Across the CHIKARMY Insider! (The Return of Bryan Danielson)

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Welcome to an exciting and shiny new CHIKARMY Insider! This week is, in LOST terms, a Bryan Danielson-centric episode. Chikara had an opening to fill in the ol’ schedule due to Darkness Crabtree injuring his hip in a nursing home accident and, as luck would have it, the WWE lost their minds and fired Daniel Bryan! So Chikara officials canceled the match between Crabs and Green Ant, called up Daniel Bryan, got transferred to Mr. Danielson, and new matches were born. The Kingston/Delirious match was broken apart and they were each given new opponents. To find out who faces “American Dragon”, click the link below, ya dingus. I warn you: reading my write-up on “AmDrag” could cause you to overdose on hyperbole. You’ve been warned. I’ve also got the full cards for next week’s shows, which look awesome I might add. No bias. Also without prejudice: Danielson truly is the best wrestler on Erf and I hope he enjoys his short stint back on the indys. It won’t last. He’ll be back to blowing the minds of viewers worldwide in no time at all. Until then, savor this moment, wrestling fans. If you asked me who I thought would come back first, Jesus to save us or Danielson to the indys…I’d have abstained. I’ve upset Jesus enough this week. To the Batcave!
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He was too short. He was too pale. He couldn’t talk the talk, walk the walk, of a WWE Superstar. These were the superficial complaints from uninformed, mainstream fans that hadn’t been introduced to the man known on WWE television as Daniel Bryan. Under that name, he had accomplished nothing. The new name forced him to start from scratch and prove his worth each and every week, rather than rely on the merits of his true name, with which a reputation was earned in unrivaled toughness and unquestioned determination. The problem was…he wasn’t really Daniel Bryan. “Daniel Bryan” was an over-processed, manufactured commodity birthed from a company driven by profit. The man behind the moniker is, in reality, an unchained warrior and has never been driven by money; the thrill of combat and the roar of the fans drive his every step inside the ring. The “Daniel Bryan” name was little more than a pair of solid gold handcuffs designed to restrain the true man from showing his not-so-PG greatness. So, without so much as a wink to the camera, the man behind “Daniel Bryan” destroyed the image in an act of carnal fury. Bryan Danielson choked out Justin Roberts with that tie. Bryan Danielson spit in John Cena’s fan. Bryan Danielson looked Superman in the eye and had the audacity to tell him that he was better. Bryan Danielson scared women, children, stockholders, and campaign advisers alike. These were acts that “Daniel Bryan” was incapable of performing based on the rules he was conceived. Now uncaged and out in the open, the WWE fired him for being too real in a universe that has grown accustomed to attitude-yielding fiction. Now, the audience of that universe is speaking up.
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There are several Facebook groups that pledge their allegiance to Danielson. A major petition grows in membership by the hour. Veterans of the ring have voiced their displeasure at Bryan Danielson’s expulsion. Even John Cena, the man who was spit on, screamed at and ultimately put down with a sick roundhouse kick to the head, has defended the very perpetrator of these acts. He signed the petitioned and voiced his belief that Danielson deserved to stay, that he “belongs amongst our group.” Most believe that he will be back soon than later, but for now, the independent wrestling scene has back one of its Fathers. And if you think this is just going to be another run from a talented wrestler–think again. The WWE fired Bryan Danielson for not being “Daniel Bryan” enough, and in all likelihood, Danielson will be forced to wear that masquerade once he returns. So for now, it should be clear what Danielson’s goal is: prove them wrong. With every head kick, every MMA elbow, every Cattle Mutilation, “American Dragon” Bryan Danielson will prove that there is more money and interest in his actual name, in reality itself, than contained in a single syllable of his former and future identity. The wrestling world has its eyes on The Dragon, and he will prove once and for all that you can’t cage a man forever. His first opportunity will come on June 26th in Taylor, Michigan, when “American Dragon” Bryan Danielson will return to Chikara Pro and the independent scene as a whole. And just as he did for nearly a decade before “Daniel Bryan” was ever envisioned…he will make it his bitch.
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“The Kentucky Gentleman” is Not Amused

I’ve been in CHIKARA for almost four years now. I’ve written quite a few blogs for you goober fans out there in the internet world, and yes, these blogs are for you fans. I have my own private blog where I write about my feelings and have awesome lyrics to sad songs and stuff (but like really manly sad stuff.) It seems like all my blogs are getting pretty formulaic…funny line, run down my list of accolades, funny line, say how I will never lose, rinse and repeat. Well guess what – I do lose. Here, lately, it’s seeming to happen more and more often.
Johnny Gargoochi, I saw you sitting in the aisle on Night 2 of King of Trios, rocking that super-sweet F.I.S.T. shirt. And yes, I lost to a dirty, cheating Japonesey. Now, through the magic of Facebook, (remember when it was just for college kids?) I saw what you said about F.I.S.T. having a weak link. Using my Sherlock Holmes-esque powers of deduction I’m willing to bet you think that weak link is me, The Kentucky Gentleman.
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I noticed you weren’t at Night 3. If you were, you would’ve seen what I did to another man who underestimated me, El Oriental. In what many people are calling the Match of the Year, I made him tap out in the center of the ring (maybe it was a little left of the center, but still,) as I got back on the winning track.
So, Mr. Gargoochi. Let me make it really easy for you. Real formulaic. Young Lions Cup champion. Rey de Voladores. King of Trios. Most beautiful man in Western Kentucky award. I don’t think I like your face. Beat La Oriental. I will never lose. That’s basically my bio right there. Gargoochi, keep your contract-signing-hands out of F.I.S.T. business, and stay in Ohio with all the other people no one likes.
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Yours truly, The Kentucky Gentleman,
– Chuck Taylor

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Chikarasaurus Rex: King of Show

“Chikarasaurus Rex” is a little over a month away and it’s already shaping up to be a must-see show. You can expect full write-ups on all new matches right here in this column the week after Chikara’s June shows take place, so for now, you’re getting the updates from me this way. Having already announced two outstanding bouts, a third has come to light, while a fourth has been speculated for some time and has yet to be confirmed. July 24th at The ECW Arena will see Sara Del Rey & Daizee Haze face perhaps the only two women on Earth who intimidate me more: Amazing Kong & Raisha Saeed! The former TNA Knockouts were a potent pair during their time in TNA, and are looking to secure a permanent role in Chikara Pro with a win over the ladies of the BDK. I failed to mention this for some time, hoping that there would be a confirmation of some kind. Since I’m impatient, I’ll just get your damn hopes up. This is a comment made by Jigsaw in reference to how awesome he and partner Mike Quackenbush are: “When two of the pound-for-pound best wrestlers in the world, Masato Yoshino and Naruki Doi, come up to you and say they want to face you to see who is best – you’re impressing all the right people.” So there you go. Quack & Jigsaw vs. Speed Muscle would be great and makes sense in a few different storyline ways. However, I’ll leave you to your own conclusions. When you present facts with opinions, call them all facts, and then tell the viewers to “make up their own minds”…it’s call “pulling a Fox News”. You’ve just been NAILED, you pinhead. *cries for the ratings*
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Young Lions Cup VIII

Though the three-day tournament isn’t until late August, there will still be plenty to report on as “Young Lions Cup VIII” approaches. Inexplicably, former Chikara roster member and one-third of The Roughnecks group Grizzly Redwood has shown up on the Chikara website…in blog form. Here his comments are not only directed at former tag partner Brodie Lee but to Chikara officials as well. “I’ve got something to prove. But before I get to you Big Rig, I’m going to prepare myself by clearing a path. So CHIKARA, go find me the biggest timber in your forest. I’m gonna knock him down.” Well, Chikara has responded, and on the first night of action, Grizz will go up against the mighty Tursas, manhandler of the Bruderschaft! Best of luck to ya, Big Grizz. Also, another participant for the actual tournament has been named. Following the announcements of Lince Dorado & Green Ant, Sugar Dunkerton joins the fray. This is his first full year in Chikara and first appearance in the YLC tournament. Tag partner Dasher Hatfield made his debut in last year’s tourney, so there’s a good chance Sugar could be joined by Dasher this year. With last year’s theme of partner vs. partner going pretty darn well, don’t be surprised to see the concept reemerge again this year. You can expect full write-ups on all announced competitors and matches right here in this column the week after “Chikarasaurus Rex” takes place!
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It started as all great love stories start: a vicious kidnapping and hypnosis with a mystical artifact. Though he was but a lowly slave, UltraMantis Black grew to love the drooling, violent Delirious that had been bred from using the Eye of Tyr to control his mind. Mantis called him his “Perfect Weapon”. Delirious called him, “¡$%&*%^@!”. It was their thing. Alas, it was not to be. As UltraMantis felt the warm embrace of Chikara supremacy, the Bruderschaft leader known as Ares snatched it away by unleashing Delirious from his captivity and costing Mantis the Campeonatos de Parejas. Ares and his BDK originally came to Chikara in search of the Eye of Tyr that Mantis had no right to possess. They used trickery and cruelty to get it back, and Ares used the Eye of Tyr to free Delirious…or so we thought. UltraMantis, sick of being preyed upon by the BDK, challenged Ares to a match. When Ares showed up to face Mantis, his new pet was enough to distract UltraMantis and notch another victory for the Bruderschaft over the fallen leader of The Neo Solar Temple. His new pet was Delirious. Ares didn’t free him…he just altered who commands him. Now the two former allies will come face to face where UltraMantis will do whatever it takes to get his friend back. And with a little bit of luck, if the rumors are true, he just might succeed…or face his own demise.
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So I’ve already overloaded you with enough exaggeration as it is, so I’ll keep this fact-heavy. FACT: Eddie Kingston and Bryan Danielson have been in the same ring before; what’s more, they were across the ring from each other in the very first match “American Dragon” had in Chikara. On the first night of the 2009 King of Trios, Danielson, as a member of the super group Team Uppercut lead by fan favorite Claudio Castagnoli, stood and opposed Kingston, a member of The Roughnecks and one of the company’s biggest heels, in the tournament’s opening round. Danielson would submit Grizzly Redwood and Team Uppercut advanced. FACT: A lot has changed since then. Bryan’s Uppercut teammate, Claudio Castagnoli, is one of the leaders of the Bruderschaft, a group hell-bent on controlling every aspect of Chikara. Kingston, a long-time receiver of boos, has become an unlikely general in the fight to save the company. At one time, Kingston was infuriated at stars like Jigsaw & Hallowicked because they seemed to always get themselves Dream Matches. Well, this will be Kingston’s second of the year, and in consecutive shows! The first, against Tommy Dreamer, saw the aforementioned Claudio and his BDK cohorts interfere unwarranted, just to further mess with Eddie Kingston. It would surprise no one to see Claudio approach his friend Danielson at some point in the night, perhaps during his match. FACT: Kingston and Danielson both have something to prove. Having beaten veterans Christopher Daniels and Gran Akuma this year, Eddie’s time to prove he deserves a spot in the upper echelon of indy wrestlers is now. Danielson, coming from the WWE, must prove the diabolical company’s ruthless firing hasn’t taken his edge away. FACT: It hasn’t. FACT: This match will be awesome. FACT: Kingston and Danielson both have something in common. Like the rare “American Dragon”, Kingston is “The Last of a Dying Breed”. FACT: That was funny and (woo woo woo) you know it. FACT: I’m not even a little sorry for that.
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In a CLASH Showcase Match, GQ & Tommy Treznik will take on Cameron Skyy & J. Miller. Now, I don’t know a damn thing about any of these guys, so I’ll just reiterate what I said about showcase matches in my write-up of DGUSA’s Canada debut shows. Back in 2006, Dragon Gate put six of their best guys in a ROH ring and became the talk of the wrestling word the next day. Lethal Wrestling Alliance threw four guys into the ring during Chikara’s King of Trios 2009, and they were booed out of the arena & met with “Don’t Come Back” chants. There’s a lot of pressure on guys who have to not only represent themselves, but an entire company. Some rise to the occasion, some work for the Lethal Wrestling Alliance. It’s a risky endeavor that can pay off in the future or bury your company’s reputation…*ominous voice*…FOREVER. Good luck to all four guys.
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We Must Eat Michigan’s Brain ~ Saturday, June 26th ~ Taylor, MI

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8. Six-Man Main Event: Acid Jaz, Marshe Rockett & Willie “Da Bomb” Richardson vs. Ares, Tursas & Claudio Castagnoli
7. Eight-Man Tag: Equinox, Helios & 3.0 vs. Icarus, STIGMA, Chuck Taylor & Vin Gerard
6. Chikara Dream Match: Bryan Danielson vs. Eddie Kingston
5. Young Lions Cup: Tim Donst© vs. Frightmare
4. The Osirian Portal vs. Lince Dorado & Pinkie Sanchez
3. Super Smash Brothers vs. Fire & Soldier Ant
2. Best Friends Forever?: UltraMantis Black vs. Delirious
1. CLASH Showcase: GQ & Tommy Treznik vs. Cameron Skyy & J. Miller

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The first time these two teams met, they had a fantastic match that caught many Chikara fans off guard. Even more surprising was the reaction of Vin Gerard & STIGMA after they lost. During the match, Amasis injured himself, but with partner Ophidian’s help, they were still able to secure the victory. Afterwards, Gerard told both men good luck in their quest for a title shot and STIGMA…shook their hands. These displays of kindness have become more common for the UnStable pair as they attempt to “go straight”. This does not sit well with The UnStable’s third member, Colin Delaney. He interfered on Vin’s behalf in a singles match against Amasis, after which Gerard looked irate when he found out how he had won. Now, with Colin Delaney barred from ringside, the four men will lock-up once again. But the struggle between Gerard & Delaney seems to be worsening, judging from this portion of Vin’s recent Chikara blog post aimed at Colin: “Cibernetico Begins was the first chance I had to see your true colors. About who you look out for, and who comes first. Think I forgot? In Pottsville, at A World of Comforting Illusions, you couldn’t just sit there and do your job at Commentation Station. No, not you, you just had to open your mouth…am I surprised? King of Trios 2010 was our chance to turn things around…OUR chance, to turn things around!!! Your chance to drop the ball, and I couldn’t help but laugh in your face. My match with Amasis at Aniversario Elf, I told you to let ME take care of things, regardless of what happened. Who knew I could trust a snake over you? June 27th in Cleveland, OH is a BIG deal to The UnStable. And you’re not. Fair warning: If I see your face while STIGMA and I are taking on The Osirian Portal, there’s going to be a problem.”
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Faded Scars and Lines ~ Sunday, June 27th ~ Cleveland, OH

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8. Campeonatos de Parejas: Claudio Castagnoli & Ares© vs. Helios & Equinox

7. For the Good of Mankind: Eddie Kingston vs. Tim Donst

6. Delaney Barred From Ringside: The Osirian Portal vs. Vin Gerard & STIGMA

5. Definitely a Grudge Match: Mike Quackenbush & Frightmare vs. Lince Dorado & Pinkie Sanchez

4. Player Dos vs. Tursas

3. Not Quite a Grudge Match: Icarus & Chuck Taylor vs. 3.0

2. Player Uno vs. Johnny Gargano

1. Way Too Low on the Card: The Colony vs. Da Soul Touchaz

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– I know I promised you the TOP TEN Chikara Themes on the podcast I did, but I couldn’t track down every song I needed, so you’ll have to wait until next Sunday or early Monday, where you’ll also get the full results for that weekend’s two big shows. I’VE STILL NEVER RECEIVED A THANK YOU. Whatever. Ungrateful punks…
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– Please leave any comments or questions you might have and I’ll do my best to respond with as much colloquial Irish gossip as I can conjure. I’d like to do a contest or something cool like that, but I’m not sure how much interest there’d be. Let you voice be heard! Also, let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see in the column, like fantasy booking, treasure hunts, wish-lists, secret handshakes, etc.
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