CHIKARMY Insider Came in Through the Bathroom Window! (Full Season Finale Results)

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CHIKARMY Insider is here to bring you all the big happenings from the season nine finale of Chikara Pro. There was plenty of high drama as the hooded figure revealed himself, Kingston ran rampant throughout the show, Grizzly Redwood got himself some lumber and the tag titles were put on the line in a spectacular main event as champions Claudio Castagnoli & Ares took on challengers Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw! All credit for these results go to Mushroom Jones on Twitter, several others who tweeted live and those who posted info and photos on Chikara101. As usual, I provide my own thoughts as well. Sit back and…damn it, what is that?! Something in my room keeps popping like an empty coke bottle and it’s freaking me out! We’ve already got serious gusting wind here and I just watched Human Centipede on Netflix. I thought it was one of those high-production British nature documentaries. It wasn’t. I’ll never eat a Snickers again.
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1. Chikara vs. BDK #1: The Osirian Portal & Jonathan Gresham d. Pinkie Sanchez, Lince Dorado & Delirious (11:30). A 450 Splash from Amasis puts down Sanchez and this Bruderschaft trio. Lucky for Pinkie & Lince that this was made into a six-man, as they did not have to put their two points on the line. It was described as an impressive debut for Gresham. For Amasis & Ophidian, perhaps their quest for a third member has ended.
~ After the match Pinkie Sanchez is acting bizarrely in the ring, looking very frustrated. Eddie Kingston comes out and obliterates him with a Backfist to the Future. The BDK comes running out to attack Kingston. Director of Fun Dieter VonSteigerwalt also emerges and says that King’s match with Tursas starts NOW!
2. Chikara vs. BDK #2: Eddie Kingston d. Tursas (5:27). Despite the odds, “The Last of a Dying Breed” puts down Tursas for the second time this year, pinning him with a huge Backdrop Driver. That implies that he lifted Tursas…off the ground. That’s awesome. Since King of Trios, Kingston has been undefeated against everyone except Claudio, Ares and that Daniel Bryan fellow.
3. Chikara vs. BDK #3: Tim Donst d. Jimmy Olsen (7:47). With help from BDK referee Derek Sabato, Tim Donst gets the victory over Jimmy Olsen with the Inverted CHIKARA Special, his fifth victory over a former YLC holder in three months. At final count, Tim Donst bested EIGHT past and current Young Lions Cup holders this season, which is damn impressive. Jimmy Olsen hasn’t won a singles match in Chikara since he beat his brother Colin back in April of 2009 in what would be his final defense of the Young Lions Cup.
4. Grudge Rematch: Hallowicked d. UltraMantis Black (7:44). In a rematch from Through Savage Progress Cuts the Jungle Line, Hallowicked gets his win back via small package. Coincidentally, that was also the last time that Mantis won a match, going winless the past three months.
~ Afterwards UltraMantis Black demands answers about what happened to him back at The Germans, when his druids revealed themselves to be Obariyon & Kodama and turned their backs on him at the beckon of another hooded man. Obariyon, Kodama, the hooded man and yet another masked villain come out. This fellow is quite diminutive. The leader takes off his hood and…it’s Sinn Bodhi AKA Kizarny! What the hell?!?! Apparently, it was Bodhi who put together the dark army for UltraMantis and he is seeking what he was promised as payment: The Eye of Tyr! Either Mantis thought he’d have stolen it back from the Bruderschaft by now or he’s just an idiot. Regardless, Mantis does not have it. All four men beat down UltraMantis as Hallowicked walks away. Frightmare runs out and pleads with Hallowicked to make the save…and he does! Incoherence runs off the quartet to aid Mantis!
5. Chikara vs. BDK #4: Fire Ant & Soldier Ant d. Sara Del Rey & Daizee Haze (5:00). The Colony are once again back to their winning ways. Match ended quickly as Daizee’s nose was badly bloodied. Yikes. This is the BDK’s third loss today out of four matches. Only Tim Donst was victorious. This is also Fire & Soldier Ant’s first time in a straight tag together since We Must Eat Michigan’s Brain in June where they beat the Super Smash Brothers. So The Colony, along with Pinkie & Lince and Obariyon & Kodama, hold two points.
6. Old-School Brawl: Dasher Hatfield & Sugar Dunkerton d. Brodie Lee & Grizzly Redwood (10:03). An inside cradle from Dasher after a powerbomb by Grizzly gives The Throwbacks the win over the Roughnecks…but the fight is still raging on! Grizzly lays out both Dasher & Sugar with a baseball bat, which he keeps as a trophy.
7. An UnStable Collision: Colin Delaney Olsen d. Vin Gerard (10:17). In a back-and-forth match, Colin was able to upend Vin with something referred to as a “snap Frankensteiner” on Twitter and a “Short Huracanrana” on Chikara’s site. I’m not quite sure what that is…maybe that rana Jimmy uses where the opponent’s on their knees? I always called that a “baby” move, like Gargano does a Baby Ace Crusher. Perhaps a baby getting caught with a diamond cutter conjures too grisly a mental picture for family-friendly audiences. Here’s a fun fact: since returning to Chikara at 2008’s La Lotería Letal, Colin has had exactly two non-tournament matches that didn’t involve Vin Gerard, STIGMA or his brother. Even funner fact: with this win, Delaney becomes only the second person to beat Gerard in a singles match since losing his Young Lions Cup in a Ladder Match against Jimmy Olsen back at Revelation X. The likes of Glacier, Ryuichi Kawakami and Claudio Castagnoli couldn’t pull that off.
~ Dieter VonSteigerwalt and Executive Auditor Wink Vavasseur come down and have a little conversation about who will be the referee for the match. It is decided that it will be……Bryce Remsburg! The Bruderschaft comes together and tries to formulate a new plan, but Eddie Kingston runs down and takes out Delirious! Looks like it’s (finally) going to be straight two on two championship match!
8. Campeonatos de Parejas: Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw d. Claudio Castagnoli & Ares© (19:37). The first fall goes to Quackenbush & Jigsaw as Quack pins Claudio with the inescapable, Fabulous Moolah-invented Alligator Clutch, which last made an appearance at Hiding in Plain Sight on Bryan Danielson, who also failed to escape it. Because…it’s inescapable. (EDIT: Mike Quackenbush was kind enough to drop some knowledge on me. It was Mildred Burke who invented the Alligator Clutch. Moolah did, however, invent and popularize the shooting star press. Wait, that might’ve been Liger……nah, it was Moolah.) That also just happened to be the show that The Colony won the titles, the team that the BDK would take the belts from. See what I did? Life’s a wheel, folks. Life’s a wheel. Immediately after the pinfall, the entire tecnico locker room empties and surrounds the ring to show their support for QuackenSaw! In a moment of desperation, Claudio drills Bryce, taking him out of the match! Sabato takes his place and forces Quack’s hand down while Claudio has him in the Inverted CHIKARA Special, evening the falls at one a piece. Bryce is back up! He decks Derek Sabato! JIG N’ TONIC ON ARES! NEW CHAMPIONS! The locker room celebrates as Claudio and Ares are finally defeated! A lot of records were both set and prevented in this match. This is Mike Quackenbush’s first title win in Chikara. Jigsaw becomes the first man to win the Young Lions Cup, Torneo Cibernetico, King of Trios and Campeonatos de Parejas. This was the BDK’s first defense of the belts anywhere in Pennsylvania. Their four successful defenses of the titles, while one short of the record held by Incoherence, were held in four different states, which is a record. Claudio’s second reign as tag champ lasted three days longer than his first, good for fourth longest in company history.
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Overall Thoughts

Well gosh, where do I begin? How ‘bout this whole Sinn Bodhi situation, which is already garnering some serious heat from the stone chuckers who occupy the now ironically-named ChikaraFans. I, for one, was beyond surprised when I read that he was the hooded man. The brief experience I had watching Bodhi on WWE television was, at best, perplexing. However, he wasn’t a bad worker and seems to employ his gimmick with a lot of confidence. This could work and could just as easily blow up in Chikara’s face. I believe I may have said similar things about turning Dorado heel, pushing Death Haze as a legitimate tag team and having the BDK win King of Trios…and every one of those things turned out to be great moves. The main event sounds like must-see drama, the feud between the Roughnecks and the Throwbacks is already sounding better than the feud between the UnStable and the Olsens, Tim Donst continues to grow as a wrestler and there may just be a Dark Breed reunion in the near future. Chikara ended its year on a high-note with the tag switch. They may not have wrapped a damn thing up, but they did even better in my book: added a fresh, potentially explosive new faction into Chikara to fight with UltraMantis Black. Sound familiar? As always, I’m gonna get this show the moment it hits Smart Mark, and I’d advise all Chikara fans to do the same.
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– Please leave any comments or questions you might have and I’ll do my best to respond with as many creepy Romanian incantations as I can conjure. I’d like to do a contest or something cool like that, but I’m not sure how much interest there’d be. Let your voice be heard! Also, let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see in the column, like fantasy booking, treasure hunts, wish-lists, secret handshakes, etc.

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