And When the CHIKARMY Insider Was Opened! (Season Premiere Updates & More)

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I wrote another CHIKARMY Insider, but a stray dog ate it. I had to follow him around for days to get it back, piece by piece. Then, I left it on my car and drove off. I had to backtrack 40 miles only to find that a homeless man had come along and rewritten a lot of it. When I stopped for gas, someone stole my car and I was once again without the column. Dejected and cold, I walked the other 17 miles home. When I got there, I remembered that I had saved it in Word, sans header of course. So…WHEW! That was a close one. Anyway, there’s a bunch more updates and all of the matches from next week’s premiere show have been announced. Go read it already.

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Updated List of Upcoming Chikara Shows!

• Chaos in the Sea of Lost Souls – Sunday, January 23rd – Philadelphia, PA
• Caught in a Cauldron of Hate – Saturday, February 19th – Reading, PA
• Clutch of Doom – Sunday, February 20th – Easton, PA
• Operation Big Freeze – Saturday, March 12th – Williamsport, PA
• Creatures from the Tar Swamp – Sunday, March 13th – Brooklyn, NY
• King of Trios 2011 – April 15th, 16th and 17th – Philadelphia, PA
• Engulfed in a Fever of Spite – Saturday, May 14th – Burlington, NC
• Aniversario & His Amazing Friends – Saturday, May 21st – Easton, PA
• Aniversario: The Legendary Super Powers Show – Sunday, May 22nd – Union City, NJ
• The Case of the Bulletproof Waldo – Friday, June 24th – Chicago, IL
• A Demon in His Pocket – Saturday, June 25th – Taylor, MI
• The Evil That Lies Within, Part 4 – Sunday, June 26th – Cleveland, OH

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To All Trained Wrestlers: CHIKARA Wants You!

From the Chikara 101 Board: “Are you an aspiring wrestler? Do you have some training already, or have completed a training curriculum elsewhere, but are looking to expand your horizons at CHIKARA? Maybe the diversity offered by Chikara Wrestle Factory is exactly what you need to get your career to the next level. Maybe the best forum for your talents is on a CHIKARA stage. If this sounds like you, we’d like to hear from you! We’re going to select 20 candidates and screen them the afternoon of February 19th, in Reading, PA. We’re looking to find undiscovered talent, diamonds in the rough, if you will, that have the potential to breakout in 2011, if given the opportunity. If you’d like to be one of these 20 candidates, you need to email us right away at: ChikaraChallenge@aol.com. Last year, we issued an open challenge to fans looking to train for careers in professional wrestling, and the response was overwhelming! However, at that time, we decided it would not be fair to open the challenge up to those with previous, even incomplete pro-wrestling training. So, we came up with this to keep’em separated.”

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A New CHIKARA Card Game Is Due In July!

Also from the Chikara 101 Board: “CHIKARA and Filsinger Games are proud to announce they are teaming up on all-new game featuring the CHIKARA roster! The game is scheduled for release in July, 2011. ‘It’s a match made in game and wrestling heaven,’ said owner Tom Filsinger. ‘Any CHIKARA fan, or in fact any wrestling or game fan, will love it!’ CHIKARA is one of the most popular wrestling organizations in the United States featuring a variety of colorful and exciting wrestlers. The style of CHIKARA is perfectly suited for Filsinger Games, a company that for decades has released popular wrestling games like Champions of the Galaxy and Legends of Wrestling Card Game. The all-CHIKARA game set will be an exciting new venture for both companies. Players will take control of CHIKARA, with a host of the most popular stars at their fingertips. Playing cards will be drawn by artist Werner Mueck. For a sneak peak at the impending new game set have a look HERE.” For more information go to the Filsinger Games website.

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The First Entry Into King of Trios 2011 Is…

F.I.S.T.! In the past, Icarus and Chuck Taylor have had a lot of success in Chikara’s biggest annual tournament, but that was with former member Gran Akuma. Johnny Gargano usurped Akuma’s place in F.I.S.T. and the group is undefeated as a trio since, holding a huge win over Da Soul Touchaz. As we get closer to King of Trios time, you can expect a full write-up on the team to appear in this column!

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Bodhi Warns UltraMantis Of His Impending Doom!

For the first time since debuting at Reality Is Relative in search of the Eye of Tyr, Sinn Bodhi has spoken. On the Chikara Blog, Bodhi made clear that, on January 23rd at the Season Premiere, UltraMantis Black has quite a lot coming to him. “All of the strife you have incurred UltraMantis Black, you have done so by your own hand.” The former Kizarny wrote, “You are your own worst enemy and although people call me a masochist I believe you have brought on the worst for yourself in the subconscious efforts of your own undoing…it was you that invited the ‘Warlord of Weird’ – SiNN BODHi – into your life! I promise to NOT let you down as I turn your life into a 3 ring kizarnival!!! You blame me for every tribulation…I take that as weakness, and a pathetic attempt to gain sympathy from the CHIKARA fans that know you are a coward, and a man that cannot be trusted. Whether I am loved or hated for it in the eyes of CHIKARA, I will expose you for the man you really are…just look at what you did to Delirious, after all. You wrote ‘Evidently you’ve never been one to study history, Kizarny, because if you did then you would already know that UltraMantis Black has powers far greater than any mere human mortal – and that includes you. I have already had to learn the hard way that one will always inevitably reap what one sows. It seems that this a harsh lesson that you are now fated to learn as well.’ UltraMantis Black…this quote simply displays your ignorance of life and ignorance of the foe you are about to face! If there is anyone in CHIKARA that possesses power, it is ME! Your dark army, The Batiri, obey ME. Fear me, Mantis, not some Swiss aristocrat or Finnish Viking. Do you think you know darkness? Darkness is where I reside. I bend iron bars in my teeth, I drink boiling water with razorblades and I’m the only man alive – anywhere – that can perform the Human Dart Board both in my back and chest. I consort with the oddities of life, the freaks in this world. And maybe that’s what led you to me. But don’t imagine you can control my destiny. I was kicked out of the WWE – undefeated – for being too dangerous to control! Paradise Lost, “Abashed the UltraMantis stood and felt how evil SiNN BODHi is!!!” You are a wondrous, if not naïve talent and I am looking forward to dissecting you UltraMantis Black, come January 23 in Philly. The Dizevil iz coming for his due…”

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“The Old Timey King of Swing” Is Fuming!

After what Grizzly Redwood did to his bat, Dasher Hatfield is understandably livid with The Roughnecks. From the Chikara Blog: “I have been trying for days now to come up with the words that would express the true anger and frustration I have been feeling since the season finale, and I think I finally found them. At the season finale the Roughnecks crossed a line I do not believe they knew they were crossing. After our victory they decided to sheepishly attack Sugar and I, while our backs were turned. If that was not cowardly enough – they eventually were successful in locating my bat and proceeded taking turns working the two of us over. It was after this when you two abnormally-sized hooligans crossed way over the line and stole something very dear to me…my bat. The anger I felt at the finale was only a fraction of the sadness that soon followed when I saw what you had done to my trusted slugger. I have been around for a long time, and throughout that time friends and bats have come and gone. Sure I have other bats, but that particular bat had been with me from the very start. A gift from my mother – I hit my very first homerun with that bat. I remember it like it was yesterday. Hi Bell was pitching and we were trailing by two. I hit a solo shot to left center to lead off the 9th and we ended up winning the game in extra innings. Throughout the years that bat and I have created more memories than one can imagine. When you stole it from me and proceeded to turn it into a pile of toothpicks you destroyed one of the truest friendships I have had in my many years in this uniform. I come from a sport, in which, if a man breaks the rules he is disciplined with a few games on suspension and/or the docking of his pay. Luckily for me I found a new sport to compete in. And in the sport of Professional Wrestling, when one participant wrongs another participant they simply put them back in the ring and allow them to settle their differences. Roughnecks, you lads best believe that come January 23rd there will be some differences settled. The way I see it, I hold a pin fall over the both of you. Which means this one is certainly not about winning or losing. This one is for the memory of my bat and making sure that it was not destroyed for a lost cause. This one is about making sure you get what you have coming to you. I have vowed to find whatever you hold dear, whether it be your customized suspenders or your Yosemite Sam mud flaps, and I will show you what it is like to lose something you care very much for. Expect some high, hard ones fellas because win, lose, or draw you will not leave Philadelphia without receiving your just dues.”

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“The Band” Will Shake Up CHIKARA In March!

Place this bizarre video in the file under “Stuff I Forgot to Mention”. I think we can all safely assume that this has nothing to do with Kevin Nash, Scott Hall or Sean Waltman. At the very least, we should HOPE it doesn’t. So if it ain’t The Clique coming to Chikara…who is it?

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Though they have been in Chikara for less than half a year, there is already a history between the Obariyon & Kodama and Hallowicked & Frightmare. In only his second match in Chikara, Obariyon was involved in the Night 2 Eliminator of Young Lions Cup VIII. He would eventually lose to Ophidian, missing out on a chance to meet Frightmare in the finals. He would only have to wait to shows though, as he was involved in a four-way elimination tag against the Young Lions Cup champion & Hallowicked. That was also the match that saw the debut of Kodama, though there origins were still a mystery. Once again, The Batiri lost at the hands of the Osirian Portal. However, Incoherence did as well. Since then, both teams have thrived. Frightmare has made four successful defenses of the YLC, Hallowicked was a winner in his third consecutive Golden Dreams Match and The Batiri gained two points towards a title shot. At the Season Finale show, as Sinn Bodhi and his Dark Army laid out UltraMantis Black, Frightmare and Hallowicked came to the rescue. For The Batiri, this is about getting a third point towards a title shot and teaching Incoherence a lesson about who you should be friends with.

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It’s been over two years since Madison Eagles has graced a Chikara ring. Back in late 2008 on Night 1 of The Global Gauntlet, Madison teamed with fellow Eagle, Ryan, and Crossbones in a losing effort against Fire Ant, Soldier Ant and Jessie McKay. Since then, the Australian-born Eagles has grown into one of the most sought after and dominant female wrestlers in the world. On April 11th of last year, Eagles ended the almost two year reign of MsChif to become the SHIMMER Champion. For Daizee Haze, this is yet another high-profile female opponent for her since demanding stronger competition in Chikara. Amazing Kong, Raesha Saeed and Manami Toyota all face off against her in 2010 and all left impressed by her talent, strength and perseverance. But Madison has eight inches on Haze and Daizee is coming back from a nasty broken nose. She demanded competition…and she’s getting it.

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The past three years, Amasis & Ophidian have had some strange partners over the years. They competed in the 2008 King of Trios with Mecha Mummy. They gained a regular third man in Escorpion Egipcio, but he didn’t work out and they failed to capture King of Trios in 2009. Last year, they got stuck with Sara Del Rey. They’ve teamed with Drake Young and Brodie Lee in the past, but they had their own business to attend to and could not become full-time Egyptians. Now, after teaming and winning with Jonathan Gresham against the BDK at Reality Is Relative, they believe they may have found their third man. After going through a series of trials involving walking and talking like a native of Egypt, another video confirmed that Gresham would be going through a transformation of sorts and join the Portal on the Season Finale show. The new triumvirate will face a huge test as they square off against the first team into the 2011 King of Trios tournament, F.I.S.T.! Icarus, Chuck Taylor and Johnny Gargano will look to stay undefeated as a unit and Gresham will try and avoid the fate that befell Mecha Mummy and Escorpion before him.

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Please leave any comments or questions you might have and I’ll do my best to respond with as many creepy Romanian incantations as I can conjure. I’d like to do a contest or something cool like that, but I’m not sure how much interest there’d be. Let your voice be heard! Also, let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see in the column, like fantasy booking, treasure hunts, wish-lists, secret handshakes, etc.

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