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How it be, friend? CHIKARMY Insider is here to be read. Lots of stuff is here. You won’t even believe it all. Chikara Schedule is the first thing written. Dieter VonStickybuns says some things very German. Grizzly Redbush. A British insect demands your attention and allegiance. A duck EVOLVEs into or from lightning. It’s very confusing. FULLY UPDATED SEMPTEMBERS CARDS…BECAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT. Knock Knock. Who’s there? It’s a column, not a door. Open the Column Gate. FLYING LEG MANEUVER.
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Chikara Schedule: The Upcoming Live Events!
After next week’s two big shows, Chikara returns to action the following month with “The Dark Ciberknetico” on Saturday, October 23rd in Easton, PA and “Rendezvous at Big Gulch” on Sunday, October 24th in Hamden, CT. The following month will see “Scornucopia” take place on Saturday, November 20th in Easton, PA and “The Germans”, the final Philadelphia show of year, taking place on Sunday, November 21st. Though last season ended in November, the Philly show is listed as the last event of the year in that location and is not necessarily the Season Finale show.
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The Director of Fun’s Narrative Has Become Tiresome!
Director of Fun Dieter VonSteigerwalt has been very careful with his wording when addressing the Chikara universe. Any nefarious, agenda-pushing tyrant can operate out in the open, blatantly offering opportunities to his fellow BDK stablemates. However, he has done an excellent job of getting others such as Tursas & Derek Sabato to do his dirty work for him. Once again in his most sincere-yet-insincere tone, Dieter addressed the Chikaraverse via the site Blog: “Congratulations, Herr Frightmare, on your current status as Young Lions Cup champion of CHIKARA. Certainly, we are all surprised by your recent success. I have spent some time reviewing the footage from the finals of the tournament on 29 August, and it is most unfortunate to see how things unfolded. It would have been most proper if the official assigned to the match – Derek Sabato – had been able to oversee the critical final moment of the championship bout. We are all distrught over the accidental kick he received from Lince Dorado, which incapacitated him and has left him with a very serious concussion. He is undergoing treatment this month, in the hope that he can return to active duty as quickly as possible. Likewise, it is most unfortunate that in his haste to enter the ring, Gavin Loudspeaker caused Jakob Hammermeier to fall from the ring ledge to the arena floor, dislocating his shoulder in the process. Thankfully, as Jakob is made of sterner stuff than most, he will not require 12 weeks and a steel plate to recover from his trauma. Although it is a point of much contention right now among company higher-ups, it seems that based on precedent, the ruling of the referee must stand as it relates to the controversial finish to the match between Frightmare and Lince Dorado of 29 August. And CHIKARA’s senior official Bryce Remsburg has signed an affidavit affirming that he believes he made the right call in counting three while Lince Dorado was apparently legally pinned in that very, very important match. The power of the senior official is not one to be questioned lightly. In New York on 19 September, # 1 contender for the Young Lions Cup, Pinkie Sanchez, who has defeated Frightmare on more occasions than I can recall, will be awarded his title shot.”
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Grizzly Stumps “Big Rig”! Get It? HE’S A TINY TIMBER TRIMMER!
When Grizzly Redwood called out his former tag partner Brodie Lee for violently ending their partnership, he was largely ignored. After his performance in The Countdown Showdown on YLCVIII: Night 3, you can bet that Redwood has the ear of “Big Rig”. Grizzly had this to say about the tribulations of being “The Littlest Lumberjack” and his continued pursuit of revenge against his former friend: “It’s not easy walking down the Corduroy Road to Success. Nothing worth doing ever is. I just do what Grizzly Redwood does best and that’s keep on chopping. In the CHIKARA neck of the pro-wrestling woods stand some mighty timbers, but I’m going to chop them all down. One after the other…until the only one left is you Big Rig. We’ll square off again Brodie and then I’m gonna have to cut you down to size! There’s no one with more fight in them than Grizz and I know deep down that I will topple you, Big Man. If you learned anything from the Countdown Showdown, it should have been that I am no joke! I was the best tag team partner you could have asked for. Every time we hit the ring, I brought the fight, no matter who we faced. I’m a fighter, that’s the way I’m made Brodie. Soon, I’m bringing the fight to you. I’ve got to show you myself. Guess it’s time… TO CHOP YOU DOWN AND BEAT YOU UP!”
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UltraMantis Shakes Up His Cibernetico Squad!
UltraMantis Black made his intentions known in a Chikara Blog post months ago that he wants to take out The Bruderschaft at The Dark Ciberknetico, and he would need help. He called out tecnicos & rudos of all kinds from Chikara’s early stages to stand up and fight for the company. Since then, Black has been silent as Mike Quackenbush, Jigsaw & Eddie Kingston agreed to join his squad. Now, Mantis has spoken up about his current line-up, and he does not mince words. “Greetings again to you, my loyal followers.” UltraMantis would once again write on the Chikara Blog. “I do hope that the waning solar term and approaching autumnal Harvest Tide are treating you well. But enough of these needless niceties. I am here today to further address concerns regarding the roster of my Cibernetico battalion. Firstly, I have taken it upon myself to ascertain the services of The UnStable’s STIGMA. I am sure some people, namely Mike Quackenbush, will object to this selection. It is no secret that the UnStable has long been viewed in a somewhat unfavorable light in the CHIKARA locker room. Maybe with just cause. However, if you peel away the layers of STIGMA you will find the man once known as Shane Storm at its core. A man who knows that everything he has ever accomplished, won, or created has been rooted in the foundations of CHIKARA. A man who will put aside his current allegiances for at least one day in order to lend his might to our mission of ousting the BDK. I have done business with this man in the past, and he will honor his commitment. In addition, I would just like to comment that I do not feel at all comfortable with Eddie Kingston and his “gracious” offer to volunteer his services for this Cibernetico team. It is my opinion that this man cannot be trusted and lacks the dedication, stability and loyalty that are needed to defeat the Bruderschaft. I for one would not want a loose cannon amok on this battleground, and I’m sure the others that have pledged their support feel much as I do. Finally, as he has yet to respond to any of my personal communiqués, I would like to take the opportunity to address Hallowicked directly in this public forum. You know as well as I do, Hallowicked, that our history together has been plagued by bitterness, bloodlust, and despair. But never forget – we were born into CHIKARA together. No one shall ever be able to sever that cord – not even the BDK. You know what you have to do. Ignore me for now, if you think you must, but we will meet face-to-face in New York soon enough…”
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EVOLVE Results: Quackenbush Battles Chuckie T!
EVOLVE 5: Danielson vs. Sawa took place on Saturday at the Rahway Rec Center in Rahway, NJ, and by all accounts it was a fantastic night of action. While Chuck Taylor was lobbying hard to Main Event over the Dream Match between “American Dragon” Bryan “Daniel Bryan” Danielson and Lingerie Mutoh, he ended up opening the show against “Lightning” Mike Quackenbush in Quack’s first singles match in EVOLVE. In a very strong match, Taylor saw his perfect 3-0 record evaporate at the hands of his Chikara roster-mate. In other Chikara-related results, Cheech & Cloudy defeated rivals Aeroform to remain undefeated, Johnny Gargano pinned Frightmare in a Six-Way Match also involving Gran Akuma & Ricochet bested YLCVIII participant Kyle O’Reilly for his first win in EVOLVE in a match that stole the show.
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While Chikara’s eight-man tag matches have garnered a ton of the praise this year from a sheer enjoyment standpoint, their Elimination Tags have quickly come to gain the same reputation as their Atomicos have: they’re action-packed, energetic fun that rarely disappoint. Expectations should be raised for this particular contest despite only two teams having been announced so far. The Osirian Portal have had a very unstable year thanks in large part to…The UnStable. See what I did there? Ophidian was able to beat Matt Cross in the finals of the Rey de Voladores on King of Trios: Night 3 to capture the award but failed to get past Lince Dorado on YLCVIII: Night 2. Amasis had been having a miserable year, running into the BDK & Vin Gerard at every turn. However, he may have come out of his funk after teaming with Ophidian & Drake Younger to beat The UnStable and then going on an impressive in the Young Lions Cup tourney, tying Obariyon for most total in-tournament victories. Incoherence has likewise had their ups and downs. Hallowicked started the year on a four match win streak, lost his only two matches in Team Frightning, won a tag gauntlet to earn a title shot, lost said title match, but recently notched two victories over Dragon Gate talent (vs. WORLD-1 at C-Rex and Akira Tozawa at YLCVIII: Night 3). Frightmare, well…he’s the champ! After losing a match to Tim Donst for the Young Lions Cup in June, Frightmare got past seven men, including Tozawa, Johnny Gargano & Lince Dorado in the finals to become the 14th champion. The two teams’ only interaction with one another this season was in a tag match on the same team earlier in the year. However, Ophidian holds a pinfall over Frightmare stemming from the RDV tournament that Ophidian would go on to win. It’s anybody’s guess who the other two teams will be, but it’s though, even blind, to bet against Incoherence or The Osirian Portal.
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It wasn’t hard to figure where the story was headed. It started last year at Hiding in Plain Sight, when Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw defeated Claudio Castagnoli & Bryan Danielson in a tremendous match that saw Quack use his inescapable Alligator Clutch to get the win over Team Uppercut. It would be over half a year before the duo would tag in Chikara again. After both of their teams were eliminated from the King of Trios tournament, Quack & Jig faced The Young Generation Buck Me’s on Night 3. They were victorious and one win away from a shot at the Campeonatos de Parejas. In between their first tag win and their eventual try at a third point, the tag titles changed hands twice, ending up in the hands of BDK masterminds Claudio Castagnoli & Ares, a fellow “long, funny name followed by a short name” tag team…only much more nefarious. The duo met Daizee Haze & Sara Del Rey at YLCVIII: Night 1 in what most people (myself included) assumed would be a relatively easy final point. Enter Derek Sabato, the vengeful referee of the Bruderschaft. He screwed Quack & Jigsaw out of a third point, giving Death Haze the victory and sending the beloved team back to the beginning. Almost an entire year of work erased in the blink of an eye. They wasted no time getting back on track, beating The House of Truth the next night in an Open Challenge. Now, they will look for point number two against two men they know very well: Tim Donst & Lince Dorado. Donst, the YLC champ before Frightmare, is kind of the Darth Vader to Quack’s Obi-Wan: a star pupil who endured great punishments for his teacher, only to turn his back on everyone in revealing to be sided with the wicked Bruderschaft des Kreuzes last November. Dorado would have joined with Donst that day too had a concussion not taken him out earlier in the event. He waited until the season premiere of the following season to strike, turning on his Chikara brethren just as the Main Event began. He was jealous of Jigsaw’s new role as Quack-appointed leader of “his” group, The Future Is Now, and joined the BDK out of his anger towards Jig & the Chikara fans who booed him. With Donst now titleless and Lince once again losing out in a bid for the Cup, the two will be wholly focused on not only moving towards the tag titles but screwing over Quackenbush & Jigsaw once again.
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Eye to Eye ~ Saturday, Sept. 18th ~ Baltimore, MD
8. Campeonatos de Parejas: Claudio Castagnoli & Ares© vs. Scott “Jagged” Parker & Shane Matthews
7. Chikara vs. BDK #3: Eddie Kingston vs. Pinkie Sanchez
6. Elimination Tag: Incoherence vs. The Osirian Portal vs. ???????? vs. ????????
5. Six-Man Tag Match: The Soul Touchaz vs. F.I.S.T.
4. Chikara vs. BDK #2: Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw vs. Tim Donst & Lince Dorado
3. Chikara vs. BDK #1: Equinox vs. Delirious
2. Styles Clash: Brodie Lee vs. Helios
1. Dream Match: Manami Toyota vs. Daizee Haze
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Best friends turned heated rivals, Hallowicked and UltraMantis Black are now hovering somewhere around seething adversaries and deep-seeded enemies. The feud was dialed up to eleven when UltraMantis stole Delirious from Hallowicked, brainwashing him with the Eye of Tyr. Mantis subsequently lost the Eye of Tyr and Delirious to the BDK’s Ares, his new master and controller. For a long time, Black has cursed the name of Hallowicked every chance he had. But now that he has lost everything, including his Neo Solar Temple, it seems Mantis is branching out to those who he has wrong in an effort to build an army capable of taking down the Bruderschaft. As stated by Mantis above, he has extended the olive branch to ‘Wicked inviting him to join the team to face the BDK at The Dark Ciberknetico. He will in all likelihood get his answer in New York when the two men are face to face. Whether he’ll be able to understand him or not is a different question, as is Mantis’s approach to Hallowicked. Will he put his hands behind his back and swear not to fight him? Will he demand that he join? Will he actual try and beat Hallowicked in a show of strength and respect? The answers will be found in NYC.
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He was the first man to get a victory in this, Chikara’s ninth season. Just two months prior to his show-opening bout with Green Ant at A Touch of Class, Pinkie Sanchez had revealed himself to be Carpenter Ant, the mysterious member of The Colony that not only helped his supposed stablemates defeat F.I.S.T. in one of Chikara’s biggest matches ever but he was the 2009 Cibernetico winner, lasting tapping out Soldier Ant with a move that, up to that point, had never been seen: The Inverted Chikara Special. Whether fans like it or not, “Pink Ant” is now firmly entrenched in Chikara lineage. He would beat Green Ant at the first show of the year with his variant of the Burning Hammer. This would become a recurring theme for Sanchez throughout the year, winning many singles battles as well as team skirmishes alongside his BDK brothers and sisters. Green Ant, Equinox, and most recently Frightmare have been destroyed and beaten by the Burning Snicklefritz. The latter occurred at Chikara’s biggest show ever, once again in the opening contest. Pinkie pinned Frightmare in the eight-man tag and according to the Director of Fun that entitles him a shot at Frightmare’s recently Young Lions Cup. Frightmare can no longer play the role of scrappy underdog. He has the gold. He is the champion. All this time, it was the Bruderschaft who had the target on their backs. But that Young Lions Cup might as well be a bull’s-eye. Sanchez will look to bury Frightmare for good in New York, while Frights will look to prove that he’s more than a cheap WON Award, more than just a fan-favorite. It’s time to prove he’s a champion.
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Through Savage Progress Cuts the Jungle Line ~ Sunday, Sept. 19th ~ Brooklyn, NY
7. Main Event Tag Match: Mike Quackenbush & Manami Toyota vs. Claudio Castagnoli & Sara Del Rey
6. Chikara vs. BDK #3: Eddie Kingston vs. Ares
5. Six-Man Grudge Match #2: The Future Is Now vs. The UnStable
4. Young Lions Cup: Frightmare© vs. Pinkie Sanchez
3. Old Rivalry Reignited: Hallowicked vs. UltraMantis Black
2. Six-Man Grudge Match #1: The Soul Touchaz vs. Tim Donst, Lince Dorado & Tursas
1. Chikara vs. BDK #1: The Osirian Portal vs. Delirious & Daizee Haze
~ Plus one more match to be announced!
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– Please leave any comments or questions you might have and I’ll do my best to respond with as much colloquial Irish gossip as I can conjure. I’d like to do a contest or something cool like that, but I’m not sure how much interest there’d be. Let you voice be heard! Also, let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see in the column, like fantasy booking, treasure hunts, wish-lists, secret handshakes, etc.
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