-Taped from Piedmont, Alabama
-Your hosts are of course various members of the Chikara roster and staff
Match in Five Words or Less: Local Yokel Showcase
Match Highlights: My using the word yokel considering they’re in Alabama is not a coincidence. Matthews is from Georgia and Haven from Alabama. Much of my familiarity about Matthews comes from Resistance Pro… so he’s basically got a blank canvas with me. Feeling out process between Haven and Matthews. Short clothesline by Haven. Knee to the chest. Back leg trip followed by a springboard leg drop. Chop in the corner. Haven misses something out of the corner. Matthews cockily claps before chopping Haven. Snapmare and a dropkick to the back of the head. Elbow by Haven. Back kick. Another knee. Whip across. Matthews gets a boot out of the corner. Matthews stretches the arms and puts his knee across his back. Dropkick by Matthews. Rolling pin for two. Rope across the face of Haven. Matthews sends him into the corner. Running kick to the head. Haven clotheslines Matthews over. Dive misses. Matthews hits a tope suicida and nearly ends the ramp’s night early. Slingshot senton back in the ring. Kick to the midsection by Haven. Chop by Matthews. Chinbreaker and knee to the head by Haven. Whip across. Matthews misses a blind charge. Dropkick off the top by Haven. Tilt a whirl into the DDT by Haven. Matthews tosses him through the middle rope. Shoulder tackle and springboard lariat by Haven. 1-2-NO! O’Connor roll misses. Superkick and German suplex by Matthews. This also only gets two. Matthews questions the referee. Roll-up but Matthews counters into a crossface. Haven reaches the bottom rope. Haven crotches Matthews on top. Clubbering blow to the back. Back elbow by Matthews. Haven catches Matthews with an acecrusher. Done.
Match Analysis: This was just merely there. Haven isn’t the smoothest guy in the world at times, and he clearly isn’t ready for primetime. I’ve seen very few wrestlers look this awkward in a Chikara ring. Being in the ring with someone as technically sound as Matthews no doubt prevented this from being completely devoid of value. Kyle Matthews might be one of the more unheralded wrestlers going right now. Regardless, this was not a good start to the show.
Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: Ace Haven/8:20/*1/2/*
-Sugar Dunkerton is going crazy about being in FIST. Icarus spits in his face and says it’s go time. Only Icarus.
Match in Five Words or Less: GIVE THEM A NAME!
Match Highlights: Icarus comes out with a shovel. Why? CAUSE IT’S THE SOUTH! Ophidian, Obaryion, and Kodama desperately need a name, both for the sake of typing in shorthand and so they can start making t-shirts. It’s all about gimmicks people. Sugar Dunkerton is the only babyface in the match, although considering where they are, I’m not even sure that’s true. Icarus puts a toilet paper line in the mat. He begins with Ophidian. Icarus wants Ophidian to cross the line. Bryce Remsburg steals my TNA joke before I can type it. Shove by Icarus. Ophidian with one of his own. Icarus takes his jacket off while being held up. Headlock by Icarus. Shoulder block an there goes the jacket. Ophidian takes his jacket off and hits a rana into the nearfall. Chop by Icarus and off comes the shirt. It’s worth pointing out his fanny pack is still on. Eye rack by Ophidian. Icarus slaps Taylor. Knee and forearm into the corner by Obaryion. Series of stomps and another forearm. Another whip. Back elbow by Taylor. Overhead throw. Tags by Kodama and Dunkerton. Dunkerton is indeed being cheered more than anyone else. Kodama is too short for a test of strength. Rake of the eyes by Kodama. Whip across and a shoulder block. Dunkerton takes him down. He dribbles Kodama’s head into the mat multiple times. Taylor tags. He and Icarus with stomps. Kodama whipped. Taylor kicked into the corner. Icarus meets the same fate. Taylor falls across the nether regions. Everyone grabs various holds… and they’re all illegal. Hair-pulling and choking mostly. Dunkerton yells at all of them. Batiri and Ophidian clear the ring but focus on Dunkerton. Choking by Ophidian. Heat segment on Dunkerton continues. After a number of minutes, Dunkerton and Ophidian each hit a clothesline. Both men are down. Icarus throws the fanny pack as Taylor distracts the referee. Dunkerton tosses away the pack and cleans house. Butterfly and Dunkerton sits down. Pescado on the Batiri. Running dropkick by Taylor into Ophidian. Double stomp by Icarus. Drop toe hold by Kodama into the knee of Obaryion. Soul Food by Taylor. Kick by Obaryion. Kneebreaker by Kodama. Dunkerton sent in the corner. Series of moves by the rudos. THIS IS WHY THEY NEED A NAME! Double knees from Ophidian leads to a two count. Kick and a forearm by Kodama. Leaping knee by Taylor. Superkick into the backcracker. Kodama with a dropkick. Icarus hits a spear. Double knees by Ophidian. Headbutt to the midsection by Dunkerton. Series of knees. Bow Chika Wow Wow hits. Obaryion breaks the count. Dunkerton climbs. Kodama tosses Dunkerton’s back into Obaryion’s knee. Double knees by Ophidian and they pick up the victory.
Match Analysis: The fact that this was heel versus heel didn’t help me get into the match. There was also some general sloppiness, which has become all too customary for Batiri matches. The story was generally okay with Dunkerton being the face in peril, but this felt middling and didn’t really advance any storylines. The action was not good enough to compensate for the lack of a tangible story.
Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: Ophidian and The Batiri/15:20/**1/4/**1/2
-Dunkerton gives Icarus water after the match. This angle needs to die a death.
Match in Five Words or Less: Please Stop Screaming
Match Highlights: Soldier Ant wrestles circles around her to start. Saturyne awkwardly makes her way to the top but then pretty gracefully walks across the top rope. Armdrag. She seems overly proud of herself. O’Connor roll by Saturyne. Soldier Ant misses a charge. Saturyne leaps about the ring and hits a cross body. Sweep of the leg. Soldier Ant with one of his own. Series of counters. Saturyne applies the Rings of Saturyne. Soldier Ant grabs the top rope. Monkey flip into the sunset flip. Saturyne applies an armbar. Soldier Ant whips her hard in the corner. Saturyne leaps to the top rope on another whip attempt. Sunset flip doesn’t work. Soldier Ant with a side headlock takeover. Off the ropes. Saturyne goes around and headscissors Soldier Ant out of the ring. Springboard cross body to the floor. Soldier Ant sent in the ring. O’Connor roll blocked by Saturyne. She misses something. Into the electric chair. Rana by Saturyne. Sloppy springboard rana. Sunset flip. Soldier Ant into the kneeling frog press and the win.
Match Analysis: Saturyne is a very athletic young woman who has a bright future in this promotion. However, she was soooooo sloppy here. She did not look good for the most part against one of Chikara’s best roster members. I think Saturyne needs to slow down and almost go back to basics. Yes, it’s cool to hit reverse ranas, but she’s putting her own health and safety in real danger by sloppily hitting moves. That’s not even including the risks to their opponents.
Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: Soldier Ant/5:45/*/*
-Kobald is still screaming about the Spectral Envoy winning King of Trios. He vows to destroy Frightmare and the world.
Match in Five Words or Less: Midget Madness?
Match Highlights: Kobald attacks Frightmare before the bell with a dropkick. Frightmare in the ring with a dropkick of his own. Frightmare underneath with a takedown. Dropkick. Immediate kip up. Kobald hits a forearm. Series of whips countered. Frightmare with a running rana. Kobald takes him up and over. Spear as Frightmare is on the apron. Back in the ring and Kobald of course works Frightmare’s knee. Frightmare manages an enziguri out of the corner. To the top. Kobald crotches him. Chop. Running forearm to the knee. Dropkick follow-up. Big splash into the knee and he places his elbow into the knee. Frightmare kicked outside and sent into the barricade. Spear by Kobald. Frightmare sent over the barricade into the crowd. Frightmare gets back in. Kobald grabs a half crab. Kobald has to break the hold but quickly grabs it again. Frightmare kicks him away. Kobald misses a spear on the apron. Superkick by Frightmare and Kobald ends up back in the ring. Cross body but Frightmare sells the knee. Crucifix bomb into the nearfall. Knees from Kobald. Abdominal stretch applied. Backslide blocked. Frightmare lifts him but his knee gives out. Kobald with a Regalplex for two. Back to the kicks. Roll-up by Frightmare. Kobald wails on the left knee more. Frightmare catches Kobald with a powerbomb. Into the corner. They climb to the top rope. Kobald shoves him off. Demon’s Toilet gets three… I think. Frightmare appeared to kick out. Someone clearly messed up, and this is starting to become a disturbing pattern lately.
Match Analysis: Best match of the show so far which doesn’t say much. Frightmare has done very little except sell his injured knee. Yes, he was part of the King of Trios but more as an afterthought. Kobald is clearly improving, but I’m still not quite sure why Chikara is so into giving him a minor singles push relative to other people on the roster. Okay match but nothing outstanding.
Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: Kobald/9:07/**1/2/**1/2
Match in Five Words or Less: Feed Him More
Match Highlights: So wait? A guy in a cowboy hat over in the south? I for one am shocked by this development. Stranger is undefeated thus far in Chikara. Stranger wants deviANT to shake his hand like a man. deviANT obliges. Kick attempt fails. Stranger hits an atomic drop. Dropkick by deviANT. Elbows to the back of the neck. Snapmare and elbows. Kick to the chest. Stranger tossed outside. Baseball dropkick by Stranger with a series of shots to the throat. deviANT comes back with a poke to the eyes. deviANT and Stranger have some fun with the various entranceways. COMEDY! deviANT proves elusive. Stranger punches through the curtain and a fist hits assailANT. Stranger pulls him through his own curtain. I’m a sucker for good visual comedy. That was awesome. Axehandle by deviANT. Stranger holds deviANT up. deviANT turns the gun around. Stranger holds him up with his other hand. STO into the cover for two. Series of right hands in the corner. Boot to the face. Double axehandle off three of the four top ropes. On the fourth, deviANT shoves Stranger off the apron and to the floor. Running kick. Stranger send into the barricades. Stranger’s head sent into the apron and then back inside. Submission by deviANT. Shots and kicks in the corner by deviANT. Snapmare and kick to the back. Double axehandle to the head. Choking along the bottom rope. Shots to the midsection by Stranger. Springboard guillotine choke. Stranger begins to fade. LARIAT by Stranger. deviANT backslide gets two. Big uppercut to the jaw by Stranger. He begins rolling the lasso up. Russian legsweep blocked and countered. Superkick. Knee to the face and a two count by deviANT. Stranger hits the front Russian legsweep. Now to the top rope. Leg drop. 1-2-3!
Match Analysis: As annoying as Gekido has been this year, deviANT has made some fairly consistent showings this year. This was a solid match as Stranger continues the path to… well something. Chikara should begin working him into angles besides mere looks from one Veronica Tcklfeather (RIP Sapphire). Good action all the way around, and the humor was done rather creatively.
Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: The Mysterious and Handsome Stranger/9:01/**3/4/***
Match in Five Words or Less: Can’t We All Get Along?
Match Highlights: Hammermeier and Fire Ant start. Right hand by Fire Ant. Hammermeier sent in the corner. Chop. Hammermeier goes to the mask and bites one of the antennas. Fire Ant works out of a headlock. Takedown. Hammermeier with a leapfrog. Fire ant with a Lucha roll. Hip toss by Hammermeier. Fire Ant misses a big kick. Donst takes Hammermeier out by the hair. He yells and berates him in the corner. Fire Ant doesn’t seem to appreciate the abuse. Donst pie faces Fire Ant. Tag to assailANT. assailANT ducks Donst. Flying forearm and a clothesline. Donst with a chinbreaker. Hammermeier blind tag. Donst shoves him. Hammermeier tosses into assailANT. Donst continues the verbal abuse. Fire Ant punches Hammermeier. Donst with an overhead throw on Fire Ant. Hammermeier tosses assailANT. Donst chokes Fire Ant into the middle rope. Fire Ant sent in the corner. Crossface elbows. Whip in the corner and clothesline. Choke. Fire Ant with right hands. Donst clothesline sends them both over. Hammermeier takes assailANT out. Fire Ant rolls in the ring. Choke by Hammermeier. Elbows to the top of the head. Heat segment continues on Fire Ant. Fire Ant low bridges Donst. Accidental dropkick by Hammermeier on his own partner. assailANT takes over and hits a nice uranagi. Donst misses a clothesline but slaps him anyway. Donst sent into Hammermeier. Fire Ant doesn’t want to be whipped by his partner. Four feet of fury into Hammermeier. Donst tosses Fire Ant into the corner. Elbow by assailANT. Donst from behind with an acecrusher. Boot out of the corner by assailANT. Cross body by Fire Ant. assailANT taken up and over. Dive by Donst. Hammermeier dropkicked in the back by Fire Ant. Springboard dive on everyone. Fire Ant misses Burning Down the House. Running kick off the ropes. Hammermeier blocks the suplex. Fire Ant with knees. Twisting fishermen’s buster by Hammermeier. assailANT misses. Cloverleaf. Hammermeier calls for help. Donst won’t help him. assailANT takes Donst down. Cloverleaf. Hammermeier immediately breaks the hold and consoles Donst. Fire Ant with chops. Hammermeier sends him into the middle rope. assailANT takes a forearm for his partner. Kick by Fire Ant. Victory roll into two. Donst hits an STO. Twisting stranglehold neckbreaker. He fires the gun off and hits a running D. From Dusk ‘til Donst. Fire Ant has no choice but to tap as assailANT cannot make the save.
Match Analysis: Good storytelling here as Donst is being outright physically abusive to his friend and confidante. The confidence is picking up, and his character is evolving in a really positive way. Donst didn’t make the save for his partner, but Hammermeier did without question. assailANT tries to earn Fire Ant’s respect by taking shots for him but ultimately cannot make the save when it counts.
Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: Tim Donst and Jakob Hammermeier/12:14/***/***
Match in Five Words or Less: Underrated Battle
Match Highlights: I find the idea of Shard being an enforcer of anything comical. At least he’s a good wrestler. Some basic mat work to begin. Akuma sets up a surfboard and manages to get him all the way up. Back down before Akuma kicks him down face first into the mat. Snap suplex. Shard sends Akuma into the turnbuckle. Akuma with an open hand series of chops. Shard reverses. Alabama slam and a double stomp. Elbow to the back of the neck. Shard misses a charge. Akuma with a leg kick. Another chop. Back kick by Shard to the midsection. Running elbow to the back of the neck. Shard taunts Akuma with his boot. Neckbreaker. Into the mount and right hands. Elbows by Akuma. Shard turns Akuma over and flapjacks him. Running bicycle kick gets two. Shard says Akuma has a broken jaw. Series of kicks. Akuma gets fired up. Kick exchange. Back kick and a lifting kick sends Shard outside. Shard catches Akuma with a kick to the side. Shard misses a dive badly as Akuma simply moves. Kick to the head by Akuma. Both men get back in the ring. Akuma comes off the top rope with a missile dropkick. Running boot misses. Duck of the charge and an enziguri. Sloppy rana. Tilt a whirl backbreaker hits well. 1-2-NO! Akuma with a back elbow. Enziguri by Shard. Akuma hits a sweet German suplex. Stiff kick to the side of the head. Shard sends Akuma down. 1-2-NO! Akuma goes back to the kicks. Backslide by Shard. Gory special countered. Shard manages to hit on second attempt. 1-2-NO! Kicks from Shard. Elbows to the back of the neck. Superkick blocked. Akuma’s discus clothesline blocked. La maestral. Shard hits a superkick. Argentinian backbreaker position but he instead drops Akuma. Dragon sleeper. Series of reversals out of the tombstone piledriver. Akuma hits a tombstone, then lifts him up for a Tenchi Crash. 1-2-NO! More counters. O’Connor roll. Series of nearfalls exchanged. Shard rolls out of the corner. Yoshi tonic blocked. Jig ‘n’ Tonic hit by Shard and he gets the win.
Match Analysis: This was undoubtedly the best singles match of Shard’s career and the best non-gimmick singles match Akuma has had in a number of years. Great back and forth action as these two wrestled like they had something to prove. This match finally gave me something to sink my teeth to and I felt like I was rewarded.
Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: The Shard/14:08/***1/2/***1/2
-UltraMantis Black points out how many points they have now, two, and mentions how many they will have tonight, three. They vow to end Los ice Creams tonight and put the Young Bucks on notice.
Match in Five Words or Less: Another Title Chance For Mantis
Match Highlights: This is very interesting match for a number of reasons. Mantis starts with Junior. Elbow strike to the arm. Armdrag to the floor by Mantis. Boot misses. Boot by Junior gets a kick to the midsection. Kick and DDT by Mantis. Junior consoles with Hijo. Hijo scares a young child in a great moment. Hijo rakes the mask and face of Wicked. He pinches Wicked. Slap by Wicked makes Hijo cry. Leg kick and some loud laughing from Hijo. Slap by Wicked. Armdrag out of the corner. Shove by Hijo. Tilt a whirl backbreaker by Wicked. Lucha roll. Drop toe hold into the top rope by Hijo. Wicked kicks him away. Step-up rana. Clothesline by Junior. Rake of the face with his boots by Hijo. Series of covers go nowhere. Double knees to the midsection as Los Ice Creams continue working Wicked over. Wicked fights out of the corner with elbows, but Los Ice Creams each hit a clothesline. Elbows on Hijo by Wicked. O’Connor roll blocked. Junior clothesline Hijo on accident, so Wicked can make the tag. Clotheslines for everyone. Back elbows for everyone. Mongolian chop in the corner. Hip toss. Monkey flip sends Los Ice Creams over. Junior’s boot sent into the butt of Hijo. Full nelson slam on Junior. Double whip by the Envoy. Running shoulder block by Wicked. Iconoclasm by Wicked. Rolling neck snap by Mantis. Swanton by Wicked. 1-2-NO! Hijo breaks the count. Ice Creams take control in two different corners. Mantis places Wicked on the top rope. Super armdrag by Wicked. Junior sent in the corner. Forearm by Mantis. Step-up boot by Wicked. Sidewinder. Low bridge sends Mantis to the floor. Wicked set up. Broken Arrow hit. Slingshot into a dropkick. Into a pinning predicament by Junior. Wicked brings Hijo off the top rope with a slam but gets two. Junior charges but gets hit with a spinebuster. Catacombs of Abbadon hit by the Envoy. Wicked hits a boot. Cosmic Doom! The Envoy pick up their third point.
Match Analysis: Los Ice Creams are always good for a laugh and can service multiple roles. Because we don’t know their identities, they can be jobbed out at pretty much any time. For whatever reason, they’ll always have their fans and also will sell t-shirts. It’s very valuable for Chikara to have a team like this, so they can lose to someone like Spectral Envoy or even 1-2-3 Kid/Marty Janetty. The heat segment probably ran a little long, but I was still entertained for the most part.
Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: The Spectral Envoy/14:41/**3/4/***
-Veronica shakes her pom-poms while Mark Angelosetti asks us nerds what’s up. He calls himself the greatest rookie of all time, especially above Green Ant. He runs down guys like Jigsaw, 1-2-3 Kid, and Archibald Peck. He uses his various nicknames and says he’ll be the greatest rookie of all-time. Well, there you go.
Match in Five Words or Less: A YLC Defense?
Match Highlights: This is the first Young Lion’s Cup anyone outside of Japan will have seen since June 26, 2011 when Frightmare defeated Kodama. Green Ant of course lost in the 2011 while Angelosetti won an epic match against ACH just a month or so earlier. Boot and headlock by Angelosetti. Green Ant with a takedown. Angelosetti grabs the bottom rope. Test of strength. Green Ant breaks I and brings him around while still holding on to the arm. Forearm and back to the arm goes Angelosetti. Green Ant grabs a knee bar but Angelosetti grabs the bottom rope. Takedown. Shoulder tackle by Green Ant. He poses. Angelosetti headlock. Green Ant sends him off. Shoulder tackle. Series of rolls by both men. Sort of a DDT into a prawn hold by Green Ant. Block by Green Ant and an enziguri. Angelosetti knocks him down on a springboard. Bodyslam. Shoulder tackles by Green Ant. Armdrag. Hip toss. Veronica grabs Green Ant’s leg from the outside. Running splash met with knees. Series of splashes by Angelosetti. Then he Tebows. Green Ant t-bones the arm. Angelosetti counters. Green Ant driven back first into the corner. Back elbow by Green Ant. Boot. Dropkick by Angelosetti sends Green Ant to the floor. Choking while near the barricade. Vertical suplex on the floor. Springboard corkscrew splash by Angelosetti. Choking on the bottom rope. Veronica bites Green Ant’s antenna. Shoulder blocks in the corner. Green Ant up and over with a roll-up for two. One footed dropkick by Angelosetti. Forearms. Chop in the corner. Green Ant comes back with some chops of his own. Green Ant crotches Angelosetti on the top rope. Back drop. Angelosetti asks who has glasses before applying a chinlock on the challenger. Double sledges from Green Ant. Angelosetti pulls him down by the antenna. He pulls on them some more. Double chops to the chest. Whip hard. Running shoulder block. Front first goes Green Ant. Kick to the midsection and a chop. Green Ant reverses the whip. Angelosetti hits a running spinebuster. 1-2-NO! Stalling vertical suplex countered. Running kick by Green Ant. Angelosetti ends up on the floor. Tope suicida but Angelosetti catches him and sends him back first into the side of the ring. Green Ant comes back with a clothesline after too much showboating. Green Ant with a springboard splash outside. Good gravy. Green Ant slingshots him in. Springboard dropkick. Green Ant rolls across his knees. LARIAT! Powerslam. Ankle lock. Angelosetti quickly tries getting away. Green Ant hangs on. He transitions into the cloverleaf. Angelosetti grabs the bottom rope. Green Ant stands on the middle ropes and chops Angelosetti ten times. Angelosetti puts Green Ant on the top rope. Forearm. Superplex. 1-2-NO! Forearm exchange. Step-up Michinoku driver hit on the champion. 1-2-NO! veronica stands up on the apron. Angelosetti tries using the baton on Green Ant. Green Ant pulls it away. Bryce Remsburg sees the baton in Green Ant’s hand. Remsburg throws it away, Angelosetti nails Green Ant with the football helmet and picks up the victory.
Match Analysis: There’s two major points to address about this match. First the negative. The finish was cheap and had no business being used in the main event of Chikara’s first show in the area. Very bad way to send the fans home. Then there’s the performance. These guys are both so very very good. Green Ant defeated Mike Quackenbush in the very first Chikara match of 2012 and has not been used in a lot of significant matches since. I hope Chikara officials watch this match and realize just how special a performer he can be. Angelosetti has now main evented two Chikara shows as a single and another in a tag team title match. To say he’s the rookie of the year would be an understatement. He’s been one of Chikara’s best performers this year and it continued here. I loved the first 19:55 of this match. Too bad the final 30 seconds soiled some of the good feelings.
Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: STILL Young Lion’s Cup Champion-Mark Angelosetti/20:22/***1/2/***1/2
The Verdict: There were a couple bad matches in the first half of this show that took some of my interest away. At least there was some fun stuff in the second half. Regardless, I can’t give a full recommendation simply because there wasn’t enough outstanding to make up for the rest. Shard and Akuma certainly had a match worth checking out. The main event was good and a chance to again see two young stars excel, so I really can’t give this a negative recommendation either. My thumb is firmly in the middle. It’s a cop-out but this was a pretty tough show to evaluate for a number of reasons.
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