On November 28th, a video called “Welcome Home” appeared on YouTube. It featured Ring of Honor’s Maria Manic and infamous independent wrestling star Teddy Hart announcing their relationship to the viewers. The news was sorta like an RKO, in which it came out of nowhere. A week and one day later, the couple have uploaded a whopping 17 videos to their new YouTube channel, Maria & Ted’s Unfiltered Adventures.
The reality TV style vlogs are shot by Maria and Ted themselves on a cell phone and documents their daily routines which include traveling, visits to the gym and shopping at Walmart. Some people might find these videos repulsive and unwatchable, while others find them highly addictive and can’t stop watching. I fall into the latter category. I’ve been recapping each video uploaded by Maria and Teddy on my Twitter page @zerepwrestling.
I wanted to do something special for the one week anniversary of the premiere episode of their YouTube channel, but I couldn’t figure out what. So of course an idea pops in my brain after midnight, which means it was the day after the anniversary. The idea was compiling the best moments from the first 16 videos uploaded to their YouTube channel. Video 17 was uploaded as I was working on this so it was added on. This newest video might’ve had the best ending of all 17 videos.
At first I was hesitant to write something like this on the site but I hope this article isn’t as bad as someone rating women’s butts.
The Full “fuck you shlak” Video
This was the second video uploaded to their YouTube channel and it might be the best one. The video was uploaded on November 28th and is the second shortest video on their channel, clocking in at 8 minutes and 32 seconds. Maria starts off the video by saying that she doesn’t like drama and doesn’t like calling people out. Well, that’s pretty much what this video is.
The issue is Maria has a tattoo that SHLAK started but is unfinished. SHLAK had promised Maria that if they ever broke up, he would still finish the tattoo. The two have been broken up for a year and Maria’s sleeve is unfinished.
Teddy doesn’t understand why no other tattoo artist can finish her sleeve. Teddy wants to talk things over with SHLAK and asks him to contact him like a man. Towards the end Teddy even states that he’s okay with her paying for the tattoo in another form of payment other than USD.
Classic Teddy quotes include:
- “Don’t be a player hater pussy ass bitch”
- “I’m gonna be fucking you and I gotta hear SHLAK didn’t finish a tattoo so you’re miserable”
- “We could probably bring two or three hot girls together in the same room and fuck together if you’re smart”
Awkward Moment In The Car
In video number 3, “to all the player hating bitches” Teddy goes on a rant that Maria is safe with him and she’s not gonna go missing, referring to the allegations that Teddy had something to do with his missing ex-girlfriend Samantha Fiddler. There’s an awkward silence between him and Maria, then Teddy busts out a rhyme. You really can’t make this up.
At least Teddy Hart hasn't lost his sense of humor, making light of the kidnapping charges and his missing ex-girlfriend. pic.twitter.com/IGr9iQDHbY
— Adam Lash (@newfoundmass) November 29, 2019
Teddy Taking Chicken Off The Bone
Continuing with video 3, at the 22 minute and 55 second mark Teddy is taking chicken off the bone. He’s doing this because he wants to make homemade chicken soup but he does this in the least easiest way possible. Why is he using a ladle? Why is he ripping off the meat with his mouth and spitting it out? There has to be an easier way. Someone should help him out.
Not Masturbating For 7 Years
In what is their longest video on their YouTube channel, “Trying teddy’s workout” Teddy once again says he’s not packing much between the legs. This is not even close to the big news coming out of this 56 minute video. At 47 minutes into the 7th video, Teddy claims he hasn’t jerked off in 7 years. How is this even possible? Imagine hearing someone say that in a public gym?
I have to admit that I didn’t watch every second of this video. There could be other gems.
https://twitter.com/zerepwrestling/status/1201179670068285441?s=20
First Two Minutes of Video 12: Late Night Thoughts episode 1
There’s a lot to unpack in the first two minutes of video 12: “Late Night Thoughts episode 1.” In a video that is no longer public, Teddy starts off by saying he has a small dick, something he say’s in pretty much every video. Multiple times in some videos, so much that you can probably make a drinking game out of it. Luckily I have a 1 minute clip of what follows.
https://twitter.com/zerepwrestling/status/1202074888745472000?s=19
Maria With A Knife
Also in the now private video, Maria starts messing around with knives. She then says that someone is gonna take a screenshot of her holding a knife. So I guess I had to. It was Maria, in the garage, with a knife.
“Is That Cat Alive?”
In video 13 “Mr. Velvets first trip to the vet/ Calling out Ted’s ex GF” Maria and Teddy have to take Mr. Velvet to the vet due to an ear infection. While in the waiting area a lady asks “is that cat alive?” This upsets Ted and according to him, cats can be trained, just like women. YIKES.
Calling Out Ted’s Ex
Continuing on with video 13, there’s a point at the end of the video where Maria separates from Teddy and does exactly what Teddy told her not to do, she calls out Teddy’s ex-girlfriend. The ex-girlfriend, Japanese wrestler Machiko texted Teddy the previous night saying that they’re embarrassing themselves with the YouTube channel. Maria does exactly what is said in the video’s title, causing the Twitter interaction below.
Stay in your lane bitch. -MM https://t.co/iTaoMdJdRb
— Teddy Hart (@TeddyHartIsBACK) December 3, 2019
“If You Fuck Me Over”
In “addressing the allegations” which is video number 14, Teddy tells a story of Maria saying to him on their first night together “I’m starting to like you, if you fuck me over I will kill you.” Maria’s reaction is priceless. In the following video “visiting grandma/ offering shlak a match” Ted refers back to what Maria said on the first night and he says he’s stuck. After a comment from Maria, he then corrects himself and says he’s happily stuck. Classic stuff.
Teddy Receives a Handjob on a Plane
The newest video, orginally titled “2 snakes on a fucking plane” the couple have a travel day, taking a plane to Phoenix, Arizona. In the video now known as “ted took his snake out on the plane” Maria and Ted seem super exhausted, or at least Ted is. The first 20 minutes of this video is pretty tame, which is hard to believe for a Maria and Ted video. But the big reveal is at the end.
With less than 2 minutes left in the video, Ted reveals that Maria gave him a handjob on the airplane. Not only that but Maria did this while sitting next to a complete stranger. It reminds me of when my friend told me he received a handjob from his girlfriend while sitting next to me on the couch. This happened while we were watching the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Just like the guy on the airplane, I was unaware it even happened. Or maybe he did know. EW!
Honorable Mention: Teddy Brings A Chair Into The Shower
In the 8th video “done with fake friends.” Teddy says it’s much more comfortable sitting in the shower. Instead of popping out a shower stool, Teddy brings out a folding chair. I guess all wrestlers own one of those.
Honorable Mention: One Year Marriage Tryout
I believe this happens in video 11, “My Mom Loves Him.” I’m not 100% certain because unfortunately this is another missing video on the channel and it’s one that I didn’t get to recap. Teddy mentions to Maria that his father told him not to rush into things. Teddy says to him that that’s what marriage is for. If things aren’t good after one year, you get a divorce. I never heard of this one year marriage tryout but I’m guessing that’s the reason why the divorce rate is so high.