This week: It’s all change in WWE. CM Punk is the WWE Champion, the belt is gone, Vince is out, Hunter is in. But for those who don’t like change, never fear, NXT season 5 is still here. And it may never go away. Plus, a title tournament begins but doesn’t quite end, Randy Orton 0 Announce Tables 2, unprotected headdrops from inanimate objects and D.Bryan is going to Wrestlemania.
RAW
– Mr. McMahon opened the show, with his “2011 stooge” John Laurinaitis. Vince’s suit was fantastic. The Raw locker room were all gathered around a monitor backstage, watching. Crowd chanted for Punk and Vince vowed he’d never saw “that man’s name” again. He called him the biggest ingrate in WWE history, who walked out on everybody. He then called him an “egotistical selfish turd“. Vince said there was nobody bigger than the WWE, not Hogan, not Bret, not Rock and not Austin. He said WWE could not be stopped and tonight they would crown a new WWE Champion in an 8 man single elimination tournament. They ran down the first round matches and pointed out Cena wasn’t in the tournament. Vince said Cena let him down and after consulting with Laurinaitis, he vowed there’d be severe consequences. Vince closed by saying this would be a night we’d always remember.
– WWE Championship Tournament, 1st Round: The Miz d. Alex Riley in 4:59. Selling his knee from Money In The Bank, Miz limped out. Riley tried to go after the knee from the start and Miz tried to keep him at bay. Riley eventually caught the knee with a kick and went to work on it. Riley posted his shoulder, earning Miz a very brief reprieve. After counters of finishers, Riley put on a Texas cloverleaf but Miz made the ropes. It was all Riley, but Miz managed to set up a referee distraction and catch Riley with the Skull Crushing Finale to eek the win out.
– They showed a hype video for John Morrison, who’s back soon from injury.
– WWE Championship Tournament, 1st Round: R-Truth d. Jack Swagger in 4:17. Basic match. Both guys tried to sneak a win early. Not much heat since it was heel versus heel. Swagger took control and Truth made the comeback, with the crowd chanting “Little Jimmy”. Swagger went for the ankle lock but Truth turned it into a rollup.
– Alberto came out and said his name was Mr. Money In The Bank, Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio said he could cash in any time, any place. He said Punk ran like a chicken, but said it was all Cena’s fault because he couldn’t get the job done. Del Rio told Cena he hoped he got fired, so he could become the new leader. Ricardo Rodriguez returned and announced Del Rio.
– WWE Championship Tournament, 1st Round: Kofi Kingston d. Alberto Del Rio in 5:09. Kofi looked strong early and wiped Del Rio out with a dive. Del Rio recovered with an enziguri on the apron. In the end Kingston countered the cross armbreaker and caught Del Rio in a sunset flip to score the upset.
– Josh interviewed Kofi backstage and Kofi said he was going to become the new champion.
– WWE Championship Tournament, 1st Round: Rey Mysterio d. Dolph Ziggler in 5:01. Dolph gave Mysterio a flapjack on the outside, face first. Dolph also broke out the stump puller. Mysterio came back and it was back and forth at the end. Rey countered a sleeper, sending Dolph into the turnbuckles. That lead to a missed 619 and Dolph almost won with a reverse powerslam. Rey finally came up with a 619 and hit a splash for the pin. This was good.
– Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Beth Phoenix, Gail Kim, Natalya, AJ and Kaitlyn d. The Bella Twins, Maryse, Melina, Alicia Fox, Tamina and Rosa Mendes (Beth pinned Rosa) in 1:03. The rest of the divas brawled outside as Beth beat Rosa with the Glam Slam. Got to love a one minute 14 woman tag now and then.
– WWE Championship Tournament, Semi Final: The Miz d. Kofi Kingston in 3:50. Like Riley, Kofi also gained an advantage going for Miz’s knee, but wasn’t as focused on it as Riley. Miz almost won off a reversal on a crossbody. Kofi took out the knee and went for Trouble In Paradise but Miz bailed, before hanging Kofi over the top. Miz hit the Skull Crushing Finale on the second attempt to advance to the final as Cole went nuts.
– Scott Stanford was with Truth. Truth said he deserved to be WWE Champion more than anybody in the tournament and the conspiracy wouldn’t stop him from beating Little Rey Rey.
– Another video of Tough Enough Andy, showing where he grew up played. ‘Within easy reach of meth lab’ would be the kind, estate agent description.
– WWE Championship Tournament, Semi Final: Rey Mysterio d. R-Truth in 9:38. Truth was able to slow Rey down effectively. Rey came back with an armdrag which sent Truth outside hard, followed by a topé. During the break Truth regained control. Truth cut off a 619. Rey only got brief comebacks as Truth kept cutting him off. A suplex into a stunner by Truth almost won him the match, but Rey got his hand on the bottom rope. Rey finally hit the 619 and finished Truth off with the splash. Leaving Miz and Mysterio in the final. Good night’s work for Rey.
– The final was supposed to be next, but Mr.McMahon came out instead of Miz. Vince told Rey he wasn’t going to deny him his chance, but he had something important to do and time was running out. So they postponed the final until next week. Vince reiterated that nobody was bigger than the WWE, including John Cena. Crowd cut him off with “CM Punk” chants. Vince thanked Cena for his contributions to WWE, but said he had to make an example. He said what he was doing was right for business, as always. And we’d all understand in time and thank him. The short-sighted fans booed. More, loud Punk chants.
– So, Cena came out. Mixed reaction, it’s fair to say. Cena snatched the microphone and said he wasn’t going to do or say anything wrong. Cena reminded Vince that he made Shawn Michaels carry the burden of screwing Bret Hart. And he didn’t want that on him by screwing Punk at Money In The Bank. Cena said it was about more than the match and the title, it was about Vince. Cena thanked Punk for the great match. Cena told Vince he didn’t do business the way Vince wanted to and he would have made the title meaningless if it happened. He challenged Vince to make another John Cena and he now had 8 months to find a new opponent for Dwayne. Meanwhile, he’d leave with his pride and dignity. Cena said he’d let Vince do his thing, but first he had something to say. He said if he was fired, he loved wrestling, so he’d go on someone else’s TV show, “brother”. I like wrestling too but, John, it ain’t worth it. Cena told Vince he wouldn’t kiss his ass and went to leave. McMahon cut him off and said he wouldn’t deny him the satisfaction of doing this.
– Someone else did instead though. Before Vince could carry out the firing, HHH’s music hit. HHH came out in a suit and said something to Vince off microphone. Vince wasn’t concerned by this and got Triple H a microphone. HHH said he got out of a Board Of Directors meeting in the morning. And the board were concerned about what was going on. HHH tried to get Vince to talk things over backstage but the crowd weren’t having it and Vince didn’t seem to want to. So HHH told Vince the board were concerned about him in particular and his questionable decisions. Vince still refused to go backstage, so Triple H told him the board had given him a vote of no confidence and “the family” agreed. HHH then revealed the board had chosen him to take over day to day operations. Crowd seemed happy about that. He said Cena wasn’t going to be fired. HHH then told Vince he’d been taught from day one nobody was bigger than the business (callback!) and an emotional HHH relieved Vince of his duties. Vince started crying. Crowd sang the goodbye song. That was both awkward and funny. HHH told Vince “I love you Pop” and left. Which was cheesy, sure, but seemed to win the crowd around that this wasn’t ‘Evil Vince’ they were saying goodbye to. Everyone clapped and chanted “Thank You Vince” as the show went off the air.
NXT
– Welcome to Week TWENTY. Exhale.
– Maryse and Striker were in the ring and brought out the rookies. This week was the “Dummy Demonstration”. They had a punch bag with Michael Cole’s face on it. Bateman said the dumbest demonstration he’d seen today was Titus’s dog bark. Bateman told the dummy Michael Cole “I’m sorry Michael, I love you”, gave it a couple of elbow drops and an Earthquake splash. This didn’t get him many cheers. So he gave it a Backdrop Driver. After yelling “Backdrop Driver” of course. Davey Richards (probably) approved of this, but the crowd didn’t.
– So anyway, Darren Young said this was the dumbest idea he’d ever been a part of. One, the crowd cheered this. Two, think of how much ground that covers. Young cut the same promo as he usually does about how he wrestled John Cena and he didn’t need a pro to win. Young was chased off by Titus after being challenged. Titus said what Bateman did was impressive, but the dummy doesn’t hit back, he does. He challenged Bateman to do to him what he did to the dummy. Bateman declined. Titus promised to “make it a win” and threw the dummy out of the ring at Young. Titus won… whatever this was, earning himself more meaningless points.
– Vladimir Kozlov d. JTG in 5:27. JTG cut a promo on his way to the ring, telling Kozlov he’ll never be as fly as him. Kozlov used his power and JTG had to run Kozlov into the ring post to get in the match. JTG turned a back suplex into a neckbreaker, which looked pretty impressive on a guy Kozlov’s size. Kozlov fought back and won with a uranage. This wasn’t bad.
– Backstage Hornswoggle caught up with Maryse and thanked her for the present he got last week. Maryse told him she had nothing to do with it, very aggressively. Another package showed up, right on cue. So Hornswoggle’s got a secret admirer.
– Yoshi walked into his locker room to find his action figure shrine in ruins.
– Titus O’Neil d. Darren Young in 9:59. This was Titus and Darren’s seventh singles match with each other this season. It wasn’t a best of seven, it’s just been a long season. Titus overpowered Young and dominated early on. So much so, Young tried to leave, but Titus brought him back to the ring and whipped him into the corner so hard he flew to the outside. Young managed to catch Titus with a neckbreaker on the apron to turn the tide. Derrick Bateman came out to watch (with the Michael Cole picture from earlier). Hornswoggle tried to get involved during Titus’s comeback and Bateman tripped Titus up. But that caused Young to miss a dropkick too and Titus immediately gave Young the sky high and won anyway, so I’m not sure what that was about.
SUPERSTARS
– Justin Gabriel d. Tyson Kidd in 4:22. Gabriel was working as face here. Tyson caught Gabriel springboarding in with a dropkick in mid air. The match slowed down from there. Gabriel hung on to counter a hurricanrana off the top and followed up with a 450 Splash. If they had to split Gabriel and Slater up, at least give them some fun matches and I’ll be happy. I think they’re both good enough to survive on their own, given chance.
– Natalya d. Alicia Fox in 2:43. Alicia started off shoving Natalya around, so Natalya started schooling her. This week it was Alicia’s belt that Natayla pulled off. A little less painful than pulling out hair, I assume. Natalya put Alicia in a surfboard. It broke down into slaps before Natalya blocked the axe kick and went for the Sharpshooter. However Alicia countered and pinned Natalya. As sub 3 minute Diva matches go, this was great.
– Zack Ryder and Santino Marella d. Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga (Zack pinned Otunga) in 4:36. Otunga and McGillicutty have generic new music. Are they not good enough for the old Nexus song? At least they’re continuing that Ryder-Nexus thing from Raw. Sort of. They need a name, but I don’t think “Santi-Bro” quite works phonetically. Santino hit the Cobra on Otunga outside but McGillicutty wiped him out with a dive from the apron. The champions isolated Santino. Zack got the hot tag, ran wild, countered Otunga’s uranage into a Ruff Ryder and got the pin. The Zack win streak continues!
– Evan Bourne d. Primo in 4:22. Not only did Primo get no entrance, this match was hyped as “Evan Bourne in action”. Poor Primo. Pretty back and forth match. Primo gained some control and ground Evan briefly. But Bourne came back and after some more back and forth, Bourne picked up the victory with Air Bourne. Fun while it lasted.
SMACKDOWN
– Smackdown opened with Orton sat in the ring. He said he realised a lot was going on in WWE right now, but the show would not start until he settled unfinished business with Christian. Christian came out with the World Title and Orton told him as long as he was breathing, there was unfinished business. Christian told him to take a long look at himself in the mirror, because his inability to deal with his anger is why he didn’t have the title anymore. Christian said they both knew the rules and Orton broke them. He claimed he didn’t mean to spit in Randy’s face. Christian claimed it was justice, because he’d been dealing with incompetence since losing the title and now he’s a two time World Champion. But he still wasn’t talking to the fans. Orton demanded a rematch tonight. Christian did the old “you want it tonight… nah” deal. Orton came up the ramp to confront Christian but Teddy came out with referees to keep them apart. Teddy told Orton he’d get his rematch, but tonight he was scheduled to face Kane and encouraged him to be the bigger man and walk away. Instead, Orton jumped Christian and the referees pulled them apart. As Christian complained, Teddy put him in a match with Big Zeke.
– Christian d. Ezekial Jackson in 6:48. Christian struggled to get anything going against Zeke, who threw him around at will. A drop toe hold into the steps turned things around. Ezekial fought back and started to hit the bodyslams. Christian escaped, clipped the knee, but couldn’t put Zeke away. Eventually he managed to send Zeke into the post and hit the Killswitch.
– Cole was in the ring to interview Daniel Bryan. Bryan came out with new gear and his Money In The Bank briefcase. Cole decided to cut to the chase and called his win at Money In The Bank a fluke. Bryan said Cole had buried him from day one and his opinion meant nothing to him. Cole insinuated that Bryan would “take the easy way out” when he cashes his contract in and that he’d never deserve to be champion. Bryan responded by saying Cole didn’t deserve to have a marquee match at Wrestlemania. He said he’d competed around the world trying to earn his place and listed off some of his injuries. Bryan said he’d dreamed of being the World Champion since he was a boy and he earned his briefcase. But, he didn’t want to win on a fluke. He promised to cash his contract in at Wrestlemania 28 in Miami. Heath Slater interrupted and said he’d fail at Wrestlemania. Because he’s a loser. Just like he lost NXT and just like he was a loser in Nexus.
– Daniel Bryan d. Heath Slater by submission in 6:53. Bryan went for the Labell Lock early and Slater made the ropes. Important news. D.Bryan is now top of the Booker T Fave Five. Booker claimed Slater had as much charisma as, quote, “a bowl of turnips”. After a good match, Bryan went for a tornado DDT but turned it into a guillotine, forcing Heath to tap out.
– Striker interviewed Mark Henry backstage, asking when the destruction was going to end. Henry said never. He said he felt pleasure from injuring Big Show.
– Sheamus versus Wade Barrett ended in a double count out in 4:33. They showed Wade attacking Sheamus last week. Poor Wade has lost his spot in the Fave Five. This was a really physical match. It broke out into a fight on the floor. Wade whipped Sheamus into the barricade and as they brawled, the referee counted them both out. Wade sent Sheamus into the ring post afterwards and went for Wasteland, but Sheamus escaped and laid him out with a Brogue Kick.
– In a dark room backstage and with scary music, Kane said he’d brought pain and suffering to people for years. But now, he’s haunted by his own humanity. He said he feels less like a monster and more like a human. Kane vowed to reawaken the monster against Orton later on.
– Street Fight: Randy Orton d. Kane in 13:21. Kane blocked an RKO early on and the match spilled to the outside. Orton used a kendo stick on Kane, but Kane recovered and sent Orton over the top with a back drop. There was an ugly moment, as the announce table came into play. Kane tried a chokeslam, but Orton landed on his feet. As he kicked Kane away, his foot went through one of the holes where the monitors go and the table toppled over. Orton got up like he wasn’t hurt, but then I guess realised “nope, actually that really hurt”. The match continued and Orton sent Kane knees first into and over the steps. Orton stomped Kane’s ankle on the steps, then sandwiched it in between the two sections. Kane was left fighting on one leg and hurt it again missing a top rope clothesline. Kane countered another RKO though and hit the clothesline on the second attempt. Kane then set up for a Chokeslam, Orton cut him off with an RKO, but Kane kicked out. So Orton set up the punt. Kane cut Orton off with a Chokeslam. But, Orton kicked out as well. Kane brought in a chair and hit Orton repeatedly. Kane then went for a Tombstone on the chair, which Orton escaped. Orton escaped a Chokeslam too and hit the RKO, on the chair, to finally finish Kane off. Strong main event.
– Kane and Orton actually shook hands after the match. Which isn’t a very monster like thing to do. Orton left and Kane got an ovation from the crowd. But, Mark Henry came out. Henry slowly got in the ring and Kane attacked. But Henry kicked the knee and took Kane out. Henry hit the World’s Strongest Slam, then delivered a splash. Going outside, he chased off all three announcers and brought a chair in, using it to Pillmanize Kane’s ankle just as he did to Big Show at Money In The Bank.
TOP 5 (sponsored by Booker T): REASONS DERRICK BATEMAN SHOULD WIN NXT
5. Mantastic
4. Has already mastered the cheap pop
3. Also mastered the Backdrop Driver
2. He gives me material for my tumblr, http://wwetumblrverse.tumblr.com/ , home of irreverent visual observations about WWE, because no-one is more irreverent than Derrick Bateman
1. God love Titus and Young, I hope they both get a chance on the main roster because they’ve both improved a lot… but, I’ve seen them on NXT for twenty weeks and if the ‘prize’ is being on next season’s NXT, I don’t need to see any more of them in that environment
I can’t believe how long this season of NXT has gone.