.
Welcome to another edition of CHIKARMY Insider, the on-line Chikara article that dares to use the word “indubitably” in a sentence despite it’s propensity to draw open mockery. We use “propensity”, too. This whole Daniel Bryan Danielson mess involving Triple H? Balderdash and codswallop derived from rumpus scuttlebutts of the hoi polloi. I CAN’T STOP! Okay, I’ll stop. This week, we get blog posts from UltraMantis Black and referee Nick Sabato, minor updates on two big future Chikara events and major match updates for the June Chikara shows. Pinkie up, fools. We’re in Mannersville not Slob City!
.
.
.
.
Eine Mitteilung von Derek Sabato
This morning, I had to sit and review some frightening clips from Aniversario Elf with Herr VonSteigerwalt. In Union City, the one and only Tommy Dreamer, a man I thought would have some moral fiber to him, went WAY over the line. First, he grabbed me, wrinkling my clean, white shirt, which no wrestler should ever do to an official. Then, he threatened me with bodily harm. For this transgression, I had no choice but to disqualify him. You cannot make threats in line at the airport and expect to get away with it, and you cannot threaten a sanctioned referee and expect nothing to happen. Those wild and crazy ECW days are over for a reason, Mr. Dreamer.
Then, things went WAY over the line, as Dreamer attempted to piledrive me. ME – an unarmed man, doing his job, trying to make a living as an honest ref. Why on Earth would anyone even think of harming me? Watching these clips back today reminded me of just how senseless this type of wrestler-on-official violence is. While I have sought counselling for the emotional trauma suffered at the hands of Mr. Dreamer, imagine what poor Jakob is going though. Now with an injured neck, he is sidelined indefinitely until he is well enough to hold up that microphone and do his job again. Who will support his family until then, Tommy? Did that ever cross your sick mind before you crushed him with that Dreamer Driver?
CHIKARA fans around the world, you have never been particularly nice to me. But even so, you must agree with Dieter and I that this type of behavior is totally unacceptable. No one should have to ply their trade in a hostile work environment. My therapist believes I am not ready to return to the workplace this month, but I will continue courageously on the path to recovery, until the flashbacks and night terrors are gone, and I am released to resume the job that I love to do.
– Derek Sabato
.
A Message from UltraMantis Black
In the year Two Thousand Two, UltraMantis was born into professional wrestling via the slightly askew world of CHIKARA. At that time, he was one among a very, very small cast of players in an organization that was in its mere embryonic stage. A company that was conceived, constructed, and cultivated with the labor and toil of individuals whose only goal was to completely transform the sport of professional wrestling as it had hitherto been known. It is eight short years later, and a cadre of deviants calling themselves the Bruderschaft des Kreuzes seeks to erase that history. To eradicate the legacy we forged.
I am fully cognizant of the fact that my insatiable hunger to elevate the Order of the Neo Solar Temple to glorious heights through manipulation of the black arts is what directly led to this BDK infiltration. As I have watched the razing of my Order and the oppression of all of CHIKARA by jackbooted thugs, I am reminded of the War of the Sons of Light and the Sons of Darkness. I have long studied the structural damage in the blueprint of humanity, and now at last I am able to make sense of it and accept that for which I am responsible. So to that end, my sole mission becomes clear – to completely vanquish the BDK from all of CHIKARA.
It is abundantly clear that the man they call Ares has gravely underestimated me. He can destroy my Neo Solar Temple and take away everything I hold dear, but the mastermind remains. That is your fatal flaw, Ares. So relish the Campeonatos de Parejas. Relish the Young Lions Cup while you can. Enjoy your tenure as the King of Trios. Whether you sense it or not, your days are numbered.
Those of us that built CHIKARA brick by brick will only tolerate so much.
– UltraMantis Black
.
Chikarasaurus Rex: King of Show
So, are you a fan of Dragon Gate? Do you know what Dragon Gate is? Can you tell me your last name? Super Duper! Chikara Pro and Dragon Gate, two of the most unique and fast-paced wrestling companies in the world, have stayed apart for far too long. In the Dark Times, one would have to watch Chikara and DG stars separately, wasting valuable mall loitering time. Kids and some bears would dream of the day when both companies would come together on the same night, in the same building, and then have people tape it and sell as a means to make money. Then, we were blessed with Dragon Gate USA, and while they’ve been super good shows…it’s not enough. Not enough, I tell you! On July 25th at The ECW Arena in Philadelphia, Chikara will host the stars of DG in what could only be called “Chikarasaurus Rex: King of Show”! Many of your favorite Dragon Gate stars will be there to oppose the stars of Chikara Pro! It’s a concept show of epic proportions! So far, two matches have been made official: Tommy Dreamer & Eddie Kingston vs. Ares & Claudio Castagnoli in a tag team grudge match stemming from the results of “Aniversario Elf” and a dream trios match that will pit the 2009 King of Trios winners against three of DG’s toughest veterans: Team F.I.S.T. vs. CIMA, Dragon Kid, & Masaaki Mochizuki! You can expect full write-ups on these matches right here in this column the week after Chikara’s June shows take place!
.
DGUSA: Enter the Dragon 2010
The war between the Chikara Sekigun and KAMIKAZE USA will come to an end the night before “Chikarasaurus Rex” on July 24th at The ECW Arena when each side will stand against the other in a big, to-be-determined bout during Dragon Gate USA’s 1st Anniversary Celebration known as “Enter The Dragon 2010”! To get a detailed summary of how the feud as escalated to this point, read this article on the subject, which includes a few video summaries as well. Furthermore, DGUSA officials are currently listening to ideas from fans for what the conflict-ending match should be! I’ve left my own thoughts under my name, as did Chikara Special author and wandering philanthropist Kevin Ford. You may not be as cool as us, but you’re opinion counts the same! Head over to the official DGUSA website for all the info!
.
Young Lions Cup VIII
On August 27th, 28th, and 29th, residents of Reading, PA will be fortunate enough to take in three days of blockbuster Chikara action when the eighth Young Lions Cup Tournament takes place at the Goodwill Fire Association Hall! The tourney features twenty four wrestlers that must be under twenty five years of age to compete. Nights One and Two both feature six singles matches that grant the winners a spot in each night’s Six-Way Elimination Match. The two wrestlers who survive the main events will face each other in the Main Event of Night 3 to determine not only the tournament’s winner but the new holder of the Young Lions Cup! You can expect full write-ups on all announced competitors and matches right here in this column the week after “Chikarasaurus Rex” takes place! So far, only two of the tourney’s participants have been named, and they are presented below.
.
.
.
.
Before they tag in perhaps the biggest match of their Chikara careers (see below), Helios and Jimmy “Equinox” Olsen will team with fan-favorites 3.0 in an eight-man tag match. While The Future Is Now may see this as merely a tune up for the next night’s huge challenge, this is serious business for a team known for their comedic chops. When Jagged and Shane Matthews revealed to the world that they, in fact, both 2.0 and The Badd Boyz, fans were both stunned and excited. The denim was shed, Jagged got a first & last name, and 3.0 was born! For some reason, Icarus & Gran Akuma showed up at ringside to berate the tag team for not taking anything seriously. With Akuma out due to injury, Chuck Taylor will step in to defend the honor of F.I.S.T., and they’ll get help from UnStable members Vin Gerard & STIGMA. In the past few months, Vin Gerard has expressed a desire to curb his mischievous ways and join the Rebel Alliance. With so many conflicts and personal issues in play, it’s like you’re getting the action of a top-level independent wrestling company with the emotional drama you’d only find on “The Maury Show”. That’s a legit compliment. I love that show.
.
Though they have largely been relegated to the background of the Chikara vs. BDK Wars, Amasis & Ophidian have just as much a reason to hate the Bruderschaft as any tecnico on the roster. They were the target of Sara Del Rey & Daizee Haze on the first Chikara show of the year, and the ladies destroyed the duo in brutal fashion. Later in the year, The Osirian Portal opposed Claudio & Ares in a Four Team Elimination tag match which saw Ophidian get pinned by Ares thanks to a Toblerone Driver. That BDK team would win the match and use the points gained to challenge and capture the Campeonatos de Parejas. At King of Trios, everything came to a head when the Portal was inserted into the tournament as a replacement for Team Mexico. They were to face the Bruderschaft trio of Claudio, Ares and Tursas. Their partner was drawn from a special hat brought out by BDK supporter and Director of Fun, Dieter VonSteigerwalt. Their “randomly chosen” partner turned out to be Sara Del Rey. Needless to say, they never had a chance. Once again, the BDK used a win over the Portal as a springboard to success, as that trio would go on the claim the title of King of Trios. Now, the pair will face BDK young lions Lince Dorado and Pinkie Sanchez in Chikara’s Detroit area debut, presenting a wonderful opportunity for Amasis & Ophidian to exact some revenge…Egyptian style. If memory serves, Egyptian justice usually involves sand, locusts, a violent storm of blood rain, and sand. Groovy.
.
It was back at “Wit, Verve and a Bit o’ Nerve” where Mike Quackenbush first mentioned the idea of Frightmare someday becoming the Young Lions Cup champion. Many thought this meant that Frightmare would be secured a spot in the Young Lions Cup VIII tournament that is coming soon. However, because of recent stellar performances, he has been granted a chance to bypass the tourney altogether. At “We Must Eat Michigan’s Brain” in Taylor, Michigan, Frightmare will attempt to do what Player Uno, Dasher Hatfield and Soldier Ant failed to do: beat Tim Donst for the YLC Title. This will be Frightmare’s second title match in consecutive shows; he and partner Hallowicked failed to gain the tag titles at “Aniversario Elf” after the BDK champions targeted Frights and beat him to a pulp. Because of this, Donst may come in to this match more cocky than usual. It’s a mistake that’s been made by Crossbones, Icarus and even big Brodie Lee. They all underestimated the little guy, and he pinned each one.
.
.
.
When you face Ares & Claudio Castagnoli with the Campeonatos de Parejas on the line, you can expect anything and everything other than a fair fight. In winning the titles, they required the assistance of stablemate Tursas to distract the referee and help defeat Fire & Soldier Ant. In their first attempted defense of the championships, the BDK utilized their newest weapon and faction pet, Delirious. Controlled via dog whistle, Delirious destroyed his former friends Hallowicked and Frightmare, leading to a successful defense in two straight falls. Now, their next threat comes from the two youngest members of The Future Is Now: Helios & Jimmy “Equinox” Olsen. This is a huge opportunity for Helios and Olsen; Helios has not tasted a big Chikara victory in over two years. Helios is at the top of his game, and all it takes to secure a pinfall is one 630 Splash and a three count. Jimmy is in a rut after two years of unprecedented success. In 2008, he won both the Torneo Cibernetico & La Lotería Letal tournament, and the beginning of 2009 saw him become the eleventh Young Lions Cup champion. Since losing the cup, he has fallen off considerably. This is his chance to ascend once again. The key to victory, however, will be found in whether The Future Is Now have adequately prepared for the contest. Translation: unless Helios and Equinox show up with the tecnicos in tow, it could be a short night.
.
Yikes. This is the word that comes to mind when considering the fate of Player Dos as he attempts to do what no other wrestler on the roster has done: beat the mighty Tursas. Heck, the Bruderschaft’s dominant big man has yet to be knocked down in a wrestling ring, so Dos finding a way to get Tursas off his feet would be a minor miracle. This appears to be yet another breezy win for the giant, but in the long run, these lopsided confrontations could be the very thing that spells doom for the BDK. You see, the Bruderschaft began by fight the founders and faces of Chikara: Quack, UltraMantis, Kingston, The Colony, Hallowicked, and their various understudies. It has been a manageable endeavor made easier thanks to the sheer volume of its members. However, as they draw the ire of more and more tecnicos on the Chikara roster, they begin to show cracks. They are no longer bullet proof. As teams like The Osirian Portal and the Throwbacks become more and more involved in the fight, the BDK will find their fall to be the same folly as all greater superpowers: not knowing when enough is enough. Dos may not beat Tursas, but if he decides to give him a post-match big splash as he is arrogantly prone to do, he may find yet another impassioned enemy in the fight to rid Chikara of the Bruderschaft.
.
I’ve already established that 3.0 and F.I.S.T. do not care for one another, so I’ll let 3.0’s Shane Matthews spin his yarn that I’ve taken from his Chikara Pro blog post. “Boy, do I feel pumped. I’m feelin’ really pumped. I woke up this morning, hopped outta my big, bad bed and fixed myself up a 10-egg omelette. But was I done? Oh no. Not by a long shot. I packed 6 pieces of cheese singles into that piece o’ business, chopped up some onions, some red bell peppers and some bacon. Yeah. That’s right. BACON. You boys think we’re a joke? Lemme tell ya something Icarus, Taylor. The last thing that thought I was a joke was that omelette and now it’s in my stomach! We’re comin’ to Cleveland, boys! Shane Matthews! YES! Scott The Jagged Parker! YES! 3.0! The freedom fighters of CHIKARA!”
.
On the surface, a match between Player Uno and Johnny Gargano feels more-or-less like an exhibition. With Uno in the tag division in the Super Smash Brothers and Gargano not a regular roster member, the best each could hope is a earning a spot in the upcoming Young Lions Cup VIII tourney with a decisive win. However, the ever chatty Gargano is apparently intrigued by one of Chikara’s strongest trios. He showed up in the entrance way wearing one of their shirts on King of Trios: Night 2 and spoke about them on one of his many social network sites. “Ya’know, I’ve been watching more and more CHIKARA stuff lately.” He said on his Facebook page. “I really dig FIST’s style, yo. These guys MAY be the best Trio I’ve ever seen… But, you know… something just doesn’t seem like it fits. Hmm, I guess even the best Trio has a weakest link.” Gargano has a lot to prove if he thinks he can usurp someone’s spot in F.I.S.T. Just as important…who does Gargano think is the weak link? You can bet that Johnny will find a microphone in his hands at some points, and perhaps he’ll make his intentions known.
.
.
.
.
– The Aniversario Shows are out now at Smart Mark Video! Buy them and that rash should heal right up!
.
– Mike Quackenbush was officially announced on the developer’s production blog as a playable character in the upcoming Chikara video game “Rudo Resurrection”. If this surprises you in the slightest…then you don’t know QUACK. Ha! Get it? IT’S HUMOR!
.
– Claudio Castagnoli has World Cup fever! Check out his personal website for his thoughts on every World Cup match as well as various opinions on a variety of subjects. Warning: they can be VERY EUROPEAN. Bah-Ha-Ha! MORE HUMOR!
.
– My take on this whole Bryan Danielson situation: its sucks. It sucks that the WWE basically had to fire him, based on reports. It sucks that I won’t be able to see him wrestle every week. It sucks that he won’t be a part of the NXT faction. It sucks that the WWE feels they need to be PG. It sucks that, financially, they’re probably right. It sucks that the WWE couldn’t find a compromise. It sucks that they didn’t go to bat for a future superstar. It sucks that he could end up in TNA. It just sucks. Hopefully, this is all a work and I can laugh about this Tuesday. The chances thin with every passing day. Danielson will be back soon enough, and I hope it’s in the WWE where he can ply his trade in front of the largest audience possible.
.
– Please leave any comments or questions you might have and I’ll do my best to respond with as much colloquial Irish gossip as I can conjure. I’d like to do a contest or something cool like that, but I’m not sure how much interest there’d be. Let you voice be heard! Also, let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see in the column, like fantasy booking, treasure hunts, wish-lists, secret handshakes, etc.
.
.
