Writer’s note: Derek loves you all for reading this, his AAW-based column, even if you believe he developed his understanding of grammar from the back of a cereal box (this is true). He appreciates anybody with enough patience to sit down and read some three thousand of his words every week. He would also appreciate a better-looking banner, as his Photoshop skillz do not, as they say, pay the billz. Full credit and a scratch ‘n’ sniff to the first graphic artist who is more “artist” than “graphic.”
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I woke up this morning to a heapin’ helping of hate mail, though if I’m being honest, it was all from the same source. Instead of outing this fellow and blowing things up, I am instead going to dedicate this, my second column, entirely to him. So, get your popcorn ready, because this one’s for you, baby. And anybody else bothering to read. But mostly him.
First, if I’m being honest – Jerome sort of lured me here on the promise that I would never bite my tongue – the feedback pissed me off. I spent a lot of time on that first column, and on that podcast, as did both Jerry and Alex, and to see our work taken down like that, well, it hurt. And to see Alex get called a word I shall never repeat on this column, it was even worse. This critic fired at us what boils down to ad hominem attacks insulting our merit as writers, as wrestling fans and as people. Which, quite frankly, is disgusting. I will get into it later, but allow me to broach the idea that there is a fine difference between constructive criticism and straight up insulting somebody.
After the initial haze of the unfounded personal attacks lifted, I started thinking a little more clearly and I came to the realization that this guy was the only person to not only listen to the podcast I had recorded, not only read the column I had written, but also take the time to offer me feedback on both, and directly, at that – something I cannot say for anybody else. Not as of this writing. And the funny is, I know other people listened to it, and I know other people have had similar reactions or opinions, but not a one of them has stepped forward and done what this gentleman did this morning.
I believe it was Voltaire who said, “I disagree strongly with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” Wikipedia confirms it was him, and they’re usually pretty trustworthy. But, really, all this fan was doing was what we had asked him to do. Throughout the podcast, we offered up our Twitter handles, asking for feedback, asking for opinions, and now that I have what amounts to a considerably detailed series of opinions, laced with passion and what I believe to be the same love for AAW I myself possess? How can I possibly fault this man for doing what we told him to do?
More to the point: How can I possibly fault him, or anybody, for doing what I would do myself if I were in his position?
About Face
Over the last day or two, maybe three, if I’m being generous, I have tried to be a little more positive on my social media. Over the past, uh, decade, I have been a less than ideal person to follow on any of the websites, but specifically Twitter. It is there I have taken many, many long-winded “rants” on everything from how badass was Undertaker’s wrist cast at No Mercy 2002 to why slow motion video is a fantastic, and practical, idea that should be employed by any and every indy wrestling promotion, and why, because I said so, that’s why.
Yuck.
I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want to be that way and I don’t want to be that guy. Because words hurt sometimes. The critic, who took personal shots at me and my writing and my life? His words hurt, and all it takes is the right amount of passion for the right product, and a few clicks of the keyboard, and whole days can be ruined. Things needing to get done in a real-world sense of the word, do not get done. Words can uplift and words can destroy, and it wasn’t until this very morning I fully understood the weight, and the impact, of my own words. All the more reason for me to clean up my act.
In the past, I know I have been harsh, especially on my social media. I know I have singled people out, and I know I have hurt more than a feeling or two. And those days are over. I’m putting it in writing. However, with both the column and the podcast, same with everything I have done for PWPonderings, the goal in mind never was “bury this guy” or, as this critic so put it, “shit all over the Roku show.” No, I was asked my opinions of certain wrestlers and of the AAW TV show’s first episode, and I responded in kind. Whether anybody listening considers those opinions valid, given how long/short I have been watching the product, is not my concern. I was asked to write for this website, I was asked to cover AAW honestly and I was asked to talk AAW on the podcast (and do so honestly). So anyone questioning my right to “be here” is directing those questions at the wrong person.
Drawing the line. Watercolor on matte.
Yes, I have some negative opinions, but any functional relationship features the very vital component that is constructive criticism, and there indeed exists a difference between criticizing somebody and insulting somebody. I know to many, the word “criticize” contains a negative connotation, but it need not. Personally speaking, I offer AAW, its staff, its wrestlers, all the way down to its photographers and fans, criticism I consider to be constructive. All in the name of making the live viewing experience better. There have been moments I stepped outside those parameters, certainly (regrettably), but for the most part, the mentality I have while writing these columns, and while being a chatterbox on the podcast, is to help people. To help everybody. When I offer somebody like Matt Cage a criticism, it isn’t because I dislike the guy; it’s because I like him, and I think with some minor tweaks to his game – which I notice being a fan of wrestling for the past 21 years – he could move on to a bigger and better stage.
Every observation I make, every criticism I throw out there, every comment positive or negative, it is offered up as a fan, from a fan, by a fan. I will tell you here and now I don’t know “the business,” nor will I pretend to know what I’m talking about in that regard. I don’t know the locker rooms, I don’t know the booking aspect, I don’t know jack, brother. But what I do know is what sells in front of an audience. What generates a reaction and what does not. What belongs in a wrestling ring and what does not. I know all that because I’ve kept my eyes open and my ears to the canvas-covered ground, so when I say somebody like Matt Cage is good, but not quite there yet, I am doing so out of love, not hate. And when I say the AAW TV show has a good skeleton in place, but it needs to make some improvements to flesh it out, that is done out of respect, not disrespect. I want AAW to succeed; I wouldn’t give them and the wrestlers they sign hundreds of my dollars if I didn’t feel that way. And I damn sure wouldn’t be writing a weekly column, and doing a monthly podcast, if I didn’t feel that way. Nor would anybody on this website.
The times, they are a-changin’…
Classic Dylan! In a few more days, you’ll be finding some classic AAW on YouTube, I’m sure, as the company gears up for its 10th Anniversary. But I want to remind everybody that the AAW we all know and love here and now, in 2014, wasn’t always this way. It wasn’t always this good, if I’m being honest. There’s that word again: “Honest.” I can already feel the tension mounting.
No, if I’m being honest, I started watching AAW some 38 months ago, and the product has grown leaps and bounds since then. It’s like day and night. No, seriously, I am on Smart Mark Video’s page right now, under the AAW tab, and I’m looking at some of the cards I caught in 2011, and I am being bowled over by the nostalgic tidal wave that is, was and forever will be “The Party Danimal” Dan Lawrence’s Heavyweight Title win. I like Dan Lawrence’s current work, and I believe he’s found his niche, but outside of being Shane Hollister’s own personal “Edge Head,” there is no chance he would sniff a main event on his own. Not in 2014.
Look at the quality of talent AAW is booking these days and compare it to early 2011. By “quality,” I mean, is the company booking wrestlers a random person on the street would pay to see? Because, remember, I was that random person on the street once upon a time. In fact, it was Jimmy Jacobs’ name (or possibly his face) being on the show poster I spotted in Lucky Dog that drew me to the Berwyn Eagles Club in the first place, because I had heard of Jacobs from Ring of Honor. That’s what drew me in, and that, I assume, is what would draw in others who think similar to me.
In 2011, Jacobs was about all that drew me in. To me, a wrestling fan born and raised on WWE, I had expectations, which I now know you aren’t allowed to have in this life (who knew?). And, to me, a kid a few months out of college, without a job and any semblance of income at the time, I didn’t exactly want to drop my dimes on, excuse my language, a shit show. Ring of Honor toured nationally, and Jacobs worked for them, so that legitimized him, and AAW, in my eyes. That he actually worked for AAW, I mean. Not just functioning as a “bring in.”
Nowadays, a solid chunk of AAW works nationally, for ROH or PWG. Three of its main roster talents (Davey Richards, Sami Callihan, Samuray Del Sol) moved on to either WWE or TNA in 2013 alone, and a handful of others received tryouts to various promotions. It should go without saying that the hand AAW plays with today could easily, easily trump whatever it was working with even three years ago.
Look at the quality of matchup, too. Six of the 10 matches AAW play-by-play commentator Phil Colvin selected as the best matches in company history come from the year 2012 and after. And since Colvin’s been there and seen most of, if not all of, those matches with his own eyes, I would consider him a trustworthy source.
AAW’s myriad improvements didn’t happen overnight, and a lot more happened behind the scenes than I am letting on, but perhaps equally important to the company’s success has been its ability and willingness to accept criticism from every single avenue, from every single fan, wrestler, critic, whomever. In speaking with AAW Matchmaker Tony Rican – who, at 40-something-years-old still can rock a Phoenix Splash – I learned that AAW takes every criticism and builds from it, learns from it. Not in the sense where, say, some annoying writer suggests filming things in slow motion on his phone, and the company jumps to satisfy that request… but in the sense that if something really rubs someone the wrong way, they will ensure that doesn’t happen in the future. And I respect that.
What I’m getting at here, and what I forced you to read like, eight paragraphs before summarizing all neat and tidy in this one sentence, is AAW has grown by leaps since I started watching, and that is because of us. Because of me, because of you reading this, because of the people buying the shows on Smart Mark, because of the crowd of people booing for two minutes straight following yet another no contest finish at October’s Bourbon Street show, and because of people like the guy who took time out of his morning to attack me with personal insults – because of us, collectively, this company is where it is today.
Seeing AAW go from what I once considered a “local” indy – one featuring talents mostly from Illinois, with a national name thrown in every here and there – to the nationally recognized indy it is today is inspiring. It took them three years. Two, if I really think about it, because the beginning of 2013 was on point. And I feel like I need to make a similar improvement, with my work, with my approach, with what I say and how I say it. So jot this down as my commitment to improve, to be better and to be a little more careful with the way I word things.
I am still open to disagreement. If you disagree with what I say, let me know. If your opinion differs from that of my own, cool. The world’s a boring place if we pound our hands on the table while chanting along in agreement. “One of us,” gooble gobble, etc. But when the criticisms go from “I disagree with what you said” to, well, something far greater than that, that is where I draw the line. I will be the nicest person in the world if you disagree with what I have to say, so long as you keep it to that. But when you mischaracterize me, when you start defaming my name, the gloves are off.
No apologies.
My critic wants me to apologize to AAW, as my words will hurt the new TV show more than they are going to help it, he said. He told me so after threatening me with violence the next time he sees me at the Berwyn Eagles Club, and after calling my fellow podcaster and AAW fan, Alexandria, a “bitch.” I will offer no such apology, to him or the company, as my words were designed to help, not harm. I feel like I’m repeating myself here, but every criticism I put out there is done with genuine intent. I want AAW to keep improving. I want AAW to have the same name recognition of PWG or ROH, and the fact is, right now they do not have that. And if they keep hearing from every one of their fans just how great is every single thing they do, then how are they doing to improve? Fill my inbox with an answer to that question that makes sense and I will take you to a drive-in movie or something. Serious.
Improvement comes from honesty and from honest people. Last May, I called out AAW for running an arm-wrestling competition between Joey Eastman and Truth Martini. It was a 15-minute non-wrestling segment full of wanking gestures and dick jokes and everything but the thing I paid money to see, and it was on the same damn show that many consider to be AAW’s best card ever. That segment cramped up the otherwise perfect flow the show had going for it, and I say that not as a “bad guy,” but as somebody who doesn’t want to spend the only money he has on something that is going to make him feel all sad and stupid on the inside. That’s it, really, and if somebody having an opinion and backing it up with sound reasoning pisses you off that much, again, that isn’t really my problem.
Who holds an independent wrestling company responsible, if not its fans and followers? AAW has my money every month, twice this month, and they know it. And it is because I am giving them my money that I have a right to tell them what I like and dislike. (Hate to burst a bubble here, but I praise just as much as I “bury.”) My twenty bucks funds the wrestlers they bring in, the amount of food they order, the company they hire to draw up the event posters, etcetera. Wherever my dollars need to be, they put them there. But if I see the money I earned going someplace I feel it shouldn’t – that disagreement is my right. And it is each and every one of yours, as well. Because, quite literally, if it wasn’t for people like us – people who get so damn into the shows, who buy front row tickets the day they’re available, who line up outside the Eagles Club an hour before doors open in the dead of winter, who bust out the personal insults just to defend their favorite company’s honor – there wouldn’t be any shows to run, period.
Look. We’re all here because we love AAW, right? You wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t care, and I wouldn’t be writing it. Hell, AAW wouldn’t have its own heading at PWPonderings if we didn’t really give a damn about it. But we do give a damn. So much damn. And that’s why I’m not too broken up over the “heat” I woke up to this morning. Not anymore. I don’t approve of how far this particular critic took it, but I also recognize that when we really love something, it is hard not to defend that something if we believe it is being threatened.
No such threat is being posed to AAW, though, my friends. Never you worry.