Part 1: Who to Cheer For
By Richard Sopko
It’s been said, that Shakespeare wrote within his work the template of every story to come after him. His work showed the best and worst of love and loss, tragedy, triumph, and comedy. In some vague way, pro-wrestling in its grandest form could be said to show the same, albeit with more men covering themselves in BBQ sauce on national television.
It’s the live audience, that really makes the drama unique, like a sweaty baby oil covered stage-play where there exists the most polar of heroes and villains. It was in the center of the squared circle that I learned more often than not the bad guys in life will either be rich or foreign. I’ve taken this lesson out into the world and it’s yet to have failed me, just ask Raj, the Indian plastic surgeon, currently in the trunk of my car.
The audience lets the viewer know how exciting things are, who’s winning, and most importantly the psychology of the match itself, near falls and submission escapes don’t seem to have the emotional impact without an announcer or crowd telling you how to feel about it. “Yes we’d like him to escape from that figure-four; he appears to be in pain.” It’s nothing short of art how these things gel together, the crowd, the performers in the ring, and the announcers to show you the portrait that is the match itself.
Let’s look at who the two sides in any match are:
The heroes will be louder, better looking and somehow be able to kick out of several finishers, chair shots, or overcome managers’ interference, simply because of the scientific law that in the end, good always trumps evil.
Hulk Hogan carried the WWF to new heights in the 80’s, by eating his vitamins, and injecting himself massive amounts of growth hormones. During the era of Hulkamania the wrestling business had begun to place more of worth on the spectacle outside of the ring, then the matches themselves. The MTV era of wrestling had been built around Hogan’s bandana sporting look and “do the right thing” persona. Music superstars like Cyndi Lauper, Run DMC, and the hippest of the hip Liberace, all made appearances during Wrestlemania, the WWF’s new showcase of the immortals built around Hulk Hogan and Mr. T’s homoerotic relationship. Hulkster would remain a good guy up until 1996 where he famously joined Scott Hall and Kevin Nash to form the NWO in WCW. This change into a heel proved Will Smith’s “Men in Black” theme-song wrong, the good guys do not dress in black; they dress in red and yellow, and they’re running wild, brother.
Since the creation of the internet by Al Gore no one has been talked about as much as John Cena. His slogans, five moves of doom, and inability to know that his jean shorts haven’t been cool since the nineties, all have been scrutinized. What fan-boys and to a lesser, but (usually) bustier extent fan-girls, really hate about John Cena, is that he was forced into the good guy persona to sell t-shirts to children. After the departure of many of the Attitude era’s primary superstars Vince needed a new character to ride straight into the bank. He chose the well-groomed, butt-chinned, and holier than thou Bostonian. He’s likable, sure, but the fact that his t-shirts say “Never Give Up, Never Surrender” sort of takes the punch out of who will win an I Quit match, unless it’s a screw-job, John Cena rarely get’s beat up without finding the testicular fortitude to mount a comeback. The only thing that could make John Cena actually give up fighting is if he was wrestling someone who was a pity case and more fair-playing then he, a nun in a head brace maybe, or a baby on crutches who couldn’t talk just emitted a low whistle when he opened his mouth.
The villains will be ugly, scarred, perhaps freakishly large (girth or height), and more often than not better than you in every way. They’ll distract the referee with trickery, and constantly have some sort of weapon concealed within their crotch. I assume that while at home these rules translate to their loved ones, Ric Flair has been divorced so many times because of his infuriating eye gouging while in bed with his wife.
If there is one thing Americans hate, its people who are different, and rightfully so, most people who aren’t like us, are trying to harm us, just ask the Iron Sheik. The Sheik is the perfect foreign villain; he dresses funny, speaks funny, and has an un-ironic mustache so even hipsters don
’t like him. His biggest accomplishment may be for ending Bob Backlund’s long run as WWF champion, or losing the title to Hulk Hogan soon after to begin Hogan’s first reign, or it may be for sorting out the crisis in the Gulf when he wrestled Sgt. Slaughter in a boot camp rules match. I’m not sure how much wrestling there is in actual boot camp, I am almost positive elf shoes are not allowed though.
Ted Dibiase is not like us, he is a million dollar man, and you, like me, steal clothes from Wal-Mart dumpsters. That’s not why we hate him, many people are better off then only being able to afford one piece of bread a month; it’s because of the arrogance in which he flaunts his money, that’s what makes him evil. It’s even in his entrance music; everybody has a price, mine, 11 dollars, for your future reference. It’s not that Ted can afford anything he sees, and looks a lot like Al from Home Improvement; he uses that money to cheat, bride, and humiliate his opponents. As much as I appreciate a man who has the confidence to wear a jewel encrusted suit, Dibiase was the 80’s biggest evil doer, and his relationship with Virgil was more than a little racist, having the black guy kiss the white man’s feet as he viciously cackled would make the KKK blush. Then in the mid-90’s he retired, returned soon after to become one of the decade’s biggest heel managers. In the early 2000’s he gave up his hedonistic lifestyle to devote his time to Jesus, and started a wrestling company with the intent of serving God through violence, a theory that didn’t work too well during the Crusades.
If you are wondering whether or not someone you have in your life is a face or heel, (insider terms for goodies and baddies) allow me to help.
Ask yourself these three simple questions:
- Are they dancing, gesturing to the crowd flamboyantly, or finding unbelievable strength at opportune moments? If so, no need to worry they’re a face
- Do they often talk about how awful it is to be in the place you currently are? Great, they’re a heel, and it IS awful to be here in Pasadena.
- How much merchandise do they seem to be selling outside of arenas? (I mean this in the t-shirt and wristband way, not the prostitution and narcotics way. Drugs, fyi, are bad.) If it’s a lot mostly to grade school children, then your acquaintance is a face, congratulations.
I think that’s clear enough, good guy’s love the crowd and bad guys love to be hated by the crowd. Although this all goes out the window if the good guy is an anti-hero, who, are bad guys, doing good things, in bad ways. It’s all a bit confusing really.
To see a cookie cutter anti-hero, look no further than Stone Cold Steve Austin, his f-u to Vince McMahon’s authority was the chief reason WWF was elevated out of the lackluster mid-90’s to the Attitude Era. We’ve all wanted to spray our bosses with a large hose full of beer, but few of us have access to the truck. Stone Cold was us, but we’d get arrested for stunning Bill in accounting, regardless of how many times Bill has refused to give you a “Hell Yeah.” Although Austin broke the rules on a near constant basis, he did it for the right reasons, we loved him because of his take no prisons attitude, liberal on the job drinking, and finally bringing some bible verses into the world of sport.
To be safe just cheer for those who are being cheered by others, go for the crowd not against it, another exceptional life lesson, just look at Nazi Germany, they definitely went with the crowd. Memo to self, I think it’s about time they did a Third Reich gimmick on TV, get me Vince Russo on the phone.
Something else that should be noted, if someone you know doesn’t want to hangout unless they bring their manager, a sure sign they may be a heel. “You work at Subway, why are you bringing that balding man in a spray painted jacket to my house, very not cool.”
In conclusion you should now be able to enjoy any wrestling match, anywhere, in any language. Please do whoop, holler, clap, scream, guffaw, turn red, and explode into a barrage of profanity. It makes the matches more exciting, it builds tension, and like Shakespeare himself said, “It is sweeter to have smelled the sweetest rose and watched it crumble in the waning days of summer, than to be smacked over the head with a steel chair.”
I think you see my point.
-Richard Sopko
(My first column, thanks for reading!)
Very very excellent article. This is the kind of stuff I try and explore in my writing about wrestling. I think it’s also important to note the possible social factors that go into all of our favorite wrestling characters and personas. What is Hulk Hogan in the 80’s but real super hero model around Reaganism? He took his vitamins and said his prayers and fought the evil foreign menace. He was a great reflection of society at that time. Similarly the proliferation of wrestling anti-heroes in the 90’s could be seen as a response to our culture as a whole taking a turn towards pessimism. Anti-heroes weren’t just in wrestling but everywhere (I often use comic books and film as an example here). The Hollywood Hogan character could be seen as the hero’s fall from grace, his dissent towards apparent evil is possibly parallel to another hero decades prior (OJ Simpson) and his turn in the 90’s. Yes, OJ turned heel and he did it quite well it seems.
John Cena to me is the image of what we want in a hero in a world that’s post-9/11. Like America and the War on Terror he never gives up, never stays down, and never stops fighting…also, he’s a marine for gosh sake.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read!
I loved the comment, but I don’t think OJ ever fell from Grace, I mean he in some ways was a modern day Robin Hood. I’m not in anyway sure how, but it feels right.
Cena is so one note it often boggles the mind why people keep tuning in, then I remember I’ve been watching for the last 13 years, and then my mind is doubly boggled.
That was a very fun read, man. You thoroughly explained your points while keeping that humor in there. It helped simplify the roles of heels, faces, and in between. Keep this up, they’ll entertain me in marketing class!