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Chikara DVD Review:
A World of Comforting Illusions
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1. The UnStable vs. The Throwbacks – *3/4
Vin Gerard and STIGMA got quite a few cheers, so me thinks this crowd is going to be a lot of people who just kinda wandered in, and not necessarily Chikara die-hards. We’ll see, though. Throwbacks get a nice pop, and Dasher Hatfield starts things off with STIGMA. Colin Delany is on commentary for some reason. Dasher dumps STIGMA to the floor and follows up with a scary plancha. It was scary because he barely got over the ropes…tighten those up! Gerard and Sugar Dunkerton enter, where Sugar takes control with a series of stomps and a Converse-assisted back senton. The Throwbacks work over Gerard with double-team maneuvers, but STIGMA eventually disposes of Sugar and Vin hits the choke STO on Dasher. Hatfield is isolated in his corner, where he gets beat up. He’s gets so beat up…that…he felt it. Well that wasn’t good. Gerard goes up top, but Dasher manages to cut him off with a bridging Northern Lights suplex! 1…2…Gerard kicks out. Both men need to make tags, and they both do! Sugar takes STIGMA down with a flying knee and Gerard with a half-nelson suplex. 1…2…Gerard barely kicks out. Release German from STIGMA to Sugar. Dasher counters a toss from STIGMA into a sleeper, but he gets pounded off. STIGMA sets Dasher on his shoulders in preparation for a Gerard top rope move, but Sugar pushes Vin off and Hatfield hits a victory roll! 1…2…3! The Throwbacks win and gain one point towards a tag title shot at the expense of The UnStable, who are winless this year! This was pretty sloppy, but it got the fans going to open the show.
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2. Brodie Lee vs. Green Ant – *1/2
Brodie cuts a really mediocre promo before the match, but he’s usually pretty solid, so it’s all good. Brodie just shoves Green Ant down to mat and rolls out, harassing an attendant about how to take care of his entrance garments. Green Ant leaps onto Brodie from the apron, taking him down! Back inside, Greenie hits a Stinger Splash and a couple elbows, but gets knocked down with a roaring double axe handle. Colin is still on commentary, giving Green Ant props despite being a heel. It’s kind of irritating to be honest. Brodie continues to beat down Green Ant, nailing a huge running chop in the corner. Brodie continues the assault with a unique suplex that I can’t quite classify. Brodie tries to headbutt Green Ant, but YOU CAN’T HEADBUTT DA GREEN ANT! He absorbs them and fires back with a few of his own. Second-Rope Headbutt from Green Ant! Greenie ducks a big boot and rolls Lee up for a two count. Brodie tries his swinging sideslam, but Green Ant turns it into a crucifix! 1…2…still not enough. Green Ant applies a sleeper with headbutts and heads off the ropes, but Brodie meets him with his big boot! It’s over! 1…2…GREEN ANT KICKS OUT! That just about always wins it, especially against the youngsters. Brodie nails a huge Liger Bomb to follow up! 1…2…3. Brodie kills Green Ant, as expected, but Greenie put up a heckuva fight. This was almost as good as the previous match and in about half the time. Brodie got a much-needed win, and Green Ant continues to impress…though I still don’t understand the headbutt thing. GREENAMANIA, PERHAPS?!
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3. Daizee Haze & Sara Del Ray vs. Incoherence – **1/2
The she-devils take to Hallowicked & Frightmare right at the bell, specifically Frightmare. He eats a bunch of stiff kicks for Del Rey and some nasty forearms from Haze. They continue to beat up the tiny guy and Bryce mentions that Del Rey was trained by now WWE “star” Daniel Bryan. Delaney, still on commentary and a former WWE star himself, should bring up his own stint. He should tell the world what a big deal he is, how important his matches with Great Khali were. But does he do this? Not even close; he makes some throwaway joke supporting Bryan and his endeavors. MONSTER heel work here, folks. Is the moniker “Harmless” taken? Because Colin fits that to a tee. My word. Anyway, Frightmare gets free and dumps Daizee to the floor with a rana and drills her with an insane no-hands tope! Hallowicked vs. Sara Del Rey inside the ring now! Hallowicked nails a leaping kick to her face and then launches Frightmare into her with a lariat! Hallowicked charges at Haze, but she cowers and ‘Wicked stops. Frightmare has no qualms though and he tries a corner Yakuza but Daizee ducks and Del Rey nails an abisegiri on Hallowicked. Haze didn’t really duck…I think Frights just missed. Frightmare is getting beat up yet again. Sara doesn’t even tag in; she shoves the ref when he tries to remove her. These ladies be crazy. Del Rey hits Frights with her wrist-clutch face kick and you get to see Bryce freak out on commentary because of the positioning. He’s so awesome. I should mention that the venue is really bizarre in Pottsville. There’s a huge mural painted on the far wall prominently featuring the likes of Ozzy Osborne and KISS. Back in the ring, Frightmare hits a Space Flying…Sasuke…he subdues Del Rey long enough to make a tag. Hallowicked tries not to hit Daizee, only targeting Del Rey, she climbs on his back with a sleeper. He’s had enough, and nails her with a big slam. She is offended by this and slaps him in the face. Hallowicked sends her off the ropes and nails her with a Rydeen Bomb! STANDING KNEECOLEPSY FROM FRIGHTMARE! 1…2…Sara breaks it up. Yakuza Kick to Del Rey! 1…2…Del Rey kicks out! ‘Wicked goes for another, but Haze low bridges him outside. Del Rey dodges a Frightmare crossbody and hits a piledriver on Frightmare. That should do…she hits another one. And another! She done lost her mind! A FOURTH PILDRIVER! The bell rings and Incoherence pick up the win via Excesivo de Castigo. That’s excessive violence, folks. I really like Death Haze beating the tar out of tiny men. It pleases me greatly.
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4. Elimination Tag: Claudio & Ares vs. Badd Boyz vs. Osirian Portal vs. SSB – ***
The Badds cut a ridiculous promo inside a pool hall, where they grunt and whack some balls around. One of the Badds almost yells, “BOOYAH”, a signature of 2.0’s Jagged. Weird. The leaders of the BDK have one point, The Badds have two points, and The Portal and Super Smash Brothers, both former Campeonatos de Parejas holders, have none. It’s now Colin Delaney and Icarus on commentary. If they don’t act like bad guys, I’m going to be super pissed. Amasis and Player Uno start things off with an amazing dance-off. DON’T MAKE ME PICK A WINNER! I can’t pick a–it was Amasis. Claudio awesomely just looks into the camera and shakes his head the entire time. Uno and Amasis hug afterward. Apparently, Uno forgot that The Portal embarrassed and cost him the tag titles. No one remind him. The Badds put a stop to the dancing, making it Dos and Ophidian. Dos and Ophidian stalemate, and we finally get some snide comments from Colin. Then, Icarus decides to blow up the Badd Boyz gimmick, let you know that it’s 2.0 and that it’s just so blatantly obvious. Classy stuff, Ick. The Badds lay into Ophidian, but they can’t sustain it. The Portal hit some really nice double teams and send one of the Badds to the outside, followed by the other. Ophidian does a huge dive onto both of them! Amasis goes for a dive, but Claudio cuts him off with a clothesline and a fall away slam. BDK beats up on Amasis for a while, but he fights back. He gets the tag to Ophidian, but the referee missed it and holds Ophidian back, telling him that Amasis is still legal. Claudio hits Amasis with a European Uppercut to the back and Ares hits the Toblerone Driver for three, eliminating The Osirian Portal. The Badds and Smash Brothers decide that the Bruderschaft are jerks, so they team up to take them down and outside. The Badds assist Player Uno with a dive onto Claudio and Ares. Dos goes for one himself, but the Badds turn on Dos, laying him out in the ring! As partnerships go, this was a short one. The Badds beat up on Dos for a while. At one point, one of the Badds loses his bandana and Colin exclaims, “Hey! That’s Jagged!” Maybe there’s hope for him yet. Dos awesomely reverses a double suplex into a 360 DDT on the Badds, and he makes the tag! Uno is clears them out, and somehow forces one Badd to give an Ace Crusher to the other. Superkick from Dos and a big Baseball Punch from Uno! 1…2…Jagged breaks it up. Dos gets dumped with a high-low tandem clothesline and Uno is pushed in the corner. He eats a leaping kick from Jagged, and that’s the third time we’ve seen a variant on that move in four matches. The Badds hit their finisher, the Decapitation, but Ares pulls out Brad Badd and Dos Frog Splashes Jagged before he can cover! 1…2…3! The Badds are eliminated and sent back to zero points. The very fresh BDK leaders immediately attack Uno, knowing that they need only beat Uno and Dos and they will get a title shot against the winner of the main event. Uno tries to fight BDK off, and is able to dump Ares. Claudio is unfazed by two Uno lariats, and Castagnoli takes him down with one of his own. Colin suggests that Claudio is on steroids. Good lord. Claudio and Ares hit an assisted corner spear for 2. Claudio hits a gutwrench suplex for another 2. Uno tries a sunset flip, but Ares holds onto Claudio to stop it. Dos comes in and dropkicks Ares to the outside, allowing Uno to complete the sunset flip pin! 1…2…Claudio kicks out. Ares wrecks Dos on the outside and Claudio sets up for the Ricola Bomb, but Uno fights it off. Ares comes in and takes over for Claudio, and the beat down continues. Ricola attempt again, but Uno reverse into a school boy! Ares distracts the ref; otherwise it would’ve been three! European Uppercut to Uno! Ares gets rid of Dos and Castagnoli slaps the Inverted Chikara Special on Player Uno! There’s no known way out of this hold, so Player Uno is forced to tap out. The Bruderschaft win the match, earning a future tag title shot. Well…it was long. Seriously though, the match was pretty good, if a little underwhelming. It will be remembered as the match that got the BDK their title shot and perhaps the last time we saw the Badd Boyz in a Chikara ring. Why? You’ll have to wait until the March show reviews to find out!
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5. Strong-Style Slugfest: Gran Akuma vs. Eddie Kingston – ***1/4
Kingston cuts another great promo, simultaneously setting up the heat for this match and a future match with his nemesis, Claudio Castagnoli. This is gonna be all about Eddie’s chops and Akuma’s kicks. Eddie hits a big elbow early and dumps Akuma with a sick reverse suplex that got zero response. Maybe not the best match for right after intermission. Chops from Eddie countered by nasty kicks from Akuma. Big missile dropkick to the back of Kingston’s head. 1…2…yeah right. These guys are gonna murdah each uddah…bruddah. Akuma keeps kicking away at Kingston, but Eddie fights back with chops and slaps to the face. Gran Akuma stops all this with a buzzsaw kick right to the back of Kingston’s head! 1…2…Eddie kicks out. Eddie again fights to his feet, but Akuma kicks the leg out from under him and keeps kicking until he‘s flat on his back for another two count. Eddie is coughing bad and rolls to the floor looking for a place to dry heave. Akuma eventually follows and continues the onslaught, telling Eddie to show him what he’s got. King responds with a nasty slap to the face, but Akuma shrugs it off and sends Eddie back inside. More kicks from Akuma, but Eddie counters with a capture suplex. King’s exhausted though, so Akuma’s back to his feet first. He kicks Eddie right in the face, but Kingston swings in wild desperation, killing Akuma with a shotgun lariat! Eddie delivers some stiff elbows and a disgusting corner Yakuza Kick. Eddie hits a Northern Light Bomb, but Kingston couldn’t steady Akuma for the head spike, so the Northern Lights was a friendlier landing than usual. 1…2…Akuma kicks out. Akuma comes back with windup Complete Shot, DDT to a kneeling Kingston and a huge moonsault! 1…2…Eddie kicks. Akuma heads north again, but Eddie just smacks him to stop the climbing. Second-Rope Ace Crusher from Kingston! 1…2…Akuma kicks out! Overhead Uranage from Kingston, but Akuma is unfazed. Akuma hits an exploder, but Kingston is back up. Stop this…stop this now. Release Dragon suplex from Akuma and he no-sells that, too, delivering a hard clothesline to finally end it. Man that was awful. Both men back up at a nine count. Akuma delivers more kicks, but Eddie starts slapping Akuma side to side, calling for the Backfist to the Future. Gran Akuma ducks it and delivers a Samoan Drop. He tries for Yoshi Tonic, but Kingston turns it into a spike waterwheel slam! SLIDING D! 1…2…AKUMA KICKS OUT! A second Sliding D finally puts Akuma away for the three count, and Eddie Kingston is your winner! This was the opposite of the previous match, though they both end up with nearly same rating. The previous match was too little in too much time. This was incredibly stiff, and I appreciate how hard they struck each other for our sadistic amusement, but this was just too much. This was all across less than ten minutes. Space it across fifteen or so, drop the stupid no-selling segment, add some more limb work, and they’d have gotten much better results. As it stands, they hit hard and often, so it’s still pretty good and the best of the night so far.
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6. Mike Quackenbush & The Future is Now vs. Tursas, Donst, Dorado & Sanchez – ***1/2
We’re treated to a mediocre group promo from the young BDKers before the match. As soon as Jigsaw, Helios, Equinox & Quack come out, they run at their adversaries. Jigsaw is getting clobbered by the much, much larger Tursas. He and Quack are rocking new Dark Green and Gold costume variants. They are stunning. When the dust finally settles, it’s Pinkie Sanchez and Jimmy “Equinox” Olsen left inside. Jimmy Jam is chopping Pinkie every which way. QuackenSaw comes in and they do some neat double teams on Pinkie and then Tim Donst. “Neat”? Neat. Tursas comes in and eats Jigsaw whole. Helios dives at him and the giant man catches him like baby…covered in ketchup and mustard. Helios’s costume is silly! Tursas dodges a dropkick and Lince Dorado comes in, where he hits a boot and a lionsault on Helios. As he taunts the crowd, Helios no-sells it, causing Lince to flee when he turned back around. When Lince was bragging, Tursas was telling him to keep focus. I…LOVED this. It was small, but it was a nice reminder that Tursas, as far as we know, is a true believer of BDK and its mission. Guys like Dorado & Donst were just degenerates without a home, now fighting for the sake of fighting. It was probably unintentional, but that’s what I took from it. Donst takes Helios out from behind, but it’s not long before the high flyer is back on his feet. He and Equinox double team for a kneeling hurricanrana and a standing moonsault for two. Helios tries a Superstar Corkscrew Moonsault, but Donst bails. Tursas enters and drops a huge elbow on Helios. Tursas leaves again, for God knows what reason. The three traitorous technicos take turns tormenting their target. That last sentence was brought to you by the letter T. Quackenbush has had enough, taking out Donst, but Tursas waddles in and crunches Quack’s back with an elbow drop and a backbreaker. Lince applies a submission that forces Quack to do the BDK call sign. The BDK brethren continue to pound on Quack while the commentators, Gavin Loudspeaker and (STILL?!?!) Colin Delaney, argue over whether Donst is better now than before. The “rudo” wins the argument. Great. Lince hits a great splash off the top of Tursas’s shoulders, but he showboats, allowing Quack time to escape. Jigsaw comes in and disposes of Lince, but he is quickly overwhelmed as well. Lince, Tim & Pinkie come in and force Jigsaw to do the BDK sign like Quack. They brag to the crowd, once again allowing their opponent to roll outside. Equinox takes out Pinkie with a dropkick, but Tursas is once again there to gobble him up some midgets. Now it’s Jimmy’s turn to feel the heat. Donst works over his previously-injured ankle, and because he’s much smarter than his teammates who weren’t just doing this, they decide to mimic him. Tursas goes for his elbow drop (VINTAGE TURSAS) but Jimmy dodges it and makes the tag to Quackenbush! However, it’s Helios who enters! OKAY THEN! He actually manages to take out all of BDK before Donst destroys him from behind with a release German Suplex. He plays to the crowd, giving Helios time to hit The Sky is Falling! 1…2…Lince breaks it up. He and Quack go at it, ending with Quack putting him in Black Tornado Slam position, but he instead spins him into a mat slam between his legs! 1…2…Lince kicks out. Lince tries his flipping uranage, but Jigsaw breaks it up and QuackenSaw hit twin superkicks, sending Dorado to the floor. Quack goes off the ropes and lands a no-hands tope on Lince! Jigsaw goes to fly, but turns into a springboard double stomp from Sanchez. 1…2…Jigsaw kicks out. Jig blocks a charge and nails a brainbuster. 1…2…Pinkie kicks out. Jigsaw dumps Pinkie and dives out after him! Jimmy is on one leg wanting to dive, but Donst hits a low kick to Equinox. Donst hits a spike Complete Shot and Gavin calls it the Donstitution. The previous night, he called an STO the Donstitution. Which is it, you ask? NEITHER OF THEM!!! The Donstitution is a bridging snap Death Valley Driver that no one pops for. EVER. Perhaps that’s why he’s so confused. Anyway, the Complete Shot gets a two count. Donst goes for the Hydralock, but Jimmy pushes out and drills him with the KO Punch. Donst rolls out so he can’t be covered, allowing Tursas to enter the arena. He eats a KO punch, but it has absolutely zero effect on the monster. Jimmy goes off the ropes and gets nailed with a nasty swinging sideslam! Tursas follows him out, making it Pinkie and Quack facing off. Pinkie hits Quack with a polish hammer, reflective of his Carpenter Ant days. Quack counters into the QD4, a gutwrench brainbuster! 1…2…Donst breaks it up. Quack sets Donst on the top rope, where Jigsaw hits him with a hurricanrana. Swanton Bomb from Quack! STANDING SSP FROM EQUINOX! 1…2…Dorado breaks it up! Helios is back in and he spies Tursas on the outside. Sasuke Special from Helios…but Tursas catches him! STANDING POWERSLAM ON THE FLOOR! Tursas drags Helios back in. Lince comes off the top with a Shooting Star Press! 1…2…3! The Bruderschaft pick up another win. They still have yet to be pinned, only officially losing when Del Rey goes crazy. This was really good, but it was another match that had a ton of heat segments. In fact, everyone on the technico team got one. The match was nearly 23 minutes long, easily the longest of the night, and it seemed to have a lot of filler. Shed five minutes of heat stuff, give to Akuma/Kingston and both probably go up in appeal, at least for me. The ending stretch was really great, and the 8-Man Tecnico vs. BDK battles are quickly becoming the best thing going in Chikara.
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7. Campeonatos de Parejas: The Colony© vs. The Order of the Neo Solar Temple – ***1/4
UltraMantis Black, with his “perfect weapon”, the current mind-controlled Delirious, tells us why he’s gonna be wearing gold by the end of the night. I’m not sure I believe him. Delirious is given his instructions before the match, and goes crazy to execute them. Fire Ant tries some elbows and a shoulderblock, but can’t take him down. Delirious continues to knock Soldier Ant off the apron while managing Fire Ant’s offense in the ring. UltraMantis is tagged in and he gets in a few shots before Fire Ant hits a firemans carry and bails. Soldier Ant enters, hitting a bodyslam and a saluting elbow drop. The Ants take turns attack Delirious and bailing while the other hits a leaping move on UltraMantis. It’s actually kind of awesome. UltraMantis dumps Fire Ant and The Order go to work on Soldier Ant with double team offense of their own. By the way, Colin Delaney is STILL at the Commentation Station. He has commented the entire show. I actually really like Colin…as a wrestler. But he was not a strong commentator or heel on the mike, so what the hell was the point? Soldier Ant continues to be brutalized. Fun Fact: UltraMantis Black has been in only three main events over the last two and a half years and they all involved The Colony. WHEEE! Soldier Ant is finally able to dodge a clothesline and crawl between Delirious’s legs and to the outside, allowing Fire Ant to enter. He disposes of both Order members in quick fashion. Fire Ant runs on the apron and hits a twisting senton onto Delirious! Back inside, Soldier Ant rolls UltraMantis into the Chikara Special! He’s gonna have to tap…but Delirious breaks it up with the Panic Attack. And another in the corner! He calls for Shadows over Heck, but Soldier Ant gets to his feet. Delirious hits a Whiplash on Soldier Ant and once again goes for Heck, but this time Fire Ant meets him there. Avalanche Firemans Carry by Fire Ant followed by a Saluting Headbutt from Soldier Ant! Back Senton from Fire Ant! 1…2…Delirious kicks out. Fire Ant goes for Beach Break, but Delirious battles out. Fire Ant counters into a jackknife pin for two. Delirious ducks a buzzsaw kick and UltraMantis hits a turnbuckle release butterfly suplex on Fire Ant! Fire is placed on the top rope where Ultramantis just tosses him up and down with an Avalanche Butterfly Suplex! 1…2…Soldier Ant breaks it up. Fire Ant hits Burning Down the House and Soldier Ant drills Delirious with a release German Suplex. Ultramantis is back in looking for the Praying Mantis Bomb, but Soldier Ant turns it into the TKO! He’s too tired to cover though. Fire Ant hits his Hot Soup roundhouse kick and a brainbuster! SALUTING HEADBUTT FROM SOLDIER ANT! 1…2…Mantis kicks out. Delirious comes in to disrupt the Ants, dumping Soldier Ant outside. Release Cobra Clutch Suplex on Fire Ant. Ultramantis follows up with a release Regal Plex! 1…2…Fire Ant kicks out. The Order strategizes, giving Soldier Ant time to re-enter. Delirious calls for end, going for Chemical Imbalance II, but Fire Ant turns it into a roll up! 1…2…3~! Fire Ant pins Delirious for the first fall. UltraMantis celebrates, thinking it was Delirious that got the pin. Once the ref explains the truth, he becomes enraged. COSMIC DISASTER ON FIRE ANT! He doesn’t cover though, seemingly wandering around looking for more people to hurt. Soldier Ant catches him from behind, planting him with a Reverse TKO! Delirious hits the Praying Mantis Bomb on Soldier Ant! He goes to cover, but Ares enters the ring. He’s holding the Eye of Tyr, the cursed jewel originally used by Mantis to enslave Delirious. Ares whispers something in the ear of Delirious, causing him to lose his mind! He runs out of the building! Ultramantis is left all alone with The Colony. Fire Ant hits the Heat of the Moment and Soldier Ant rolls UltraMantis into a Saluting Skayde Schoolboy! 1…2…3! The Colony defeat The Order two falls to none! I really, really liked this match. It’s a good way for the UltraMantis/Delirious to end, if this is indeed the end. This would’ve been much higher, but the crowd was pretty out of it by the end. The Ares thing worked really well, but most people were just confused by this and the finish. Still, it was a solid main event and a good way to end the show.
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Overall – 5.5 / 10
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Man I hate giving Chikara bad reviews. It is my least favorite thing about writing these columns. I don’t wanna be negative, but I have to be impartial if I’m to have any self-respect at all. You see the rating, so you don’t need to be told that it wasn’t great. The crowd was pretty quiet and the commentary, usually a HUGE plus for Chikara, really brought everything down for me. However, this show had three very watchable matches and one that was very good. It furthered several storylines, including Mantis/Ares, Claudio/Kingston, and BDK/Technicos. I can’t recommend this for anyone other than Chikara completists and die-hards, but if you’re like me, even the worst Chikara show is better than an episode of Impact. You know what you’re getting if you buy this: fun, fast-paced action, and characters you won’t find anywhere else. Is this show worth twenty bucks? Do you wanna know the terrifying truth? Or do you want more obscure pop culture references?! Hint: Google the “terrifying truth” sentence. One of my favorite episodes of this particular show. That should sufficiently distract you!
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The All-Important M’s
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Match: The Eight-Man Tag…shocking, I know. Chikara has been on a roll with their Atomicos this year, and this was no exception.
Move: This is pretty hard, as nothing really jumps out at me. I’m gonna go with the Standing Powerslam on the floor from Tursas to Helios. It was the culmination of the well-told match, with Tursas once again serving as savior to the young BDK lions. It was brutal and it lead to the finish, so it wins.
Moment: Ares using the Eye of Tyr on Delirious and its aftermath. For lack of options. It wasn’t really over at all, but it was a big storyline moment that I’d been anticipating for some time.
MVP: Eddie Kingston, for the second time in a row. He cut another fantastic promo that got two matches over, wrestled a really nice match with Gran Akuma, and got more crowd cheers than any other wrestler that night.
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