Author’s Note: This was written while I tried to tune out my sister watching “Kourtney and Kim Kardashian Take New York”, almost an impossible task. I hope the quality doesn’t reflect that.
Happy New Year, wrestling fans! 2011 has come and gone, and now we’re a week into the last year of our lives. Well, maybe. It depends if you go by ancient calendars.
One thing that we know for certain is that this year is longer than most— it’s a leap year. Every four years, an extra day is slapped on our calendars. That day is February 29th, and we live it like any other day. While we sit on our couches, reviewing our Februaries, the WWE Superstars will likely be on the road, as they are for over 300 days each year.
But a lot can happen in a day, and the fact that the powers that be give us an extra one to play with every four years with is somewhat of a blessing. I try to take one day out of each leap year and use it as a day to better myself, whether it be a day of pumping ridiculous amounts of iron (not really) or studying my tail off (a lie). This year, though, I plan to actually do those things. Hey, maybe it’ll pay off. If it goes to waste, who cares? It was an extra day anyway! Isn’t that beautiful?
Well, my subjects, I have a question to ask. If you could gather up the WWE Roster on that extra day on the calendar this year, in what way would you have them improve their craft?
If it were up to me, I wouldn’t have a difficult time with my choice of action. I would rile every superstar up, cram them into a theater, and have them view matches of all different styles, from all different parts of the world.
Too many of WWE’s talent today settle into their WWE-style niche, working at similar paces, performing similar moves (I’m a big guy, my finisher should be something like a chokeslam!), and putting on similar matches. Rarely does one match on a regular TV event greatly contrast the previous, especially in terms of pace and overall uniqueness. Not only that, but tag-team matches have become so nauseatingly identical to eachother that even the casual fan could lay out the formula to the match while he takes a piss break, fed-up with being fed the same tag-team match each and every week. Not only should they look to divvy up the structure of their matches, but divvy up the individual moves within them.
For too long now, the moves performed in WWE rings have been limited to a select and rather dull list. There has been the occasional visionary, like CM Punk bringing the GTS onto American television in 2007, but for the most part the upstart wrestlers fail to bring anything very unique to their move sets. Let’s just say that it would be much easier to list moves the each wrestler shares than moves unique to a certain competitor, aside from finishers. This is a rarity, but I’m going to give TNA some props… move sets are an area that TNA completely blows WWE out of the water. Their moves are like a chocolate chip and M&M cookie, while WWE’s are a Triscuit. So I might throw in an episode of “Impact Wrestling” for them to watch— I would just keep the barf bags handy.
Lack of diversity isn’t exclusive to the wrestlers’ move sets— the pace of the WWE singles has been too similar for too long. While main events sometimes pick up the pace, most one-on-one contests typically feature the heel methodically wearing down the face followed by a high paced comeback. While this is a deeply rooted trademark of the WWE and shouldn’t completely disappear, too much of this leads to matches lacking identity, lacking memorability. Sometimes it’s nice to see two talented wrestlers trade shots and go blow for blow, testing their manhood between the ropes until the final bell. It makes the result of the match up a mystery until the ref’s hand slaps the mat for the third time. That’s why I would show them puroresu, or Japanese wrestling to you “young boys”. I wouldn’t stop there, either.
At the next table of my smorgasbord of a tape viewing session, I would show the WWE wrestlers tapes of independent companies like CHIKARA. The talent in that company is about as unique as you can get, ranging from an army of ants to Sugar Dunkerton, a charismatic baller… literally. Each and every worker strives to be different, and that drive makes each CHIKARA match different, unpredictable, and entertaining. While their particular style of humor might not fly on WWE television, the competitors could tweak it and sprinkle it into their matches to add a much needed new aspect to the bouts we watch every week.
Those are only a few things that I would show each WWE combatant. I wouldn’t stop until they have seen every style of wrestling out there, so they better drink their Red Bull.
The WWE is wrestling Americana, and America is a melting pot. Why not try to throw in other wrestling styles into the WWE stew? It would make the WWE diverse, entertaining, and it would keep you guessing… unlike the freaking tag team matches I have to sit through every week.
But that could just be me. Feel free to comment on this article, and tell me how you would improve the WWE wrestlers on the extra day we are blessed with this year!