This week: If you don’t think this week’s WWE TV recap is worth reading, if you need any convincing whatsoever, don’t take my word for it. Read this 100% genuine* testimonal from WWE’s The Rock when confronted about this article. “Listen, I’m a fan too. Raw Supershow? A Smackdown with some great wrestling? Week 30-something of NXT? A throwaway Superstars? Oh yeah, I love all that stuff, yeah. (Forced smile)” (*may or may not be a genuine quote from Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) Plus, R-Truth GETS GOT, Daniel Bryan’s cash-in test run, Dolph Ziggler shows off and everybody wants Zack Ryder.
RAW SUPERSHOW
– Booker was on commentary with Cole and what was left of Lawler’s voice. Punk opened the show as new WWE Champion. He talked about wanting to be a professional wrestler as a child and what a special moment it was to win the WWE Title at MSG. Punk said he did it on his terms. He said the hot potato game was over. Punk promised to make the title interesting again and bring an air of “danger” back to Raw. He said he wanted rid of John Laurinaitis as GM, which brought Laurinaitis out. Laurinaitis said… something. I watched it three times and I’m still not sure what he was trying to spit out. Punk seemed confused too. Laurinaitis congratulated Punk and didn’t know why Punk had an issue with him. Punk said Vince was a bastard, but at least he’d say that to people’s faces. Where-as Laurinaitis was a “middle management, soul sucking, douchebag stooge”. Laurinaitis took issue, insisting that he was upper management. I don’t care if I’m in the minority, Laurinaitis amuses me. Laurinaitis tried to claim he had a wild side. He set up Punk versus Del Rio next week. Punk wanted it now, but Laurinaitis said he had other plans. Namely, Punk versus Ziggler in a Champion versus Champion match. Punk told Laurinaitis he obviously wasn’t listening to his “Universe”, because the fans didn’t wanted to see Punk and Ziggler, they wanted Ziggler and Zack Ryder. Crowd chanted for Ryder. Laurinaitis told him Zack was facing Del Rio tonight instead. Punk promised to beat Ziggler and Del Rio and someday, somebody would beat some sense into Laurinaitis.
– They actually brought up the chants Zack got at MSG. They then showed footage from after Survivor Series, where the crowd chanted “We Want Ryder” during a Rock post-show speech. In an effort to get everyone to shut up Rock claimed he was a fan of Zack too and forced a smile. He was not exactly convincing.
– Alberto Del Rio d. Zack Ryder by submission in 2:25. Zack stole the microphone from Ricardo during the ring announcement and hit his catchphrase. Alberto made him pay for it. Zack made a comeback after having his arm worked on and set up for the Ruff Ryder. But Alberto countered, hit the enziguri in the corner and won with the armbreaker.
– Sheamus d. Jack Swagger in 4:33. During Swagger’s entrance, the Twitter box in the left corner started to go fuzzy and a Youtube used link flashed up, “itbegins2012”. So there’s some kind of viral marketing angle in the pipelines, it appears. Sheamus got DQed at Survivor Series for attacking Swagger, hence this match. Match was a fight early and stayed physical to the end. Sheamus got the win after breaking out of the ankle lock and hitting the Brogue Kick. Solid match.
– Kevin Nash came out onto the stage and talked about sitting backstage at Survivor Series. He waxed lyrical at Madison Square Garden and brought up the Curtain Call incident. He said HHH was his friend then, but when he came back to WWE he tried to be his boss. Nash claimed him and HHH should have been facing Rock and Cena, but HHH ruined it. Nash said Survivor Series was gone, but he was the real survivor of the group.
– Cody, with new white gear to match his belt, cut a promo. Cody said his constraints had been removed, like a dog without a muzzle. He called himself unbeatable and unrepentant and did his evil laugh.
– Cody Rhodes d. Santino Marella in 0:59. Cody won by avoiding the Cobra and turning it into Cross Rhodes. After the match, Cody went outside and confronted Booker T, for talking bad about him on commentary. Cody threw water in Booker’s face and walked off laughing.
– Backstage, Josh interviewed Ziggler and Vickie. Ziggler said he won two matches at Survivor Series. Josh pointed out that he was eliminated first, but Vickie called it a win since the team won. Ziggler said he didn’t want to be a show-off, but he was the new face of WWE.
– CM Punk d. Dolph Ziggler in 13:16. Dolph has a new remix of his theme, which cuts out all the “I am perfection” parts. Trying to cut off the comparisons, perhaps? Punk and Ziggler exchanged holds in the early going. There was an awkward exchange that lead to Dolph rolling outside to regroup and both guys laughed whatever happened off. Ziggler got the advantage and worked Punk over. As Punk started to come back, Vickie got on the apron and blew him a kiss. A distraction which didn’t work. But Ziggler avoided the high knee in the corner and Punk crashed to the floor. Punk fought back and went for the GTS, which Ziggler turned into the sleeper. Punk tried to counter back to the GTS and got rolled up, but the referee caught Dolph with his feet on the ropes. Punk responded by rolling Dolph up and grabbing the ropes for a two count. They exchanged big moves towards the end, including Punk hitting the big elbow better than he ever has before for a two count. Finish seemed like it was supposed to be Punk turning the Fameasser into a GTS, but it ended up with Punk powerbombing Ziggler, then giving him the GTS. A minor mishap, all things considered. This got great down the stretch.
– There was a video package for Kane, which ended with Kane’s mask on fire.
– Big Show came out and said at Survivor Series, he proved he was stronger and better than Mark Henry. He said Henry took the easy way out. Show brought up his promise that Henry would be carted out. Show mentioned that Henry’s leg might not be broken after all and said good for him, but when he came back, he’d be waiting for him and was still after the World Title.
– Kelly and Alicia were playing WWE 12. Beth and Natalya walked in and said the game was realistic, except the girls didn’t cry like in real life.
– Wade Barrett d. Kofi Kingston in 8:33. Wade did an inset promo about the Survivor Series win and said next stop, the World Championship. Wade had Kofi set up for Wasteland and Randy Orton came out, distracting Barrett. Wade regrouped during the break and regained control as Orton sat at ringside to watch. Kofi wiped Barrett out with a dive and almost won with the crossbody. In the end though, Wade kicked the ropes to block a springboard and hit Wasteland in Orton’s line of vision for the win. Barrett announced himself the winner to rile Orton up further. Fans called for an RKO and Orton faked jumping in the ring, making Wade jump, then smirked and walked off.
– Cena made his way to the ring. Lots of noise. Cena put over Zack Ryder (genuinely), CM Punk for winning the title and then got to what happened between him and Rock. He said they managed to coexist and beat Miz and Truth. He pointed out Rock’s great reaction and said he loved the honest reaction that he got too. Cena explained the ending of Survivor Series to everyone. Cena tried to move onto talking about Wrestlemania, but Miz and Truth interrupted.
– Miz goaded Cena about Rock showing him up at Survivor Series. Miz brought up the “Don’t Tag Cena” chants he got and said that nobody wanted to see him on Sunday. Truth told Cena he was going to put boots to asses all over Miami at Wrestlemania. Cena warned them not to test him again. He said after Survivor Series, all eyes were on Wrestlemania and nobody cares about Miz and Truth. At all. Cena tried to play Miz and Truth off against each other and claimed that they both hated each other deep down. Cena left, leaving Miz and Truth behind. Truth accused Miz of calling him stupid and Miz tried to explain that Cena was trying to play them, whilst essentially calling Truth stupid for believing Cena. They argued and Miz spoke down to Truth, talking about how great he is. Miz shoved Truth, so Truth hit a right hand. Miz calmed Truth down and tried to convince him they needed to go after Cena. So they took their jackets off and stormed up the ramp. But Miz suddenly spun Truth around and laid him out with the Skull Crushing Finale on the stage.
NXT
– Striker and Regal were on commentary. Darren Young came out and said this was his show. Young said Titus pandered to the people, but where were the people to help when he got beat down last week? Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins interjected. They weren’t impressed with him attacking Titus. But they said were impressed with his aggressiveness in doing it. Hawkins said Young had the ‘It Factor’ and seemed to have an offer for him, but Percy and Titus interrupted. Percy and Titus made fun of them a little. Titus said he’d make his agenda crystal clear and punched Darren. Hawkins and Reks bailed and pulled Darren to safety. Striker set up a match with Titus and Percy against Reks and Young later.
– Yoshi Tatsu d. Johnny Curtis in 4:36. Bateman and Maxine did commentary. Regal seemed interested in meeting Bateman’s mother in law. Curtis tried to entice Maxine with waves and ass shaking during the match. Which seemed to wind Bateman up. They argued and Maxine left. Yoshi got the pin with the flying spin kick. Bateman got in the ring after and patted him on the chest sarcastically.
– Backstage, Bateman and Maxine argued some more. Bateman wanted to know if Curtis played the popcorn trick on her. Maxine was mad he wasn’t helping with the wedding and Bateman said he was busy debuting on Smackdown to make them more money. Maxine insisted Teddy asked for BateMax, not Bateman. She said until he got his priorities straight, play time between them was over. Curtis walked up and goaded him. Bateman told Curtis to stop looking at and thinking about Maxine. Curtis instead vowed to get Maxine.
– Jimmy Uso d. JTG in 3:52. Usos cut a promo talking about representing their heritage and people like Yokozuna, The Wild Samoans, Umaga and Rikishi. They got the crowd to chant along with them. JTG interrupted them. Tamina said she was an independent woman and she wouldn’t be listening to them just because of their heritage. Anyway, a match happened. The Uso chant seemed to be pretty over immediately. Jimmy hit the superfly splash for the win after a low superkick.
– Tyler Reks and Darren Young d. Titus O’Neil and Percy Watson (Young pinned Titus) in 10:09. Young started with Percy, but tagged out the moment Titus came in, wanting no part of him while fresh. The heels managed to isolate Titus off briefly. Percy came in and went on the attack and hit a plancha onto both opponents outside. They cut Percy off after the break though. Titus made a big comeback for his team, but a distraction from Hawkins allowed Young to capitalise and put Titus away with the Gutcheck.
SUPERSTARS
– Ted Dibiase d. Drew McIntyre in 10:00. Ted really needs a new theme if he’s going to be Mr. man of the people babyface. Dibiase got the better of Drew with wrestling, causing Drew to slap him out of frustration. Ted picked up the intensity and took Drew out with a dive. But Drew got the advantage, sending Dibiase into the apron. Drew absolutely destroyed Dibiase with a big boot. But Ted came back to win with Dreamstreet. This was good.
– Michael McGillicutty d. Alex Riley in 5:28. Despite his recent Raw absence, Riley is still fairly over. This was solid. Riley posted himself and was worked over for a while. In the end, McGillicutty weathered Riley’s comeback and countered a sunset flip to score the surprise victory.
– Jinder Mahal d. Trent Baretta by submission in 4:15. Jinder did his evil foreigner promo on the way out. Mahal countered the whisper in the wind early, shoving Trent off the top and into the barricade. Trent eventually fought back to hit the whisper in the wind second time round, but only got two. And Jinder went on to win with the camel clutch. Yes, the camel clutch. 2011, everyone.
– Ezekial Jackson d. Tyson Kidd by submission in 4:50. This was Kidd’s attempts to wrestle against Zeke’s power. Tyson was able to attack Zeke’s knee to set up some offense. Which he got more of than you’d expect. But Zeke unsurprisingly came out on top in the end, Kidd submitting to the torture rack.
SMACKDOWN
– An injured Mark Henry came out, in a walking boot and walking with a crutch. Henry accused the fans of being happy to see him in pain. He said he was hurt, but not broken. Henry claimed he kicked Big Show in the knee at Survivor Series, but Show pretended he was kicked low to make him look bad. He said he was setting an example for the children, by being a champion who fights through pain. He claimed he wanted to compete, but was ordered not to. Big Show’s music hit and he walked down, smiling and waving. Show told him to stop lying and admit he felt the title slipping away from him. Show said he did to Henry what he’d done to him. Henry called him the world’s largest loser. So Show hit the knockout punch and left.
– With Henry down and out, Daniel Bryan came out, with a referee. Bryan cashed in and after an effort just to turn Henry over, pinned him, to apparantly win the World Title. Bryan did a big celebration and the crowd erupted, But Teddy Long ran out and told him that since Henry wasn’t medically cleared to compete, there was no official match and he wasn’t the World Champion. The fans were mad at Teddy. Bryan reluctantly handed the belt over and Teddy returned it to Henry. Teddy told Bryan that since the match didn’t count, technically he never cashed in. So he’s still got the briefcase. Teddy then made a fourway for later, between Bryan, Cody, Wade and Orton to determine the #1 Contender for next week.
– Hunico d. Justin Gabriel in 4:24. Hunico came out solo. I’m pretty sure the Hunico, Epico, Primo stable is done already. They did some fun stuff. Hunico fought out of a back superplex attempt and won with the senton.
– Beth Phoenix and Natalya d. AJ and Kaitlyn (Natalya submitted AJ) in 1:06. Alicia Fox sat in on commentary. Like last week, poor AJ was finished off handily by Natalya with the sharpshooter. Kaitlyn actually walked out on AJ afterwards, leaving her to be put in the bridging sharpshooter, which looks like it sucks. Alicia got in the ring to help AJ since Kaitlyn left.
– In his office, Teddy told someone on the phone Mick Foley would be hosting the live Smackdown next week. Aksana’s sexy music came in and started flirting with him, until Mark Henry stormed in. Henry demanded to know how Teddy could let that happen to him and why he was in a match next week. Teddy pleaded his case. Henry accused Teddy of trying to play him because he was injured. Teddy said next week would be a cage match, which didn’t make Henry any happier. He threatened Teddy and left.
– Sheamus and Zack had a meeting. Zack sung a wacky version of Sheamus’s theme. Sheamus got serious, long enough to freak Zack out into silence, then laughed it off. They agreed to focus on their tag match tonight.
– Sheamus and Zack Ryder d. Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger (Zack pinned Ziggler) in 13:21. Before the match, Vickie demanded everyone stand up and show Dolph respect for winning twice at Survivor Series. They did not. Ziggler cut a quick promo putting himself over too. Sheamus looked strong early and sent both guys outside, setting up a flip dive from Ryder. Swagger and Ziggler eventually cut Sheamus off. Sheamus got the tag to Zack, who had the advantage, but a Vickie and then Ziggler distraction allowed Swagger to deliver a big clothesline on the floor. The heels isolated Zack, who was over again here. Crowd were into this. Sheamus ran extra wild off the tag and went for the Celtic Cross, but Swagger broke it up. Sheamus hit the Brogue Kick on Swagger and Zack tagged himself in, Sheamus blocked the Zig Zag, setting up the Ruff Ryder. Really good tag match.
– Bryan spoke with AJ backstage. AJ said he still had his contract and said he’d win tonight. Wade walked up and said he’d get plenty more chances, but not tonight against the Barrett Barrage. He asked if Bryan had a 14 year old girl fighting his battles for him now. Bryan said nobody fought his battles for him and he wasn’t intimidated by Wade. Wade walked off and AJ wished him luck, with a kiss on the cheek.
– Ted Dibiase d. Heath Slater in 4:52. As soon as the bell rung, Jinder Mahal showed up on the big screen and cut a promo on Dibiase, forfeiting his wealth to hang out with the common people in parking lots. Slater jumped Ted. Booker compared Dibiase to Tim Tebow. I’m pretty sure he compared someone else to Tim Tebow on Raw. I wonder where he ranks in Booker T’s Fave Five Quarterbacks. Anyway, Ted came back to win with Dreamstreet. He then did the Tebow pose, so I guess Booker was onto something.
– Striker interviewed Cody. Cody said he threw water in the face of a lowly commentator. He said it was his match on Raw and he saw the look on Booker’s face, so he did something about it. Cody said he was free to do anything he wanted without his mask and did Booker’s catchphrase.
– #1 Contendership, Fatal Fourway: Daniel Bryan d. Cody Rhodes, Wade Barrett and Randy Orton in 11:48. No tags, all four guys in at the same time. Orton and Bryan worked together on Cody briefly. Wade and Cody then worked together later on, double teaming first Bryan and then Orton. Bryan saved Orton and went to work on Cody, but fell prey to a doomsday device. The union broke down as Cody broke up a pin by Barrett and posted his shoulder. After nearfalls for both Wade and Cody, Bryan hit the dive on Cody and Orton made his big comeback on Wade. Bryan broke up an Orton pin. In the end, Orton hit a big superplex, but Wade sent him out and tried to steal the pin, only for Bryan to break it up with a flying headbutt. Orton threw Wade and Cody out, hit the draping DDT on Bryan and set him up for the RKO. But Barrett pulled him out and hit a DDT on the floor. Meanwhile, Cody tried to steal the pin on Bryan, but Bryan turned it into the Labell Lock and made Rhodes tap to win the match and go on to face Mark Henry next week.
– Cody jumped Bryan after the match, but Orton made the save and hit him with an RKO. Orton left and Bryan ended the show standing tall.
It’s crazy to see Bryan be the main focus at the end of a show.