Sorry for no Impact Insight last week. I was actually at the FCW TV Taping. While not amazing, needless to say, it was tremendously more fun than last week’s Impact was. Anyway, onto tonight’s Impact.
Impact Title: Do The Math
SEGMENT #1: Mr. Anderson performs math
So we open the show with Mr. Anderson coming out to the ring with his supposed math professor in the ring from school to display He adds up how there was a doublepin last week and how he is still waiting for his rematch. The professor says he deserves a rematch. Anderson then went on a tirade over how he wanted to sleep with some girl back in college who the professor also wanted to do so with. Uh…..what? The girl apparently told Anderson that the professor said he was gay. Long story short, Anderson mic checks the professor. Bischoff and Hogan come out and Bischoff says Anderson is not funny. 100% fact. After some bantering, RVD comes out and does his usual bantering followed by Sting coming out and his usual bantering. Long story short, it is RVD/Anderson again tonight for the #1 contendership with Sting as the special enforcer. Same old boring Impact promo that does not change from week to week.
SEGMENT #2: Mickie James vs. Tara
Match Result: Mickie James pinned Tara via DDT in about 3:10
This was actually not a bad match. It did its purpose in selling Mickie/Madison and provided some OK work from the two best non-Sarita knockouts in the division. After the match, Madison came out and had a staredown with Mickie. No complaints here.
SEGMENT #3: Okato (sp?) vs. The Pope
Match Result: Okato (sp?) wins via DQ in about 2:30
I put (sp?) because his name is Okada, they call him Okada, but it is written as Okato. Lame. Despite being on a US excursion for over a year now, and doing dark matches and xplosion appearances, this is actually Okada’s Impact debut match! (He did appear on Impact during the EV2 brawl back in July). We actually find out during the match that Joe and Pope will have a cage match at Lockdown so perhaps this terrible feud will finally come to an end. After Pope took his gloves off and punched Okada with his hand (that had his rings on it) Pope got DQed. Joe came out for the save. Again, there was nothing horrible here. It is better than dealing with a lame Pope promo like last week.
SEGMENT #4: Sting video/Kurt Angle on Jarrett
We got a Sting video that I am pretty certain has aired at least once every week since he has won the title (including some of the same footage since 2006) talking about how he came to TNA and how he is back to make things right in TNA again. We then got a Kurt Angle video talking about Jeff Jarrett. Neither were bad videos, but their placement was very strange as opposed to them being in the usual last half hour-spot before the main event.
SEGMENT #5: Bully Ray/Matt Hardy/Ric Flair issue a challenge for Fortune.
These three come out and Flair calls Ray/Matt the two best things going today. 100% serious. Matt looked way out of it in this promo and was talking about how ten years ago he was called the future and was stabbed in the back. This time he will stab Fortune but coming straight at them. Ray then takes the mic and brags about taking AJ out last week. He issues a challenge to Kazarian/Beer Money for a 4-on-3 match (four?) in Lethal Lockdown. FORTUNE FOUR!~ hits and Kazarian/Beer Money run out and lay into the three of them. The lights go red and Abyss is out and takes out Fortune. Immortal stands tall.
Janice has got to be the most ineffective weapon in wrestling history. Abyss killed RVD with it (giving him 116 stitches, punctured organs, and possible signs of trauma) and RVD was back in the ring two months later. Abyss was hit with it by RVD at BFG, Abyss was fine by the end of the show. Now Crimson (remember when he was a top face?) hit Abyss with it a month and a half ago and Abyss is OK. Not to mention, last week, the TV title was stripped off of Abyss. A week later, he is back. Granted, I am much happier with Phil Shatter as champion but there is a lot of longterm booking stupidity seen here. Not a bad segment to set up Lethal Lockdown at least.
SEGMENT #6: Street Fight – Matt Morgan & Devon vs. Hernandez & Anarquia
Match Result: Anarquia pinned Devon in about 3:30
So I guess Hernandez is not in Immortal anymore? Great to see that that lasted long. He comes out with Anarquia (Lowrider from OVW) and Sarita + Rosita. They cut a typical promo bashing the US of A including having an American flag drop from the roof just to have a bigger Mexican flag drop in front of it. Hernandez then challenges Matt Morgan to a streetfight. Wasn’t there one a week ago? Matt Morgan comes out….with Devon. I guess Devon just does not care about Bully Ray anymore? In fact, Bully Ray lost that feud and is now in a higher spot than Devon is. The match itself was nothing to speak of anyway. The most hilarious thing to me was that the huge Mexican flag was still up, so the main portion of the audience could not even see the match. Velvet came out and started to brawl with Rosita and Sarita. Angelina walked out onto the ramp but, Winter came out and called Angelina to the back. GET IT!? WINTER HAS MAGICAL POWERS. While the ref was turned (in a streetfight) Anarquia used brass knucks on Devon to get the pin. Very lame match after a very lame promo.
SEGMENT #7: Ink Inc vs. Crimson & Scott Steiner
Match Result: Crimson pins Shannon Moore in about 3:10
How the not-so-mighty have fallen. Crimson and Steiner are the latest into the THROWN TOGETHER TAG TEAM department. They more or less dominated Ink Inc here. Crimson is a pretty fun big man to watch and Steiner is Steiner, so that is all on preference really (I personally enjoy him.) I really don’t know why they are seemingly breaking up Ink Inc though. The tag division is so dead it is ridiculous. The Bucks splitting potentially, Ink Inc splitting, Motor City is in limbo due to Shelley’s injury, EY + OJ being awful. At the least, SPOILER WARNING a good tag team returns next week.
SEGMENT #8: #1 Contender’s Match – Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam (Special Enforcer: Sting)
Match Result: Rob Van Dam wins by DQ (?) in about six and a half minutes.
These two just do not have good chemistry. I can say that about almost anyone RVD wrestles in 2011. In typical TNA fashion there was a ref bump so Sting took over ref duty. (OF COURSE!~) Anderson hits RVD with a mic check into the post and yells at Sting to count him out, which Sting does not want to do. Anderson then decks Sting and the two brawl…and the bell rings? Three non-finishes in a row! Have not seen something like this from TNA in the last six months (coughANGLE/HARDYcough).
In the back, RVD is loopy and potentially may have – wait for it – A CONCUSSION!~ Another storyline that we have not seen in forever in the world of TNA! We then see Sting and Anderson get into a brawl over Sting rang the bell. Very convoluted ending to the show.
OVERALL
Well, at the least, we got some proper build to matches at Lockdown in Joe/Pope, Mickie/Madison, and Lethal Lockdown (while also covering Angle/Jarrett). Three weeks out from a PPV and we have four matches! That is a record for TNA in recent months. The bad on this show With that said, there was a fair share of bad on this show from the opening promo to the main event as well as the street fight. Typical middle ground for Impact. You’d be better off watching Daniel Bryan + Gail Kim/Tyson Kidd + Melina from tonight’s edition of Superstars instead (which requires 1/9 of the time of watching Impact!)
Best Segment of the Night: Flair/Ray/Matt promo + brawl
Worst Segment of the Night: Opening promo or the main event.
Best Matches of TNA 2011 (as of 3/14/2011)
1) Kurt Angle/Jeff Jarrett (Against All Odds 2011 2/13/2011) ****
2) AJ Styles/Matt Hardy (Victory Road 2011 3/13/2011) ***3/4
3) Motor City Machine Guns/Beer Money (Genesis 2011 1/9/2011) ***3/4
4) Ken Anderson/Jeff Hardy – Ladder Match (Against All Odds 2011 2/13/2011) ***1/2
5) Kazarian/Jeremy Buck/Max Buck/Robbie E – Ultimate X (Victory Road 2011 3/13/2011) ***1/4
Also watch the latest edition of Botchamania if you have yet to do so.
