants on these “Wrestling is” shows, an argument could be made for Jaka (or de Coronado) being the breakout star. Jaka won’t let Remsburg check his shoe. Castle discusses with Remsburg his way of making the fans interested in the match. Castle talks about taking Jaka into the rhythm of music. He begins dancing. Jaka’s face is unseen, but it’s tough to imagine him being happy about this. Clubbering blow across the chest. Choking in the corner. Chop and a headbutt. Armdrags by Castle. Manhattan drop and a leapdrog slap to the butt. Bulldog. Castle looks to the audience instead of following up. Superkick by Jaka. He goes to rake the face and hair. Up and over into the ring. Clothesline misses. Dropkick by Castle. Double axehandle to the floor but Jaka is unfazed. Back rake. Shot to the throat and another back rake. Series of left hands. Back in the ring for a headbutt and a raking of the face. Chops in the corner. Back rake once again. Headbutt. Jaka cranks Castle’s neck. Stomp and a face rake. Thrust shot to the side of the face. Castle comes back with strikes. Chop again by Jaka. Nerve hold. Castle leaps out of the way and hits flying knees. Clotheslines and a dropkick sends Jaka into the corner. Boot by Jaka. Castle catches Jaka and hits an overhead throw. 1-2-NO! Jaka rammed into head first into the turnbuckle. This fails. Strike by Jaka. Shoulder tackles. Jaka catches the legs. Headbutt and kick. Knockout strikes for two. Castle with a forearm. Up and over. Castle with a flapjack and deadlift German Suplex into the bridge. Remsburg counts three, and Castle picks up the victory.
Match Analysis: Pretty okay match. A bit shocking to see Jaka lose, but he’s got a lot of potential moving forward. Castle is someone else I’d like to see make the Wrestling is and possibly Chikara rounds. I enjoyed this for what it was.
Winner (s)/Time/Rating: Dalton Castle/7:08/**1/4
-Devastation Corporation (Blaster McMassive and Max Smashmaster w.Sydney Bakabella) vs. 3.0 (Shane Matthews and Scott Parker)
Match in Five Words or Less: A Warm-up
Match Summary: Hey, a non-squash for the Devastation Corporation. Matthews tries to use shenanigans but gets clotheslined by Smashmaster. Parker ducks around McMassive. Parker out of the chokeslam and into the headlock. McMassive tosses him away. Armdrag blocked. Chop block. Clothesline blocked through and a double clothesline. Matthews shoved into the corner. Smashmaster misses a charge in the corner. Chop by Matthews. Bakabella with a trip. He almost gets taken out. Bodyslam but Smashmaster ends up on top. Stalling vertical suplex. Smashmaster knocks Parker off the apron after being spat at. Heat segment continues. Boot out of the corner by Matthews. Smashmaster whips him in. Matthews can’t get the headscissors. Side slam. Matthews can’t work out of a bearhug. Big splash by Smashmaster. McMassive knocks Parker off. Collision among the Corporation. Matthews driven back in the corner. Charge misses. Parker with rights and lefts. Clotheslines miss for Smashmaster. Flying forearm by Parker. Parker tossed in the corner. Boot out of the corner. One foot dropkick. Low bridge. McMassive with an overhead slam. Matthews with a pair of dropkicks and into the corner. Running kick to the head by Parker. Smashmaster clotheslined out of the ring. McMassive breaks through a double clothesline attempt. Smashmaster distracts Remsburg. Bakabella trips 3.0 and accidentally throws powder in McMassive’s face. Parker dropkicks Smashmaster. Matthews hits an awful looking elbow for two. Matthews sent into the post. Parker caught by Smashmaster. Ugly looking splash. Bossman slam by McMassive. Splash by Smashmaster. Done.
Match Analysis: The Devastation Corporation needs A LOT of work. This is not the 1980s. Putting two guys in face paint and having them squash teams will not exactly get them over in the way you want them to and in fact can come off borderline low rent on the independent circuit. It’s even worse when putting two green guys in with opponents who can’t even run through their usual offense leads to a match like this. This wasn’t good and could barely even be considered mediocre. Awful indication of what could be to come between these two teams in Tampa for an upcoming Chikara show. Not a good way to cap off the show and one of the weaker main events I’ve ever recapped for any indy show.
Winner (s)/Time/Rating: Devastation Corporation/12:06/*
The Verdict: My first Wrestling is review and it’s a thumbs down. Not a promising start. Only a couple matches were even worth my time, and this show felt essentially irrelevant.
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