Hello! And welcome to this week’s Squared Circular Logic, just as long as usual, and twice as annoying! Ha, just kidding, we’re only one and two-thirds times as annoying. And “annoying” isn’t even the correct word for it. “Frustrating,” now that rings a few bells.
I’m sorry to frustrate you all, so I will fill you in on my WrestleMania contest I am hosting this year. I will be at WrestleMania XXX in New Orleans, and I’m a giver, like my mother and Lois Lowry before me, so in that spirit, I would like to reward one of my many fans readers just for showing up. Emphasis on many. Side note: Is the phrase “emphasis on,” followed by any word, the verbal equivalent of boldface? Speech italics? Need to know.
In the coming day or two, I am going to register a new email, which will be active only for the week or two this contest remains open. I will post the email address in this topic, give you a specific subject line to enter, you don’t even have to leave me your name or anything. Your email is your entry, one entry per person, or per email, doesn’t matter, really. Look, I don’t want to get caught up on all the logistical shit, so here’s what: Just send an email to the address provided in the next edition of SCL, I will buy something AWESOME and fUn! at WrestleMania and if I pick your email out of a hat, I will email you back and you will provide me with your address. Provided you are over the age of 18, you live in the United States of America and you’re not going to find it weird to receive a package from one of us over here at Team Package, everything will be A-OK, partner.
Are some people going to cheat? Dude, I honestly encourage it, because that means someone cares so much about this dumb column that they would spend their time doing… that. Sooo, stay tuned!
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Welcome one, welcome all, though by now that may be one and the same. But I don’t do this column for me, why, that’d be selfish. No, I do it for the people, and I do it for The Rock, and I do it for that one guy who brought a sign to AAW last week shitting on this here website. Literally, at least insofar as the sign read “PW Poop Droppings,” not because the sign actually dispensed feces onto unsuspecting fans around the venue — though that would have been awesome (but totally not something Randy Orton or Dave Matthews would be into). Timely with these pop culture quips, I know!
Now, “normally” I wouldn’t give these folks the time of day, but if I’m being real, I dig the attention, I appreciate the free publicity (and trust me, of that there is a ton) and I find the whole situation hilarious for no fewer than eight separate reasons. Now, if we may, the photo:
#Over
But seriously, I would like to thank this one very generous fan for all the love he’s show us since we started focusing in on AAW here at the Poop Droppings. Even though it comes in the form of childish immaturity, name-calling and other underhanded decision-making, a click is a click is a click. A page view is a page view. Like, is it supposed to bother me when people take 75 minutes out of their day to listen to the entire podcast I recorded with Jerome and Alex, only to dislike and/or disagree with it? The guy still used a sizable chunk of his day listening to what I had to say, and that’s pretty swell.
I can’t spend all day talking about this dude, though! Well, I could, but I don’t want to. Instead, let’s talk AAW Take No Prisoners in… Pontiac, Illinois? Oh man. I’ll be there, and I most certainly will be square, whatever that means, but I have a difficult time really getting into non-Berwyn shows. Except that one time I had a few too many and got tossed from Bourbon Street. Yeah, I was down for that one.
It’s kind of late, and if I am to write this thing in real time, stream of consciousness style with no turnbacksies, I’m just going to do a five-point preview for that event. Exciting, I know, and if it’s any indication by the current state of my vocab, I will soon regret the whole “refusing to self-edit” thing.
#1: New digs, same dogs.
That’s going to be the cutesy, not-so-clever header for this one and you’re gonna deal with it. AAW hits Freakster’s Roadhouse in Pontiac for the first time ever, and I don’t know what to make of it. The allure of Berwyn obviously is gone, and at two hours from Chicago, give or take, the quality of crowd might take a similar hit. The Berwyn fans — fans who attend every month and make up a solid chunk of the audience — know each individual wrestler, and if they don’t, they wait and see before judging. That’s generally speaking, with exceptions, but for the most part, the Eagles is packed with smart, knowledgable folks who “get it.” I question whether the people coming out for Saturday’s show will bring that same level of energy and attentiveness to the show. Will the fans there appreciate pro-wrestling, and pay their money to watch the action, or will they attend because it’s comparatively cheap to other shows this company hosts? The last thing I, or any person with a brain, needs to hear is how “gay” he thinks Rhino is, or something similarly ridiculous and inspired by ignorance.
Crowd aside, how will the venue look? What will AAW do to make it look extra fancy? The ceilings, will they be low, high, middle of the road, open? OK, now I’m veering off into left field territory, but this is the kind of stuff I want to know. Much of the live experience of a wrestling show is the venue itself. It’s astounding the number of details that go into creating a comfortable, enjoyable viewing environment. If the room is too hot or too cold, you run the risk of ruining your mood. If somebody is in your way, ditto. I wonder how Freakster’s stacks up to the likes of Bourbon Street and HOME Bar (though not Durty Nellie’s; missed that show, unfortunately). Questions, questions, questions. Saturday will provide answers.
#2. Page tests his mettle.
Ethan Page is one of AAW’s fastest rising stars, and once he stops emphasizing his lone weakness, he will take his spot atop the mountain. This Saturday he has his first test as a singles wrestler as he takes on one half of Kung Fu-Manchu Louis Lyndon. Page already passed his test as a main event player, he’s generated plenty of babyface reactions and going it alone (or perhaps with Elgin at ringside) will be the true test of his mettle, at least in this promotion. He has more eyes on him now than ever before, and if he does well Saturday, he could be positioned for a solid singles run as a face, so long as he works with the right competition – experienced veterans with established characters, roles and dynamics. Assuming #MenOfTheYear doesn’t go on forever, and with Page’s pal and AIW valet Seleziya Sparx debuting last week in AAW, why not pair the two as a power couple of pretty, ego-driven people?
This would of course catch the eye of Eddie Kingston, who has already had his run-ins with the happily committed. King has an ugly look on life, and his look inside the squared circle is reflective of that. Having him head after Page and Sparx in an attempt to ugly them up would create an old school, happy-go-lucky vs grumpy-go-rotten dynamic. Despite his considerable size, Page has the potential to work as an underdog, one who generates plenty of sympathy from the crowd. Kingston knows exactly what type of heel shit to pull to inspire that grab for sympathy, and that is what you’re looking for. I don’t know, it’s fantasy booking for two of my favorites, but something will eventually be needed to elevate Page to the main event after his inevitable split with Elgin. If it’s not going to be a feud between the two teammates, a proper beat down from an old school heel and a heated feud to follow might be the ticket. (Might. I don’t know how the business works!) But before we, or just I, look that far into the future, he has to put his work boots on and tear the house down with Lyndon. Given who he’s up against for Match of the Night candidacy, including his own bestie, he’s going to have to bring it a little extra.
3. ACH vs. O’Reilly III.
It first went down at AAW’s Point of No Return in April 2013, then again at Reign of Violence in August. This Saturday in Pontiac is round three, and like most ACH matches announced prior to the event, this one on paper looks like it will steal the show. These two men have a disgusting amount of chemistry together and they’re both marketable names from Ring of Honor, so this is a fantastic match to have on this card. O’Reilly has been showing more flashes of a heel persona, while ACH’s star is only on the rise, giving this final chapter in the trilogy a different flavor. Both men should be in the main event by year’s, or summer’s, end, worldwide catastrophe notwithstanding.
I have no predictions about this one, so I’m just going to sit back and enjoy the ride, and I suggest all else do the same. For AAW, a company that’s run its share of three-match series as of late (including another third of three between Silas and Eddie in May), the O’Reilly/ACH contests fly under the radar somehow, yet are by far the most enjoyable. Getcha popcorn ready, squirts!
4. New champ?
No.
OK, maybe, maybe not. It’s Elgin vs. champion Hollister at Freakster’s, which is a match some eight to nine months in the making. Elgin dropping the strap and never giving much a damn about recapturing it felt a little odd at the time, but I am glad this match is happening. Better late than never, but never late is better — true, but shut up, Drake. I don’t truly believe or foresee a title change happening at this show, because that would mean a lot has to happen between this and the next, including deciding what to do with Elgin being a double champ again. Then again, I’m probably overthinking this, and Elgin winning the belt gives AAW a wider variety of options for his second reign as champion. Kevin Steen is signed for the return to Bourbon Street May 2, and he’s been featured in two title main events already, so precedent is there and I doubt he faces Hollister a third time. Don’t need to see it, nor want to. And the prospect of seeing Steen vs. Tweek Phoenix, Rhino’s opponent for Saturday, seems like a waste to me, as does using him on anybody outside a main event-level worker.**
Shane and Elgin are both top-flight performers, and with the title on the line, I have no concerns about this one. Just, man, give us a clean finish, with no group run-ins, no “no contest,” none of that. The fans would rather the “wrong” wrestler win clean than the “right” wrestler win in a shady, overcomplicated fashion.
#5. What’s next?***
Long, long before Bill Goldberg settled on “Who’s Next?!” he ran through the other four W’s and even the H before he got it right.
AAW returns 4/11 to the Berwyn Eagles Club, and the card, like most SHIMMER weekends, is rightly stacked. Names scheduled to appear include Elgin, Page, Hollister, ACH, Silas Young, Kingston, Rich Swann, Alex Shelley, Saraya Knight, Lince Dorado, Irish Airborne, Gregory Iron, Christian Faith and many more. The first match was signed Tuesday night, as well, and it’s a doozie! Heidi Lovelace and Athena team up to challenge Nevaeh and Jessika Havok. I am so ready for this show, and this match in particular. There are two ways to get me “mad hyped” for a show and they are naming a great main event and other matches, and building stories for them, or announcing a bunch of talent, so much so that the number of potentially great matchup combinations supersedes the number of thoughts I could possibly make about them. This is an example of the latter, and damn, was it effective.
Notes:
*That weakness is his weight — not the physical appearance of it, but his perception of it. For someone so poised, so confident, and with such a raging ego, enough to make it his wrestling persona, he sure spends a lot of time feeling insecure about his “gut,” and it’s starting to show. Note to Page: Nobody notices, nobody cares. Just because you don’t have an eight pack like Ricochet doesn’t mean we don’t like you. If anything, it makes us like you more. Plus, PLUS, that “gut” makes you look more human and therefore more relatable. Daniel Bryan isn’t the hottest thing in wrestling this decade because he looks like a bodybuilder. Think about it.
**Buzz has it Steen loves when we use words like “worker” to describe wrestlers who may or may not make a living by wrestling.
***Yep, only 80 percent of my points are actually previewing the danged rasslin event. Nope, not gonna fix it. Cue Batista GIF train.