No silly Impact title this week
Here we are for the SHOCKING edition of 3/3/11. Will Dixie get her company back? Who was 3/3/11 for? Will JP be able to survive this edition of Impact? Read on to find out.
SEGMENT #1: The fate of the company is decided…I think
So we open in Fayetteville, NC to a pretty hot crowd. (The building as a whole looked great. Probably the best thing about the show). Dixie looked sad, or at least tried to, and talked about the fans sending her messages and tweets, which is sort of funny when you look at last week’s. Immortal came out and Bischoff put over Dixie as “having balls” for being a woman in a man’s sport. Flair implies that this would not have happened had he slept with her. Hogan comes out and fires Dixie, putting over the fact that they used her to get on top of the wrestling business. This seems strangely familiar. (Uh…only the IMPACT AFTER HOGAN AND BISCHOFF TURNED HEEL.)
Fortune comes out, who have an awful new intro in their theme by the way. AJ tells Dixie to get out of the ring, and telling Immortal they can do it the easy way or the hard way. Roode tells Hogan that Hogan used to be his idol, but not anymore. Flair yells at Roode a bit, before Fortune eventually charges the ring only to be stopped by security.
Thoughts: This was a mess of a promo. It did nothing new that we have not seen over several editions of Impact following Bound For Glory. Dixie as a character is less enthusing than watching a tree stump talk.
SEGMENT #2: A brawl
I know that is a very lame title for a segment, but that is quite honestly what it was when we came back from commercial. Immortal were prancing around in the back. Hogan introduces NFL player Bart Scott to Immortal and Scott + Matt Hardy walk off and find AJ/Kazarian/Dixie walking. They shouted stuff at Dixie, which led to AJ/Kazarian brawling with the two of them as security tries to break it up and JEFF JARRETT AND KAREN ANGLE ARRIVE basically dancing their way through the calamity. You really cannot make this stuff up.
SEGMENT #3:TNA World Tag Team Championship Match – Beer Money, Inc. (C) vs. Gunner & Murphy
Match Result:Beer Money pin Gunner via DWI in over three minutes.
Before this match, we have Eric Bischoff told by the Network (aka TNA management aka the Higher Power) that Jeff Hardy WILL BE DEFENDING HIS TITLE tonight against a mystery opponent. Uh…what was the point of the #1 contender’s match last week?
This segment already got me laughing, because Mike Tenay put over Gunner + Murphy beating Eric Young + Orlando Jordan last week as an, (and I quote) “IMPRESSIVE VICTORY.”
Stone Cold shares my amusement.
The crowd was very hot for Beer Money here. They could not have cared less about Gunner/Murphy. After the match, Ink Inc came out and issued a challenge to Beer Money for the tag titles at Victory Road (ONE match for the PPV as of now. That will remain that way throughout this show.) Beer Money accept. Nothing bad here. Passable.
SEGMENT #4: Sarita vs. Velvet Sky – if Velvet loses, she leaves TNA
Match Result: Velvet Sky pins Sarita in about two minutes
Prior to this match, they show Jarrett + Karen in the back and Eric Young wants to be their best man. Oh joy. They accept him as being the ring bearer. If only the Eric Young character actually fell into the fires of Mount Doom. I like Eric Young, but this character is really the most unintentionally annoying character in wrestling right now.
Sarita gets no entrance (much like Gunner + Murphy in the previous match).
So yeah, this “epic” feud that has gone on since about November is finally concluded…in a two minute match. I can’t begin to think of the last time a stipulation of this sort was blown off in such quick, and meaningless fashion. Clearly it was because JERSEY SHORE was more important as Cookie/Robbie E/Angelina (from the Shore) come out and Angelina tells the Beautiful People to issue a challenge to J-Woww.
Moving on.
SEGMENT #5: PROMOS EVERYWHERE
Again, I do not mean to be vague but that is literally what this was.
– Anderson in the back saying he will get his title.
– Eric Young and Orlando Jordan being annoying and discussing being the ring bearer/flower girl (yes…girl).
– Jarrett is excited for the wedding vows and is going to take the kids to the Harry Potter park as a part of the honey moon.
– Kurt Angle (with his son) is taping up his fists.
SEGMENT #6: Jeff Jarrett and Karen Angle renew their wedding vows
Or not really. Eric Young and OJ walk them down. As Jeff and Karen walk down, Angle charges down the ramp and brawls with Jarrett. It almost looks like he is going to put him in the cake but he knocks him down and then shoves Karen’s face in the cake. *insert TNA chant here*.
SEGMENT #7: Scott Steiner vs. Rob Terry
Match Result: Scott Steiner made Rob Terry tap out in about three minutes.
You know your show is in a bit of a dilemma when Rob Terry is in the best match of the night thus far. Nothing insulting, nothing great. No complaints here really.
SEGMENT #8: Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan
Match Result: Double countout in about four minutes.
When you think about it, this match essentially has a year’s worth of build. In January last year, the two were teaming. Morgan turned heel on Hernandez in March of 2010 and took him out. Hernandez returned in June, and the two fought from June to July which ended in a Cage Match at Victory Road 2010 before Hernandez took an extended vacation to wrestle in Mexico, only to return as a heel to the now face Matt Morgan. Will TNA mention this amount of history? Absolutely not.
Pretty dull match here. The most interesting thing was Joe Warren, the current Bellator Feathweight Champion, on commentary plugging the next show. What purpose did that serve? Search me, but it was more intriguing than this match. It is going to continue to Victory Road (again!~) only to conclude (again!~) unless they stretch it out to Lockdown. Ugh.
SEGMENT #9: Jeff Jarrett and Karen Angle renew their wedding vows: Part two
So yeah, OJ + EY walk down the ring, Jarrett does. The ring is decorated. Karen is walked to the ring by Kurt (who looks ABSOLUTELY insane as he walks her down.) Legitimately, he has the cliche look of a serial killer as he is walking her down, but it is worth a laugh. We get the same old wedding routine until they get into these custom vows that seemed to go on for foreverrrrr. Like, for anyone that saw Raw this week, it felt as long as the portion of Cena’s promo with Cena/Miz. Karen continues to just say things to insult Kurt, they get to kiss in rather gross fashion. Kurt asks if they are done and then pulls AN AX OUT. Again, not making this up. Everyone in the ring flees as he then lays waste to the wedding set. Bart Scott (who was made enforcer of the wedding after it went wrong the first time) comes out only to get locked in the ankle lock by Kurt. Smart move, coming out to stop the man wielding an ax. Bart clearly has never seen The Shining. This was a very long segment and with how little wrestling there has been on this show, it was not really warranted. It is really nothing though that you should not expect out of a wedding in wrestling in the year 2011.
SEGMENT #10: TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match – Jeff Hardy (C) vs. Sting
Match Result: Sting pins Jeff Hardy via Scorpion Death Drop in about six minutes.
THE ANNOUNCEMENT THAT WILL CHANGE THE BUSINESS. Aka Sting returns to TNA and nobody cares, because he isn’t debuting in WWE for the first time in his career and isn’t facing the Undertaker at Wrestlemania. They ripped off the whole concept. In fact, they even ripped off a bit of The Rock’s return with the lightning and whatnot. The crowd popped, but I could not have cared less. The match itself wasn’t horrible. Sting had much worse last year. The booking really is questionable though as what was the point of Anderson winning the #1 contendership last week? What was the point of AJ turning into this big babyface on February 3rd? Why make Sting in the year 2011 the go-to guy? Besides “It’s TNA” being the answer, there is no other answer.
OVERALL THOUGHTS
SEGMENT OF THE NIGHT: Steiner/Terry
WORST SEGMENT OF THE NIGHT: Basically everything else
This was not good. Not good at all. Somehow, there have been worse episodes of Impact over the past several years, but this was really bad. Matches that had been built up for a while for having a big payoff were blown off. Every single division continues to be a fustercluck (Remember that TV title that Abyss had that has not been mentioned since he was “killed”? Shouldn’t he be stripped of that?) Some segments were too long and stupid. There was no real focus. With ONE more TV show left before Victory Road, we have ONE match announced for the PPV. It already doesn’t help that they are just treating the show as a set up show for Lockdown. The only real positive I can say about the show is that the building looked refreshing and the crowd was hot in comparison to the usual Orlando setting. I really would not recommend going out of your way to watch this episode. It is a beaten dead horse, but I wish this company would get what their flaws are. This has been a point that I have been stating for four years now, and they still have not gotten it. Sadly, I do not see that changing.
Great burial pf Impact.