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CHIKARMY Insider is finally back! After weeks of no-showing the site like X-Pac at a fundraiser, the best and most humble Chikara column on the web returns with an all-new installment…and unlike like X-Pac, you’ll actually enjoy the work you see! This week, it’s the long overdue detailed results from Chaos in the Sea of Lost Souls, tons of huge updates involving DGUSA, a debuting joshi star and the tease of a new Chikara title and a compete rundown of the February shows that are only two weeks away. So enjoy it, Chikara fans! And for you X-Pac fans out there, I’ve already called the authorities and they’re on their way. That straight-jacket will be back on you in no time. Trust me, it’s for your own good.
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~ The very first Preshow-A-Go-Go went live with Keith Lipinski as our palpably-nervous host along with sporadic but enthusiastic appearances from Steve “The Sharp-Dressed Turtle” Weiner. A number was posted that allowed fans to call and talk LIVE to the stars of CHIKARA all throughout the Season Premiere show. The PSAGG showed a lot of promo videos to hype the event in between live interviews at the entranceway. The Throwbacks came out to speak to a crowd that was JUST filing in. F.I.S.T. was next out to a chorus of boos. UltraMantis Black showed up to deliver one helluva promo and the show was capped off with words from the main event tecnico quartet of Mike Quackenbush, Jigsaw, Fire Ant and Soldier Ant! Green Ant was also there, albeit silently and in a sling. Finally, it concluded with a fantastic King of Trios 2010 video package and an all too short visit from Gavin Loudspeaker & Bryce Remsburg! Watch it here: Part 1 Part 2
1. 6-Man Tag: Amasis, Ophidian & Hieracon d. Icarus, Chuck Taylor & Johnny Gargano (18:03). Jonathan Gresham did indeed come out transformed as Hieracon! He resembled a falcon, possibly as a tribute to Horus. He was able to pick up a win for the new Osirian Portal, pinning Icarus with a Swinging Fireman’s Slam.
2. SHIMMER Showdown: Daizee Haze d. Madison Eagles (9:04). Haze managed to get the win over the SHIMMER Champion with her German Suplex, the same move that put down Amazing Kong at Chikarasaurus Rex. Eagles was said to have impressed quite a few people. ~ A video is shown on the big screen saying “It’s Time”. Something is silhouetted in a dark and shadowy way…it resembles a title belt! Could it be that we’re FINALLY getting Trios Titles?! A new singles belt?! TEEELLLL MEEEEE!!!
3. Grudge Rematch: Brodie Lee & Grizzly Redwood d. Dasher Hatfield & Sugar Dunkerton (9:45). The Roughnecks get their win back from last season’s finale, hitting a double team boot called The Truck Stops Here on Dasher and denying him payback for his stolen and now splintered bat.
4. Chikara vs. BDK: BDK (Dorado/Del Rey/Tursas) d. Marshe Rockett, Acid Jaz & Willie Richardson (12:25). Nefarious BDK referee Derek Sabato is our official so there were lots of shenanigans as usual. Finish came when Lince unmasks himself and tossed his hood at Willie. Sabato saw this and disqualified Da Soul Touchaz.
5. A Nightmarish Confrontation: Obariyon & Kodama d. Hallowicked & Frightmare (7:44). The Batiri get themselves a third point and a future title shot. Hallowicked was pinned after taking a lungblower from Kodama and Deep Impact from Obariyon. ~ After the match, chaos ensues between Sinn Bodhi and UltraMantis Black, leading to…
6. Out For Vengeance: UltraMantis Black d. Sinn Bodhi (3:10). Strangely, Sabato is the referee for the match. Mantis gets the win via disqualification as the entire Dark Army attacked him in a 4-on-1 assault. Sabato allowed the beating for some time. He finally noticed Director of Fun Wink Vavasseur watching so he called for the bell. ~ After UltraMantis Black recovered from the beating, he challenged The Dark Army to a six-man tag next month against himself and Incoherence!
7. First Time Ever: Eddie Kingston d. El Generico (17:41). “The Last of a Dying Breed” continues collecting high-profile wins, this time over a Chikara fan favorite. It took a Backdrop Driver and two Backfist to get the job done.
8. Main Event 8-Man: Mike Quackenbush, Jigsaw, Fire Ant & Soldier Ant d. BDK (Castagnoli/Ares/Donst/Delirious) (18:59). In stark contrast to last season’s premiere, it’s the Chikara team that stands tall over The Bruderschaft in the main event. Even worse for the BDK was the fact that it was their hottest wrestler who took the fall, as Tim Donst was pinned by Jigsaw with a top rope double stomp.
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Wink Declares: CHIKARA Needs A Champion!
People have wondered when it would happen for years. At the season premiere, they teased its debut on the big screen at the Asylum Arena. Now, the Director of Fun has made it official in a Chikara Blog post. “Good day, fans. Wink Vavasseur here, your new Director of Fun. For several months prior to my new position appointment, I spent time among the commoners, walking through the rows at events, talking to you. Any good businessman listens to his clientele, and the recurring theme in these conversations was very apparent. CHIKARA needs a clear-cut champion. No, not one for rookies, one for the big dogs. We have an event for the 3-on-3 matches, we have an event for the little lions, but this is Season 10. When I tell my friends what I’m doing these days – taking a plucky lil’ wrestling group to the next level – they all ask me the name of our champion. I never know what to say. I want it. You want it. Corporate wants it. The world wants it. Do you feel the synergy here? Its time. It’s time to crown a definitive champion. I have the savvy and the managerial acumen to realize I’m not as familiar with the roster as I should be yet, so I’m going to crowd-source this one. That’s the kind of forward thinking we need around here. People wonder what qualifies me to direct the fun around here? Look at the long list of businesses I’ve turned around in my short time playing at the executive level. I know how to steer a wayward ship through rough waters. And the best kind of management knows when to call for back-up. I haven’t spent my whole adult life as a fan of CHIKARA. I don’t know the names and the masks of everyone that pops in and out of here from month to month. I need the people who know the roster best to select who will compete for this prize…and those people ARE the roster. The men and women that comprise the full-time CHIKARA roster will choose who will compete for this prestigious, historic championship title. I’m going to ask each of them to cast a vote – my only provision is, a wrestler cannot vote for him or herself. Stay tuned, as I fully intend to make my year the most interesting yet…
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The Season 10 Premiere Is Out Now! FOR $15!!!
Chaos in the Sea of Lost Souls, Chikara’s season premiere show, is now out on DVD for the new price of only fifteen bucks. 15 BUCKS! That’s five extra dollars in your pocket for something you should have bought anyway! You get The NEW Osirian Portal vs. The NEW F.I.S.T., Throwbacks vs. Roughnecks, Soul Touchaz vs. Bruderschaft, Eddie Kingston vs. El Generico in their first ever singles match, a huge eight-man main event featuring Mike Quackenbush, Jigsaw & The Colony taking on four members of the BDK and three other epic contests! It also has a ton of extras, including DVD Trailer, “Previously at Chikara” videos, Music Videos and much more!
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CHIKARA In DGUSA Update: F.I.S.T. Dominates!
DGUSA had a triple shot this past weekend, running show in New York, Philadelphia and New Jersey to determine the very first Open the United Gate champions! The shock of the weekend was the performance by F.I.S.T. and Ronin members Chuck Taylor & Johnny Gargano who made it all the way to the finals before losing to Masato Yoshino & PAC. Jigsaw lost a match with Jon Moxley thanks to interference from YAMATO but bounced back with a strong showing in a six-way match. Frightmare also made his main show debut in that match and got a hero’s reaction from the Philly crowd. Ricochet lost his two tag matches with Naruki Doi but won an eight-man tag with his Blood WARRIORS partners. Brodie Lee, also a WARRIOR, didn’t tag with his teammates but was strong nonetheless, beating Jimmy Jacobs and Rich Swann.
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Another Joshi Superstar Is Coming To CHIKARA!
On the Chikara 101 board, CHIKARA announced the imminent debut of joshi superstar Toshie Uematsu! Uematsu is a 15 year veteran, and product of the legendary GAEA promotion under trainer Chigusa Nagayo. She will grace their ring the weekend of March 12th and 13th!
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For Obariyon & Kodama to have already earned a shot at the Campeonatos de Parejas in less than a year of being in Chikara is shocking. The fact that they earned those three points over teams with a combined SEVEN Chikara championships to their names is downright jaw-dropping. This wasn’t two youngsters bowling over a couple of scrubs teams; The Batiri bested The Osirian Portal, The Super Smash Brothers and Incoherence. Three tag wins in three months. Now they must face off against not only the current champions, Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw, but history as well. Only one team has ever upended the Campeones in their first defense and no team has done so in their own first attempt. The Batiri will have to pull off a huge upset over the Chikara veterans, and at this point, I don’t think anyone would be surprised if they succeeded.
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He is not boisterous about his success like Tim Donst. He doesn’t cheat to win like Vin Gerard. He didn’t fade into obscurity like Max Boyer, or at least he hasn’t yet. Still, Frightmare has rather quietly made history in a way that, if he successfully defends his Young Lions Cup against fast-rising star and DGUSA standout Rich Swann, will have him standing alone as the greatest Young Lions Cup champion ever. Donst may tell you differently, but the facts don’t lie: no one has ever been victorious in the annual YLC tournament and made more than four successful defenses. After wins over Lince Dorado, Pinkie Sanchez and a pair of victories over Ronin-stablemate Johnny Gargano, the burden lies on Rich Swann to somehow find a way to stop the momentum behind Frightmare. Last year, he defended the cup three times in less than a month, a feat only touched by Jigsaw back in 2004. He made the first ever Chikara title defense in New York. He defended the belt Philadelphia, too, something Tim Donst never did. So Donst can boast all he wants about being the greatest ever. But, like Kobe Bryant in crunch time, the facts stray far from the ego. Swann & Frights have faced off before, in a four-way eliminator during the opening round of last year’s Rey de Voladores. Frightmare pinned Swann with the Kneecolepsy, a fate that Rich will look to avoid in Reading.
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Eddie Kingston and Johnny Gargano don’t have much of a history together. Kingston is a classic brawler, Chikara veteran and reigning winner of the Torneo Cibernetico. Gargano attacks with fast, high-impact moves, has been a regular member of the roster for less than half a year and is the reigning Countdown Showdown winner. The similarities are few and far between. So instead of some tale-of-the-tape, I’m just gonna plug King and Gargoochi into a description of the movie Face/Off. Yep, that’s what I’ll do. Torneo Cibernetico winner Eddie Kingston tries to find a biological weapon placed in Los Angeles by sadistic F.I.S.T. member and rudo mastermind Johnny Gargano. Kingston has hunted Gargano for the last 8 years, and is consumed by revenge because Gargano is a really annoying human being. To do this, Eddie must “borrow” Johnny’s face using a surgical procedure to go undercover as Gargano, but things go wrong when Johnny assumes the identity of Kingston. Hilarity ensues, along with over-the-top acting, a couple backfists and more doves than you’d expect in an action film.
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Early in 2010, one of the men who had the most beef with the BDK was Dasher Hatfield. It was his team with Sugar Dunkerton that first lost to Claudio Castagnoli & Ares, giving them their first of the three points they’d use to eventually win the Campeonatos de Parejas and take over Chikara Pro. He was the first man to try and dethrone Young Lions Cup champion Tim Donst. Dasher failed in his bid for the Cup and Donst would go on to stake his claim as the greatest YLC holder ever. He seemed to get back on track as The Throwbacks teamed with Quack & Jigsaw to earn the first big victory over the BDK, but he was sidelined with a bad leg injury. He would be out of singles action in Chikara for five months, all the while the Bruderschaft got stronger and more dominant. When he returned, he managed huge singles wins over Buck Hawke and Brodie Lee. Though embroiled in a dangerous feud with The Roughnecks, he will have to set that aside if he wants any chance at besting the human Swiss Army knife of pain known as Claudio Castagnoli. Afterwards, perhaps Claudio could be persuaded to give Hatfield some tips on besting Brodie Lee in a feud. They could go for some Starbucks, talk strategies…just chill together. Hmmm…I’m not sure that’d go over well with Sugar D…
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To a mere civilian, phrases like “I got your back” or “brothers in arms” are normally reserved for the dangerous terrains of, say, Call of Duty. At its most treacherous, it blankets a situation where a buddy’s telling someone in a movie theater to please be quite, then to please shut up and finally silently threatening to eat the noisy guy’s children…while going and telling the manager. But wrestlers like Sugar Dunkerton are occasionally tasked to step up to the plate to face a menacing foe like “The Big Unit” Brodie Lee not for their own pride, but for that of a friend’s. Men like Eddie Kingston and UltraMantis Black, though ring generals, have not known the responsibility of a true tag partner for quite a long time. It takes guts to defend yourself against violent opposition, but it takes even more to do so for a friend. For honor. Sugar’s heat with Brodie comes from The Roughnecks and their complete dismantling of Dasher Hatfield back at Scornucopia. It was unwarranted, unprovoked and Dasher would not allow it to be forgotten. The Throwbacks could have let it go, refocused on the tag titles and been fine. But respect is not a thing earned easily, lest in one’s own self. To respect himself again, Dasher feels he needs to punish Brodie & Grizzly. As his partner, Sugar stands by his side feeling just as betrayed as his friend. It’s not as if Sugar doesn’t owe Brodie a beating; after a series of tags, The Roughnecks own two hellacious beatings and one point towards a tag title shot over The ‘Backs. Come February 19th, Sugar will look for revenge of his own.
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Gregory Iron earned the respect of many members of the CHIKARMY when he was entered into last year’s Young Lions Cup as a replacement competitor. He was clearly handpicked by Director Dieter, thinking that a two-armed wrestler couldn’t beat Lince Dorado, so how could someone with Cerebral Palsy pull it off. As it turns out, it took blatant cheating from Dorado to get the victory, and fans gave Iron a standing ovation not for his battles with C.P., but for battling Dorado and nearly eliminating him from the competition. He was the strong-willed white hat to Lince’s cocky dark one and the fans showed their appreciation. But if Iron thought fans hated Lince, he’ll be in for a surprise when he fights Chikara’s ultimate black hat, Icarus. Iron had this to say on the Chikara Blog: “I hope you don’t plan on underestimating me on February 19th. Lince had that mindset, and it almost cost him the tournament. Bring everything you have, because I’m planning on leaving with a win. Come February 19th, you’re going to find out why I’m called ‘One Armed And Dangerous’…”
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Two teams on two very different paths. For Scott Parker & Shane Matthews, collectively known as 3.0, it’s all about the Campeonatos de Parejas. Back in September, they were just moments away from claiming gold against the BDK. They had made it to the Promised Land, and they were unceremoniously cheated out of the spoils of the kingdom. Carrying a point from a match against Los Ice Creams, Jagged & Big Magic know they need only two more victories and they’re right back where they want to be. Vin Gerard & STIGMA haven’t been threats to the tag titles for quite some time. Gerard has never even challenged for the belts; STIGMA did so as Shane Storm back in 2007. The UnStable seemingly bounces from blood feud to blood feud. They’ve battled Glacier & D’lo Brown, moved on to The Throwbacks, screwed with the heads of Amasis & Ophidian and are now in a fight with former UnStable-mate Colin Olsen and his brother Jimmy. Both teams could use a little dose of the other’s reputation. For the UnStable to win, they’ll need focus and to fend off frustration. If 3.0 wants the win, they’ll have to get angry! They have to be MEAN! Remember: wrestling is a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation.
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For six months, Fire Ant & Soldier Ant held onto the one point they had earned over The Super Smash Brothers while rehabilitating from the physical and emotional damage that The Bruderschaft had inflicted. The BDK stopped them from tying numerous records in stealing away their Campeonatos de Parejas. They cheated them out of the title of King of Trios thanks to the debut of Derek Sabato. After a string of bad losses, it was months before Fire Ant returned. While Fire Ant was on the shelf, Soldier Ant gained momentum, tapping out Dragon Yuki and Pinkie Sanchez. Then, at the season finale, they beat Daizee Haze & Sara Del Rey for their second point. Once again, it was Soldier Ant getting to submission victory over a bloodied Haze. They are now one win away from earning a shot at tag gold once again. They may have beaten two of the BDK’s smallest wrestlers back in December, but in Easton they’ll face it’s two biggest: Claudio Castagnoli & Tursas!
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It’s been quite a while since Jigsaw and Tim Donst have been on the same side of battle. In fact, some might say that Tim Donst’s attitude change from a humble amateur to a cocky professional can be traced back to Jigsaw’s redebut in Chikara. Throughout 2008, Donst posed as a member of the Neo Solar Temple in an effort to flush out a mole for Mike Quackenbush. After it was exposed that it was Quack’s regular tag partner Shane Storm who was guilty, Donst became partners with Quack on several occasions, as well as forming an even stronger team with Hydra. At Duel and Duality, the Season 7 finale show, The UnStable put Donst out of action and Jigsaw returned to the company, teaming with Quackenbush once again. Donst returned in February to team with Quack & Jigsaw in a losing effort against The UnStable. This would be the last time Donst teamed with either man. Quack & Jigsaw became regular partners permanently, leaving Donst to team with Hydra. Donst would grow frustrated, turn on Hydra and end his career in Chikara. Donst then turned his back on the entire company, using the knowledge Quack taught him to steal the Eye of Tyr from UltraMantis Black and give supreme power to the entity we’d come to know as the Bruderschaft. Donst has achieved greatness since that time, become the Young Lions Cup champion and never losing a single defense. At the end of last season, as the BDK grew weaker, Donst seemed to get stronger. Now, as QuackenSaw holds the Campeonatos de Parejas, Donst doesn’t have to wonder what if. He truly believes he is better than Jigsaw, and he plans on proving it next month.
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When Sinn Bodhi unleashed his Dark Army upon the world, we knew exactly who two members were. Obariyon & Kodama had been in Chikara for months. The third creature, who we now know as Kobald, is still quite a mystery to the CHIKARMY and even the wrestlers themselves. At the season premiere, Obariyon & Kodama won a tag over Hallowicked & Frightmare to earn themselves their title shot. Later that night, UltraMantis Black got a bad beating from Bodhi & The Batiri that would’ve been worse had Incoherence not saved Mantis from worse. Afterwards, Mantis challenged Bodhi to a six-man tag the following month. Well, Mantis & Incoherence will face the Batiri without Sinn, who explained in a Chikara Blog post. He wrote: “You made a brash and overzealous challenge to me after you had been bested and THEN saved by your pitiful friends! You do not deserve to be in the ring with me just yet! I have nothing to prove, it is ALL on you. You will have to show me that you are worthy of dancing with the devil in the pale spotlight of the squared circle…you will have to do this in a 666 man tag team match against Obariyon, Kodama and Kobald. Prove yourself a worth adversary…if you can.”
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Remember when I made reference to some guy named Max Boyer earlier? The guy that, as the fancier-sounding Maxime Boyer, tore through guys like Ricochet, Create-A-Wrestler and Soldier Ant to become the only five-time defender of the Young Lions Cup? The Quebec-born technician who quietly faded into the mists of Chikara lore? Well…he’s back. For now, anyway. After being asked to return to Chikara for the Golden Dreams Match at Scornucopia by Leonard F. Chikarason, it seems he got the itch to compete back again. However, current Director of Fun Wink Vavasseur did him no favors in his return, throwing him to the feral, New York wolverine known as Eddie Kingston. Over the past half a year, “The Last of a Dying Breed” has owned Chikara, winning the 2010 Torneo Cibernetico and mauling opponents like Tm Donst, Homicide, Tursas and El Generico in singles matches. He is still desperately trying to get his hands on Claudio Castagnoli, and another victory in a high-profile singles match will get him yet another step closer.
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Jonathan Gresham passed all the tests. He walked, talked and fought like an Egyptian and is now a member of The Osirian Portal as Hieracon. He proved himself as a trios competitor by helping defeat F.I.S.T. and the BDK in six-mans, but now he will team with Amasis in his first Chikara tag match. The Elimination Tag Match is a Chikara staple, having launched teams into the stratosphere and sunk the dreams of just as many. In fact, the current and previous holders of the tag titles both earned the necessary points to challenge by winning this very match. Opposing the Portal will be the super friendly team of Daizee Haze & Delirious, who last teamed in a losing effort against…The Portal, thought it was Ophidian in Hieracon’s place. Also in the match will be the ever-devious Los Ice Creams, Hijo del Ice Cream & Ice Cream Jr., who last stood in a Chikara ring against the final team involved, Scott Parker & Shane Matthews. The dynamic Canadian duo is also the only team in the match with a single point. This means that they have the most to gain and also the most to lose.
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Despite losing a match against Daizee Haze at the season premiere, Madison Eagles must have impressed officials, as she is being brought back to Chikara for second consecutive month, this time to face Daizee’s partner in the BDK, Sara Del Rey. Both women are in a very exclusive club: they are two of only three totally SHIMMER Champions in the company’s history. Eagles is on the cusp of going longer than Del Rey in total days that she’s held the title but she’s still two defenses away from even tying Sara in that department. So, you know…there’s heat. It loose and somewhat circumstance-serving…but it’s there!
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Please leave any comments or questions you might have and I’ll do my best to respond with as many creepy Romanian incantations as I can conjure. I’d like to do a contest or something cool like that, but I’m not sure how much interest there’d be. Let your voice be heard! Also, let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see in the column, like fantasy booking, treasure hunts, wish-lists, secret handshakes, etc.
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Quack has to be the first world champ (or whatever they call the belt) although whether he will book himself as that I don’t know. Personally though he should be.