“The Boy Is Back In Town”
With that title, TNA must have known that I would be returning to recap Impact this week. Immortal make their way to the ring. Eric Bischoff introduces the new TNA World Champion, Jeff Hardy. Bischoff claims that Immo
rtal is back on top and commends the efforts of everyone at Against All Odds. Cameras show Ric Flair walking toward the Impact Zone. Bischoff tells Hardy that he has a title defense tonight against Rob Van Dam. Apparently, the “network” told Bischoff to book the match. Finally, Bischoff says that he isn’t quite sure whether or not he can trust Ric Flair. He gives Flair a week to give an explanation but Flair interrupts and joins Immortal in the ring. Flair says that no one tells him what to do and yells at Bischoff for questioning his allegiance. He ends by stating that he will “either bring the family together or separate them.” Pretty mundane segment and I don’t understand why TNA is giving away Hardy/RVD on Impact.
After commercial, cameras show AJ Styles and Matt Hardy brawling backstage. Fortune and Immortal join the fight until security separates them.
Opening Match: Hernandez vs. Douglas Williams
Hernandez attacks Williams during his entrance and throws him into the ring steps. Velvet Sky attacks Sarita at ringside. Angelina Love and Rosita also get involved. The Knockouts brawl to the back. Hernandez hits the Border Toss for the win at 2:23. Flat out squash for Hernandez. It’s odd that Williams didn’t receive any offense. I mean, this guy was battling AJ Styles on pay per view a few months ago. ¼*
Bischoff calls “the network” and tries to cancel the Hardy/RVD match for later tonight. The network responds by saying “ratings rule” and apparently the match is still on.
D’Angelo Dinero is in the ring. There’s a roasted pig on a table and exotic statues throughout the ring. Dinero says that the pig represents a “sloppy Joe” and he will perform a miracle by feeding the whole audience. Samoa Joe interrupts and distracts Dinero while Okada attacks from behind. Joe lays out Dinero with a Muscle Buster through the table and stands tall. I’m all for Dinero celebrating his win, but do we really need a roasted pig and exotic statues?
Match #2: TNA X Division Title: Kazarian © vs. Robbie E.
Kazarian is shown with Traci Brooks before coming to the ring. Robbie attacks at the bell and takes control. Kazarian comes back with a knockout kick and a springboard back elbow. He adds a spin kick and goes for his reverse piledriver. However, Cookie enters the ring and hits Kazarian with her bag, causing a disqualification at 1:58. Robbie receives his rematch, intentionally gets himself disqualified, and looks like an idiot in the process. Sounds about right. ½*
Robbie and Cookie attack Kazarian after the match until Traci Brooks makes the save. She brawls with Cookie until Kazarian pulls her off.
Ric Flair enters Fortune’s locker room. He brings booze for everyone and seems to be on Team Fortune.
Match #3: AJ Styles vs. Matt Hardy
Styles throws Hardy to the floor and follows out with a dive. Back in, Hardy hits the Side Effect and lays in some punches. Ric Flair comes to ringside and cheers on Styles. Hardy fights off the Styles Clash but walks into a dropkick. Styles goes for a springboard maneuver but Flair makes him lose his balance. Hardy hits the Twist of Fate for the victory at 3:23. I would have liked to see what Hardy could have done in the ring with Styles. This was used to setup Flair’s allegiance to Immortal, although that could have been established in a far more creative and effective way. *
Flair and Hardy attack Styles after the match until Fortune make the save.
Mr. Anderson makes his way to the ring and immediately calls out Eric Bischoff. They stare each other down in the ring. Anderson is angry because Rob Van Dam is receiving a title shot tonight. Bischoff blames it on “the network” and Anderson asks when the network meant anything in TNA. Good point. They argue over ratings while taking stabs at WWE. Anderson offers to take “asshole” out of his vocabulary to please the network and I’m having a hard time taking this segment seriously. Bischoff makes Anderson the special referee for the main event. Anderson hits the Mic Check on Bischoff and claims that he will get his rematch sooner rather than later.
AJ Styles is shown backstage. He is furious at Ric Flair and challenges him to a match next week.
Match #4: Angelina Love and Velvet Sky vs. Sarita and Rosita
The Beautiful People attack before the bell. Sky hits a bulldog on Sarita while Love connects with a dropkick on Rosita. Love follows with a front slam on Rosita and a backcracker on Sarita. Sarita low blows Sky and the heels isolate her. Love just enters the ring without Sky tagging out. Sky snaps off a sloppy headscissors on Sarita. Sarita pins Sky with an assist from Rosita for the win at 4:01. I haven’t watched Impact in awhile and it’s pretty clear that the quality of these Knockouts matches hasn’t changed. I can’t see how anyone would be interested in the Sky/Sarita feud and this match definitely didn’t help. ¼*
Sky challenges Sarita to a match. Sarita agrees but only if Sky puts her career on the line. Sky seems willing.
Steiner cuts a promo backstage and reveals that he will have pose-down with Rob Terry next week.
Okay, so I’ve been ignoring the segments with Jeff Jarrett and Karen. They were in rather pointless segments throughout the show where they would discuss the wedding plans. This all culminates with them at dinner and Kurt Angle showing up. Jarrett and Karen flee the area and Angle yells “what, no tip?”
Bully Ray hijacks the commentary table and starts talking about Devon’s kids. Taz gets in Ray’s face and he eventually leaves. Taz is pretty effective when he gets serious.
Match #5: TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy © vs. Rob Van Dam
Mr. Anderson is the special referee. RVD mule kicks Hardy off the top rope. He gourdbusters Hardy over the guardrail and hits a guillotine leg drop. After a commercial, RVD hits a slingshot leg drop but finds knees on a split-legged moonsault. Hardy dropkicks him into the ringpost and takes over. RVD dodges Whisper in the Wind and lands a standing moonsault. He hits Rolling Thunder and connects with a spin kick. Hardy pushes RVD off the top rope and to the floor. Back in, Hardy lands the swantan but gets caught by a spin kick. RVD lands the Five Star Frog Splash but Hardy is able to drape his foot over the bottom rope during the pin attempt. They battle over a waistlock and Anderson moves himself in the way to make it look like a close ref bump. Hardy sneaks in a low blow and hits the Twist of Fate to retain his title at 10:09. RVD did a good job of adding some extra energy to his offense and put forth a solid effort. However, they totally lost me with the finish, as Anderson wasn’t in the right position. Additionally, the screwy finish here almost negates Hardy’s clean win at the pay per view. **
Anderson lays out Hardy with the Mic Check after the match. RVD complains about Anderson not seeing the low blow and falls victim to a Mic Check as well.
Overall: This has to be considered one of the worst episodes of Impact in quite awhile:
-Williams and Robbie came off as weak in short matches that didn’t accomplish anything.
-When Flair joined TNA, he immediately aligned with AJ Styles. Flair turning on Styles should have been a big deal…it wasn’t.
-The Knockouts division is not working right now and their match on this week’s episode proved that.
-“The network” suddenly became an authority figure this week, despite the concept making little sense as Anderson pointed out during his promo.
-The Angle/Jarrett feud took a nosedive this week with a series of pointless segments.
-A match that has been built toward for months took place in the main event and was incredibly underwhelming.
Stay far away from Impact this week. Instead, start preparing yourself for next week’s pose-down between Steiner and Terry.