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Welcome to the first CHIKARMY Insider of the year…sort of. In “The Great Website Fire of Twenty Ten”, we lost nearly everything. We had just enough time to save the pets (two cats, seventeen dogs, six fish, four-and-a-half sheep, and our Himalayan Monal Pheasant), along with some staplers, half a sandwich from the fridge that turned out to be WAY past the cutoff date, and a pair of pants that, as of yet, are unclaimed. Mr. Chris GST lost some arm hair going back in the fire for those pants, so somebody better come forward soon, or else.
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In a totally unrelated issue, I lost some pants a while back…
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So this week, I’m gonna get you all caught up on next week’s Season Premiere show. It’ll combine stuff I did for the previous week’s article with all the stuff that has happened between now and then. Then, I’m gonna get a little personal with big King of Trios 2010 news. It’ll be a combination of information about all three teams that have been announced so far, as well as an update on my own situation and whether an appearance at this year’s Trios event is in my future. I also want to apologize for the lackluster avatar I made for the event, “A Touch of Class”. For the record, I make every column avatar myself save the lovely beginning one that Chris made, and I take great pride in them. My self-appointed punishment was making a new avatar and making it undeniably awesome. For you. My reader(s?). Ich aß einen gesamten Beutel der menschlichen Finger!
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F.I.S.T. was patient. They allowed The Osirian Portal to cash in their points first and challenge for the Campeonatos de Parejas at the end of 2009. They could only wait so long. In the Main Event of Chikara’s return show in January, Icarus and Gran Akuma will challenge Fire & Soldier Ant for the Campeonatos de Parejas. Their rivalry dominated a great deal of Chikara in 2009, and it seems that the fire hatred each team has for the other has not yet been extinguished. A big factor in the match will be Chuck Taylor, who was the guy that ended Worker Ant’s career and nearly crippled Soldier Ant with an Awful Waffle through a table. He may not be challenging for the belts, but he’s in F.I.S.T.’s corner. With Green Ant seemingly occupied with the former Carpenter Ant, Chuck may be a deciding factor in the match. But never count out the Colony. They’re champs for a reason; despite losing on their first challenge, they rallied, gained three more points, and finally defeated The Portal in the rematch. Resilience, courage, and fortitude are not traits I’d quickly bestow upon F.I.S.T., but they shown they can elevate their game when they want to. With this much history, it could go either way.
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Let the paranoid ramblings of a madman begin! You see, it’s the oldest trick in the book. Well, maybe not the oldest, but certainly one of the most interesting. Mike Quackenbush, Jigsaw, Lince Dorado and Equinox will tag together as the first formal unit to oppose a Bruderschaft team. This time, it’s Claudio Castagnoli, Ares, Tursas…and the mysterious 8th member of BDK. Now, when it was revealed that there were eight members of BDK, not seven, I started doing some research. My ultimate conclusion? I decided that it was Ares’ wife Allison Danger. She is returning to wrestling, is very good friends with Sara Del Rey, Daizee Haze, and Claudio, has wrestled in Chikara before and, well…she’s the BDK leader’s wife! Also, the first Aniversario event this year is Aniversario Zehn. The word “zehn” is German for ten. Seeing as it’s not Chikara’s tenth birthday, I tried to find who was having a tenth birthday around then. And guess who I discovered would be celebrating ten years in wrestling during the month of May? Allison Danger, who debuted in Reading, PA of all places. However, there is no advantage to Allison Danger joining there team for this match. Plus, Claudio has already indicated that there may be MORE than eight members. In this case, I’m not sure if Danger will be the mystery person in this match. Instead…I believe it to be one of the four gentlemen opposing the Bruderschaft. That’s the trick, you see. To already start at an advantageous 3 on 4 by having the secret member appear as one of their own, is nothing compared to the mental anguish that comes later on. Lince has been at odds with Jigsaw and vice versa. Equinox has been on the shelf for a while now; who knows who could have visited him while he was injured? Then there’s Quack. Image it: the face of Chikara Pro, joining the BDK. It could be anyone. IT COULD BE ME!
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Then again…it could be an old friend…Come Sunday, we’ll find out!
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So what did Tim Donst do to deserve to face Player Dos for his coveted Young Lions Cup, you ask? He beat Hydra using clearly nefarious means, ending the young sea creature’s career. Does that warrant a shot at a championship? The last time before the Hydra win that he was even on the winning side of a match was May of 2009. That’s right: only two wins in over six months and somehow Donst gets a title opportunity. Sure, as Vökoder, he nearly steamrolled the competition during the Young Lions Cup. But in the end, he lost. Guess who beat him? Yeah, that’s right: Player Dos. Donst can clearly talk a big game, and he is getting all manner of presents from the new Director of Fun, Dieter VonSteigerwalt, or as he should be known, Cheater VonIalreadyhatehim. But can he put it all together and finally get some Chikara gold? Of particular interest is the fact that Donst and Dos are going in different directions in terms of moral support. Player Dos doesn’t seem to be on speaking terms with Player Uno, who’s busy with his Throwback buddies as it is. Donst, however, has a whole new wrestling family to lean on for support. Whether this will play a role in the outcome of the match or not, Donst will try and use every trick in the book to put down Dos and finally grab what he claims as his destiny: The Young Lions Cup.
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Player Uno was in a state of disarray. “I would just bury myself in a pile of games until it would cheer me up.” Uno said recently. But, with the advent of his new finishing submission, The Joystick, Uno finally found singles success, besting Tim Donst on the final Chikara show of the year. Now, Sugar Dunkerton has called upon a rejuvenated Uno to not only be the third in a Throwbacks trio, but also to save the erratic Create-A-Wrestler from permanent damage. After being electrocuted during an episode of the Chikara Podcast A-Go-Go, Dasher Hatfield began fluctuating between his former personalities, even showing up as Ultimo Breakfast to greet Dunkerton with a gift. Now, it’s in Uno’s hands. A huge contingency of Chikara fans are pleading for the return and permanent stabilization of Dasher Hatfield, but it may not be possible. To complicated matters, the old school triumvirate must face The UnStable on Chikara’s first show of the year. If there’s any trio can take advantage of a complex situation and turn it against a team, it’s the nefarious nogoodniks in The UnStable.
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Two of Chikara’s biggest wrestlers will collide in Philly. For the first time in over a year, Hallowicked will face Brodie Lee in a singles competition. The last time both men were in the same ring was back in April at The Bobliographon. It was the sight of Brodie Lee’s greatest embarrassment in a wrestling ring, as the severely undersized Frightmare managed to get a pinfall on Lee. Now, with Big Brodie seemingly free from The Roughnecks trio, he will once again be acting as a lone wolf, prowling the Chikara roster for someone to maim. His first potential victim will also offer one of his toughest challenges, as Hallowicked carries the same contempt for Brodie as Brodie does for, well….everyone. But with Hallowicked focused on his tag team with Frightmare, and Brodie free to cause as much damage as he pleases, it may be a question of focus that ultimately decides the outcome.
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If it seems as though UltraMantis is dodging The Bruderschaft, it’s because he is. To hear him tell it he is “giddy with anticipation at the mere thought of seeing how my Neo Solar Temple matches up with [the] Bruderschaft in the ring. But when pressed to actually make the confrontation a reality, he falls back on the fact that he already has plans for the season premiere show. “Unfortunately,” UltraMantis spouted, “I have already previously agreed to a trios match in January against three vaunted competitors of the highest caliber – opponents who demand serious competition.” We now know who those competitors are: Grizzly Redwood, Pelle Primeau, and Andy Ridge. Not exactly “serious competition” considering that The Neo Solar Temple holds a victory over The Chikara Trainers in a trios match and that Grizzly, Pelle, and Ridge have never team together before as a trio. Classy stuff, Mantis.
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A long time ago, in a Chikara far, far away, Daizee Haze and Sara Del Rey both stated that they were tired of a distinct lack of competition. Backstage at Cibernetico, the women decided to join forces in a new cause. That cause would turn out to be the Bruderschaft. Now, with Dieter VonGermanname calling the shots as Director of Fun, it seems the ladies are getting their wish. The Osirian Portal have already tried and failed once to recapture the tag team titles, but history says that sometimes they still have a very real chance at dethroning The Colony or F.I.S.T. or whoever may be champions at the time the Portal come calling. The current champs, Fire Ant and Soldier Ant, lost their first attempt at the belts against The Portal before finally winning them in a rematch at Hiding in Plain Sight. Those questioning whether Daizee and Sara can hang with Chikara’s best will have an answer come January 25th.
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In a RECENT VIDEO, Pinkie Sanchez stated his desire to take down the Colony, one by one. He kept laughing and giggling like a madman throughout, which makes one question whether Sanchez has finally snapped after years of being picked on as “The little guy who uses his butt as a weapon.” Recently, his name on the Chikara site was respelled Pinkie sANTchez, followed by PINKie sANTchez. No one was quite sure what this meant, until this match was announced. Seems there’s a new ant in town: Pink Ant, Sanchez’ attempt to mock the Colony. Now this new Pink Ant will look to start his mandate of brutality against the man who nearly outed him as an imposter: Green Ant. The youngest of all the Colony, he was the only member of the hill who publicly stated that he didn’t trust Carpenter Ant. So when it turned out to be Pinkie working for BDK, I assume Fire and Soldier Ant bought Green Ant a delicious “We’re Sorry We Didn’t Listen” cake. None of it will matter though if “Pink Ant” is able to fulfill his promise, starting at the bottom.
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Alright, so here’s the deal. I want to go to King of Trios like mad. If it were a perfect world, I would be at every one of them. The sky would rain paper money and the streets, paved with gold, would be sparse on bad drivers. But not everything works out so easily. Here’s my current situation. I am moving in with my lovely girlfriend sometime next month, so there’s lots of stuff to do and worry about there. Plus, we gotta find jobs in the area, settle in, and take stock of our cash flow. And at some point down the road, a very good friend of mine will become our roommate, moving up from Florida and kinda of starting from scratch here in Atlanta. The first hurdle is (obviously) money. We both have some stuff to pay off, so at some point after the move, we have to crunch numbers and decide if the smart thing to do is use the money for King of Trios or just pay everything off. The second hurdle is my friend moving in. The when and how are still very much up in the air, so there’s that to consider. If I had to place a percentage, I’d say there’s a 51% chance that I’ll be there. I honestly don’t foresee any money issues, but you just never know. Anyway, enough about me and my junk. Here are the first three teams announced for King of Trios 2010~!
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They were the 2009 King of Trios winners, so naturally they are the first team announced for the 2010 tournament. They are still the strongest trio in all of Chikara, but they are also now three men with big bull’s-eyes on their backs. The difficulty of repeating as champions cannot be understated. Chuck Taylor became a dominant force in the tournament, picking up three of the teams four total falls, including tapping out Bryan Danielson in the Finals. This is the largest and most prestigious tournament that Chikara holds, so for F.I.S.T. to once again reign supreme, they’re going to need another brilliant performance from someone on the squad.
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Sometimes, it’s hard to find a weak link on a team. Other times, it’s staring you in the face. Green Ant is clearly not yet on the level of his Colony brothers Fire and Soldier Ant, current holders of the Campeonatos de Parejas. In 2008, with Worker Ant as their partner, Fire & Soldier Ant got all the way to the Semifinals, succumbing to the eventually winners Team Mucha Lucha. In 2009, the same unit lost a King of Trios qualifier, meaning that they couldn’t compete at the event. Once again, it was to the tournament’s eventual winner, this time Team F.I.S.T. Now, with Green Ant replacing the retired Worker Ant, the question will be whether The Colony can replicate its previous success with their new inexperienced, fiery teammate.
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Though they have never teamed as a trio in Chikara, Team Frightning has already proven to be a force in trios matches. At the EVOLVE Wrestling debut show, the trio tagged for the first time against the team of Icarus, Gran Akuma, and Brodie Lee. It was originally Jigsaw tagging with Quack and ‘Wicked, but he had to pull out, so Frightmare took his spot. They pulled out a huge win in a high-pressure situation, so it’s no surprise that they decided to keep together and enter the King of Trios. While their relative inexperience tagging with one another will be a factor, all three guys possess enough talent to overcome those obstacles. In Quack, the Chikara school’s head trainer, Hallowicked, the school’s purported top graduate, and Frightmare, a Chikara’s rookie wrestler of the year, it may just end up being the most talented team in the tourney.
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– Please leave any comments or questions you might have and I’ll do my best to respond with as many dirty French phrases as I can conjure. I’d like to do a contest or something cool like that, but I’m not sure how much interest there’d be. Let you voice be heard! Also, let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see in the column, like fantasy booking, treasure hunts, wish-lists, secret handshakes, etc.
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