Everybody’s Got Something To Hide (Except Me And CHIKARMY Insider)

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CHIKARMY Insider is baaaaack! After a brief, self-imposed hiatus due to legal action stemming for some suggestive texts I received from a certain Vikings quarterback, I’m back to bring you some much-needed coverage of Chikara's two upcoming events: The Dark Ciberknetico in Easton next Saturday and Rendezvous at Big Gulch in Hamden next Sunday. Next week’s column will feature the results of these two huge shows, but this week it’s all about HYPE. The Dark Ciberknetico will change the face of Chikara forever…just like Hogan did with TNA! Wait…like all those live specials did for TNA! Hmmm…like…boy, TNA is still pretty crappy, huh? Well, I can guarantee these shows will be humongous. Like, Matt Hardy humongous. Haha, get it? He’s a mediocre wrestler…AND HE’S JOINING TNA! Let the good times roll!

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For the most part, you could guess who the Bruderschaft des Kreuzes would field on their Cibernetico squad. They’ve got nine wrestling members and only eight slots in the match. Hyper calculus this ain’t. Ares, Claudio Castagnoli & Tursas, this year’s King of Trios winners, were shoe-ins. Reigning Cibernetico winner Pinkie Sanchez? Check. Former Young Lions Cup champion Tim Donst? You betcha. Sara Del Rey & Daizee Haze, the team that cost QuackenSaw a shot at the gold? Of course. The final member, Delirious, has been a force for the BDK, leading to quick early pinfalls in all of their title defenses so far. The team that would oppose them, lead by UltraMantis Black, would be a bit trickier. After recruiting Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw to the squad as well as rudos STIGMA and Icarus, it was clear he wanted a team composed of those who have been in Chikara longest. Things got tricky as Eddie Kingston volunteered his services and Hallowicked ignored requests from Mantis for his. Black rejected Kingston, saying, “It is my opinion that this man cannot be trusted and lacks the dedication, stability and loyalty that are needed to defeat the Bruderschaft. I for one would not want a loose cannon amok on this battleground, and I'm sure the others that have pledged their support feel much as I do.” After another failed bid for Hallowicked’s help, UltraMantis turned to a man he knew could get through. “There are very few people in this world who have been able to make any sort of connection with Hallowicked – Mike Quackenbush is one of them. Mr. Mike, you know just as well as I the importance of assembling the perfect Cibernetico team. In my eyes, this team will be incomplete with the absence of an Original. The first Young Lions Cup champion…my former partner, Hallowicked. If CHIKARA truly means as much to you as you say it does, then I implore you to use your influence to secure the services of this dark warrior.” Quackenbush wasted no time in issuing his ultimatum. “I've teamed with Hallowicked in all kinds of matches over the years – we've even held a few tag team titles together, outside of CHIKARA. I'm proud to tell people that I trained him…because he exemplifies what CHIKARA is all about, in spirit and in execution. Like you, I think this team needs him, but I also know our team needs Eddie Kingston. There's only so many of us “Gen 1” types around anymore. The Allentown Boys, as they say. So you've signed up complete jerks like Icarus or wastes-of-oxygen like STIGMA. Good for you. Can't wait to see their mugs on the same side of the ring as Jigsaw and I come October 23rd. Can't. Wait. So, let this marinate a bit. I'll talk to Hallowicked. He'll listen to me. But it's no easy chore to ask a man to ignore all those years of history and hatred – all that bad blood that dates back to the Dark Breed. So, if you want me to bring him to the fight in Easton, you better put Kingston's name on your list as well. That's the deal. You want Hallowicked? You're going to have take Kingston to get him.” As you can clearly deduce, Mantis accepted Quack’s offer. As for the eight member of this volatile gathering of the Originals, Mantis has left clues to the identity of the person he plans to ask, saying he needs, “one more fighter with the necessary skills, heart, and background to join our elite squad. Someone who can be not just a physical force, but a psychological and spiritual one as well. Perhaps there is one man or woman whose history not only gives them reason to defend CHIKARA, but whose same history owes them a measure of revenge against certain elements of the BDK. Time will tell.” Now, as both squads wait to introduce their desired line-ups for the match, the question lingers: can this brethren of Chikara Factory products, just for one night, come together to beat the Bruderschaft, putting aside personal differences and bitter vendettas to overthrow hypocrisy? The answer may lie with the eighth man. If they ban together, if they agree to work towards cleansing Chikara of its German infestation…this team will be unstoppable. Ain’t no doubt about it.

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When I first saw this match announced, I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Cheech Hernandez, best known in his tag team with Cloudy, has followed a well-walked path in independent wrestling. Cheech & Cloudy built strong reputations as fun & innovative tag team wrestlers. They worked Ring of Honor, Combat Zone Wrestling & Chikara Pro in the early stages of their career. They had some amazing matches in Chikara & CZW, both as a team and facing one another. They got bigger and better with each victory and have reached ROH once again, this time looking for gold. Titles and championships have eluded Cheech his entire career, his biggest highlights being half of the last IWA Mid-South Tag Team Champions and not contracting a life-threatening venereal disease while in the IWA-MS locker room. However, Cheech has made only solo appearances in Chikara this year. Like Aries & Strong, Generico & Steen, Jacobs & Black and even Punk & Cabana, history has proved that strong independent tag teams can produce equally strong singles competitors. This may seem like Johnny Gargano’s big chance to prove himself against a Chikara veteran as a member of F.I.S.T., but he’s already got The Golden Opportunity from his win in The Countdown Showdown. He’s still on the roster, unlike Hernandez. A win here for Gargano would surprise no one. A win for Cheech could mean momentum, a title shot, and his spot back on the Chikara roster. A loss, well…he’s still got Cloudy.

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I, uh…whatever. Ophidian is awesome. Dragon Yuki, in the little I’ve seen of him, was not impressive. In most cases, dragon beats snake. In this case, unless a light fixture falls on the reptilian half of The Osirian Portal, I see this going but one way: victory for the reigning Rey de Voladores.

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Before Dasher Hatfield appeared in The Countdown Showdown at YLCVIII: Night 3, “The Old Timey King of Swing” hadn’t appeared in a Chikara ring since May. Sidelined with a bad ankle sprain, Hatfield was forced to miss this year’s YLC, having to watch partner Sugar Dunkerton compete instead. Sugar lost in the very first round, most likely due to the crippling depression felt due to him being without his bestest partner. You’ve felt it. I’ve felt it. THE WORLD HAS FELT IT. The good news? Dasher makes his full return to Chikara at Ciberknetico. The bad news? His first match back will pit him against “Big Rig” Brodie Lee. Like Dasher, Brodie spent a long chunk of time this year out of Chikara. Unlike Hatfield, it wasn’t due to injury. Brodie has been a force in both EVOLVE & Dragon Gate USA this year, finally breaking out after a failed run in Ring of Honor as a member of The Age of the Fall. It seems Lee has learned his lesson, as he has shown little desire to do anything but fight as a lone wolf. As Grizzly Redwood stalks Brodie seeking revenge for ending their partnership, Lee looks to maintain his dominance in Chikara, continuing to prove that he doesn’t need friends, allies or acquaintances to be successful.

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It was all wrapped up with a bow on top and a sticker that read “Merry Christmas, Lince Dorado”. He beat a hand-picked opponent to reach Young Lions Cup VIII’s Eliminator where he managed to best an exhausted and beaten Ophidian to gain entry into the tournament finals. There, he faced a man that he’s not only beaten before but he also had BDK referee Derek Sabato overseeing the affair. With all of that working in Lince’s favor, winning the Young Lions Cup seemed all too easy. Turns out, it was. Frightmare managed to overcome incredible odds to win the cup for Chikara Pro. Now, Lince has another shot at redeeming himself. Left off the Bruderschaft’s team for Ciberknetico, Dorado will look to prove that Frightmare’s win was a fluke. He has at least one BDK member behind him. “For this entire season of CHIKARA, I’ve fought tooth and nail to make a name for myself in this crazy sport,” said former YLC champion Tin Donst on the Chikara Blog. “Between the epic interview segments, the memorable bouts and formation of the Bruderschaft, I’d say I far surpassed my goals. But nothing, not even schooling Daniel Bryan on the mat, has come close to the feeling of winning the Young Lions Cup. On January 31, 2010 the YLC finally got “A Touch of Class” when the Mat Master beat Player Dos. After 3 Years of training and paying my dues, and another 3 of playing puppet to all you Tim Donst wannabes – I did it. Not only have I left my mark, but without a doubt I’ve cemented myself as the greatest YLC champion of all time. I gained a feeling of pride, self worth and a whole lot of confidence that's allowed me to become Top Shelf. I want you to have that same feeling, Lince. Dieter VonSteigerwalt hand-picked you to represent us in the 8th annual Young Lions Cup tournament. You're the 10-10-10! The Sultan of the Shooting Star Press! And the next of the BDK in line for the YLC. Who’s Frightmare, Lince? A ragdoll? A little freak? A fluke? He may have the 1st YLC champ as his moral support and backbone, but you got the last, you got the best – me! At the tournament, you dropped the ball (even when things were neatly arranged, if you don't mind me saying.) But in Easton, I’ll be your super glue, Lince! On October 23rd, you're winning that trophy. On October 23rd, the Cup comes back to the BDK. I guarantee it!”

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No team has challenged for the Campeonatos de Parejas

more than Amasis & Ophidian, The Osirian Portal. Their first shot came in 2008 against Hallowicked & Delirious where they lost in straight falls. The inexperienced team lost in two straight falls. Their second attempt at Chikara gold also came in 2008, this time again Player Uno & Player Dos in the Super Smash Brothers first defense of the belts. The Portal shocked the Chikaraverse by besting the SSB and capturing the titles. They would hold the straps for almost a year, losing them to Fire & Soldier Ant at the much lauded show Hiding in Plain Sight. Only two months later, The Portal would make their third ever challenge at the belts in a rematch with The Colony. In the main event of the season finale show, Amasis & Ophidian came up short. Immediately after the match, the infamous Man in White appeared, calling out UltraMantis. Quack, Claudio, & the entire locker room emptied. They had a front row seat to the birth of the Bruderschaft des Kreuzes. Now, they will attempt to cripple them when they make their fourth challenge for the Chikara tag titles against BDK leaders Claudio Castagnoli & Ares just one night removed from The Dark Ciberknetico. By now, we know what to expect: Delirious will be out to do early damage and the BDK will look to gain an early lead. That’s the key to beating the BDK: their efficiency and remorselessness is effective but predictable. If The Portal can survive the opening onslaught, they’ll have a much better shot at winning the Campeonatos. If not, they could, like 3.0 and Incoherence before them, become just another defense.

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Though Ophidian’s contest with Dragon Yuki offers little interest to me, his match with Lince Dorado is a bit more intriguing. Dorado is already in the doghouse of Claudio & Ares for his recent losses, the biggest of which was losing in the finals of the Young Lions Cup VIII tournament. That win ensured that the BDK would not go undefeated in tournaments this year’s and gave the Chikara locker room a lot of needed momentum. Dorado can redeem himself by beating Frightmare for the title the previous night. However, if he fails to do so, a second loss to Yuki at the following show could push him out of the group entirely if they decide he’s a lost cause. Just look at what happened to Jakob Hammermeier. After the BDK won King of Trios and they were walking up the ramp, they were to pose for pictures. Jakob was distracted arguing with fans and had to be dragged into position. One month later, when Jakob was caught in the clutches of Tommy Dreamer & Eddie Kingston, no one came to save him. The Bruderschaft will forget you as quickly as they pat you on the back. They are in the business of winning, not in acting like a family. That’s an advantage Chikara will look to take in the future. For this match, innocent as it may seem, a loss could be a coffin nail for Lince Dorado.

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It took an entire year for Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw to collect two points towards a title shot. It took three seconds to lose them. After getting big wins over Bryan Danielson & Claudio Castagnoli last year and The Young Bucks this year, QuackenSaw were well on their way to three points and a title shot. Daizee Haze & Sara Del Rey stood in their way, along with BDK referee Derek Sabato. The team was robbed after several slow counts for them and a fast count to beat them. Sabato had cost them a shot at the tag belts. Now, they must start all over. Having one point already from a match against The House of Truth, Quack & Jig will go for number two again another BDK duo: the erratic Pinkie Sanchez and the monstrous Tursas. Like Haze & Del Rey before them, Pinkie & Tursas will attempt to block a dangerous team like QuackenSaw from getting anywhere near a title shot against stablemates Claudio Castagnoli & Tursas.

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A night after grappling with Brodie Lee, Dasher Hatfield will contender with the other half of the former Roughnecks in Grizzly Redwood. Of the two Roughnecks, Grizz is obviously the much easier pill to swallow. However, he’s proved that you can’t just measure a man’s size without measuring the size of his heart, too. Though he lost to Tursas on Night 2 of YLCVIII, he eliminated Brodie from The Countdown Showdown the night after, proving to Brodie what he’s been saying all along: Brodie was wrong to turn on Grizzly and end their partnership. Hatfield will be looking to go on a win streak before heading off to tour Osaka Pro in Japan. But if Dasher does manage to beat Brodie the night before, you can expect Grizzly to be extra motivated to beat Hatfield here. Grizzly will not rest until he gets his hands on “Big Rig”. A win over Dasher would bring him one step closer.

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Johnny Gargano has been tagging with F.I.S.T. partner Chuck Taylor around the indys as of late, gaining some much needed experience with his new bestest buddy. In Hamden, “The Whole Shebang” will team with Icarus for the first time without Taylor around to buddy up with. Ick can be a very divisive person, and depending on how the Cibernetico match goes the night before, he could be in a very weird place. It doesn’t make it any easier that their opponents are two of Chikara’s best: Hallowicked & Frightmare. Gargano low-blowed Frightmare in the Night 1 Eliminator of YLCVIII to get himself disqualified. However, he would win The Countdown Showdown only two nights later and earn a mysterious opportunity that has yet to be elaborated on by Chikara officials. It could be for a future YLC title shot. It could be for a long hug from Dave Coulier. It’s in Gargano’s best interest to pin Frightmare and perhaps earn himself a future title shot against the current Cup holder…that is, if Frightmare even makes it out of The Dark Ciberknetico with the title…

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In a wild case of life imitating art, The UnStable were shaken to their core after Colin Delaney turned on stablemates Vin Gerard & STIGMA to reunite with his brother, Jimmy Olsen. Jimmy threw down the Equinox mask that he held so dear, “Toxic” blared on the speakers and The Olsen Twins were once again whole. Jimmy explained the situation in his own words on the Chikara Blog: “Colin was right when he came back. I had gotten soft…weak. I had forgotten who I was – I was a guy at the end of my rope. But what a difference a few years, a Young Lions Cup, and “Equinox” can make. JIMMY'S got his groove back. I know exactly who I am, and that's an OLSEN. I don't need a mask for confidence, because blood is thicker than…a mask. Ok sorry, I don't know where I was going with that – “Tearin' Up My Heart” just came on the radio, things got crazy. But the point is, the tassels are getting combed out and The Olsen Twins are back~! The first order of business: The UnStable. This all began with you, Vin Gerard, so it is only fitting that it ends with you. So, what do you say we do just that on October 24th when CHIKARA comes to Hamden? Vin, you were the big guy on campus for awhile but in a few weeks time we'll see just who has gotten weak. Hamden, I hope you're ready for this. UnStable, you're getting it either way.” So all seems on the level…or does it? This whole mess started with deception from The UnStable; are they lying to the world again? Is this another joke? Would they sacrifice a trios victory like they did against The Future Is Now considering that, since they lost in the first round of this year’s King of Trios, their spot in next year’s tourney is not guaranteed? Why are The Olsens not reunited on the Chikara Roster page? As has been the case for a long time with The UnStable, only time will tell the truth…and even then, it may not be the WHOLE truth.

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This match was supposed to take place earlier this year but was scrapped to make way for some Daniel Danielson cat. Whatever. I heard he’s on The Real World now or something, but this match is finally back on! Eddie Kingston versus Tim Donst is Chikara Pro’s version of wrestling rubbernecking: no matter how you feel about the company, most independent wrestling fans have either seen or heard of the legendary beatings “The Last of a Dying Breed” has laid on young Donst. It is a perverse and devilish pleasure that wrestling fans eagerly partake of, and the contests can aptly be likened to a one-sided car crash. Make no mistake about it: Tim Donst owes Eddie Kingston a world of thanks for delivering that whooping and making a high school kid the talk of the independent world for a brief amount of time. To be fair, it just put Donst in the driver’s seat…it was Donst himself who drove that car to success, as he is a former Young Lions Cup champion, the greatest YLC champ ever according to “Kapitän Amerika” himself. However, the first two beatings that Kingston delivered were without direct motivation. Eddie Kingston destroyed Tim Donst because…he’s Eddie Kingston. It’s what he does. Eddie has had a rough year thanks to the BDK: a loss to Tursas thanks to Claudio interference, a loss to Lince Dorado due to blatant cheating, and the Bruderschaft even interfered on his match against one of his idols, Tommy Dreamer, for no real reason at all other than to screw with him. But in facing Donst, he may have found a release for all that angers him…or he may just find more frustration. Tim Donst does not wear a mask. He is not four hundred pounds. Kingston feels no pressure in facing him. All the pitfalls that befuddled “God’s Middle Child” in his previous BDK encounters have evaporated. It’s just going to be Eddie vs. Tim. And like the two times before, you can expect purple necks, wobbly knees and a loss of conscience. Whether that once again describes Donst or perhaps a beaten Kingston may rest on whether Claudio Castagnoli and the BDK decided to come together and ruin Kingston’s life once again.

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Please leave any comments or questions you might have and I’ll do my best to respond with as much ravenous Portuguese dirty talk as I can conjure. I’d like to do a contest or something cool like that, but I’m not sure how much interest there’d be. Let your voice be heard! Also, let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see in the column, like fantasy booking, treasure hunts, wish-lists, secret handshakes, etc.

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