Enter The Land of Extreme 01/26/10

This week’s ECW was barely better than last week’s, and that’s just because there wasn’t an Abraham Washington Show. The show opened with a video package hyping the Christian and Kane tag match against William Regal and Ezekiel Jackson. Going into this week’s show I thought it would center almost entirely on Christian and Jackson, considering the Royal Rumble is this weekend and they have the only ECW match at the pay-per-view event. I saw a sign that says, “Only JESUS Saves.” Thanks for that.

After the ECW opening video, we see that William Regal is in the ring. He lets us know that it is his honor to introduce us to our next ECW Champion, Ezekiel Jackson. Jackson comes to the ring as we recap the end of last week’s show. Jackson then proceeds to cut a terrible promo. I wonder who wrote it. More importantly, how long did it take Jackson to memorize it? Jackson uses some Bible quotes. The “Only JESUS Saves” sign guy probably loves it.
Right when Ezekiel finishes his last sentence, Christian’s music hits. What great timing! I’m beginning to think this stuff isn’t real. Christian lets us know that he enjoys Biblical quotes too, seeing as he is Christian. He then pulls a Pulp Fiction (Ya know, when Samuel L. does that awesome Ezekiel passage before killing peeps?). However, he switches it up a bit in a way only he can. We eventually get down to the fact that last week was 2-on-1, but this week Christian has evened the score. Cue Kane! This tag team match is next. Wait! I thought this was the main event. WTF?
We’re back from break, and we find out that the match started during the break. SERIOUSLY!?! Regal and Christian started out. Pretty good wrestling going on before Regal tags in Jackson. Christian tags in Kane, and now we’ve got the typical big man v. big man fighting where they can’t take each other down. I’ve completely tuned out the commentary guys. I know one of them is Josh Matthews, but the other guy is so terrible I forget his name on purpose. We get some ringside action including some high flying from Christian. It’s break time. When we come back, Jackson and Regal start taking control of the match. Christian is being completely manhandled here. However, he finally gets to hot tag to Kane. Kane starts taking it to Regal with a sea of punches. Real talk: Do they just do the same four tag matches over and over in WWE or what? Kane goes for the chokeslam, but Jackson attacks him from behind. Kane takes care it by launching Christian on to Jackson after a tag. Christian goes for a Killswitch on Regal as Kane and Jackson fight outside. Reversed, Regal goes for the knee, reversed into a Killswitch. However, as Christian was turning Regal around, Regal made the tag to Jackson. Jackson hits a rather weak chokeslam on Christian, pins him, one, two, three. Jackson pins the ECW Champion! This makes things interesting for the Rumble.
The crowd was kind of into the match, more so than most ECW matches. Josh and the other guy let us know the main event tonight is a six-man tag match. It’ll be Yoshi Tatsu, Goldust, and Hurricane going up against Trent Barreta, Caylen Croft, and Zack Ryder. But first, we’re going to break!
Hey, we’re back from break for a Royal Rumble rundown. That’s a waste of five minutes. Shelton Benjamin is in the back, and he’s letting us know that he is going to win the Rumble. That’d be a shocker. Vance Archer attacks him out of nowhere! He has the worst fake tan I’ve ever seen, and I watch Jersey Shore. “Hopes and dreams are all Shelton has, ‘cause that? That’s reality.” Thanks, Vance. Thanks. It’s time to go to break, of course.
It’s main event time. Already? Seriously? That’s just fantastic. [/sarcasm] Zack Ryder comes to the ring with Rosa. How does anyone find Rosa attractive? We recap last week when Ryder did that whole “Heart and Soul Superhero of ECW” bit with the ring announcer and Hurricane saved the day. Hey, guess what time it is? You guessed it! BREAK TIME! It’s an hour show, Vince. Book it better. Just saying.
After the break we see that Trent “The Situation” Barreta and Caylen Croft are chilling in the ring with Zack Ryder. Hurricane, Goldust, and Yoshi all come to the ring with their own music. The match is underway, with Croft and Goldust starting out. The vet takes control, tags in Hurricane. Ryder gets the tag too. Some nice action happens here, and Ryder gets thrown over the top rope. That won’t win him the Rumble on Sunday. Barreta and Croft try to come into the ring, but Goldust and Yoshi do the same. Barreta and Croft bail outside to hang out with Ryder and get a good action plan. We go to break.
The action has picked it up as we come back. It’s still a very standard match though. The crowd isn’t as into as they were the tag match earlier. I guess the only good thing about this match was the way it ended. Yoshi hit a spinning kick off the top onto Barreta. He went for the pin, but Ryder broke it up. All six men are in the ring battling it out. Ryder and Hurricane get thrown out. Croft and Barreta go to double team Goldust, but he knocks Croft out of the way. Yoshi hits The Kick on Barreta. Three count. We end the show with Yoshi, Hurricane, and Goldust celebrating in the ring. Is it just me, or does Yoshi act like he just won the World Series every single time he wins a match?
This week’s show was pretty lackluster. The match order was whack, the matches weren’t anything to write home about, and I’m barely interested in the ECW Title match at the Rumble. Something needs to change on this brand, and I don’t really know if WWE is aware of that.